How the world is coping with being cooped up during COVID-19

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How the world is coping with being cooped up during COVID-19

Reaction and analysis on 'The Greg Gutfeld Show.'

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," April 4, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS HOST: "THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW" is coming up. Have a great weekend. Stay safe. Wash your hands. I'll see you next Saturday night.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes, we're still here. Glad you are, too. So week four is almost upon us and my hair keeps growing. I'm starting to look like Fred Savage after a two-week meth bender.

I look like the guy who tried to pick up your daughter at the mall with business cards that said modeling agent in pencil. I look like some dude who tried to sell you a stolen eight-track player outside a radio shack in 1979.

I look like I once worked at the Sharper Image, but was fired for defiling a full support body pillow. I look like the waiter who spit in your bouillabaisse.

Yes, it was only a month ago that I looked like this. And now I look like this. If that's me now, what will I look like in another month?

But yet we're handling it America. We're calm, cool, contained and unified. We are that way because we have learned to ignore the media.

After all, do you remember what they obsessed over before the pandemic?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: They all know that in all likelihood, their behavior in this impeachment of President Donald Trump is going to end up in the first paragraph of their obituary someday.

JOHN AVLON, CNN SENIOR POLITICAL ANALYST: Truth was in short supply at the impeachment trial yesterday. In its place was a surreal parade of denial, lies and gaslighting.

JOE SCARBOROUGH, MSNBC ANALYST: We had a confederacy of dunces defending him in impeachment.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So save us the lectures today you, bozos, because while the virus brew, they stewed over a losing battle that meant nothing.

But that's the media, they can only juggle one ball at a time. They don't have blood on their hands, but they also don't have brains in their heads.

But do you remember their other go-to conflict stories well before the pandemic? Always depicting America on the brink of Civil War, men versus women, black versus white, gay versus straight. Where did those stories go?

Could it be they really weren't real at all? Just media concoctions meant to imagine a false disunion. It was a good business plan selling conflict. But our steadfast unity obliterates that -- for now. I'm sure at the moment, "The New York Times" is doing a story with these headlines, The Secret Homophobia of the Pandemic; Social Distancing: An excuse to marginalize minorities even more. Toilet Paper: Why does it have to be white?

I kid, but let's not forget when a few early voices said shut down the border or noted the virus's origins they were called racist. Maybe that's died down for now. But will the things that died come back? The woke brigade have all but vanished. Perhaps this crisis exposes that uselessness of the identity obsessions, or maybe it's just mutating.

Still I do miss the good old days when Twitter was littered with purple haired activists demanding an end to the tyranny of binary bathrooms.

But things are changing. Look at the TV industry. Gone are the gleaming studios with airbrushed anchors. What have we replaced it with? Hosts in their kitchens like this one.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Technology kills viruses and just -- what did you do, Mom? Dad, holy crap.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, you've got to love dad. As some of us dress down, some are forced to do their own hair and makeup. It's really bad for the guests of this show who are at home. They don't have TV makeup, stylists or lighting that hide their imperfections. Now you see them as they really are -- minus the tricks.

So let's introduce them now on the West Coast. We've got the great podcaster, Dave Rubin. Great to see you, Dave. Also back again, Fox Business Network, Dagen McDowell, always good to see her there. Looking chipper as ever.

On the West Coast, we have attorney and Fox News contributor Emily Compagno. Looking fit. And here as usual, we have Kat Timpf.

Clearly, we've relaxed our standards. It's true even clothing giants like Walmart and Old Navy are selling tons of shirts, but not pants. Meaning everyone is Donald Ducky get which makes sense, at least for anchors. I mean, why wear pants when you're always talking out of your ass?

For example, what did the media do when faced with a man doing good deeds? I.E. the My Pillow guy whose company now churns out 50,000 face masks a day. What do you think?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHRIS HAYES, MSNBC HOST: It seems crazy to me that everyone is still taking them when you've got the My Pillow guy getting up there talking about reading the Bible.

BRIAN WILLIAMS, MSNBC HOST: Then up came the guy from My Pillow who gave an update on his business in part an ad for My Pillow.

JIM ACOSTA, CNN CHIEF WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: The President could come out, say a few words in terms of what his administration is doing, not have these, you know, PR stunts like Mr. Pillow coming out and giving a plug for his company.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Mr. Pillow. Yes, they are so superior. Funny how these clods see an authentic American success story as a joke. I mean, this guy was a former crackhead who built a great business that turned it into an essential tool to fight an unseen enemy, and he gets mocked by these stupid wimps?

