Labor Day Facebook Free for All on 'The Five'

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," September 4, 2017. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Happy Labor Day, everyone. I'm Juan Williams. Along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Jesse Watters, Dana Perino, and yes, it's Greg Gutfeld. It's 9 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."

It's Labor Day, the unofficial end to summer. It has been quite a busy one for us in the news business. Usually, summers are a slow season. But this one was anything but. So, as the summer winds down, we thought we would have some fun tonight and turn the show over to you, again this holiday, with another Facebook Free for All. We'll answer questions you have for us throughout the hour. You posted them on our page:

So, where to begin? It is a simple thing, it's a question from Steve C. What was the highlight of your summer? We'll go to Miss Summery Dana Perino.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: It's been a great summer. People say that I have a place to go on the weekends, Peter and I have a place in South Carolina. But we change. In this year, we have a place in Jersey Shore. So, I became kind of a jersey girl this year. But it's been really great because it's good for Peter and for Jasper, of course, he loves to fish and go on the beach. So, the highlight of my summer has been being able to make a lot of new friends and get out in the fresh air on the weekends.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So, the highlight is getting a second vacation home?

PERINO: No, that's not really what I said.


PERINO: Well, it is Labor Day. And one works hard.


WILLIAMS: I saw that you were crossing yourselves.

GUTFELD: Oh, this reminds me of the -- well, the Hamptons was great this summer.


PERINO: I didn't make it to the Hamptons this summer.

WILLIAMS: Oh, my goodness. Jesse, what was it like for you?

JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: I say that my tan was the highlight. I've done it hard this year. I learned a lot about it. You know, you got to start with 30 on the face, then you go to 15, and then you go down to eight. And then at the end of the summer, you can use self-tanner.

PERINO: No, this is not true.

WATTERS: That is true.

PERINO: That is fake sunscreen news.

WATTERS: That is not fake news. Look of his tanned skin. This is the result --

WILLIAMS: Oh, my gosh.


Well, what was the truth?

PERINO: No, you should always wear SPF 45 on your face.

WATTERS: She's pale. Okay. That is makeup.

WILLIAMS: Well, let's go to the beautiful one.


WATTERS: Excuse me, Juan.


GUTFELD: He just basically dissed all of us.

WILLIAMS: No, no, go right ahead. Go right ahead.

GUILFOYLE: So, my summer, the highlight was definitely going with my son and visiting his camp and doing, you know, fun summer stuff with him. So, I always loved to play with him and having hot tub parties with him. That is our favorite thing to do, with salami snacks.

WILLIAMS: Oh, good food. But when he go to camp with a guy, how old is he?

GUILFOYLE: Oh, he's ten. He's going to be 11. You go to camp to visit for the day and you get --

WILLIAMS: Oh, you're the mom.


WILLIAMS: But you don't have to like, jump over logs and stuff?

GUILFOYLE: No, no, but I love to. I love to jump it on the soccer game.

WILLIAMS: On a soccer game.

GUILFOYLE: I only get the ball when it's kicked out-of-bounds.


WILLIAMS: So, I think the most interesting person on THE FIVE is Greg. So, Greg, you must have had the most interesting summer. Right?

GUTFELD: Actually. The high point of my summer was -- I totally forgot that I had HBO. So, I spent an entire Sunday watching "Westworld." It was like 11 episodes in a row. I didn't leave my apartment, it was like -- it started Saturday evening to Sunday afternoon. I laughed, I cried, I was horrified, I was shocked. It was like the best summer event of my life.

WATTERS: Are you getting paid by "Westworld"? Is that a plug?

GUTFELD: No, it was just like, I like watching TV.

GUILFOYLE: I always get called a "Westworld" robot.

GUTFELD: It is a compliment. It means you are perfect.

WILLIAMS: Excuse me. Excuse me. I am so confused. It was summer, Greg. You are supposed to go outside and get fresh air. Remember what Dana said --

GUTFELD: My brain got fresh air by watching "Westworld." My brain frolicked in the imagination of Michael Crichton's universe.

WATTERS: That is how you don't get tan, everybody.

WILLIAMS: Wow. I'm disappointed. I thought you were going to go to some wild music festival and --

GUTFELD: I went to a wedding. I went to a wedding.

PERINO: He's a Greek. I mean --

WATTERS: You went to Greece and then like stayed inside and watched HBO.

GUTFELD: Greece was overrated. Look, Greece was a pain in the neck. I mean, you got -- it's a lot of traveling for a wedding. I didn't even know the people. But I did it as a favor to my wife. They are not watching. They are in Greece.


GUTFELD: I think.

WATTERS: They don't get FOX News in Greece?

