This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 9, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone, I'm Dana Perino along with Dan Bongino, Marie Harf, Jesse Watters, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."
Florida, once again the epicenter of a major postelection battle, allegations of fraud now being thrown around as two key races move closer toward recounts. Vote counting issues in Broward and Palm Beach County causing senate candidate Rick Scott to file lawsuits accusing officials there of trying to steal the election.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RICK SCOTT, REPUBLICAN SENATE CANDIDATE: There may be rampant fraud happening in Palm Beach and Broward Counties. And the Broward supervisor of elections, Brenda Snipes, has a history of acting in absolute bad faith for the law which requires that vote by mail and absentee ballots are counted within 30 minutes of polls closing. I will not sit idly by while unethical liberals try to steal this election. Senator Nelson hired one of Hillary Clinton's lawyers from D.C. and the first thing he did was tell reporters he's here to win the election.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: President Trump also weighing in, calling out Broward County's history of election problems.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: If you look at Broward County, they have had a horrible history. And if you look at the person, in this case a woman involved, she has had a horrible history. And all of a sudden they're finding votes out of nowhere. And Rick Scott, who won by, you know, it was close, but he won by a comfortable margin, every couple of hours it goes down a little bit. They've hired lawyers and the votes don't ever seem to go the Republican way. It is interesting. It always seems to go the way of the Democrats.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Broward County election supervisor Brenda Snipes taking the brunt of the criticism. Just yesterday, she couldn't give an answer on how many ballots are left to be counted.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Could you just update where things are on the count right now? Just in general.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Could I, please, get a moment to go into room and find out? OK.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: And this just breaking, a judge sided with Rick Scott's campaign and is ordering Brenda Snipes to allow immediate inspection of voter records before 7 PM Eastern tonight. So this feels like Deja Vu all over again. And you just saw something on the twitters?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Yes, Dana. As you know, I love to break news.
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: And I have breaking news right here on my phone. I'm going to get to it right now. I'm going to start reading this from my phone, OK? Here we go with some breaking news. This is a tweet from Marco Rubio. You might remember him from running for president. And I believe he's a senator?
PERINO: Of Florida, yes.
GUTFELD: Yes, thank you.
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Little Marco.
GUTFELD: New and troubling allegation has emerged. A statement under penalty perjury that Palm Beach County filled out new ballots to replace damaged ones without allowing campaign representatives to witness the process of creating the new ballot which is required by Florida. So, basically, here you have -- this is my interpretation, not Marco's, that here you have Democrats who've been screaming and yelling about Russian collusion and interfering with elections, and all the time the call has been coming from inside the house. It's the Democrats who are colluding and interfering with elections. How convenient that they find these votes after they lose.
PERINO: This is interesting. It took us a long time to finally call that race on election night, Marie. You were sitting there with us. And, actually, Rick Scott, the governor, gave a victory speech before Fox News had actually called the election. It was close but then he did. And right after his victory speech is when Fox News decision desk made the call, but Nelson never conceded and then he hired Mark Elias who is of election fame, right? He was Al Franken's lawyer when Norm Coleman lost in 2008.
MARIE HARF, GUEST CO-HOST: Yes, and endless. Every vote needs to be counted. We're not even into a recount yet.
WATTERS: She's got the talking points now.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
HARF: So, look, it needs to be done transparently. A judge has ruled now that they need to be more transparent in Broward County, and I think that that's a good thing. This is only the initial count. We're not even in the question of a recount and they're close enough, definitely, one of the races is close enough, the senate race. The governor's race could end up close enough as well. But there is, as of this point, 504 in the east coast on Friday, there is no evidence that we have seen a voter fraud. There's a lot of allegations. There's a lot of people who have partisan interest in these races making claims. And we just need to take a deep breath. We need to have some transparency. We need to get the votes counted. And we also, though, going forward need to make our election systems better in terms of how we do this. Arizona --
GUTFELD: Do you like voter I.D.? That'd be great.
HARF: -- still counting votes. California is still counting votes.
WATTERS: Because there're a lot of mail in over there.
HARF: Eighteen years after the 2000 recount fiasco, the fact that Florida has not fixed their system is actually pretty crazy to me.
PERINO: Jesse, what do you think of all these?
WATTERS: Well, he started out Tuesday night, he's got a 60,000 vote margin so he thinks he's got it because the Bush recount, Bush at the end of that night only had a 2,000 vote margin, so very comfortable. And then a day goes by and all these votes come in from Broward. That's kind of fishy. And he sleeps on it and he wakes up and the next thing more votes coming in from Broward. The votes coming in from Broward, 3 to 1 Democrats, and that's a 2 to 1 Democrat, at best, kind of county, all right. And now, they squeeze it down to 15,000 vote margin triggering a recount. Very interesting. Now listen, this woman, we're talking about right now, Snipes, we call her sneaky Snipes already.
PERINO: Do we?
GUTFELD: Do we?
WATTERS: That's what we call her. And I used the word --
HARF: That is not what we call her.
WATTERS: Because she's got a history of that. She's been already accused of ballot stuffing, of hiding amendments from ballots. A judge has ruled that she illegally destroyed ballots.
HARF: Not in this case.
WATTERS: Not in this case, but --
HARF: Is there any evidence in this case?