Michael Lindell thrived after crack. These wimps can't even handle cracks from Trump. The media mocking Lindell are like drunk hecklers jeering a pro ball player whose sock drawer is bigger than their houses.

In sum, the media sucks. They pretend they always knew more about the pandemic. Not true. They called Trump racist when he shut down travel. Not true. They defend China's phony stats. A few shouted, hey, we're number one, when America's cases of illness allegedly surpassed that country.

Yes, we were number one, but each day the media it looks more like number two. But as these dopes obsessed over impeachment, I was lucky. I hated the hearings, which meant I had more time to look at other stuff.

This was me while others were still breathing hard over impeachment.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: It's better to be safe than sorry. I won't -- I won't say the person I'm quoting, but you never lose an election by being safe when it comes to disease.

I do think it would be wise to have a temporary ban of travel from China.

Taking precautionary steps is always good, especially when the horse has left the building.

The ultimate reality is you've got to restrict and ban travel. You've got to spend more money for testing which is what we're doing. You've got to quarantine.

I'll be happy four months from now to admit that we panicked, or we acted appropriately. But I don't want to say it now when we're flying blind.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Hmm. So true. And here I was on "Tucker."

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TUCKER CARLSON, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST, TUCKER CARLSON TONIGHT: Why am I watching impeachment coverage all day?

SEN. TOM COTTON (R-AR): I suspect that months from now or perhaps even years from now, when people look back at this time, coronavirus will be considered the bigger story than impeachment.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Okay, that's not me, but I was thinking that. Look, I'm not saying that was their first, far from it. I should have been screening sooner. But a wise man once said, all good things could have been done sooner.

And tonight, we can all do good things now and together. It's amazing. An entire country putting life on hold. Even though we're just sitting at home, eating peanut butter out of a jar and Googling the names of our exes, it is still heroic.

We are risking our livelihoods so others might live and we aren't running away from the tough questions. Unlike the media who focus on what's racist today? We openly discuss how to balance the health of others with a precarious economy, knowing the media will call that insensitive even as they think the same thing.

So you and I we aren't taking advantage of the calamity. This isn't survival of the fittest. It's the opposite, a countrywide pact to protect our most vulnerable citizens. We're not letting the chips fall where they may, we're trying to catch every chip.

And we understand the need for optimism. Our economy is based on it. High expectations attract investments that fulfill those expectations. As long as we stay positive about this amazing economy, it can withstand anything. Because the economy is us. It's our energy, our minds.

We aren't what the media paints us to be. In crisis, we don't return to our tribes. Instead, we become one. We don't need tribes. We don't even need pants. We've got each other. Let's do this.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He is as tasty as the sandwich he's named after, creator and host of "The Rubin Report," Dave Rubin. He's got a great new book out, "Don't Burn This Book." I've read it. If you don't buy it, you're an idiot.

She's the only sunny part of Seattle, Fox News contributor and the host of "Crimes That Changed America" on Fox nation, Emily Compagno.

She knows about stocks and thinks outside the box. Fox Business Network anchor, Dagen McDowell.

She's the reigning Queen of the quarantine, host of "Sincerely, Kat" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

As you know, Tyrus is home. He is okay. We hope to have him back with us next week. I'm sure we will. So Dave, you've got a book out in which you're kind of like talking about woke culture. Isn't it kind of bizarre that this whole thing has erased the social justice warrior craze for now?

DAVE RUBIN, HOST, "THE RUBIN REPORT": Well, it's completely obliterated it, but quickly, Greg very importantly, before we get to that I am complete -- I am in complete agreement with you about the pants thing.

And as you can see, here in Los Angeles, we have been reduced to wearing bathing suits. It doesn't matter. That's the point, people. We're all Americans. It doesn't matter if you're wearing a bathing suit or jeans. It just doesn't matter.

But Greg, yes, you are right. You are right. When things actually hit the fan, when it's suddenly -- when you suddenly have real issues to deal with, nobody cares about race. Nobody cares about sexuality or gender, or any of it.

That was one of the best intros I've ever heard you give because we're all Americans right now, we've got a real problem to face. And when you have real problems, the imaginary problems of the progressives really disappear into nothing.

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm just grateful that you were wearing something, Dave, because that would have been a real problem for the editors. We're short staffed. Not to say, you're short staffed, but I'm just saying we're short staffed here.