GUTFELD: No, maybe they're not in Greece. I don't know. All I know is, you know, destination weddings are very selfish.

GUILFOYLE: No, they are not.

GUTFELD: Yes, they are.

GUILFOYLE: They give people a chance to have fun and go on vacation that they otherwise might not take.

GUTFELD: A destination wedding is designed for two reasons.


GUTFELD: One, to show off, and two, to eliminate people you don't want to come.

WATTERS: Yes. To weed out like the poor people, or the people, the fringe friends.

GUTFELD: Exactly.


GUTFELD: Destination weddings are selfish, greedy, and strange.

GUILFOYLE: No, they're not.

WATTERS: And sometimes the fringe friends that are poor actually show up and you're like, what are you doing here?

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

PERINO: Except when they are lifesaving to celebrate your nuptials.

GUTFELD: I got married at City Hall. Didn't you?


GUTFELD: That's the way to do it.

PERINO: City Hall. The office of birth, death, and marriages.

GUTFELD: With strangers.

PERINO: And they call it the office of hatches, matches, and dispatches.

WATTERS: Hatches, matches, and dispatches.

PERINO: What about you, Juan?

WILLIAMS: Yes. So, you know, the thing about it, I went to a wedding out in California, Carmel by the sea. I had never been there. And it was terrific, right? And it was actually the 50th anniversary of that famous concert, what's the city right next --

GUTFELD: Monterey?

WILLIAMS: Monterey. Right? So, there are lots of people there. I had never actually been around Monterey and the statue and all the sardine history and all of that. It's pretty cool. Yes. You're exactly right. But I also thought that it was fun, you know, the problem is, I remember once reading a novel and a European woman was complaining that Americans go to too many baseball games in the summer. And it's like boring. Why do you guys go to baseball games?

How ordinary, how pedestrian. But actually, my team, the nationals, is having a great season. And I've been having fun going to baseball. If I say that you people, they think, you could have a more interesting life. Anyway --


WATTERS: Well, you should have saved time and watched HBO, Juan.

WILLIAMS: I shouldn't do that. All right?

WATTERS: Okay. So, I apologize that I limp to that. But let's go to this next question.

WILLIAMS: Jesse, what was your first media job?

WATTERS: First media job was working here at FOX News.

WILLIAMS: What were you doing?

WATTERS: I was working in intake in the basement making $12 an hour.

WILLIAMS: Tell people what intake is.

WATTERS: So, you basically label the tapes. Reuters, AP, the President, and then you give them to other people who then put the tapes in the deck and then play them.


WATTERS: So, basically, I wrote on the tapes, I was making minimum wage, no health insurance, Tuesdays through Sundays, 2:00 p.m. to midnight. Started at the bottom, now I'm on THE FIVE.

WILLIAMS: High five.

GUILFOYLE: What a success story? My first job --

WILLIAMS: In media.

GUILFOYLE: Well, I had three jobs. So, I had my own show on court TV.

WILLIAMS: That was your first job in media? Holy smokes! I don't think - -

GUILFOYLE: Anchor of a two-hour show called "both sides."

WILLIAMS: Wait a minute. Why would they hire someone with no experience?

WATTERS: Come on, hello.

PERINO: I say because she's a lawyer.

GUILFOYLE: I mean, it was amazing. So, that was one of my employers. And then I was exclusive prime time to CNN. I was a legal analyst for Larry King on CNN for Anderson Cooper. And then, I was "ABC News" legal analysis. Good Morning America and World News Tonight in the morning.

WILLIAMS: If I was your mom, I'd be so proud.

GUILFOYLE: Thank you so much.

WILLIAMS: Gregory? My first job was president of CNN.


GUTFELD: That was it. Yes. Yes. I just walk right into it.

WILLIAMS: Well, you really screw them up, I will tell you that. They are still recovering.

GUTFELD: My first job, see, this is hard. Because I was an intern for Warner Brothers. When I was in college, so technically, that is media. And I did advertising for motion pictures. So, I was able to promote movies like "Blue Velvet," "The Rivers Edge," Evil Dead 2, that was in 1987 or '86, '87. But then when I graduated, it was that the American spectator as a staff assistant where I made $12,000 a year.

WILLIAMS: Wow. Was that when the American spectator was really going after the left?

GUTFELD: When haven't they not. It was when they were oversized.


GUILFOYLE: You are the editor in chief of everything.

GUTFELD: Yes. I have climbed that ladder.

GUILFOYLE: And then, "Red Eye."

GUTFELD: Yes. It climbed up the ladder in a shorter rage.

WILLIAMS: But men's magazines. So, Dana, is this your first job in media?

