Hillary Clinton's campaign rollout

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," April 16, 2015. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Something on the floor there. Hello, everyone. I'm Greg Gutfeld along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Eric Bolling and she wears a ladybug as a bike helmet, Dana Perino -- "The Five. "

Hillary's rollout was about a spontaneous as open heart surgery with all the looseness of your bank's pre-recorded menu. Press one for eye contact. Press two for sip. Press three for tilt head, nod and smile. And press four to force a laugh.

Oh, I love her. And let's not forget Sunday's video. If you blink, you'd miss her appearance.


HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER UNITED STATES SECRETARY OF STATE: I'm getting ready to do something, too. I'm running for president.

Everyday Americans need a champion and I want to be that champion.


GUTFELD: See, they hid her to the very end just like Norman Bates' mother.

Then there was this thing later, where she nodded and smiled like an animatronic in a country bear jamboree. The guests were vetted and driven by the staff, which is why they appear to be serving detention, It was more staged than "My Fair Lady." All this to portray her as soft, authentic, but her actions are as real as Travolta's hair. Her family story doesn't match public records. She won't take reporter questions because she knows what they'll be -- the e-mail scandal, that's the toilet paper stuck on her shoe. So the media has no choice but to chase after her like fat kids, swarming the free samples at Costco.


GUTFELD: My advice to Hill, enough with the soft, you've got to go hard, you got to be yourself, embrace it. You're not a loveable granny. You're the Upper East Side socialite who feeds mice to her Pekingese .You're the stingy celebrity that a spa retreat complaining about leaves in the infinity pool. You know the names of the help and it's "the help." Your facial expression always seems to say, who are you? And where is security?

But so what? We should be OK with that kind of Hillary. After years of desperately seeking world approval from idiots, I wouldn't mind a jerk. Better to be a grizzly than Winnie the Pooh.

All right Juan, I'm going to go to you first, because you're Juan.

GUILFOYLE: And we will come back, Juan.

GUTFELD: And wonderful.


GUTFELD: How was her rollout so far from your perspective, kind of weird?

WILLIAMS: No, kind of low key. I mean, this is what she needs. I mean, everybody thinks -- by the way, I really like what you did there. I thought that was great about Norman Bates's mom, I just hope the audience gets it.


WILLIAMS: Because I love that psycho movie.


WILLIAMS: But anyway, you can imagine her you know up the stairs, you know in the living room all shrunken and dead, she's been around forever and old, she's not new. I picked that up. I got it.

GUTFELD: No, no, no. My point was they kept her to the very end like you do in horror movies.

WILLIAMS: Well, it's like a hot (ph) I got it. I said I liked it. I liked it.


WILLIAMS: But anyway, so but I think in terms of the politics of it, I think that she actually is doing well, because I think what she wants to do is not say anything that Greg Gutfeld could mock and she hasn't said a word. And she said one policy position -- no.

GUTFELD: But she's evading.

WILLIAMS: She's also -- she's putting on a show.

GUTFELD: She's evading.

WILLIAMS: Yes, I agree, she's evading.

GUTFELD: She's running from the facts, Eric. Let's, let's talk about facts. Let's roll what she had to say about her family background which she did, I think, yesterday in Iowa? I don't know.


CLINTON: All my grandparents, you know, came over here and, you know, my grandfather went to work in a lace mill in Scranton, Pennsylvania and worked there until he retired at 65. He started when he was a teenager and you know, just kept going. So, I sit here and I think you're talking about the second, third generation. That's me. That's you.


GUTFELD: Eric, how, how damaging is this horrible lie about her past?


ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: No more damaging than we were broke, what difference does it make at this point, the no tip at the Chipotle, the --


BOLLING: Parking in -- the servers, burning the servers like park in -- it goes on and on. The question to Juan would be, is that all you've got? This is all you have? You get $2.5 billion buys something but, man, that's -- it means to all people investing in that campaign -- this is what I get --

WILLIAMS: By the way, I -- I am not supposed to help you but let me just help you a second.

BOLLING: All right, thanks.

WILLIAMS: You know that story in the morning papers about her foundation? She's still gonna take money from foreign governments?


WILLIAMS: What is going on here?

GUTFELD: That's crazy.

WILLIAMS: That is nuts.

BOLLING: There's a lot more strings to be pulled at that sweater.


GUILFOYLE: But she's for the middle class and she's for women and children, but she's part of a foundation that is taking money from countries that stone women and gays to death.


GUILFOYLE: I mean, there is, there is --

WILLIAMS: Yeah. I'm -- I'm just not very comfortable with this, the influence --

GUILFOYLE: There is financial -- you know financial hypocrisy there. And so you know, who are you? You're telling us one thing but you do another. So there's no credibility.

GUTFELD: You know, Dana, you have a book coming out in which you tell people how to present themselves. What do you think she's doing? Is she connecting or she disconnecting? How is that for a question?