Dagen, ignore that joke. Was the -- I bet the media is scorned for the My Pillow guy almost had your head explode.

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK ANCHOR: It did, because this is a nation that is built on the idea of redemption and recovery and somebody who has overcome a crack addiction and gone on to build this incredible pillow company, and I am not saying that in a demeaning way, I have a ton of My Pillows and they're freaking awesome because, I am again really 83 and so they help me get a good night's sleep.

But to demean that, somebody who is trying to come to the help of hospital workers and medical workers in this country, but again Dave's got shorts on. I wear my Bay City rollers pants everywhere with a sequined dress over it, because I don't want people to just stay six feet away from me.

There you go, Dave. I want people to cross the street when they see me come in. I am - I'm wearing my crazy on the outside. So look out.

GUTFELD: I have actually two My Pillows, actually, those are the nicknames for my pecs.

MCDOWELL: Or your buns. Hubba-hubba.

GUTFELD: I don't know what's going on. Emily, I haven't seen you in a while. You look as wonderful as always. How is Seattle? What are your thoughts on the preoccupation with impeachment, its influence on the media ignoring the pandemic?

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Right. It's almost similar to sort of that woke culture that you just referenced, which is that at its heart, what matters is life and death. And all of that pales in comparison to that hyper partisan throwing everyone under the bus, self-agenda forwarding mired in the details, wasting of energy and time and dollars.

It all pales in comparison to life and death and the fact that we are Americans first, and this is hopefully a silver lining or a good side to what's going on.

And my two cents about the pants, I will not stand up, but I know that a lot of America is sort of bummed right now because they have to be half presentable from their work from home Zoom meetings and stuff, but I've been doing this for a while because you know, I satellite into the network often.

So for me, it's amazing. Like, instead of being oh, dang, I have to be half presentable. It's like this is a mystery like Dave just did. Is this a dress? Or is this a shirt? And sweats? And is there a live animal in here? No one is ever going to know.

GUTFELD: So Kat, what do you think of this new way of broadcasting and woke culture. Anything you want to respond to?

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, the new way of broadcasting was tough for me because I didn't own any makeup before this. So thankfully at Fox, they gave me a kit and I opened it up, but I didn't even know what it all was.

Emily FaceTimed me earlier today to help me put the eyelashes on because I kept gluing my eyelids shut. It's not easy. And you know, I don't even ever wear it, so it's tough and my hair extensions have got to come out soon and I'm going to have to do that. Maybe I'll accidentally bald myself. I don't know.

It's a wild, wild world out there. I don't look like this when I wake up. I look as you so eloquently have said before, like some kid from Bad News Bears and I saw the picture. Not wrong.

GUTFELD: That's true. It's true. I can't remember whether you were the second baseman or the short stop. But anyway, we've got so much more coming your way. Wash your hands. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Are you losing your mind trying to pass the time so you binged every show, played every board game and even took a bath in hot mayonnaise? That might just be me. Either way, you're getting bored as we enter Week 4 of what I'm calling --

ANNOUNCER: Home-Ageddon.

GUTFELD: Yes, that was scary. So how's the world coping with being cooped up? This week the Malaysian government -- my favorite government -- launched a campaign advising women not to nag their husbands during the lockdown.

It also asked women not to be sarcastic when seeking help with chores, and to dress up and put on makeup when working from home, which I already do. You're welcome, Lou.

But officials soon realize the old fashioned advice offended lots of people, so they killed the campaign and its creator -- I'm kidding, they didn't kill him.

Speaking of old fashions, alcohol sales in America have spiked 55 percent - - tequila, gin, wine, beer all jumped compared to last year and online booze sales are up 243 percent. Good for us, I say. Just remember not to drink and drive like my neighbor's dog, Steve.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Greg, pass this idiot.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That's interesting. All right, Kat. I think the mistake with the nagging poster is that is that they should have equalized the suggestion, because when you're in a relationship, everybody, like nagging is your way of kind of like, directing your pent up anxiety through little jabs, right? It's what you do just to pass the time.

TIMPF: Oh, Greg, I've been doing some nagging. All right, I've been doing some nagging and I know that sounds bad, but once I explain a little more, you'll realize it's actually way worse.

I have been nagging Cam to stop cleaning. To stop -- I know that's the opposite of normally how this goes, but he compulsively cleans and organizes.

And I'm someone who feels perfectly happy and comfortable just living among her own garbage. I'm fine with that.