PERINO: No! I mean, I started -- I worked on a show called "Standoff," which was a public television show in Colorado Springs and I was I guess a producer -- country music DJ at the same time. But "Standoff" was a show that you had a host, and two guest, and they would debate issues. And I helped for the show together, so I guess that would be my first one.

GUILFOYLE: And also, White House Press Secretary.


WILLIAMS: I thought --

PERINO: I started in media and then went to politics and then came back.

WILLIAMS: Okay. So, my first job in media, you know, it was kind of odd, and I was working my way through college at a paper that's now gone called the Philadelphia evening bulletin. Before that, I was the editor of my Junior High School paper, editor of my High School paper and then I was doing that. But the first job that I really kind of always think of in media was when I was at "The Washington Post," they started doing obituaries.

PERINO: Oh my God!

WILLIAMS: Let me tell you something.

PERINO: That's good learning.

WILLIAMS: Man, it's a terrific thing. Because if you make a mistake, if you misspelled -- like if you put too few Ts and Watters.

WATTERS: Unacceptable.

WILLIAMS: Unacceptable. Boy, the family will call the publisher.

WATTERS: By the way, I want to correct my -- I was editor of "The Sarah Friar," Sarah High School. So, that's my first media job.

WILLIAMS: There you go.

GUTFELD: You know who else was the editor? Sarah Friar. Bill Keller.


Isn't that amazing?

GUILFOYLE: I never knew that.

GUTFELD: Isn't that hilarious?

WILLIAMS: All right. He was an editor about five or seven years before me.

GUILFOYLE: Sarah is a great school. By the way, you tend to do a lot of kind of obituaries for your one more thing --


GUILFOYLE: -- that commemorates people --

WILLIAMS: Yes. That is because I'm old, Kimberly. So, I actually really want to see who died if I know any of these people.

GUILFOYLE: No, you're good.

WILLIAMS: All right. So, Dana, as your kid, did your family have a Labor Day traditional place that you went?

PERINO: Well, my grandfather's ranch was about six and a half hour drive from our house. So, we would usually come back on the Sunday, and I love the school. But in Colorado, you start school a little bit earlier than you do on the East Coast. I think that we probably started the third week of August. So, Labor Day was really just a chance to do homework.

WILLIAMS: Any traditions, Greg?

GUTFELD: Yes. We'd go down by the lake and do things.




WILLIAMS: Is it a horror movie?

GUTFELD: Yes. Just go down to the lake and we do things.


I can't get into it here. But --

GUILFOYLE: It's so weird.

WILLIAMS: But airfare involved?

GUTFELD: We ran out of things to do.

GUILFOYLE: Can we skip the question?

WILLIAMS: Wait. Wait. What about you, Jesse?

WATTERS: No, no. My dad always wound up in the car driving us somewhere on the Labor Day weekend. So, you know, in the car, my mom playing books on tape. It was horrible. But my sister got car sick so she used to get sick and we'd have to pull over, which I loved to watch, and I enjoyed because I loved watching my sister get sick and I would try to tie my nap, so I would get to watch it.

GUTFELD: You are such an awful brother.


WILLIAMS: I'm going to go out of order because Kimberly actually wants to answer the next questions. We are short on time. So, let me just say, in Brooklyn, they have a big Labor Day parade down Eastern Avenue and for me, it was like a thrill to go watch the floats and the people. Now that parade in fact has blown up now at some kind of Caribbean Day parade and its massive crowds and out of control at times. But I love parades. So that was my first favorite parade.

GUILFOYLE: I like that. Yes. But I didn't have a good answer to that so I don't want to let the team down. But I have an excellent answer for number four. Go ahead.


WILLIAMS: Number four. A Labor Day special for Ms. Guilfoyle, what is your dream retirement destination?

GUILFOYLE: Can anyone guess this at this table and you should be able to?

PERINO: Ireland.

WATTERS: Mar-A-Lago.

GUILFOYLE: No. It should be Ireland but what place would I really love.

GUTFELD: Virgin Islands.

GUILFOYLE: No! Villages.



PERINO: We'll wait for you to get there.

GUILFOYLE: I cannot wait to go to the villages.

WATTERS: Really?

GUILFOYLE: No, I am so serious. People didn't know me really well. No, I love it. I love retirement homes, I love the villages. I just want to go. Any time soon.

WILLIAMS: Well, wait a minute. On my book tour, I would like to come, the villages, they buy books.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, no. They are the best.

WILLIAMS: All right. Stay right there. Our Labor Day Facebook free-for- all continues next with some of your political questions for THE FIVE. Back in a moment.