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: She is so far away from everyday America, that on her campaign she is trying to reinvent what it means to be normal.


PERINO: And I -- I feel like they fakery is -- it's hard to take. It's like she's running the Truman show campaign, where everything is going to be perfect.


PERINO: And you look at it from the outside and think this can't possibly be perfect. I go back to -- she doesn't, it doesn't really matter for her, right? So the Democrats don't really have another option.


PERINO: So she doesn't really have to do anything, as long as her poll numbers hold fairly steady for the next year, she gets the democratic nomination and then I suppose she'll unleash the $2.5 billion and it will be amazing shock and awe.

GUTFELD: Eric, you mentioned briefly that she might have been parking in the handicap zone, we found this on Twitter. I don't know if she did it or if it was the secret service but they, they parked -- and maybe just to drop her off. But I think this is enough for a pre-impeachment --put -- three impeachment, right now. So once she's elected, impeach her.

BOLLING: Except for some reason that television network won't let us roll that video, I don't know why, but it's really interesting. If you watch it, she gets out of the van, she does her thing and she comes back out and gets back into the van. Now, if you're in that van.


BOLLING: You -- she literally walks past that sign right there, that's a handicap sign. If you're (inaudible), you are running for president, don't you say to whoever is driving, hey, Scoob or whoever, Shaggy, keep going don't park here, because this is gonna look really bad if I -- if we park in the handicap.

GUTFELD: What's worse is that there was somebody already parked there.

WILLIAMS: You mean they pushed --

GUTFELD: They, they --

WILLIAMS: They pushed the handicapped woman?

GUTFELD: Right over it.

WILLIAMS: You know what?

GUTFELD: It's horrible.

WILLIAMS: It was granny.

GUTFELD: It was granny.

WILLIAMS: It was granny. The same granny that got pushed over the cliff.

GUTFELD: The cliff.

WILLIAMS: She was there and I pushed -- I must tell you though, I think there are too many handicap spaces in America.


WILLIAMS: I do. I go to the movie --

BOLLING: You did very (inaudible)

WILLIAMS: Yeah. You got -- Yeah. All right, I can't believe --

GUILFOYLE: What happens when people sit in these chairs?


GUTFELD: I don't know.

GUILFOYLE: Just ruin your life.

WILLIAMS: There's too many of them. GUILFOYLE: Just ruin your life.

WILLIAMS: But anyway, don't you see -- there's too many --

GUILFOYLE: Who is against handicapped people?

WILLIAMS: Have you ever got to the mall?

GUTFELD: That is --

GUILFOYLE: Take it back, Juan.

GUTFELD: You know what? People have said that, but let's just move on.


GUTFELD: Some people have said that, Juan, it was merely pointing that out and he disagrees completely.



GUTFELD: There has been a lot of talk about her evading the media for various reasons, one of them being the e-mail scandal. Here is Ed Henry on HRC dodging the press.


ED HENRY, NORWALK, IA: The media is collectively allowing Hillary Clinton's campaign to kick off much differently than what we've seen on the Republican side. We were pin off behind those boxes, near the boxes and pallets back there and when reporters started shouting questions about same sex marriage the e-mail controversy, she simply ignored it and then walked out. That's much different than Marco Rubio, earlier this week, doing the Fox interview, but also NPR, ABC. Rand Paul recently announcing and then doing the interviews with Fox and NBC's Savannah Guthrie, they got quite testy, pushing him on various issues.


GUTFELD: There's boxes and boxes everywhere, Dana.

PERINO: I think that's where the e-mails.


GUTFELD: Nicely done.

PERINO: All the printed out from the server. I guess we could find it there.

GUTFELD: She's --

PERINO: She still thinks they'll never look here.

GUTFELD: Yeah, exactly. Hide in plain sight, I always say. What do you make of Ed Henry?

PERINO: Well, Ed Henry personally?

BOLLING: You got good guy.



PERINO: Just kidding. I love Ed Henry. I think that -- I don't know how long this listening tour is going to go on.


PERINO: Hillary Clinton, it's sort of an interesting thing that you would think that before you announce for president, you would do the listening tours.


PERINO: I think that while she's out there trying to do this as everyday looking at, it's so fake, it really is bordering on ridiculous. I don't think they'll keep it going for all that much longer. I think she is going to have to do some interviews. There are some big issues brewing on the democratic side, one of them in particular is on free trade. Because, the environmentalists and the unions are putting a lot of pressure on the Democrats in particular on Obama, and Hillary Clinton is right in the middle. She has to decide what kind of a Democrat is she. Is she a Bill Clinton kind of person on free trade or an Obama, or an Elizabeth Warren? And there are some big issues and I think forget what the rest of us think about in America, but what do the Democrats want out of her, she has been running for 14 years and we still don't know. I don't think this listening tour is gonna satisfy those voters.

