This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 19, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: So, brave anticommunist Vaclav Havel died last weekend. He was a great man, a true hero, but he's not funny.
But you know who is? Kim Jong Il. He croaked, too.
So, we're going to talk about him because he had creepy hair, funny glasses and bizarro lifestyle. He even died at 69, a funny age.
But here is the issue with these jokes. It's all funny on the outside, but not on the in. It's like the crazy lady who lived on your block. As a kid, you and your friends made fun of her all the time and her cats, too. And you doorbell ditched her.
But there was always that one moment when you glimpse inside the house and there was nothing funny about it.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: No kidding.
GUTFELD: That would occur with North Korea, too. One picture would get out and you would cry inside. The North Koreans were the cats in the cat lady house.
It reminds me of the balloon boy. Watching that silver orb sail against the sky was fun. Then you realize someone might be in there and your stomach turned to hot gravel. That's North Korea.
Sadly, unlike the balloon, there are people inside. The suffering within is no hoax, just another sordid tribute to the centralized hell of an amoral utopia.
For young people with iPads and YouTube, it must be hard to believe that today, a mad man who starved his people to death could still exist.
But as long as there are those who excused human evil in the name of forced equality, there will always be Kims. And laughing at them won't make them go away.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Wow.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: He's been ill for a long time.
GUTFELD: Yes, he has been ill. Joke stealer! Kim, you're a Kim --
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: I'm sorry. I want to dissociate myself from the other Kims with extra things after their names. Immediately.
GUTFELD: I want to talk to you about the great successor. It's his younger kid. He looks just like him. Some say he might have had plastic surgery.
What do you make of this puffy looking weirdo?
GUILFOYLE: Get your money back. Get a lawyer. Immediately, right?
I mean, what can I say. You don't know a lot about him. We know he is obsessed with basketball with the NBA, with Michael Jordan. All excellent job qualifications.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GUILFOYLE: Right. And the fact that he is in his 20s. Some people say 22, they're not entirely sure. He wasn't a good student. They were hoping because he had a westernized education.
GUTFELD: He's a moron essentially.
GUILFOYLE: Educated abroad.
BECKEL: You know, it's amazing. This would be the third generation of fruitcakes in a row in that country. It's amazing. And they are all -- have you noticed that they all having receding hairlines at that age.
This kid is a potential serial killer. I study serial killers. When you look at his eyes, he is.
Look, on a serious note, here's a problem with it, is that --
GUILFOYLE: Are you a forensic psychologist?
BECKEL: No. I happen to like serial killers, so be careful.
You know, one thing about this is that, I actually talked to Franklin Graham, who's a friend of mine, who has a mission in North Korea that only Christians would be allowed to be there. And you're starving is exactly right. It's terrible what is going on.
And this latest military activity on the part of the North against the South about a month ago, some say it was the new great leader, that kid that you saw --
GUTFELD: Yes.
BECKEL: Pulling the strings behind that thing, which -- if that's the case, we've got a real problem on our hands.
GUILFOYLE: You're right about that.
BOLLING: It's important to note that he did. They fired a short range missile.
Here is the point, though -- Obama has been the apologist to the world. He's apologizing for American exceptionalism, apologizing to Muslim world.
This would be a great opportunity for someone in the State Department, Hillary, to get over there, sit down with this guy and say, you know what? We're not bad. You are not bad. Please open up, figure out South Korea and North Korea, and make the peninsula a lot safer place.
BECKEL: You just assaulted me twice.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Here is something weird. Dana, when we talk about the kid and we talk about the father loved movies, American movies, they all love stuff about America. But --
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: They hate American lifestyle.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: So, he had palaces all around North Korea while he left his people in slave camps. Do you know that you're not even allowed to listen to any other radio station than the state-run radio and television station?
I have a privilege of serving on the broadcasting board of governors. If you can get a radio in there where they can tune it to Radio Free Asia or Voice of America, they listen under their pillows so that they won't get caught.
This is -- the very basics of human freedom have been denied to the North Koreans. I do think that they -- there's a potential for a humanitarian crisis on the border with South Korea and even China. And it's important that we be working with them to make sure that one, that they have the basic food, which they haven't had in a long time.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: You know what's not going to happen there. The six-party talks will not continue anytime soon.
And the Chinese particularly didn't like this being handed off to this kid. They had hoped they would be some more reasonable person, because, you know, the Chinese are always put in the box on this thing because the North Koreans get them in such trouble.
GUILFOYLE: Right.
BECKEL: They got to come in and defend them.
GUILFOYLE: Diplomatic nightmare.
BECKEL: And the Chinese are getting a little bit tired of it right now. They've got their own concerns. They are trying to expand themselves in the Pacific, as a Pacific naval presence. They're doing a good job of it.
But every time the North Koreans do one of these things, the Chinese have to turn around and come back home and say, boys, please calm down.
GUILFOYLE: He's already a four-star general. He has very little training or experience. He didn't have the opportunity of being groomed like his father did or the grandpa --
GUTFELD: Well, he is groomed like his father.
BECKEL: Don't tell him that Michael Jordan doesn't play in the NBA anymore. He'll shoot you.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: He also enjoys skiing.
BOLLING: Japan should worry about this.
BECKEL: Absolutely.
BOLLING: They're, you know, a short ride, short missile ride away from them. Who knows what this guy is up to.
BECKEL: Let's also keep in mind we got 45,000 American troops on that border. Why we still do, I don't know.
GUILFOYLE: That's the fourth largest military troops overseas.
PERINO: I think the reason that we've have troops there is that it has helped secure strong democracy in South Korea. The Chinese have no human rights record to write home about. And they want -- I'm not saying that they want a humanitarian crisis in North Korea. But they certainly don't want any of the North Koreans flooding across their border.
BOLLING: That's the one border that they absolutely keep closed.
BECKEL: But do you think that is the reason -- I think you're probably on the money here, that keeps the North from invading the South, because they have to go to war with the United States to do it?
PERINO: Well, I actually think that our presence has been stabilizing over time, both a from political, but also an economic standpoint. South Korea is one of our largest trading partners and will continue to be.
Content and Programming Copyright 2011 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2011 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.
Get all the stories you need-to-know from the most powerful name in news delivered first thing every morning to your inbox