PERINO: Welcome back to our Labor Day Facebook free-for-all. We are having a lot of fun answering your questions and I have some more. This batch is more about patriotism and politics and nature.

So, Kimberly, I'll start with you. This is from Ashley R. She wants to know, if you could bring one historical person to the future for the next ten years, who would it be and why?

GUILFOYLE: So interesting. Isn't it? But I mean, is it too predictable if I say Ronald Reagan?

PERINO: No, it's good.

GUILFOYLE: The first person that came to mind.

GUTFELD: I knew you were going to say that.

GUILFOYLE: I have backups, so.


PERINO: You don't need a backup.


PERINO: What about you, Greg?

GUTFELD: I would say Calvin Coolidge.

PERINO: Styling Calvin.

GUTFELD: Styling Calvin. And he understood that what it was like to be a leader, which was to, like a child, you know, just be seen and not heard.

PERINO: I would say, Martin Luther King, Jr. Because I think we could use some of his guidance as a country.

GUILFOYLE: I have a dream.

WATTERS: I am going to go Jesus. Jesus Christ. Because -- and then I get credit to the second coming.

GUILFOYLE: Because you need him.


WILLIAMS: That's pretty good.

GUTFELD: Nicely done.


WILLIAMS: You know, so I mean, I was thinking, given that this is a patriotic political segment. I was thinking George Washington is, I don't think people understand, we really wouldn't be America if that guy hadn't said, you know what, I am out, I'm going back to farming. We have a time limited here, presidency, the Democratic process, after the people. So, I would think just to bring him back and say, hey, what he think about what we are doing today, and all the divisions and, you know, the polarization. I think he would --

PERINO: Also, he could get some real teeth.

WILLIAMS: Yes. That would be good.

GUTFELD: He would also have to change his name.

WATTERS: Oh, yes. He owned slaves, Juan.

WILLIAMS: You are ridiculing a real conversation.




WATTERS: And he set me up.

GUTFELD: I had a worse joke. But I didn't use it.

PERINO: This is from Juliet P. If you could be a member of the opposite political party, of what you currently align, what would you change about your new party?

WATTERS: So, I'd be a Republican, obviously, no. I would be -- what the opposite of what party I'm in, Dana?

PERINO: What are you registered as?

WATTERS: I don't think I'm registered as anything.


Really? So, what was the question again?


PERINO: So, let's just say that you are a Democrat. What would you want to change about the party?

WATTERS: Change about -- I'd probably work to destroy it from the inside. So, however I could do that, I'd probably go about doing that.

PERINO: All right. Juan, if you were not --

WILLIAMS: Well, I'm a registered Democrats, so if I was a Republican, I think I would more emphasize the idea that you know what, we need to grow this party. We can't continue playing to a smaller group. We got to play to the bigger crowd. And I'm sure that people would say, we just won everything. I would say, yes, but we got to watch the future.

PERINO: Okay. That would be an interesting conversation to have it yourself.

WILLIAMS: Yes. I have it with my son.

PERINO: Kimberly, any thoughts?

GUILFOYLE: That was thoughtful. Yes. So, what I would do is, I would go on the other side and then I would vote for the tax reform and immigration reform and health care in the other direction. Yes.

WILLIAMS: So, you'd be an elected official.

GUILFOYLE: Is that wrong? Is that bad?

WILLIAMS: I thought you were just like a member of the party.

GUILFOYLE: No, no, I would be elected.

GUTFELD: I'm not in either -- I'm not the Republican or Democratic Party, so I would have advice for both of them, which is to get rid of the moralism and the basis for the moralism. So, the Democratic Party, its identity politics, you got to get away from that because it is causing you to judge people and alienate people and on the other side, I would say, try to divorce your opinions from religion. You know, on the Republican side, come up with ideas and beliefs but without having religion to back it up.

PERINO: I was actually, I was going to say about, identity politics as well. Because it's like, and the universities, if people stand up to make a point in a class, they don't just say, I believe X. They'll say, as a whatever, I believe X. And I think we are just all Americans, let's just argue that way.

GUTFELD: Some people would argue against that, though. I'm not an American.

WATTERS: It is a straight white male, I would like to say --


PERINO: Thanks for clarifying.

WATTERS: Okay. In case anybody was wondering.



WATTERS: That was a tan joke.

WILLIAMS: Girl, I'm glad you knew that because he didn't know your political party, so.

WATTERS: Listen, I don't want to divulge anything about my party affiliation.

PERINO: We have one last question. And I like this one. Greg, which member of THE FIVE would make the best president?

GUTFELD: You know, --

WATTERS: Seriously, Greg?


GUILFOYLE: I would kill the most bad guys.