GUTFELD: Good point. You know K.G. --

GUILFOYLE: It shows they don't have the confidence in their own candidate, because they don't feel that she's capable to keep the momentum going, it makes the right comments and kind of convey the right emotion and affect, so --

PERINO: I mean, it's impossible --

GUILFOYLE: Better not to hear from her.

PERINO: I think what they would love --

GUILFOYLE: Or to say.

PERINO: Over the campaign to look so smooth, that they never have a mess up, they never -- but candidates like to see people -- I'm sorry, people like to see candidates that can take a punch, like how are you going to deal with adversity? The White House is not gonna be a smooth ship. So, how do you deal with it to have a setback?

GUTFELD: You want somebody to punch Hillary?

PERINO: No, of course not -- metaphor.

BOLLING: Or -- how about one question from the press?


BOLLING: How about one -- all of these little, these little sit downs and caf,s and restaurants and auto mechanic shops, the three or four people who are selected to sit with her.


BOLLING: And allegedly -- Planned Parenthood is there --

PERINO: I think what's funny is the reporter --

BOLLING: Obama member -- advisories are there.

GUTFELD: Yeah, people that worked in that campaign.

BOLLING: People -- not a reporter.

PERINO: Do you know how the news organizations could actually get back to them and they could band together and just say -- we're not covering these.


GUILFOYLE: I know but --

PERINO: These staged event where there is not going to do it.

GUILFOYLE: You're right. They are not gonna do it. Be --

BOLLING: They fall all over themselves.

GUILFOYLE: Be courageous. You know freedom of the press.

PERINO: They might do it. I think the editors --

GUILFOYLE: Ask her questions.

PERINO: I think the editors and publishers could do it.

WILLIAMS: Hold on. You say she doesn't get any tough questions and she doesn't get any punches. Gosh, Benghazi, you guys have been all over her.

BOLLING: Juan --

GUTFELD: of course you know.

BOLLING: They, they have the press --

WILLIAMS: No, no, no. no.

BOLLING: they have a pushed back and behind --

WILLIAMS: Dana's point was we want to see how she reacts when she stumbles. When she has a flaw revealed, how does the candidate respond? Is she able to get back up off the mat? But of course, Hillary Clinton was done all that repeatedly and in fact infuriated the right, because she says stuff like, what's the big deal?

BOLLING: No, no. No, no. But you see the problem --

GUILFOYLE: No, She says what difference does it make?

WILLIAMS: What difference does it make? Thank you so much.

BOLLING: Juan, since she announced in a week or whatever --


BOLLING: Five days since she announced, she's moved on a couple of key points. She moved on gay marriage and she's moved on.


BOLLING: On Wall Street and -- some campaign finance stuff.

WILLIAMS: She's not.

BOLLING: She's moved.

WILLIAMS: She's not moved.

BOLLING: But no one can ask her that because, she's the -- the press is way over there, her little table with her three people --

WILLIAMS: It doesn't matter at this point.

BOLLING: Asking her question.

WILLIAMS: The key point and you know this speaks to what Dana was talking about. The -- do the American people feel like she's out there fighting for their vote? Is she putting herself on the line? Is she demonstrating fire in the belly? And I think for a lot of people to see Hillary Clinton, you know, the great domain of Chappaqua -- or however you say that.

GUILFOYLE: Chappaqua.

WILLIAMS: Chappaqua.

GUTFELD: Tonight? (ph)

WILLIAMS: That she would get in the van and drive to Iowa, people like this stuff.

GUTFELD: Let's move on. I will -- let's --

GUILFOYLE: I don't think so.

GUTFELD: Talk about the other GOP candidates. There were a couple of people that have talked about them today, Harry Reid had some interesting words as did Chris Christie, so we put it together into an s.o.t sandwich.

GUILFOYLE: Oh my, gosh.

BOLLING: That kind of SOP.

GUILFOYLE: That got weird.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How do you see the Republicans fight? Who is the Republican nominee right you to be?

HARRY REID, UNITED STATES SENATOR: You know I don't really care. I think they're all losers.

CHRIS CHRISTIE, GOVERNOR, NEW JERSEY: I think a governor is gonna be the nominee, a governor or a former governor. Because I believe that our party and our country needs someone who has actually run something. And while I have great respect for a number of those folks, I don't believe that we've done well with the experiment of a one-term U.S. senator being president of the United States.


GUTFELD: Dana, pick whoever you want. You want Reid?

PERINO: Well --

GUTFELD: Or Christie?

PERINO: Yeah, Harry Reid is proving a point that I make in my book that's out next week.

GUTFELD: Oh, really?

PERINO: Yes. So it's like, like that.

BOLLING: What's it called?

PERINO: It is called The Good News Is. The good news is Harry Reid is no longer gonna be in the Senate.