WATTERS: -- in 2016, and in 2018, she was accused of not allowing Scott's representatives to watch her fill up provisional ballots. And the judge has smacked her down and said it's time to open up the doors because you're doing everything in secret. Her number one job is to know how many ballots were cast, how many were counted, and how many are left to be counted. She says she has no idea. And the fact that she's not communicating to the public or to the campaigns how many votes cast, counted, and to be counted is suspicious because if you don't know the tabulation, then anything can happen underneath. And that's why this woman, no one has faith in her at all because especially the way she's conducted herself this day and two years ago.
HARF: There's no evidence.
PERINO: Go ahead, Dan.
WATTERS: Sneaky Snipes.
DAN BONGINO, GUEST CO-HOST: Have you ever seen that thing on the internet, you have one job?
GUTFELD: Yes.
BONGINO: You had one job. You're in charge of election, you don't know how many votes are? If there was, ever, minable material that you had one job, Sneaky Snipes. Just count the vote. You can't even count the votes? Now, a couple of things, number one, there may not be direct evidence of fraud, but evidence of irregularities is everywhere. They had to have the votes posted 30 minutes after the polls closed. They didn't. That's just a matter of fact. And another thing, yes, I agree with you, every vote should be counted. Absolutely. That should go across the aisle. The question is when? What's Florida doing, late voting now? So now we're doing early voting? And we're doing postelection ballots?
WATTERS: The Democrats are outperforming Republicans in the late vote.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK) HARF: Dan, they're counting votes that were cast on election day. They are slow to count Florida. They're slow to count in lots of states.
BONGINO: Marie, point stipulated. The problem is, as Greg accurately stated, she doesn't even know how many votes are to be counted. You have one job.
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: But she hasn't even communicated to the campaigns or to the public what the vote count is. That's required by law.
HARF: Well, the judge ruled against her, you're right. And by 7 PM tonight, they've said she have to put those numbers out. I think she should be more transparent. I just don't think we should jump to the conclusion that because the races tightening which often happens when provisional ballots get counted that they're somehow fraud. We have to wait for evidence.
WATTERS: Just because the one overseeing it has a history of fraud.
HARF: So should Brian Kampe overseeing Georgia?
BONGINO: I'm not sure evidence means that what you think it means. Like there is significant evidence of irregularities going on here. She is not -- how do you not have the vote count?
HARF: Point out voter fraud evidence to me.
BONGINO: She didn't even report -- she's not letting people in to actually watch --
(CROSSTALK)
HARF: We don't know that.
(CROSSTALK) BONGINO: Accusations are evidence.
HARF: No, they're not.
(CROSSTALK) WATTERS: OK. Why would they file a lawsuit if they're allowed to watch?
HARF: Because they want --
WATTERS: Why follow the lawsuit if you're already watching? They've filled the lawsuit because they've been barred.
HARF: They want -- look, a lot of these lawsuits that we're going to see during this recount are going to be shaky illegal ground but fend for partisan political reason. That happens in every recount. We've seen that. We just have to let the evidence take us where it is.
PERINO: It is kind of amazing -- and that's not good. Greg, will go back to you. That, either way --
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: -- half of the population there in Florida will think that the other half did something to steal this election from them. That's not good.
GUTFELD: The Dems just want to make America suffer. It's like losing the World Series and demanding an extra inning a day later. I have a new nickname, by the way, for Bill Nelson.
WATTERS: What's that?
GUTFELD: Recount Dracula.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: Anyway. But we predicted this, I think, last week. We said that no matter what the outcome was, whether the Dems are going to win or lose they won't going to be happy because they're just -- this is too much of their life.
HARF: I'm happy.
GUTFELD: But you're different, Marie. You're a very pleasant person --
BONGINO: Can I say one thing, though, I lost an election by one point. And I won on election day and lost on an absentee count. I conceded. And you can go to The Daily Caller article, I wrote a very nice letter to John Delaney who is now running for president and said -- even people encouraging me to file lawsuit. It's time to move on. This is B.S. --
HARF: But you let the absentee votes get counted. You have them get counted.
BONGINO: According to the rules. Why do they just --
(CROSSTALK)
BONGINO: Why do they just lose in court? Why did she not post 30 minutes after like she's supposed too?
HARF: She's going to have to tonight.
WATTERS: The lesson is never concede.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: Jesse made a good point and then we laughed about it.
GUTFELD: What was --
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: Don't concede. And Bill Nelson never conceded, but Andrew Gillum did. And now, that one also could end up at a recount.
HARF: That's true.
GUTFELD: Recount Dracula.
(LAUGHTER)
PERINO: Pretty good one.
GUTFELD: Thanks.
PERINO: Top Democrats now contradicting themselves over Jeff Sessions' resignation, the must-see tape next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BONGINO: Greg, stop making me laugh. I'm new at this. Stop. Democratic lawmakers are losing it over Jeff Sessions' resignation. They're now demanding that the Trump administration preserve records relating to Sessions' stepping down. Democrats are also accusing the president of interfering with Bob Mueller's never ending investigation by appointing Mathew Whitaker as acting A.G. The liberal hypocrisy over Sessions is hitting epic levels. Check out this tweet from Senator Elizabeth Warren back in 2017 where she said Sessions needed to resign. But now that he's gone, she's calling it a, quote, constitutional crisis. And Rep. Jerry Nadler also, now, completely flipping his stance, back in 2017, he also said Sessions, quote, must resign as A.G. But now he's saying this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is part of the pattern of evidence of interference by the president in the Mueller investigation --
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Does that mean obstruction? What does pattern --
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. I think that's evidence -- that's certainly evidence of obstruction of justice.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BONGINO: And last year, house minority leader Nancy Pelosi said anything less than Sessions' resigning is unacceptable. But now she's accusing Trump with trying to interfere with Mueller's investigation. Marie --
(CROSSTALK)
BONGINO: -- this is going to be clashed of the titans on this one. So, I don't get it. We were told by Democrats, including Al Franken when he was in the senate, that Jeff Sessions was part of this massive Russian collusion scheme, he had these unauthorized meetings, that they were totally inappropriate. They attacked and then they demanded he recuse himself. Now he recuses himself and all of a sudden the Democrats are jumping on the Sessions' bandwagon. I guess my question is --
HARF: Yeah.