GUTFELD: My fellow Americans. That puts all of us in a bad position.

PERINO: Yes. It does. That's why I chose it.

GUTFELD: Yes. Like, Kimberly is like scaring me right now. Like, I can't say -- I was going to say Dana because she is the most conscientious.

GUILFOYLE: That's the obvious good answer.



GUTFELD: But, you know, but then Kimberly would like pretty much, you know, scare the crap out of everybody.

PERINO: Everyone. I am going to go with Kimberly.

GUTFELD: Yes. I guess I go with Kimberly.

PERINO: I dare not.

GUILFOYLE: Kim Jong-un first.

PERINO: Jesse, are you going to nominate yourself? You can do that.

WATTERS: I mean, yes. I mean, everybody knows I would nominate myself. I probably go with K.G. I would go with K.G.

GUILFOYLE: I could have at least of the minimum be your VP and I will do all the work.

WATTERS: Is that how I usually is?


WILLIAMS: I got to tell you, I think whoever you make president, you're putting in a box, I don't think that's an easy job.

PERINO: That is why we are giving it to her.

WILLIAMS: It is almost like you're putting your friend under a ton of pressure and you think about Facebook, you know, the criticism you're going to get --

PERINO: Yes. But she doesn't worry about it. She doesn't care about Facebook now.

GUILFOYLE: Or Twitter. Or Instagram.

WATTERS: You wouldn't at all.

GUTFELD: So, you were sneaking out of this answer?

WILLIAMS: No, no, I said I gave it to her but I'm just telling you -- wow.


WILLIAMS: I mean, if you think, if you want to be sensitive --

PERINO: But you can't be worried. That's like saying that Robert Lee can't call the game at Charlottesville because he might get criticized.

WILLIAMS: No, no, no. What I am telling you, I think there are a lot of Americans and I think that the people at this table, if you said to them, you don't have to go through the campaign, you are the President, thanks, but no thanks.

GUTFELD: I would be a great president because I wouldn't do anything. I would sit at home and watch "Westworld." I would do nothing. I would be Calvin Coolidge.

PERINO: It's like I get all the movie channels.

GUTFELD: I get all the movie channels and I would, call me if there is anything -- don't call me about the Middle East because that is always heating up.

WILLIAMS: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about mister future and the terrorists are coming?

GUTFELD: But here's the deal, I would have those things settled day one. I would annihilate all the terrorists and the robots will be my friend.

GUILFOYLE: Right. And you know what though, if you are the President, you could do those monologues every day, and you can just go out and do your briefing.


GUILFOYLE: And read your monologue, and then leave the room.

GUTFELD: I would be a pretty okay president I would think.

WATTERS: An atheist with no kids? Hard to get elected.


GUTFELD: Agnostic atheist.

WATTERS: Excuse me. Sorry.

WILLIAMS: Isn't a Fox guy president now?

PERINO: With that, we'll go to break. You know what time it is next, back to school time. The more great questions from our fantastic fans right ahead.


KELLY WRIGHT, FOX NEWS: This is a FOX News alert. I'm Kelly Wright in Washington. The U.S. calling on the U.N. Security Council vote to impose, quote, "The strongest possible sanctions on North Korea." The request follow Sunday's test of what Pyongyang is calling an advanced hydrogen bomb. U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley says, the 15 member council will negotiate a draft resolution this week.

Ambassador Haley is also saying, quote, "Enough is enough, only the strongest sanctions will enable us to resolve this problem through diplomacy." In other news tonight, President Trump could announce tomorrow that he is ending the DACA program but with a six-month delay, DACA stands for Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals. It protects hundreds of thousands of young immigrants whose parents brought them into the country illegally. During his campaign, President Trump slammed DACA as a legal amnesty and promised to end it. I'm Kelly Wright, back now to THE FIVE.

GUILFOYLE: Hello there. Time now for our back-to-school portion of this Labor Day Facebook free-for-all. Lots of questions take us back to our own school days were just minutes ago.

All right. So, Janis P. has a question for the folks here. When you were in high school, what was your favorite fad you followed that you are now currently embarrassed to admit to? Juan?

WILLIAMS: Bellbottoms.

GUILFOYLE: Good one! Wow. Good one.

WILLIAMS: I also had a pea jacket, I actually thought I looked pretty good -

GUILFOYLE: What is a P jacket?

WILLIAMS: Like a Peacoat.

GUILFOYLE: I have a Gucci Peacoat. It's fun. I thought it for, like, 12 years. All right, Jesse? You are still engaging in what you used to dress.

WATTERS: I don't know if the camera can get this.

GUILFOYLE: Leg shot.