PERINO: He is the most singlely (ph) - he is the most destructive person on civility in Washington and again, here's another point. Why is it that Republicans seem to have to own everybody else's comments? What does Hillary Clinton think about what Harry Reid has said? What if she -- what if she think about Harry Reid using his position on the Senate floor to suggest that the Republican candidate Mitt Romney hadn't paid taxes and then admits that he lied about it? I mean, what does she think about that?

GUTFELD: That's a good question, but she won't answer it. What do you make of Christie saying it has to be a governor, basically saying, it's either me or two other guys?

BOLLING: Or when I first heard that, will is he -- is he buying for a VP spot maybe? Maybe that's where he is from. Maybe he's seeing Jeb as a, as a presidential candidate and Christie as a VP, which I think would be a huge mistake, if they gonna do that, then Jeb, if he were the presumptive candidate would maybe look at Kasich then you have Florida and Ohio covered. That might be tougher to beat in for that --

WILLIAMS: Do you know what I thought was cute was Christie --

BOLLING: New Jersey.

WILLIAMS: Christie said, picking up on your point, Christie said, we're going to need a governor, but we need a governor who has had to deal with the Democrats in the legislature and, oh, gee, Scott Walker? He's got a Republican legislature. Oh, Jeb Bush had a Republican --

GUTFELD: Very clever.

WILLIAMS: (inaudible) had a Republican legislature. I -- who, who is left?

GUTFELD: Whoever -- very clever, Juan.

WILLIAMS: I'm telling you.

GUILFOYLE: It thinks sure (ph) --

WILLIAMS: By the way, who had the idea to interview Chris Christie in an ice cream parlor?


WILLIAMS: Oh my, gosh.


GUILFOYLE: Well, it's very folksy, because somebody already did Chipotle, so you got to go down the less.


GUTFELD: Chipotle. Do you know that Hillary Clinton did not leave a tip in the tip jar?

GUILFOYLE: I said this.

WILLIAMS: Oh, my --

GUTFELD: Free impeachment.

GUILFOYLE: I already said this.

GUTFELD: Free impeachment. WILLIAMS: And you leave tips at Chipotle?

GUILFOYLE: Like I said.


GUILFOYLE: Yesterday --

GUTFELD: I leave something at Chipotle.

GUILFOYLE: Hillary Clinton is excited that Harry Reid is like playing for her team, right?


GUILFOYLE: She doesn't want him smearing her. And as for Chris Christie, you know again, a confident man, for there's another governor in the race too, and another governor in the race, so let's see.

GUTFELD: All right. Let's see indeed.


GUTFELD: All right. Ahead, a disgruntled flying mailman, how often do you see that? A lying comedian and Jerry Seinfeld, next.


BOLLING: Welcome back, time for -- the very Fastest 7 minutes on television, streaming video or pay-per-view. Three defendant stories, seven defendant minutes one dextrose host. First up, you probably heard about --

GUILFOYLE: Dex? (ph)

BOLLING: Yeah, dextrose. About the crazy mailman who landed a gyrocopter on Capitol Hill yesterday. Who turns out, Mr. Postman planned that delivery for a while, even telling the Tampa Bay Times about it earlier this month.


DOUG HUGHES, MAILMAN FROM RUISKIN: And I have thought about being 75-years- old and watching the collapse of this country and thinking that I had an idea that might have arrested the fall, and I didn't do it. And I will tell you, completely honestly, I'd rather die in the flight than live to be 80 years old and see this country fall.


BOLLING: All right K.G., take us through the legal aspects.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. Well, I mean, he is in trouble. And that's going to be -- just so you know for those of you out there you don't need to go to law school for it -- big trouble. Because he talks about doing this, you know, on the air, the tape is preserve, press play for the jury to show that he had the specific intent to do it, he can't be like, oh, there where chimney, chimneyless (ph) clouds, and I lost track, I was trying to go to the McDonald's drive through and there I landed. Big problem.

BOLLING: Your thoughts on Mr. --


BOLLING: It's a key post guy.

GUTFELD: It's a gyrocopter. Was it made out of lamb?

GUILFOYLE: Oh my, God.

GUTFELD: That's a little -- you know buy it --

GUILFOYLE: I got it.

GUTFELD: Anyway, I think he should be lauded for a number of reasons. One, it was a green friendly brand of transportations who is raising awareness on that. If only all mailmen --

BOLLING: Gas powered.

GUTFELD: Well, a little --


GUTFELD: Less gas than normal.

GUILFOYLE: Works better than oil and gas --

GUTFELD: If only I had less gas. If only all mailmen had this determination to deliver the goods. But will he also did --


GUTFELD: he would -- that no one was going to stop this guy. But also he did a great service for this country, because -- without harming anyone. He showed another potential way, way to commit terror without hurting people.


GUTFELD: Drones and small machines. It's just -- by doing that he -- everybody goes, oh, wow. We got -- we got to do something.

