Lessons learned from the 2012 Republican National Convention

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," August 31, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So what did I learn this week at my first convention? Well, that the staff at the Embassy Suites in Tampa Brandon Florida are efficient, attractive, and tolerant of New Yorkers most pretentious demands. Dana requested distilled spring water and rose petals in her toilet. Disgusting.

But also, OWS is dead and OWM isn't far behind. First, let's take the protesters who taunted police officers by dangling donuts at the end of fishing poles, so clever. So 99 percent. After refusing to move for a pathetic 15 minutes, the protesters then asked the police for directions to their next protest. Yes, the protests asked cops for help after mocking them. If there's anything lower than an occupier, a worm has probably peed on it.

Now to OWM or Old White Men, Romney's speech was as vanilla as the stuff on is iPod. He did no harm, which is fine. So, the standouts turned out to be the women, Condi, Mia, Susana, as well as non-Caucasians like Artur Davis and Marco Rubio.

If this convention is remembered beyond Clint Eastwood transporting us into an episode of "Twin Peaks", it's that the Republicans are starting to look less and less like a maniacally grinning Newt. And that's their future. It was the coming out party for the non-old white guy Republicans. And nothing could scare the Democrats more.

So, Andrea, I want to know. I didn't see you at all this trip. What were you doing?

ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: That's not true.


TANTAROS: By the way, we dangled donuts in front of Bob's face to get him on the set every day. I can't go after Occupy Wall Street for the donut dangling stuff.

Your point on Embassy Suites, I have to say, they went above and beyond, Carmen, Jared, Al who made the omelets, Lynn who brought me my BLTs, Marissa, Bob, Rob, the general manager, Ali and David, you guys are awesome. I'm sorry if I left anyone out.

But they went above and beyond to accommodate us. They always had a smile on their face which is tough working those long hours, so thank you so much.

GUTFELD: Especially the messes that you left in your hotel room and what they had to deal with. How you got a goat in there, I'll never know.

TANTAROS: I returned it.

GUTFELD: Yes, you did. The petting zoo was shocked.


ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: A couple of pictures. You saw the first one up there. I'm not sure what order they come up in. I had the most fun in my life at this convention on the floor there, walking by, Rudy Giuliani, take a picture with Rudy, you throw the next one up.

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: God, please.

BOLLING: There you go, Scott Walker. Let me tell you something about the Wisconsin delegation. Fantastic people, they let us hang out with them. They were right up front because Wisconsin, a swing state, important state.

GUILFOYLE: Great seats, very nice.


BOLLING: This one happened to be walked by -- New Jersey. Look what I found, Governor Chris Christie. Fantastic. Everyone is just so nice there. Had a great time.

GUTFELD: Bob, what were your favorite moments?

BECKEL: My favorite moments? I want to mimic what Angie said about the hotel. They were great. The only thing I would say is that their lower rated movies were not nearly as good as they should be. Need to upgrade them.

TANTAROS: You won't be expensing those, will you?

BECKEL: I told the Democrats they should worry about the up and coming bench of the Republicans. On balance, though, that bench was taking the party that much further right. On balance, that was a B minus convention. I've been to 12 of them.

GUTFELD: All right. K.G.?

GUILFOYLE: OK, listen, I loved the embassy suites. OK, one day I was able to eat a cupcake in the bathtub. It was fantastic.

BECKEL: Who brought it to you?

GUILFOYLE: Well, different people from the hotel and Lynn brought the sandwich to me.

GUTFELD: Yes, they do this for everybody. Nobody brought a cupcake to me in the bathtub.

GUILFOYLE: I was so excited.


GUILFOYLE: It was fantastic. And housekeeping was amazing. We were hugging at the end. She was wonderful.

Rob was awesome. I had a problem with my dress and the dry cleaning and he came to my room and he drove it to the dry cleaner.

BECKEL: Who brought the cub cake to your bathroom?

GUILFOYLE: It was a guy. I can't reveal my sources. Andrea, you mentioned all the names, Emily, obviously Rob, the GM, Bob who is an engineer there, chef Bill, Samantha. You just don't want to leave anyone else. And Ron from the bingo bus.

BOLLING: The bingo bus.

GUILFOYLE: He calls it a bingo bus. It was a shuttle bus we used to take every day. He was amazing.

BECKEL: Eric wants to thank every wholesale liquor store in the entire area.

GUTFELD: Can I just say while you guys were at the convention I went and did a little sight seeing and I brought a couple of pictures of things I went and saw. Just about a few miles outside of Tampa, and not a lot of people there. Can we roll to the next one?

This is incredible. If you just go a few miles east of St.

Petersburg, you see these big large pointy things. I have no idea.

GUILFOYLE: Pyramids.

GUTFELD: And this, of course, is the Tampa canyon, the largest canyon in Tampa. I want to point out the -- I forgot the Sphinx.

BOLLING: Tampa Sphinx.

GUTFELD: I have to say my favorite part of the show is, traveling with Dana. There's nobody on the planet like her. She's like -- she's more on time than I am.

GUILFOYLE: And you were carrying her sparkle thing.

BOLLING: Speaking of on time, we had a 4:45 wake up call. Think you were at the airport at 4.



BECKEL: You didn't go to sleep.

GUILFOYLE: The journey concert was super.

TANTAROS: Bob, real quick, you had an awakening. You had a cab driver with me named Ducky and he taught that you that maybe instead of using words when you get angry, you could use the word duck.

BECKEL: That's right. It's time to get the -- out of here.

GUILFOYLE: Bob, this isn't your thing.

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