WATTERS: You use to tuck it like that? They used to be really tight, like tight? That is how I used to do.

PERINO: I did, too. That was going to be mine?

WILLIAMS: You were going to put your leg on the desk?

PERINO: I was going to say when you fold over your dreams and rolled them up.

WATTERS: I don't know what that is called but I definitely rocked it.

GUILFOYLE: Nice ankles, Jesse.

PERINO: Is that why you still where high water pants?

GUILFOYLE: Drop the mic. Thanks, Ron Burgundy. Dana what else to you got?

PERINO: High school -- I mean my hair was big. My hair was really big.

GUILFOYLE: I am still doing it.

PERINO: Aqua net.

GUILFOYLE: The best. If you put permanent marker on the floor and use by aqua net, it removes the permanent marker. It's unbelievable. Greg?

GUTFELD: High school, bay area, leather chaps.


I had to save money for college. I was doing a lot of dancing on the side.

GUILFOYLE: All right, magic mike.

GUTFELD: People were wearing leather chaps everywhere back in the '70s. Shopping, in the parks. Chaps are for everyone. By the way, cowboys wear chaps.

GUILFOYLE: But they have jeans underneath them.

GUTFELD: Not necessarily.

GUILFOYLE: You have to have very nice buns for that, I think.

PERINO: What was yours?

GUILFOYLE: Mine was the big hair because I was one of the big haired twins. Whenever he played sports, they would take out the big hair twins. That was that. I had the pink sisters club with pink kids, jackets, I like pink. That was pretty fun. I don't know, what else? Those sorts of things. I went to an all-girls private catholic school. We wore a uniform.

PERINO: I wish I had a uniform.

GUILFOYLE: Let's do another one. Ok, Greg. Pay attention. This is from Katherine S. What was your favorite class in high school? How has that helped you in your career today?

GUTFELD: You know, my favorite class, but it didn't help me in my career, physics with neutron dawn purging.

WATTERS: Neutron Dawn.

GUTFELD: He was our physics teacher. He is great teacher, very friendly guy. They called him Neutron Dawn. Other than that, I like any writing class.

GUILFOYLE: Well that help you.

GUTFELD: I enjoyed the written word. I was quite good in high school. Then I went to college and I unlearned everything. In college, they teach you how not to write. And it took me -- I was such a good writer in high school and they talk you every wrong rule in college. It took me three or four years to unlearn it for you don't listen to anyone in college is what I'm saying.


PERINO: I loved school.

GUTFELD: Of course. I love my history classes. I love my literature courses. Then in junior high, we had a class -- I guess it was about grammar and you are to diagram sentences, and my teacher had Xeroxed huge packets of far side cartoons and you had to do the diagramming of the captions. That is how you learned how to put sentences together.

GUILFOYLE: Do you have that one?

WATTERS: I will go with Jim on this one. Jim is very important for high school, especially for games like dodgeball, we are getting hit on the head or things like that. Be they don't allow dodgeball anymore because everyone is politically correct. My favorite was gym. Aside from not coming to history.

GUTFELD: You are the only person who would say gym.

WATTERS: I'm comfortable my intellect. I am comfortable to say that.



WILLIAMS: I am still stunned. What movie was that where they played dodgeball?

GUTFELD: I think it was called "dodgeball." what was the movie about that titanic?


WILLIAMS: That is what happens when your brain is stunned.

GUILFOYLE: What was the movie about spider-man? Oh, "spider-man." my bad.

WILLIAMS: You asked me my favorite anything is a lot like Greg or Dana. I really liked English, history. But the one -- this is the interesting thing. The ones that I remember most are things like ceramics class. We had a ceramics class to learn how to create and put things in a mold and put them in the oven.

WATTERS: You make kiln bombs, you put an air pocket in it and everybody else's project is destroyed.

GUTFELD: Summer school crafts where you had to make a wallet. Did you ever have to make a wallet with people you didn't like? You went to the leather goods store to buy the stuff and you had to sit there and make a wallet? That was your parents say, get away from me.

GUILFOYLE: The worst job ever be like --

WILLIAMS: I still use, we had a typing class.

GUTFELD: Typing was a great class!

GUILFOYLE: My favorite class was English and I was in AP English, of course, with Mr. Wessler and he was fabulous. In every way.

GUTFELD: In every way?


GUILFOYLE: Do we have any other questions to answer? Of course we do. Some very interesting ones after this quick break. Stay with us.


GUTFELD: Welcome back!


More questions on this Labor Day. Here is a Potpourri, or pot-Paris, as I would call my shop in Colorado. From Kathy N, Kimberly, if you could program your own personal robot to do only one thing, what would it be?