BOLLING: And are you concerned that Norad (ph) didn't even know he had landed until -- or is he in the airspace until he landed?


PERINO: I think I saw a story by (inaudible) today or at least she tweeted that from the Associated Press saying that national security said that basically he flew on -- he literally flew under the radar. Which surprised me is that -- OK, can you lower the radar?


PERINO: I mean, isn't that right --

GUILFOYLE: No. But how about the --

PERINO: The idea?

(CROSSTALK) GUTFELD: Lower the radar.

GUILFOYLE: But why was he on? He's on the secret service list now, the watch list since 2013.


GUILFOYLE: No, no, no cops or no gyro -- lands which is a tough one to get on and off.

BOLLING: That -- that's a very small list.

GUILFOYLE: It's a small list. And he -- they didn't do anything about it. And then a friend called and left a message, please don't shoot him down on his little gyrocopter.

BOLLING: All right. So, shoot or don't shoot?

WILLIAMS: Don't shoot. I mean in fact, I saw that Michael McCaul, you know chairman of Homeland Security in the House that they have long guns and if he come anywhere near the speakers' balcony, which is --

BOLLING: Right there, yeah.

WILLIAMS: You're looking at the west front there. So, if he comes a little far that they had guns ready to shoot him, but I'm glad that they didn't shoot him down.


WILLIAMS: I must say that -- you know what's interesting to me is the postal logo on the back. I like that postal logo. That was wild.


BOLLING: 500 letters to Congress.

GUTFELD: He's like Santa -- Santa of -- tax reform.


BOLLING: Let's move on to this one. Next on the Fastest, some liberals want to believe in their causes so badly they'd lied to prove it. Here is Sarah Silverman telling a story about being, her being the victim of income inequality at a comedy club in New York, years ago.


SARAH SILVERMAN, STAND UP COMEDIAN: We were outside talking and Todd somehow brought up that he -- you know mentioned that he got 60 bucks. He just got $60 and I just got $10. We did the exact same time back to back on the same show. And so I went back inside and I asked the owner, Al Martin and I said, Al, you -- why did you pay $10 and you gave Todd Berry $60? And he -- you know it was so perfect. He goes, oh, did you want a $60 spot? You know, that's pretty (beep).


BOLLING: OK. So it turns out the owner of the New York comedy club saw that, called Silverman out on Facebook that caused the liberal comedian right there to come clean. Greg, she apologized in a salon article.

GUTFELD: Well you know here is the --

GUILFOYLE: Terrible.

GUTFELD: Here's the reason why she got paid 10 bucks. She wasn't scheduled. He was actually doing her a favor. Todd Berry was on scheduled to perform so he got 60 bucks. She showed up with them and she said, hey, I'm going to do the set. He basically gave her cab fare, because he was being nice. So, if not though -- one thing to be a liar, which she did lie, but the, the mindset of the modern leftist is, if it's true somewhere, my hoaxes, it can be true as well. Even with those --

GUILFOYLE: Like Rolling Stone article.

GUTFELD: But she was a jerk, because she kind of screwed over a guy who had done her a favor. For the greater good anything is possible. I always defend comments for joking, for not being jerks.

BOLLING: 10 bucks, over paid?


BOLLING: All right.


BOLLING: Liberal comment making her point through a lie.

WILLIAMS: Yeah. I don't think that's good, I think that's terrible in fact. Now she says that all -- I think she's talking to Greg Gutfeld, but all of us at the table, she says don't make fun of women's issues and pay issues, make fun of her. So we're feel free, because I think she put herself in the spot, she had to apologize -- she was dead wrong.

PERINO: She's the one who hurt the cause what she did about?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, she does.

GUTFELD: Yes. It's not us.

PERINO: I mean, it's not -- I haven't said a word.

GUTFELD: There you have it.

PERINO: OK. No, I mean like, she actually hurts women by doing this. These hoaxes that they're trying to make up if you -- you could probably find, if you worked really hard try to find someplace that pays a woman comedian $50 less than a male one, I think you would probably have to search far and wide. But maybe you can find that and then you can report on this, but this actually hurts her.


BOLLING: I think -- does she get held accountable going forward for this?

GUILFOYLE: That's not funny, she's not funny. Not into her and I don't --


GUILFOYLE: Appreciate her. Yeah. Then she's just basically making a mockery of a serious issue. It demeans the cause.

GUTFELD: She is funny.

GUILFOYLE: I don't find her funny.

GUTFELD: I -- I find her funny. But you know what? This is not about funny, this is about lying. It's a different thing.

GUILFOYLE: I don't find her lying funny, either.


BOLLING: Let - let's do this one. One of the greatest ensembles shows in history -- TV history, Seinfeld. Listen.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, I don't believe this.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey. What are you doing?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm watching the Bold and the Beautiful.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But wait a minute. This is not a good time.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, five minutes.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What do you have to give your TV away to George? Because I've been watching too much, it was an addiction, I couldn't stop. It was, it was destroying my brain cells.