BONGINO: -- is Sessions part of the scheme or is he the good guy in the outside of the scheme trying to investigate this scheme? I mean, what is it?
HARF: Well, I think the Sessions thing is interesting because a lot of those tweets you read were before he recused himself when more information started coming out about his contacts with the Russians. I never said he should resign, but I say he should recuse himself and he did that. You cannot like Jeff Sessions and now think he was a good attorney general. And also believe that you should be worried that President Trump fired him, put someone in that position who has very negative feelings about the Mueller investigation. He has made those clear publicly. And I think preserving records is a definite. We need transparency. And I also think you're going to hear from congress. You know, Jeff Flake and Chris Coons are going to introduce a bill to protect Mueller. It probably won't go anywhere. But I do think when they put a new A.G. up to be confirmed by the senate, you will hear Republicans Susan Collins, Mitt Romney, when he's in the senate, making sure that the new attorney general supports Mueller continuing to the end. That's all we're asking for is Mueller be able to finish his job without interference.
GUTFELD: That's all you're saying? Count every vote --
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK) HARF: These are not controversial statements, guys. These are pretty common sense. And I think that Whitaker has -- John Yu and George Conway, Republican jurists think there's a constitutional problem with Whitaker, should not be -- it's not just Democrats, Dan.
GUTFELD: There're people on the streets protesting the firing of Jeff Sessions. Left-wingers are protesting the firing of a hardcore right-wing. I mean, this guy would give you a lethal injection if you had a man bun. And there are people -- on your side, so many people have free time. To your point yesterday, they're not protesting war or poverty --
HARF: They're protesting obstruction of justice and possible tampering with an ongoing investigation. That's not nothing.
(CROSSTALK) BONGINO: Dana, this is an ongoing question --
PERINO: It's not nothing.
BONGINO: This bothers me. It drives me crazy because none of these concerns seems to present themselves under the Obama administration. And people can say, oh, is what-about-isms. Yes, it is, because what-about-ism means are there principles -- what about -- or are they not?
WATTERS: Finally, someone to defend what-about-ism.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I agree.
HARF: That was a bold move, Bongino.
BONGINO: I know. Thank you. I mean, Lindsey Graham said it best. Lindsey Graham said, listen, I'm a principle guy. I didn't like Eric Holder. I didn't like -- but I voted for him because he believes the president is entitled to appoint his people. How can the president be charged with obstruction of justice for dismissing -- or asking him to resign? I don't get it.
PERINO: Well, he has the absolute authority to fire Jeff Sessions. And you always serve at the pleasure of the president, like the letter was written -- it wasn't even dated, it was like, there you go. He probably had it ready for a while. We all knew that he wanted to get rid of Sessions. The president could have a person in there. The thing -- I think the way that he's gone about suggesting Mark Whitaker as the acting A.G. will probably fall apart. And the president today before he left for Paris when he was on the south lawn answering questions, he's like, I don't even know this guy, Mark Whitaker, anyway. So that's usually the sign --
HARF: Right.
PERINO: -- that's not going to happen. But doesn't really matter that there will be a new attorney general. I do think it's interesting on the protest front, go back to Sessions' hearing. Usually, other senators are quite congenial to the other senators when they're going to be confirmed. Wasn't it Senator Booker that testified against Sessions?
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: Right. And you add that to --
GUTFELD: Brutal to him.
PERINO: They were against him, now they're for him. They're like the big Jeff Sessions' fans. It's a little hard to swallow.
BONGINO: Jesse, I still don't get the initial question I post to Marie. And I heard you answered it, but I'm still confused. If Jeff Sessions --
HARF: Jesse will clear it up for you.
BONGINO: I know. I'm going right to him. If Jeff Sessions was part of this intricate conspiracy and had these inappropriate meetings with Russians that caused him to recuse himself, why would you as a Democrat senator, in any way, object to him resigning? Supposedly your case is that he's part of the whole conspiracy. I don't get it. Like, I'm confuse --
WATTERS: I don't get it, either. I think that, as Greg mentioned yesterday, pot stocks are skyrocketing. Democrats should love that. Now that he's out of there, everyone can smoke weed again, and they should love that. The Democrats love that. Also, can we pull Nadler's face back up on the screen? His eyebrow was as crooked as Hillary. Did you see that thing shoot out to the right like that? I've never seen an eyebrow like that.
GUTFELD: My eyebrows get like that.
WATTERS: I'm an eyebrow connoisseur --
(CROSSTALK) WATTERS: I know. I know.
GUTFELD: My eyebrows does that and I come in here and they have to like -- they spend hours combing it --
WATTERS: Yeah, with that little pick.
GUTFELD: Yeah, that little pick.
WATTERS: I know. I have one, too. I would say this --
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: -- Democrats think they can pick Trump's cabinet. In order to pick a cabinet you actually have to win an election --
HARF: Or you be in the senate and you advise and consent under the constitution.