GUILFOYLE: Ok. Wouldn't it be amazing to have kind of like a terminator robot? A killing robot?

GUTFELD: Yes, it would, Kimberly.

GUILFOYLE: What are you doing this afternoon, robot? Ices is on the checklist for you could just program it and, boom, restore world order and kill bad guys.


WATTERS: I was going to say cook or clean, like a robot maid.

GUILFOYLE: Massaged her shoulders. To be for all purposes.

GUTFELD: A robot massage your shoulders is not the same as a human. You need the human touch. Or so I have been told. Anyway, Dana.

GUILFOYLE: Poor robot, poor robot.

PERINO: I would love someone to do the laundry and do it perfectly.

GUILFOYLE: Peter does.

PERINO: He doesn't fold it perfectly.

GUTFELD: That it's going to get back to him. That is on national TV.

GUILFOYLE: He does my laundry out, too.

WATTERS: Peter, you can fold my laundry whenever you want.

GUTFELD: Juan, if you had a personal robot to do one thing, what would it be?

WILLIAMS: Organize me.

GUTFELD: Interesting.

PERINO: Getting to the show on time.

GUILFOYLE: That was a crowd, a crowd pleaser.

WILLIAMS: I have to think -- if you are working on a project, the organizing is so difficult for me. Because there are so many ideas --

GUILFOYLE: Like your books and stuff?


GUTFELD: If I could program my own personal robot to do only one thing it would be to program my other robots. Then we will destroy you. I will laugh above my mountain of robots who will do my bidding. My bidding at my bidding only because I was there first. I was their friend first. Don't ever forget that.


GUTFELD: Yes. Interesting question. I will go to you, Dana. This seems more your speed. That was not a drug reference. From Jennifer W, what is a part of your morning routine that you could not go without?

GUILFOYLE: That is a Dana question.

PERINO: Welcome in my English breakfast tea with honey, I left out.

GUTFELD: Who's honey?


PERINO: Peter is the honey. We have been together 20 years and every morning he brings English breakfast tea with honey.

GUTFELD: That is nice.

PERINO: I couldn't live without that.


WILLIAMS: Stretching.

GUTFELD: You do stretching in the morning?

WILLIAMS: I do a lot of stretching and burpee's.

GUTFELD: Interesting. Wow. I can't get that out of my head. Jesse?

WATTERS: Morning routine? "Fox & friends." mornings are better with friends, every day.

GUILFOYLE: He gets his talking points from there.


WATTERS: They hear it on "The Five" and then they repeated in the morning.

GUTFELD: Excellent. K.G.?

GUILFOYLE: You wouldn't believe it.


GUILFOYLE: It is a true story.

GUTFELD: What do you do every morning?

GUILFOYLE: Every morning, I do my West world robot wake up, I pop up my eyes with my lashes on and I go into the kitchen and I cut a piece of salami --

WATTERS: Breakfast salami.

GUILFOYLE: It just taste so good, it makes the day start fresh --

GUTFELD: I know what you mean.

WATTERS: I am changing mine. I'm going with bacon. At almost every day.

GUILFOYLE: Is it so good? I mean if I had someone to make me the bacon.

WATTERS: May be the robot could make you the bacon.

GUTFELD: My morning routine is two steps. My first step is two cups of really strong coffee. The next step -- and even more questions coming up in the next break.



WATTERS: For a whole hour, we've been answering the questions you posted on our Facebook page and we are not finished. The first question for Matt W, we will go with Greg Gutfeld on this one, what was your first car and what is your dream car?

GUTFELD: That is a great question. My first car was an olds mobile cutlass supreme, 1976.

WATTERS: What color?

GUTFELD: Red. Dark burgundy red. It was disgusting. My dream car? I have it. 1959 Facel Vega, French car. French American car. That is what he did with the check I got when I got fired. I bought a car.

WATTERS: What a beautiful thing.


PERINO: I started with a Dodge Turismo.


WATTERS: A what?

PERINO: Turismo.

WATTERS: I didn't understand the accent. What is your dream car?

GUTFELD: Malibu Barbie.

PERINO: I don't know, I don't have a dream car. I don't drive, I need to drive, and Kimberly is going to teach me.

GUILFOYLE: We are doing a whole, light, driving miss daisy type of thing.

WATTERS: Are you a great driver?

GUILFOYLE: An amazing driver. You have no idea. Believe me. No matter what, men love me to drive their cars. They are like, no problem, here are the keys, no matter what the car. I am on it.

WATTERS: Because they are so drunk they needed a designated driver.

GUILFOYLE: No. Besides that - I do stunt driving. When I was modeling and acting, I did commercials, and I would do the stunt driving, too.