We got into a fight this morning because he was organizing my bathroom and he was totally in the way and I wanted to stand in front of the mirror. I had solid plans to stand in front of the mirror and squeeze blackheads out of my nose.

And I was trying to tell him that you're in the way, he wasn't listening. He kept just asking me questions like, Kat, why is there so much trash and all your drawers? He completely ignored me. And then it was really hard for me to find one of my lotions.

GUTFELD: Ah, what a terrible ending to a story.

TIMPF: I know.

GUTFELD: You couldn't find your lotion.

TIMPF: And he did find the lotion.

GUTFELD: Yes, Dagen, I got in an argument this morning with my wife, because she keeps telling me to wash my hands and I do realize that nagging is actually an interpretation of a caring action. There -- it's part of helping behavior, but it doesn't feel that way.

MCDOWELL: It should feel delicious.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: We're getting -- we're getting back to how our Grannies picked husbands, why our grandparents stayed married for like 60 or 70 years.

You've got two jobs, buddy. Fetch me some food and take care of me when I'm sick. That's it. But I do love -- I've seen a lot of like young gals who I'm friends with posting photos like, TBT Throwback Thursday. Here's when we were on vacation in Cabo, San Lucas.

You know what? That guy in the photo with you hates you right now. He is inventing new curse words to describe your relationship, and you just don't know it yet.

GUTFELD: Yes, Emily, obviously, the Malaysian guy made a huge mistake. And, again, he should have equalized it. Do you care -- do you care about that? Or do you care more about the booze? The heavy drinking that's going on?

COMPAGNO: Well, I think the Malaysian government advertising campaign - the best part about it to me it was the graphics. Like they didn't need any words with it whatsoever because, believe me, we got the message.

Like the disheveled, bun-wearing, laundry juggling, you know, finger- wagging woman. And then they have the picture of the like perfectly quaffed woman with all the makeup brushes, and then the sleek, professional little laptop like that was enough. I thought it was hilarious.

And you know for the alcohol, don't ask me, but I'm actually using this time to reset. You know me, beforehand, like I sort of lived on airplanes. My living room was Sean's bar across the street from Fox. Every day, I would go there I'd have a pint. I'd have dinner. I'd watch Game Day footage.

And so I think now, I'm sort of relishing just drinking water for the moment. But I am sending wine, cases of wine to all my friends and colleagues for all of them that can't get through this sober. So I got you, small businesses.

GUTFELD: Nice. I haven't received any from you, Emily. But thank you.

TIMPF: I'd like to say, where is my wine, Emily?

GUTFELD: Yes.

COMPAGNO: One the way, everyone on the screen, it's on the way.

GUTFELD: Dave, I'm pretty sure you have a pretty intimidating bar where you are. And I'm sure that it must be hard to increase what you're already drinking during this pandemic, but you found a way.

RUBIN: I have found a way and actually, Greg, I poured myself a shot of tequila before the show. This is a Sophia Petrillo from the "Golden Girls" shot glass, because I always consider you the Sophia Petrillo of "The Five." So cheers to you.

GUTFELD: Wow.

TIMPF: And I didn't know we could do that.

RUBIN: I've also got some whiskey here. I know that you said don't drink and drive. I don't know that there's a policy on here, you're allowed to be on cable news and drink, but I'm just doing everything I can to stay sane during this troubled times.

GUTFELD: I think all rules change in pandemics. If people are wearing no pants on TV, a little sip of booze, I don't think it's a problem.

But here's a key, my key to healthy drinking during this is you have to put the drinking in its own sequestered period. Or else you start drinking earlier like Monday to Friday 7:15 p.m. to 9:15 p.m., but then on Saturday and Sunday, you just move it down to 3:30 and then stop at seven, and you can always tell when I started drinking by my Twitter.

TIMPF: Yes, yes, you can.

GUTFELD: So does Fox management. All right, well, don't go anywhere. Lots more show to come and wash your hands again.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

JACKIE IBANEZ, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Jackie Ibanez in New York.

A grim warning from President Trump about the coronavirus pandemic. The President saying at today's briefing that there will be a lot of death. He says that this week and the next will be probably the toughest yet.

The death toll in the U.S. is above 8,000. More than 300,000 people have been infected. Globally, more than one million people are battling the virus and more than 64,000 have died.

Turning to politics now, aides and allies of Senator Bernie Sanders are encouraging him to end his 2020 presidential campaign. That's according to "The Washington Post." Former Vice President Joe Biden is now the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination.