WATTERS: Listen, he can pick whoever he wants. I think Whitaker is a great pick, even though Trump never heard of him.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
BONGINO: I just want to thank Mollie Hemingway too for interviewing Jerry Nadler on the Amtrak. Although, Jerry Nadler didn't seem to know (INAUDIBLE). President Trump once again blasting CNN's Jim Acosta and is now threatening to pull more press passes. We'll see you next on The Five.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HARF: President Trump doubling down today on his decision to suspend the press pass of CNN's Jim Acosta after their fiery exchange during the president's news conference on Wednesday.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: I think Jim Acosta is a very unprofessional man. He does this with everybody. He gets paid to do that. I don't think he's a smart person but he's got a loud voice. As far as I'm concerned, I haven't made that decision. But it could be others also. When you're in the White House, this is a very sacred place to me. This is a very special place. You have to treat the White House with respect. You have to treat the presidency with respect.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HARF: Trump also took a shot at another White House reporter, April Ryan, calling her a, quote, loser. Dana?
PERINO: Why do you go to me first?
HARF: Because --
(CROSSTALK)
HARF: I know this is the president's cheek. I know he does this and he thinks it works with his base, and it probably does. But this week, it went to another level, pulling someone's past, and the words he used today to describe these reporters? I just -- I know I don't like a lot of what Trump does but this really gets to me.
PERINO: OK. So, couple of things, for me, there is not a lot of love lost for Jim Acosta amongst the White House press corp., OK? Like, they don't want to say it publicly --
WATTERS: But you will.
PERINO: I'm going to tell him. They're trying to do their job and he's making it more difficult because he's a total distraction. And news gathering is what you're supposed do at the White House. There's a mission, right? You're supposed to chronicle the presidency. You can ask the president questions. You hold him to account on behalf of the readers of the newspaper that you work for. So that's the mission of the White House press corps. That's what you're supposed to do. Argumentation is not newsgathering, OK? So they're for one, I think that CNN could make a decision. Is it good for them? Like, who's winning here? Do they think that this is a good thing for them? May be? I do think that we also have to make a distinction that the president and the White House -- they took away the hard pass. That is not a press credential, OK? You can't take away someone's press credentials. The government cannot do that to you. Obama could not do that to Ed Henry when he joined Fox News. Like, that is not possible.
HARF: But you can take away the hard pass.
PERINO: Yeah. That means you're a security risk. Now, we did revoke somebody's hard pass once because this woman was rifling through colleagues pockets, stealing things, and she was found rifling through --
GUTFELD: Who is it?
PERINO: I'm not going to say.
GUTFELD: Come on. Initials, give me the initials.
WATTERS: Was it sneaky Snipes?
GUTFELD: What is it rhyme with? Does it rhyme with --
PERINO: You wouldn't even know her. So we have to revoke her hard pass. I mean, you can't get back into the White House. You can still get a day pass if the White House approves it. The way I dealt with reporters -- when you couldn't deal with them anymore is I put them in a deep-freeze. There's one reporter, he's probably watching now because he works with an old friend of ours, he's still in the deep-freeze --
GUTFELD: Who's that? Who's that? Initials?
PERINO: B.F.
GUTFELD: B.F.?
PERINO: Yes. And I've told everybody in my office I said no one talks to him. He's in the deep-freeze --
GUTFELD: Bob, Barry, Bill, Bob --
PERINO: Keep trying --
GUTFELD: Brian --
PERINO: Fallon?
GUTFELD: -- Fallon.
PERINO: No.
WATTERS: Close.
PERINO: Anyway. I think there's a way that you can deal with it where you put them in the deep-freeze
HARF: But it's bigger than Acosta. And it's like comments against April Ryan, same reporter's questions were stupid for the president. But, Greg, I saw you laughing when the president said the White House is very sacred.
GUTFELD: Here's the deal --
HARF: Because he's like -- not exactly a respectful person.
GUTFELD: We know what Trump is. Trump is -- he's a caustic guy. But he's also -- and I said this before, pretty much of a pacifist. So, if you have to look -- would you rather have a super polite dude who just drops bombs or would you rather have a guy who's got a pretty caustic personality but kind of wants to keep America's troops out of harm's way? And I also have to disagree, this is not an attack on the free press. Trump went to Acosta -- one of the first guys he went to, right?
PERINO: Also, that's what I say about the deep-freeze.
GUTFELD: Yeah.
PERINO: Don't call on him.
GUTFELD: Yeah. And he got three questions. He got three questions and then he started poking the bear. And then Trump -- if it was an attack on the press, why did Trump stay for 90 minutes?
HARF: Because he loves it.
GUTFELD: Yes. That's good for everybody.
PERINO: And that's the other thing --
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: The White House press corp., one of the reasons they're frustrated is because Jim Acosta is a distraction, the president have been really willing to take questions from the press. Everytime he goes out to Marine One he's been willing -- yes. And so, if Acosta makes it so that it's harder to ask question for the president, it hurts everybody else trying to do their job and fulfill their mission.
HARF: Jesse, should the president call reporters losers?
WATTERS: If they're losers, you know --
HARF: You think April Ryan should probably called that name.
WATTERS: I don't know much about her, so I can't really comment on it. I do know about Acosta, not personally, but his conduct is totally unbecoming. And, you know, as someone that really prides himself as someone that conducts himself in a very professional way...
GUTFELD: Yes, I've seen your -- I've seen your beach -- I've seen your beach coverage!