WATTERS: Sounds safe. First car? And what was it called?

GUILFOYLE: Dodge dart. With a slant six engine. A used car that my dad got, Stan the man, he kept it perfect. That was my high school car, and it said insured on the bumper sticker. Someone said, did you drive with rifles in your car? No, I did not. Dream car?

WATTERS: Dream car?

GUILFOYLE: I don't know. I don't know. I kind of already had cars that I've liked.


GUILFOYLE: I like Mercedes, Range Rover, I had an Aston Martin.

WATTERS: Will one of the people, everybody.


Juan Williams?

WILLIAMS: I didn't learn to drive until I was 26 years old. I grew up in New York City. It took the train, I took the bus, and I walked. Then I got married and my wife said that she was pregnant. And she said she needed somebody to drive her to the hospital and you can't screw this up so you have to learn how to drive. I said, okay. We didn't have Uber. I learned how to drive and I inherited her car, which was a Caprice Classic.


WILLIAMS: If you are asking about dream cars, this is interesting. I go to buy a car, I bought a car this year, the summer, in fact.

GUILFOYLE: What kind of car?

WILLIAMS: It was a Lexus.

GUILFOYLE: Very nice.

WILLIAMS: A beautiful car. But I am having my midlife thing, so I see --

WATTERS: Oh, you are?

WILLIAMS: They have an LC something, a new car, but wow. It wasn't expensive. It was like, everybody was looking at this car and --

GUILFOYLE: It is a Lexus?

WILLIAMS: I looked at Porsches and Ferraris and I thought I am not comfortable in this cars.

GUILFOYLE: What about a Tesla?

WILLIAMS: that would be cool, but these other cars look fast and low and they catch your eye.

WATTERS: My first car was a 1980 yellow Chrysler Lebaron. We got her for $400. My father got it he used. Any time you a corner, the wheels screeched. So it was like the getaway car from a bank heist. Really embarrassing. Dream car, I will take a Lambo, even though I can't drive it.


GUILFOYLE: Navy blue Porsche Carrera. But I would like.

WATTERS: One final question is up next.


WILLIAMS: Welcome back. As they are doing one more thing tonight, we will answer one more question. This question comes from Kelly G and it says, which one of you is the most addicted to social media? So I don't even know how - I think we can say who we think. But I don't know. I think Greg is a social media addict.

GUTFELD: I think I am.

PERINO: I put myself in that category. Mostly because I like to keep scrolling to see what is new. I like to see what the conversation is.

WILLIAMS: Yeah. Who would you say, which one of us?

PERINO: It's not Kimberly and it's not you. And Jesse only looks at it for one reason.


WATTERS: What would that become a Dana?

PERINO: You told us what it was.

WATTERS: What? Look at the nice things that people say about me.


GUTFELD: I love that.

WATTERS: Just before the half of it is nice and half of it is nasty.

PERINO: He reads this up that is good about him.

GUTFELD: That is good. I only respond to bad stuff.

WATTERS: You are the opposite.

GUTFELD: I look for the bad stuff in a make fun of them. I am like a reverse troller.

WILLIAMS: You are the least addicted. Why is that?

GUILFOYLE: I don't care.

WILLIAMS: You don't care!


GUILFOYLE: There's nothing they can say about me that will chip away at me or who I am or where I come from our parents or my family.

WILLIAMS: But people have so much to say.


PERINO: I find a lot of good in it. I like Instagram. I like to give you both people's beautiful pictures often.

WILLIAMS: Facebook?

PERINO: Facebook I like because -- you don't like Instagram?

WILLIAMS: Facebook is where you keep up with friends and family.

GUILFOYLE: Instagram get the photos so I can see what she is doing on the weekends, Jasper and Peter and the beach.

WATTERS: Juan, you would love Instagram.

GUILFOYLE: That is probably the most fun but I say twitter is the most interesting based on the news. That is what I like.

GUTFELD: Dana I remember you saying you are a big fan of grinder.

GUILFOYLE: That was a mistake she made.

PERINO: I meant tender.


WATTERS: Greg is much more addicted than I am.

GUTFELD: You know you are addicted when you keep telling yourself that you got to stop doing it. That is when you know you have a problem. A glass of wine after work and I was at their -- or two -- and I will sit there and mess around. I wake up in the morning and I go, did I -- what did I say --

WATTERS: You wake up so drunk that you are like, what did you say last night?

WILLIAMS: If you are walking on the street, looking at your phone, I will bump into you. Thanks for joining us this Labor Day. We will see you back here tomorrow. Please set your DVR so you never, ever miss an episode of "The Five." "Hannity" is up next.

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