(END VIDEO CLIP) BOLLING: Now Jerry Seinfeld says TV is over pointing to the immense popularity of streaming video and pay services like Netflix. Around the table, TV over -- over when we say --

GUILFOYLE: Let me -- let me tell you something.


GUILFOYLE: How about everybody figure it out. You got the memo. No, TV is not over and cable is here to say.

BOLLING: What do you think, Juan? Is -- he makes a point. Netflix is like off the charts.

WILLIAMS: Yeah, but it's off the chart I think with like Millennials, like my kids, they love that stuff right? And they got Chrome and they're watching on the internet. You know what? I don't like watching TV on the internet. I like turning on the TV and I also must say, it seems to me TV space stations know about people like me, they -- we like live sports, right?

GUILFOYLE: I like -- yeah.

WILLIAMS: We like -- we like local news and national news, right? Where do you get that -- you get that on TV.

BOLLING: You know TV is changing, too.

GUILFOYLE: Like the Super Bowl.


BOLLING: If you love Fox -- you love Fox news, we're doing huge immense numbers. But if you can't -- you know, if you want to do it on your tablet, if you want to view all other venues, you could go to Fox News, Go. It's an app, up you can download the app --

PERINO: Yeah. A friend of mine in South Carolina, when she waits for her son to finish the baseball practice and she's at the car pool, she watches The Five on Fox News Go.

GUILFOYLE: People telling me that I --

PERINO: I just think that the different -- the content is still going to be necessary, but the way people watch it is changing, and that's good.

BOLLING: Is the -- what's better production value? Some of the broadcast stuff like the Seinfelds or dramas on TV, comics on TV or the stuff that Netflix putt in?

GUTFELD: Well, he's actually talking about user-generated content. He hates -- he calls -- he calls YouTube a garbage can and it sounds snobbish, but he is actually making sense. But you don't go to a restaurant where the customers are cooking your meal. You want to have a top chef. He happens to be an expert professional in entertainment, so what he is saying is leave the entertainment to the entertainers, not -- I don't want to watch elderly men twerking (ph) and that's, that's what he is talking about. But -- we are working -- the entertainment, the top entertainment like his show is great, comedians in cars drinking coffee. But it's no longer beholden to a fixed machine at a fixed time. We now have the freedom, we have choice, it's the most incredible choice ever to watch whenever we want to watch.

BOLLING: We need to go now, they tell it's time. We went over the seven minutes. Next, actress Sofia Vergara in a big legal fight with her ex over their frozen embryos, the bizarre baby battle coming up in The Five.


GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, "Modern Family" star Sofia Vergara once hoped to have a family with her ex-fiance Nick Loeb, so she froze her eggs a couple of years ago.


SOFIA VERGARA, ACTRESS: We just wanted to plan ahead. My boyfriend, Nick, he is three years younger than me, and he's never had a son. I wanted to make sure I already froze some eggs. So I wanted to take advantage of science. Why not?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How far along are you?

VERGARA: How far along?


VERGARA: No, I took them out already. They're in the refrigerator.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That's hilarious.

VERGARA: Hopefully, they will be fresh by the time I use them.


GUILFOYLE: Aww. Well, the couple ended up breaking up last year, and now Loeb is suing the actress over two embryos they created through in vitro fertilization. Vergara allegedly doesn't want the embryos preserved, but Loeb does. So who wins that case?

Why are you making the weirdest face?

GUTFELD: I was just thinking, like, you know they say, like, "What do we tell the children," when we're divorcing. Now you have to think about, "What do we tell the embryos? Oh, my God."

Hey, do baby embryos, do they get freezer burn? Like, do you get that strange odor?


GUTFELD: And how long can you keep something frozen? Like, I have a Swanson's dinner from 1983 in my refrigerator, and the peas are stuck in the cobbler. Could that happen to an embryo, that like, if it moves, can things move around and then it's frozen.

PERINO: You realize that's a life.


GUILFOYLE: And it's ridiculous.

GUTFELD: The irony here is that we're actually talking about a potential life form, where other people don't see it that way.

GUILFOYLE: OK. Well, just so everyone is clear out there, so she froze some eggs, and then there were specific embryos that she had fertilized by Nick.

So then it becomes an issue, does he have a property right, besides being an issue of when life is -- because that's part of his property? And he did not consent. On the form, they asked you specifically, you know, do you want the eggs destroyed, et cetera, et cetera. And so she wanted them to be destroyed. He wants to keep them. He's saying, look, I never checked the box and initialed to give permission.

So this is actually a very valid legal issue. This is kind of like coming of age with people do this now. A lot of young women have careers, want to freeze their eggs, because maybe they didn't meet the right guy, but they still want to preserve their right to be able to have children.