Sanders is reportedly open to dropping out, especially if Biden has a big win in the Wisconsin Primary, which is on Tuesday.

I'm Jackie Ibanez, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW. For all of your headlines, log on to foxnews.com.

GUTFELD: Joe still tries as America rolls its eyes. Kind of hard to run for President under the circumstances these days. But God love him, Joe is trying. He thinks there are many important things we need to do right now. So important, in fact that he made a list.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: We have to do at least several things. One, we have to depend on what the President is going to do right now. And first of all, he has to tell -- wait until the cases before anything happens. Look, the whole idea is he's got to get in place things that we are shortages of.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Okay, so he can't read his handwriting. Surely, Joe knows the Chinese province that was the epicenter of the virus is Wuhan, right? Wuhan has been in the news for weeks. It's Wuhan, right, Joe?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BIDEN: I suggested that we should have people in China at the outset of this event. And when it all started in Luhan Province.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Luhan Province. It sounds like what Lindsey called her waterbed. That's a Democratic frontrunner, and this week, Bernie Sanders -- remember him -- was asked why he was still in the race.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEN. BERNIE SANDERS (I-VT), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: People in a democracy have a right to vote and they have a right to vote for the agenda that they think can work for America, especially in this very, very difficult moment. We are assessing our campaign as a matter of fact where we want to go forward.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Meanwhile, Democrats move their national convention from mid-July to mid-August 2028 -- joking -- which is good. It gives us more time to practice our kitchen drum solos.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: He's got better drawers than Dave Rubin. Ha. Dagen, how do you see this all shaping up?

MCDOWELL: I think that Joe Biden looks too tan which is weird because you're supposed to be staying inside. So I think these two guys are so desperate for attention. You know, you're on the campaign trail, particularly Bernie and the crowds are cheering and then you're just stuck in the house, sitting in front of a camera.

Just for example, like during the commercial break, I reached in the trashcan and pulled out a tissue and dabbed my face because I looked a little sweaty, and in this day and age, you can't look like you have a fever.

You can't look -- you have to be careful. You can't look too healthy, but then you can't look sick either. And I think this is a struggle for to late septuagenarians.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. We're almost kind of morphing into the walking dead. We're always looking over people. Emily, without referring to Joe Biden as the crypt keeper, what are your thoughts about his chances?

COMPAGNO: Ah, well, he is doing himself no favors by these public appearances and we know that he never really is, frankly, but right now what he should be doing is quietly raising money for his campaign and consolidating the Democratic factions. That would be helpful.

But instead, you know, the reality is, this makes him look petty, these attacks on Trump. He honestly has no real insight because this is the first time that we've experienced something like this. And he comes across as is often incorrect and borderline or over the line delusional.

So for me, he should just back out of the spotlight and I guess, like Dagen said, lay off the tanning cream.

GUTFELD: Dave, it's kind of hard to watch. I don't know if it's hard to watch or fun to watch when even in a controlled environment, Biden is like that kid at the egg and a spoon race at the picnic and you're just watching waiting for him to drop the egg.

RUBIN: Yes, well, I'll do the serious part first and then the jokey part. I mean, the serious part is that the guy does not have the mental acumen anymore to do this. That is just unfortunate. And I honestly think that we're at this point, we're basically over 50 percent that he will not be the Democratic candidate. I mean, I think they're trying to figure out what to do.

But you know, we've all dealt with this kind of thing with a grandparent or an older relative where they start talking and you just don't know where or when it's going to end and it's sad and embarrassing at this point.

You know, the Bernie thing, it's like when you see these guys now just in their sort of lonely rooms and there's nobody else there, but them, it really does have a grumpy old men feeling to it like they're just kind of yelling into a camera and praying that somebody is listening.

You know, this is what the Democrats are left with. Here we are.

GUTFELD: By the way you the cover of your book is pretty awesome. I have to say. It bothers me because it's a really good cover. So I just wanted you know that.

RUBIN: Thank you. That's a compliment, right?

GUTFELD: Yes, it is. No, it is. It actually bugs me when I see a better cover than my book. So actually, I don't know if I'm going to have you back on. Kat, I've drifted off into some strange -- I just pulled a Joe Biden.

RUBIN: I'm enjoying my last appearance.

GUTFELD: Yes. I pulled a Joe Biden, I just went off somewhere into some crazy -- so if they delay the election, right, Kat, to like, whatever, whatever. You know, Joe could be like 137. We can't -- we can't put it off any longer.