WATTERS: I think I can pass judgment. No, in all seriousness, he was looking for a confrontation. He got --
HARF: Who? Donald Trump or --
WATTERS: Acosta got what he wanted, then got put in a timeout, and he should just take his medicine. OK, he's not -- he thinks he's, like, the Rosa Parks of the White House press corps. This is not a threat to the First Amendment. You're fine. They revoked your press pass.
PERINO: I think it's important. It's your hard -- the hard pass. See, like, because I think the press, or some on the left, are trying to say, "Oh, he's -- this is a First Amendment issue," that they're taking away the right to do their job. No, they're just saying that you can't come in the building, because it's a security issue.
HARF: You get the last word in.
DAN BONGINO, CO-HOST: Serious question, though: has Acosta ever broken a story that's not about Acosta? He writes stories about himself. And I want to thank him, because he managed to direct the conversation away from the Democrats', I think, rather successful night. A split decision, but a good night to stories about, again, Jim Acosta --
PERINO: Exactly.
BONGINO: -- who most conservatives generally at this point tend to just dislike because of what he does. So good job, Jim Acosta. I appreciate it. Getting us ready for 2020.
HARF: Oh, God. OK. Coming up, one dad pushes the limit on helping his son's youth soccer team. That and more in "The Fastest Seven," up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WATTERS: Welcome back. Time for "The Fastest Seven."
First up, take a good look at "The Five" right now, because we're all going to be extinct. Greg first. China has created an artificial news anchor. Check this out.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ROBOTIC VOICE: Hello, everyone. I'm an English Artificial Intelligence Anchor. This is my very first day in Xinhua News Agency. My voice and appearance are --
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Sounds like Wolf Blitzer, Greg.
GUTFELD: It does -- he would fit in at CNN. But you know what? We have nothing to worry about, because A.I. can only replace hard news. But they can't do what we can do. You can't do opinions. You don't want to hear A.I. opinion. You know, if they report it straight, it's just like a news wire. But not this. We're saved. Trust me.
WATTERS: We're good. We're good.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WATTERS: Thank God. I don't have any other skills -- Dana.
PERINO: Well, I think that you might soon see him replacing Jim Acosta at the White House.
WATTERS: You can't take his pass.
GUTFELD: He has more life than Acosta.
BONGINO: Give up the microphone.
HARF: Can you imagine if they did, though, create A.I. versions of all of us? What that would look like.
GUTFELD: Maybe we are. Maybe this is a simulation, Marie. We could be created, actually. We might be part of an algorithm.
HARF: And we just don't know?
BONGINO: You didn't take the blue pill?
GUTFELD: Yes.
BONGINO: Listen, let's be honest --
WATTERS: This blew my mind.
BONGINO: A.I., your job is safe. No one else could've thought of "Sneaky Snipes." There is no A.I. that would have thought of that.
WATTERS: That's -- that's what we call her.
BONGINO: No chance, brother.
HARF: The nickname producer.
WATTERS: All right. Up next, are you a pushy parent? Watch as one dad takes it to the extreme at his son's soccer game.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(DAD PUSHES HIS SON INTO GOAL FROM SIDELINES AND HIS SON MAKES A SAVE)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Holy crap.
WATTERS: I kind of liked it. Bongino, what do you think?
BONGINO: Listen, I've got kids. You do anything for your kids. You don't even care about becoming, like, a YouTube infamous person. You just do it. It's like I would totally do the same thing.
WATTERS: I'd do the same thing. I like it.
BONGINO: Hat tip to that cat.
WATTERS: I'd do the same thing.
BONGINO: Good job.
WATTERS: I'll allow it. What do you think, Marie?
HARF: I think my dad would totally do it, too. Also, this is in Wales, right, in the U.K.?
PERINO: They take it quite seriously there.
HARF: They take very -- soccer, football, very seriously.
WATTERS: That's true. But you can't get in trouble for that.
HARF: That poor kid. I think the kid probably hates soccer, or football, and he doesn't want to play it anymore. And now his dad just pushed him and made him.
WATTERS: I think it was a great save. Greg.
GUTFELD: A couple of things. This is one of the reasons I don't have kids, because I don't want to attend kids' sports. I hated attending my own games as a kid. Why would I want to go see other -- kids play sports very poorly. They can't --
WATTERS: In high school, that's another story. That age, you're right.
GUTFELD: Also, you know, that made the game interesting. So why not break incorporate that into the game?
WATTERS: Put a dad on the other side.
GUTFELD: Put a dad on the other side.
WATTERS: Wow, I like that idea.
All right. And finally, the PC police on full patrol across the pond. The European Union setting new guidelines on what's appropriate for gender- based words. Here are some examples.
Something that's "man-made" is now "artificial."
PERINO: Oh, jeez.
WATTERS: "Headmasters" are now "principals." And instead of "mankind," they're told to say "humanity."
This is just so weak. They're just changing the English language to appease weaklings, Greg.
GUTFELD: Well, here's the thing. We were -- when we were growing up, we saw, you know, books like "1984," and there was always this idea that government was going to be the people controlling our lives.
Actually, it's coming from academia. People graduate from the campus in which they believe in language control and speech codes; and they're moving out now into the real world. And this is the -- and this is the result is you're going to have -- you're having people actually tell you what to say and what not to say. And you can be punished for it.
I have some words I wanted to ban.
WATTERS: Oh, good.
GUTFELD: Shenanigan, sheep, shepherd, Sherlock, Sherpa, shed, sheriff, sherry, and Shetland. They all contain the word "she."
WATTERS: OK.
BONGINO: Were you just -- didn't you want to ban "leaving it all on the field," too?