WILLIAMS: That's different. You said if they don't meet the right guy. She -- these were fertilized by Nick.

GUILFOYLE: It doesn't matter. What I -- no, she did some eggs, and she also had specifically frozen embryos that she had him fertilize.

WILLIAMS: That's...

GUTFELD: It's so complicated.

WILLIAMS: And also, let me just ask you...

PERINO: I don't think so.

WILLIAMS: She said Nick wants a son. But the two embryos are female.

BOLLING: Look, can I very quickly just jump in here? So she wants -- she wants to -- she wants to destroy the eggs, correct?

GUILFOYLE: Yes. Because she is in a new relationship with that hot vampire. What's his name, Joe?

BOLLING: I would say that, since he's half the deal here, he should not -- they should not allow her to destroy them. Conversely, she shouldn't -- he shouldn't also have a right to -- he wanted to take the embryos and have them brought to term, right? So without her consent, he shouldn't be able to do that, either. I think they need mutual consent.

GUILFOYLE: That's a very tricky situation. Because what is he going to do, go ahead and you know -- raise the children on his own?

BOLLING: What's that allegedly he wants to do. Right.

GUILFOYLE: I don't know. I mean, that's a very tough situation. I imagine her new fiance is not loving this at all. OK.

WILLIAMS: I think -- you know, I think it's rich people's problems. I mean, I really do. I forget who said at that joke about if, you know, you do so much drugs...

GUILFOYLE: Fertility can be an issue for everyone.

WILLIAMS: No, but I mean, come on.

PERINO: I want to make some serious points.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. Thank you.

PERINO: All right. The left makes fun of the right and conservatives when they raise issues of moral questions on these big issues, like, well, what's going to happen in the future if a couple gets divorced and then you have these embryos, and the left says, "Oh that -- don't worry about that. It's not going to happen."

So now it actually comes to fruition. Embryos could be a life. To me, conception that's a life. OK?


PERINO: So one of the things that I remember so fondly of doing an event when we were at the White House was an event about snowflake children. These were embryos that were adopted by people who couldn't have children. They brought these young babies to term, and they're all -- they're all there at the White House. Snowflake children is what they called them, and they were just perfect little beings.

These issues about genetically-modified [SIC] babies and how we are going to engineer our future, I think are very serious...

GUILFOYLE: They're very serious issues.

PERINO: ... character questions and ethical questions with the moral base. And it also comes down to, as I said yesterday, it's a matter of character. And these are big issues that we shouldn't just gloss over.

GUILFOYLE: I totally agree. I couldn't agree more. But I think the science is important. It has been very good for people and for families that are trying to conceive and have had, you know, difficulties. So, you know, study it and figure out the options of what works best for you.

Next, do you have one of the worst jobs in America? Which ones are they? Well, Dana has got the list, and she's also got a list of the best ones, too. Being on "The Five," I think, for sure. If you want to make a career change, stay with us.


PERINO: Dread going into work every day and wish you had a better job? Here are some options you may want to consider.

Career Cast put together a list of the best jobs of 2015. They were determined by compensation, environment and other factors.

The top five: biomedical engineer, statistician, mathematician, audiologist and the No. 1: actuary, someone who deals with financial impact of risk.

Now to the worst: a broadcaster, which is what we do; cook; enlisted military personnel -- I don't believe that one; lumberjack and the No. 1 worst job to have, Juan Williams, it is newspaper reporter. Can you believe that?

WILLIAMS: You know, I don't feel that way. I don't -- I understand, because they say newspapers are on the way out. You don't get paid a whole lot of money. In fact, you can get killed if you get sent off...

PERINO: You have to go to the Hillary campaign and chase her around the -- the field.

WILLIAMS: Yes. Imagine if Dana Perino had to chase Hillary. You'd go nuts.

PERINO: I wouldn't do it.

WILLIAMS: You'd go nuts.

GUILFOYLE: Actually, she'd be able to, because she always has very sensible shoes.

PERINO: Hey, that's not a compliment.

GUILFOYLE: No, it's a nice -- honestly, you're very -- you're ready.

GUTFELD: That was a -- that was a dig.

PERINO: She said sensible not comfortable, which was good.

GUILFOYLE: I didn't say ugly shoes, sensible. I would take mine off, and I would just run barefoot.

PERINO: That's right.

GUILFOYLE: That's what I do.

PERINO: What do you think about this list, Eric?

BOLLING: So I looked at the list from last year and this year. We did a little...

PERINO: Comparison.

BOLLING: Yes, a little comparison on salaries. One thing jumped out. Did you know a lumberjack from last year to this year jumped $10,000, almost 30 percent of their salary?

GUILFOYLE: Because lumber chic is in. Did you know that?

BOLLING: And it's still one of the worst. No, but they're still one -- the second worst job.


BOLLING: And then this one, broadcast -- poor broadcasters, went from $55,000 average last year down to...