TIMPF: I don't know because everyone keeps calling his press conference a disaster. But I think that his team was probably actually thrilled with it, because it did accomplish what they wanted him to accomplish by doing this and I know what that is? Because Joe himself said what it was at the end of the interview, I wrote it down.

He said, well, thanks for giving me the time, so they won't wonder where I am. Okay, he wasn't there to present policies or solutions. They wanted him to do this so he would be seen alive. That was it. That was all they need.

I mean, like, it's crazy, but that's where we are. And I kind of want that gig. That's a pretty good gig. Like, well, is she breathing? Yes. The whole time? Yes. She killed it. Awesome.

GUTFELD: You know what? I mean, do you guys have any sense if the election happens who is going to win? Or is it -- is it all up in the air because of the COVID-19?

TIMPF: Up in the air, I think.

GUTFELD: Up in the air?

MCDOWELL: Yes. If somebody told you, they know, they don't know.

RUBIN: I like that Trump -- Trump is going to win in a freaking landslide.

GUTFELD: Dave says blow out, which I think it could be, but I don't know. I don't -- I think it could be a blowout. But I don't know, Dagen, what? You said?

MCDOWELL: I if somebody tells you they know, they don't know. There's no way to tell. We don't even know what this country is going to look like in a month.

GUTFELD: That is true. All right on that happy note, thanks Dagen for bringing us all down.

Wow. All right. Time for a break. Grab a snack and come back. Wash your hands.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: From adulation to isolation, attention-seeking celebrities stuck at home have been posting all about it on social media. Boy is it lame. Take Madonna for example.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MADONNA, ARTIST: It's the great equalizer. And what's terrible about it is what's great about it. What's terrible about it is it's made us all equal in many ways. What's wonderful about it is that it's made us all equal, in many ways.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh my god. Who would have guessed we have the same nighttime routine. Though I prefer Cheese Puffs instead of rose petals in the tub, but she's not alone. She should be.

Gal Gadot, if that's her real name posted a picture from her walk-in closet, which is about the size of a Texas garage. Ellen says she's been going stir crazy from inside her giant home -- poor thing -- while chatting on the phone with celeb pals like Jen Aniston.

And A-Rod shared videos of him and JLo hanging out at his massive Miami compound.

One person's response to one of our videos. We all hate you. That one person is me. Probably not. I wonder if our celebrity correspondents Rod and Todd agree.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm sorry, but you know what they were doing wrong. They weren't self-distancing. They weren't self-distancing. A fire. That's okay. That's okay. Dagen, what do you make of these videos? So they make you feel warm and cozy all over?

MCDOWELL: You mean that video of Rod and Todd? I'm pretty sure I'm related to them. I love that this moment is making everybody in this country and really around the world reassess what deserves to be celebrated.

Because actors, okay, you can act. Singers you can sing and write music. I kind of understand them getting some adulation or attention being celebrities, but not people who literally have an ass that photographs well and that's after they've airbrushed it and removed like the zits and the dimples on it.

Or somebody who knows how to pick out cool outfits, you know or flash their jewelry at you. These people clearly are not celebrities, and I hope that they go away forever on Instagram and all social media.

GUTFELD: Emily, I think these videos illustrate the gulf between how celebrities see themselves and how the general population sees them.

COMPAGNO: Yes, I agree. I think you know, influencer is different than idol is different than entertainer and social media up until this point, sort of blurred those lines because of accessibility and attempted relatability on behalf of a lot of those guys, but now we're sort of seeing through that.

If someone is not actually relatable, if someone is not actually normal, we are all seeing through it. And right now, there is a zero tolerance for anything but that right now, which is why videos like Anthony Hopkins playing the piano with his cat, like when we see real, real things, real humans, then it's touching and it's beautiful and that's connective.

But otherwise, it's yes, like you said, the gulf is just widening all the more and our disgust is rising.

GUTFELD: Dave, we see your home every day, because that's where your studio is. And I might say it's, you know, it's modest. You're not trying to show off, you know.

RUBIN: I'm doing the best I can.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Isn't it's kind of like the same issue with their political stances? It is that it's hard to take their advice on an economic shutdown when they're sitting on a pile of like $30 million to $300 million. It's the same thing when they talk about paying more taxes, or I don't know, sanctuary cities are voting for Bernie.