GUTFELD: Yes, I did. I banned that a couple -- I do ban a lot of things.
BONGINO: See, I do watch the show, too.
WATTERS: That little goalie left it all out on the field.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
PERINO: Literally.
WATTERS: What do you think? If I said "mankind," would that ring a bell? Would that trigger something in your mind?
HARF: No.
WATTERS: You wouldn't even think, right?
HARF: No, I'm not offended by that. I want governments -- or this is the E.U., right?
GUTFELD: Yes.
HARF: So it's a governmental body. Like, maybe they should focus on women making as much as men, equal pay, and not what words we use.
GUTFELD: We don't have that problem here, Marie?
HARF: Do we not have that problem?
GUTFELD: No. I don't buy into your myths.
HARF: I'm fact-checking you on that.
WATTERS: Yes, Greg, she's making more than you are.
HARF: No, like, there are real things to worry about. The E.U. has real problems. This is not one of them.
WATTERS: That's right. Like those tariffs. Those have got to come down on the cars.
What do you think?
HARF: I lived in England for a year when I met Peter and then went over there, and I had to leave. The rules, there are so many rules!
GUTFELD: The rules were holding you back, Dana. You're a free spirit.
WATTERS: Dana, she cannot be contained.
GUTFELD: "All of these rules, man. I've got to get out of England and go to America."
WATTERS: "I go to bed at 8 p.m. They tell me 7:30, I will stay up a half an hour later."
GUTFELD: "I'll have 2 tablespoons, not just one!"
WATTERS: "I will read as many books as I want. My book club is open for everybody."
HARF: Bongino.
BONGINO: Did you ever see -- remember that horrible movie, "Demolition Man" with Sylvester Stallone?
GUTFELD: Yes.
BONGINO: You see that?
WATTERS: Yes, yes, yes.
BONGINO: You go back and watch that movie now --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: It's amazing.
BONGINO: And you want to talk about how quickly the cultures change. It was satirical --
GUTFELD: Right.
BONGINO: -- when Sandra Bullock starts telling Sylvester Stallone, "We don't use these terms now." Watch that movie now.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BONGINO: It's prophetic, not satirical.
WATTERS: I've always said, Sylvester Stallone, ahead of his time.
Stay right there. Fan Mail Friday is up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: "Fan Mail Friday"! We're answering your burning questions. That sounds painful, doesn't it?
OK. @Frenchifirecracker begins with a great question. I love this question. "What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your kitchen window?"
I think I'm going to give it to you first, Dana, because I have a feeling you have something outside your window.
PERINO: Well, first of all, I have to stand on my tiptoes so I can see out of the kitchen window. Yes, I've got something to say. This building across the street from me --
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: -- is redoing its roof, OK? So there's been these guys working there for about six months. I cannot believe I'm going to say this. I watch these guys.
WATTERS: Does Peter know?
PERINO: They go to the bathroom on the roof!
GUTFELD: No.
PERINO: Yes.
WATTERS: Over the roof?
GUTFELD: No, they can't --
PERINO: No, not over the roof.
HARF: On the roof?
PERINO: Down the drain on the roof!
GUTFELD: That's not -- that's --
PERINO: That is disgusting.
GUTFELD: That is disgusting.
PERINO: Yes. I can see that out my window.
GUTFELD: You should film it and give it to, like, an intrepid reporter on the local news.
PERINO: Well, I don't know. Maybe they're not allowed to go anywhere else to use the restroom, but it's like, kind of like, you guys, you're surrounded by buildings. What are you thinking?
HARF: Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: Terrible, Marie. I would never pee in the open doors, open places. Anymore.
HARF: Today.
GUTFELD: Yes, today.
HARF: So I live in an apartment building in D.C., and across -- right across from us is a guy who I think is growing weed in his apartment, but he keeps his television on 24/7, all day every day --
PERINO: on FOX News?
HARF: No, I don't think so. He, like --
WATTERS: I think he's a CNN guy.
HARF: He walks around in various states of dress, often holding a cat.
GUTFELD: Nice.
HARF: And so there's this, like, character, who -- and you can see him right out of our window, and he has these bizarre lights that I think help with the pot.
WATTERS: Those are called heat lamps. My friend told me.
GUTFELD: I think you're talking about Brian Stelter.
Dan.
BONGINO: I live out in Florida so I live off, like, a lake.
GUTFELD: You see ballot boxes, floating.
WATTERS: Hanging chads.
BONGINO: Probably so, in the lake in the back. But you dig a hole in Florida, there's a lake.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BONGINO: So we just moved in, like, three and a half years ago. One day I'm in the kitchen and, I'm like, there's like a dude sitting in my backyard. And he's just -- what's he doing? The dude is fishing in my backyard.
But here's the thing, like, the houses surround the lake. Like, you live right over there. I'm like, are the fish better on this side? I think of a lake, like, you can see the other side. So yes, I saw this dude fishing in my backyard one time. I'm like, this is crazy. I'm a New Yorker.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BONGINO: We don't fish in the back yard.
GUTFELD: The upside is you could dump the body right there.
BONGINO: No problems at all. No one would ever see. And the alligators would get him.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
BONGINO: You would never know. You know? I'll get some e-mails on that.
GUTFELD: Jesse.
WATTERS: I can see the Freedom Tower.
GUTFELD: Wow, that's great.
WATTERS: Very nice.
GUTFELD: I know where he lives. That's a great view.
WATTERS: Did I say too much?
GUTFELD: I think you did. Now we know where you live, what neighborhood you live in.
I live above a busy street. So I see -- I see crime. I see everything. But there's a woman who, across the way -- I don't know how to say it, but she Porky Pigs it. Only wears a shirt.
That's not the way you should be doing that.
HARF: Like Winnie the Pooh?
GUTFELD: Yes, she's like Winnie the Pooh.
WATTERS: She Porky Pigs it.
GUTFELD: Porky Pigs it.
WATTERS: So you and Dana are both looking at a lot of nasty stuff --
GUTFELD: That's right. Yes.
WATTERS: -- out the window.
HARF: The guy with the --
GUTFELD: Maria, this is a great question. Maria Burnwinkler writes --
WATTERS: That's a good name.
GUTFELD: -- "What would be your skill or profession in a post-apocalyptic world? Would you be a fighter, a farmer, a builder, or never make it more than a week?"
That's a great question. I've got to go to you, Dan, because you were Secret Service. You're probably most equipped to survive.
BONGINO: Well, here's the deal. I spent most of my life, like, doing mixed martial arts. I love it. It's my thing, you know. But here's the thing. The irony of doing that and trying to be like a survivalist is, it's taken such a toll on me, I couldn't fight my grandmother right now. My 93-year-old grandmother -- Dana, she's a 93-year-old Italian -- she looks better than I do. She walks; she's all mobile.
I can't even -- you know why I don't wear a tie? I get this question a lot: "Why don't you wear ties on FOX News?" The answer is not because I don't own ties. My wife buys them for me all the time. My elbows are so arthritic, I cannot make a tie knot.
So I could not be a survivalist. You would, anyone -- Dana could take me, no problem right now.
GUTFELD: It's such a good point for young people, whether it's body building or anything, it's like when you get older, everything falls apart.
HARF: Or football.
GUTFELD: Yes. You can do too much.
WATTERS: I should lay off the weights.
GUTFELD: You should.
PERINO: What about my injury?
GUTFELD: Yes, you had a hand injury.
PERINO: From the phone, from refreshing the phone on election night.
BONGINO: I saw your tweet on that.
PERINO: And the pain is shooting from here up to -- up through my --
HARF: That's like carpal tunnel. BONGINO: You tweeted about that, didn't you?
PERINO: I did.
BONGINO: That you had some finger --
PERINO: Because if I didn't tweet it, it didn't happen.
GUTFELD: Jesse, any survival skills? What would be your role in a post- apocalyptic world.
WATTERS: I would probably have caused the apocalypse, so I think I'm good after that. They'd probably lock me up.
GUTFELD: Dana.
PERINO: I think I'd be a chronicler.
GUTFELD: Who?
PERINO: I could chronicle.
GUTFELD: Just what they need. You would be indispensable!
WATTERS: "Still no food."
PERINO: I could tweet about it. I could tweet everything.
GUTFELD: Marie.
HARF: I don't know. I think I would be a farmer. I would take that one. I'm from Ohio. I grew up in a pretty rural area, so I would --
WATTERS: What kind of things?
HARF: I don't know. Corn?
WATTERS: Corn?
HARF: Soy beans.
WATTERS: Soy beans.
HARF: We could make whiskey out of the corn.
GUTFELD: There you go. You just started -- so you just started civilization.
PERINO: Now you're talking. You're the most indispensable.
GUTFELD: You just start civilization. My thing is, I remember when we were watching, like, reading about the Middle Ages. There was always, like, a jester. It's like why would the king -- why would the king --
HARF: That's what you would be.
GUTFELD: -- let this fool live? Because he was a fool. I would be -- immediately be a fool, so he'll entertain us, so we won't kill him. That's why comedy, I think, evolves. It's because it was a survival mechanism.
All right. I'm going. "What's the weirdest thing you've witnessed at an airport, Dana?" Come on.
PERINO: Oh, that's kind of a -- the weirdest thing. I can't think. Nothing comes to mind. You do see some weird stuff.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I remember this one lady, she brought on a whole bag of sunflower seeds, and then she cracked them the entire time. People still remember me tweeting about that from years ago. I'm a good tweeter.
GUTFELD: Yes, you are. Jesse, weirdest thing?
WATTERS: I don't know. I'm trying to think. Weirdest thing.
HARF: People with their shoes off on planes, not socks. Not on, like a transatlantic flight, when you have your little socks on.
GUTFELD: Yes.
HARF: People take -- you can see their toes on flights.
WATTERS: That's not allowed?
HARF: Or on the -- no, Jesse, that's not allowed.
BONGINO: You just reminded me, I saw a guy once with alcohol gel putting it on his bare feet. Yes. Like he had sandals on.
GUTFELD: That's wrong, yes.
BONGINO: It's just -- that's not what that's meant for.
GUTFELD: Jesse, you saw anything?
WATTERS: People that change in the stalls of the bathroom.
GUTFELD: What if they have no choice?
WATTERS: That's just going a little too far.
GUTFELD: Where are you going to change? Maybe you don't have -- not everybody has the flight lounge, Jesse, like you!
Weirdest thing I've seen at the airport? James Carville. I saw that, and I go, "Whoa!"
PERINO: I also think it's weird when you see people that are there, like, five hours before their flight.
GUTFELD: That was a jab at me. I do everybody a favor by being early. So everybody else, I don't crowd people. It's a favor!
The producer is telling me that's B.S. All right. "One More Thing," next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: OK. I'm sorry. It's time now for "One More Thing." And of course, I have to go first.
OK, we are just two days away from Veterans Day, and as we look to honor those who served our country, we should also keep in mind those who have worn the uniform and the care they receive when they come back.