They can absorb the consequences of their crappy opinions because they're rich, the people that are lecturing their fans, they are scores.

RUBIN: Of course you've got guys like James Corden who hosts the CBS night show or evening tonight, whatever the hell that thing is, and he is in his mansion complaining that he's lonely. It's so unfortunate in his $5 million mansion or whatever it costs.

I mean, I think what's really being unmasked here is that there is a great equalization happening, the playing field between people that are honest and can talk into a camera and share their thoughts. And then this other crew of people that have been sort of professionally pushed at us, whether they're celebrities or just, you know, the major talking heads that have, you know, a staff of 20 writers.

I'm guessing Greg Gutfeld, doesn't have 20 writers, most of that stuff is coming out of Greg Gutfeld's brain and when you see these guys without their writers, without all the people to make them look pretty and tan and puff the hair and everything, it really does break the illusion.

And I love that that's breaking because you can do all sorts of things. Like drink whiskey on Fox News. That's amazing.

GUTFELD: There you go. I think that's a new show, Dave Rubin Whiskey on Fox News. Well, I'll find a place for it somewhere.

RUBIN: I'd watch that show.

GUTFELD: Kat, I bet you -- I would watch it. Kat, I bet you love these celebrity moments. They mean a lot to you.

TIMPF: Look, there's some things about it that are relatable like, you know, I've been bored before and I've been sad. I've never been sad in a mansion. So I think that Madonna comes off as being tone deaf when she says this is the great equalizer as she is sitting in her bathtub with all these rose petals in a video that's very, very well produced.

That was weirder than any of it, right? Like I've got a tub. I'm sure I could get my hands on some pedals if I wanted to. Who was filming this? You have state of the art production equipment in your bathroom? Like address that and I think that's the difference between the ones that are cringe- worthy and the ones that aren't. It's fine to post on social media about what you're going through. I do it compulsively.

But I think that you need to be self-aware enough to know, hey, most people don't have 11 mansions. A lot of people aren't dealing with this kind of square footage. Kind of make fun of yourself, have a sense of humor about yourself and just be self-aware. That's the difference.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, another thing I want to -- I don't mean to be cruel to Madonna, but she's entering her seventh decade, and when you're in the tub, you should really have those handles installed.

TIMPF: You just care about keeping her safe.

GUTFELD: You could slip and fall and she doesn't have a life alert. I don't see a life alert in there. Maybe, don't wear life alert when you're in the tub. I don't know. I haven't read the back of the instructions that I get with my life alert. But I think that she should be very wary of the bathroom safety that goes into that.

TIMPF: Maybe her production crew helped her in.

GUTFELD: That's true.

RUBIN: She could break her hip and it would be a terrible thing.

TIMPF: She has got a bathroom production team.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right --

MCDOWELL: And she's got one of those rubber mats with the little -- the little sticky things on the bottom.

GUTFELD: I have that in my bedroom. All right, don't move unless of course you're washing your hands.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: They're the masters of disaster. In times of adversity, Americans do what they do best -- get drunk, but also, we rise to the occasion and support those in need.

We're grateful to our Armed Forces, Police, Fire and First Responders. And of course me, we should be grateful for me. But across the country, unlikely heroes abound.

To maintain social distance, a winery in Maryland enlisted the help of a boxer named Soda Pup to deliver bottles to customers -- ain't that cute? A Colorado woman also trained her dog, Sonny -- look at that -- to deliver groceries to her elderly neighbor. Good job, Sonny.

Police Departments in nearly a dozen states are now delivering food and drugs to rural communities who don't have access to my assistant, Seth. And then there's the Insane Clown Posse. The middle aged rappers just announced their signature Whoop Dub beer, and it can be delivered right to your door.

This is me after I ordered my first six pack of Punk Slap.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: It's amazing I could still fit into that dress. Emily, is there anyone doing great work that you'd like to call out? Besides me?

COMPAGNO: Oh, there are a ton of people that's a really an awesome thing that we've been seeing during this pandemic. And can I just say that the dog, that the neighbor trained her dog to bring groceries to her other neighbor.

What I thought was so simple and profound, though was that how the neighbor who was being helped said, this makes it bearable. This little act is pretty much my only connection to a living soul all day long. And she said, I look forward to it. And it's my only form of communication. And she said, the small things are what is so helpful.

So I think that's something for all of us to remember, too, that it's the little acts and the little things that can really make such a big difference to those people in need right now.