So there is a new film. It's called "The Care They've Earn," and it's released today on Amazon Video by the Concerned Veterans for American -- excuse me, the Concerned Veterans for America Foundation. It's a group that's focused on empowering veterans and their families.
And the documentary highlight some veterans' experiences with the V.A. and examines some of the issues that the V.A. has in caring for our veterans. It's out today on Amazon Prime, or you can go to TheyCare -- TheCareTheyveEarned.com. TheyCareTheyveEarned.com for more information. You can watch it this weekend with your kids and everything.
Greg.
GUTFELD: All right. Tomorrow night, 10 p.m., "The Greg Gutfeld Show." Ooh, look who we have on board! Dan Bongino!
BONGINO: Yes, yes.
GUTFELD: And we've got Rob Long. He's great. And of course, Morgan Ortagus is going to be on. Kat Timpf is off. Tyrus as usual. Saturday, 10 p.m. Eastern Time. I think it's going to be a great show. We're going to talk about the election. I know, isn't that crazy?
PERINO: I mean, and you might have to talk about the Florida recount if there is going to be a recount.
GUTFELD: Yes, we'll talk about that, too, Dana.
WATTERS: You only have one "One More Thing"?
GUTFELD: That's it.
WATTERS: That was it.
PERINO: Jesse, take it away.
WATTERS: I'm impressed. All right. I'm going to do an extra one now.
All right. "Watters' World," 8 p.m. We have the usual, Dr. Sebastian Gorka. Dinesh D'Souza, who some say is a leading conservative intellectual in America. Also, Anna Polina. I'm not sure why her picture's not there. That's -- she doesn't look like the "Watters' World" logo.
Anyway, there's also a new thing which we're going to explore.
GUTFELD: What?
WATTERS: A lot of Trump supporters are single. No particular reason. And they want to find a date, but also other Trump supporters. So Tinder for Trump supporters, a new dating app called Donald's Daters. Here's a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I mean, I've had a few matches. Obviously, it's only been out a few weeks. So haven't gone on any dates yet, but yes, it looks promising.
WATTERS: Did you talk to them about the wall?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Absolutely. The first things out of my mouth is "build that wall."
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: All right. So it's a pick-up line, "Build the wall," for the Trump supporters. There's a lot more where that came from.
PERINO: Well, I'm going to set my DVR. Marie.
WATTERS: Thank you.
HARF: Good news story from the world of sports. I do those a lot. This is from Texas. Texas Longhorns junior basketball player Andrew Jones was diagnosed with leukemia back in January.
On Tuesday of this week, he returned to the court and scored his first point cancer free. Let's take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Wake up!
(CHEERING)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HARF: So you heard the crowd erupting in cheers. They gave Jones a standing ovation after scoring that memorable point. The Longhorns ended up winning the game. So while we were all paying attention to the election on Tuesday, something really good was happening.
PERINO: Is that what you are doing on your phone?
HARF: That may have been what I was doing. No, this is a good story. We are so happy that Andrew Jones is back on the court.
PERINO: Indeed. Welcome back.
BONGINO: I just want to say, too, it's my first appearance on your show.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BONGINO: So you have to watch now. It's like mandatory.
GUTFELD: Yes, I have a feeling you're going to do fantastic.
BONGINO: I hope so. I'm a little nervous, though, Greg. I've got to be honest with you.
I want to give a major-league shout-out to this guy. Lee Semino (ph) of Staffordshire, England. Look at this guy. I hate this, these baggage fees. And I have to travel with podcast equipment all the time. He's managed to fix -- let me read this. This is what he's sewed into his coat to avoid baggage fees from Ryan Air. Shorts, a T-shirt, sneakers, and it goes on. A sweater, a towel, a pair of boxers, or as I said on the show once, drawers. I hope they weren't used. Some socks and his toiletries, all managing to avoid fee -- look at that.
PERINO: That's pretty good.
BONGINO: If the TSA saw that, you're getting the extra screening.
PERINO: Yes.
BONGINO: This guy shows up. If you show up in Florida with that thing on, you're getting a little extra pat-down.
PERINO: Yes, yes, you're going to get extra screening.
GUTFELD: But that's a great idea.
BONGINO: It's a beautiful idea.
GUTFELD: That's a great idea, to wear your luggage. It's very "Shark Tank"-ian.
PERINO: Right, and you save time at the airport.
GUTFELD: You do. I think I might do this.
BONGINO: The dude saved $8.
GUTFELD: Well, he's flying Ryan Air, so $8 to him --
PERINO: Greg, do you have another question for us?
GUTFELD: Let's see. "What's the biggest thing you dread about the upcoming holiday season?"
PERINO: Parties.
GUTFELD: That's -- yes. Jesse.
WATTERS: My parents talking about the blue wave
GUTFELD: Yes. Marie.
HARF: That's what I'm most excited about, Jesse's parents talking about the blue wave.
GUTFELD: Dan.
BONGINO: Airports are the worst.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BONGINO: I can't stand it.
HARF: I love the holidays.
PERINO: I don't mind the parties.
HARF: Yes.
PERINO: I really like the parties. Please invite me to parties. Please invite me.
GUTFELD: What's the worst? All the ties.
PERINO: It's the over scheduling. That's what's really hard.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: OK. We're going to love the holidays. They're going to be great.
That's it for us. We'll see you back here on Monday. "Special Report" is up next. I don't have anything funny. So hey, Bret.
BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS: You're invited to our party, Dana.
PERINO: That's right.
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