GUTFELD: Also booze. Dave --

COMPAGNO: Yes, I'll send it to you, guys.

GUTFELD: In your community, and I don't even know what I mean by -- in your community, I guess Los Angeles, has the behavior changed?

RUBIN: Well, has the behavior changed? Well I just as you know, Greg, I just adopted a rescue dog last week and in a week I have taught this dog to bring me wine -- Clyde, Clyde, come in. Can I read maybe a red, maybe a CABRERA:, something nice from Napa, Sonoma, something like that? Look at this.

GUTFELD: Wow.

RUBIN: Is that incredible?

GUTFELD: Wow, he is a Samoyed --

RUBIN: Good boy. Good boy.

GUTFELD: I don't even know what that is. He is a Norwegian Samoyed. I don't even know -- I'm trying to think of a dog name.

RUBIN: Clyde is a mix. He's a pit bull.

GUTFELD: He is a pit bull Samoyed.

RUBIN: He is a mix and he is a beauty and he delivers wine. I mean, how much more could you ask for?

GUTFELD: Not a lot. Just don't do anything strange with it, Dave, because I still like you. Dagen, is the rest of America adopting a little southern hospitality?

MCDOWELL: I've always said this actually that all -- that there is kindness and generosity and a sense of family in literally every community across the country. You don't have to talk like well me, in order to live that way. I see it here in New York City.

Shout out to the FDNY EMS Station 7 folks who were in West Chelsea. Real quick on the dog, Dave. You know what, get back to me when that dog after you have the wine can take your contacts out, wash the makeup off your face and put you in the bed for the night.

GUTFELD: Yes. I've been there.

RUBIN: I've only had him for a week. You've got to give me a couple days on this.

GUTFELD: Kat, I'm going to tell you a story about my hero. So after "The Five" when we talked about the rest stop closures that were keeping truck drivers from being able to use the bathrooms, a viewer wrote to me with their home address and offered her own home bathroom as a stop for truck drivers.

I don't know anything more heroic than offering your bathroom to a truck driver, because you know her is hot. He's tired. It's a complete stranger. That's heroic. Can you top that, Kat?

TIMPF: No, I mean, I've been training my dog, too. So he's, you know, I mean, I'm sure we can get him to the point where he's bringing groceries to people in need. Right now, we're still working on the whole don't take a dump on the rug thing. He's hot -- the puppy is like, people can train these dogs to do things. Now, that I'm training a puppy, I have so much respect for these people. I don't even know where you begin.

Like a puppy, you leave them alone for two seconds. I mean, he does this cute thing where he hoards all of his toys in one corner. We're like, oh, he is so cute. He's got all of his toys, until he peed in that corner. And he peed on all -- not one, not two, but all of them. So yes, truck stop lady, but then again, I don't know -- is she a hero? Yes. But also, that does sound like my kind of party.

GUTFELD: Yes. It really does. It really does.

TIMPF: You know, invite me.

GUTFELD: Thank God that instead of bringing up a hero, Kat, we heard another story about your dog. That beats a story about your boyfriend or a story about your ex. Oh, jeez, I know more about your life than I know about mine. Okay. Don't move. Final Thoughts next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: Final Thoughts. It's the last thought. That's why it's called the final thoughts. Okay.

GUTFELD: I've got time for two and I know Dave's thoughts on his awesome book. Go Dave.

RUBIN: Well, Greg, you've written like 162 books, so I finally thought I could write at least one. "Don't Burn This Book" comes out April 28th, neither rain nor sleet nor coronavirus nor Zombie Apocalypse will stop it, and you can get it where books are sold.

GUTFELD: It's really great. I mean, I did read it and it's about how free speech is kind of like if you're a traditional liberal, there's no place for you to go anymore, because there's no place in the hard left for you. Emily, you have a new show.

RUBIN: Now, I hang out with you rightwing maniacs?

GUTFELD: Yes.

COMPAGNO: I do. Thank you so much for letting me talk about it. So I am now the host of what -- it is called "Crimes That Changed America" on Fox Nation. All of season one is on Fox Nation. You guys can go check it out. And there's a two-week free trial and it's all about the stories behind the crimes that changed the laws in this country. So enjoy while you are watching everything on TV while at home.

GUTFELD: Awesome. Thanks, Emily. Thank you, Dave. Thank you, Dagen. Thank you, Kat.

TIMPF: I was going to tell a story about my dad.

GUTFELD: No.

RUBIN: To you, guys.

GUTFELD: I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

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