PERINO: That's quite incredible.

BOLLING: A drop of almost -- almost 30 percent drop in their salaries, too.

PERINO: And Greg was saying to me earlier today you don't necessarily go into being a firefighter for the money.

GUTFELD: No. No. You don't fight fires to get rich. You do it because it's an awesome job. Women love it.

GUILFOYLE: You get to do the calendar.

GUTFELD: You've got that awesome pole. Every guy when a kid wanted to have a pole to slide down...

GUILFOYLE: Whoa. Whoa.

GUTFELD: ... because it was such a great thing.

But did you notice the best jobs -- actuary, mathematician, statistician -- these are the kind of jobs that require majors that prevent you from protesting. Nobody who has a good job spent their lives protesting.

My feeling is the best jobs are things that you -- when you're a tester. If you're a -- I test mattresses or you test wine.

PERINO: I want to be a spa tester.

GUTFELD: Yes, you want to be a spa -- because that means all you're doing is walking around going, "Hmm, this feels good. OK." Or testing candy. That's the best job, testing stuff. Unless it's like testing, you know, bulletproof vests.

PERINO: What would you say to, Kimberly, about to somebody who thinks they're in the worst job? How could they -- what's advice for them to reinvent themselves and get a good job?

GUILFOYLE: OK, so I would tell them, you know, when they wake up in the morning, what is something that they would actually look forward to going to do? And not think so much about the financial aspect of it, how much it might pay, et cetera, but start doing something that you really believe in that you think is fun. And then you'll probably exceed at it and excel and be able to get a good salary eventually or branch it into something else.

So do that. Start out with that way: what's going to make me happy, something I'm going to enjoy and feel good about when I go to bed at night? That's going to give you a lot of intrinsic happiness, as well.

PERINO: What do you tell your son? He's getting ready to go to college in a couple years. What do you tell him that he should study?

BOLLING: If you look at the top both years, last year and this year, the top not only pay, the best jobs that paid much better than the lower part. But they all have some sort of math hook to them. Look at them, actuary, No. 1; audiologist; mathematician; statistician; biomedical engineer; data scientist; software engineer; computer science analyst. We focus on math. I mean, at home we drill down into that.

PERINO: You're good at it.

BOLLING: But he is, too.

PERINO: He is, too.

BOLLING: My parents were very good at math, and they pushed math on me. And I'm trying to do the same with him. If you can give your kids any advice, even if they hate math, just stay with it.

PERINO: What if he came home and told you he was going to be a gender studies major? What would happen?

BOLLING: We're looking at colleges right now, and the wacky thing is -- Juan, you'll appreciate this. I'm as conservative as they come. He's actually looking at a place, UT Austin, which is as liberal as they come.

WILLIAMS: Yes, but you know what? I mean, liberal arts schools teach critical thinking.

PERINO: That's true.

WILLIAMS: And all of us sitting here, and I know all the smartest people, you know what? They like liberal arts.

GUILFOYLE: I'm a liberal arts major.

WILLIAMS: And the big computer companies, guess what? The big computer companies like when they say how do you get a job with Google? They say, "We want people who are liberal arts majors."

I'm sitting here. My mom said to me, "What kind of job does a philosophy major get?" Well, you know what? I'm doing OK.

PERINO: Do you know who was a philosophy major? Tony Snow.

WILLIAMS: Yes, he was.

PERINO: A philosophy major and a math minor. What was yours?

GUTFELD: One thing that's not mentioned here, though, it's not about the best job or the worst job. The toughest job, toughest job right now is being a police officer, because one incident will blanket your entire profession.

PERINO: That's true.

GUTFELD: Right though, I -- those are the guys I really worry about, right?

GUILFOYLE: Totally. They have the toughest job, because they have to, like, fight and protect their lives.

GUTFELD: Nobody -- nobody puts cameras...

GUILFOYLE: And worry about reputation.

PERINO: I've got to go. They're saying we've got to go. OK, ahead, she was suspended for making her third-grade students write get-well letters to a cop killer. Now a New Jersey teacher is asking for her job back. Should she get it?


WILLIAMS: Former Black Panther Mumia Abu Jamal has been in prison for more than three decades for murdering Police Officer Daniel Faulkner. That was back in 1981.

His health is now deteriorating, so one of his supporters, a third-grade teacher in New Jersey, had her students write him some get-well letters. Well, that got Marylin Zuniga suspended, but now she's trying to get her job back.


MARYLIN ZUNIGA, SUSPENDED TEACHER: In April I mentioned to my students that Mumia was very ill, and they told me they would like to write get-well letters to Mumia.

MAUREEN FAULKNER, WIDOW OF DANIEL FAULKNER: She's the one who introduced these children and told them -- told them about this murderer.


WILLIAMS: Well, she told -- she said she told the school board that the kids asked her to write those letters, but the widow, as you just saw, of the cop killed by Jamal isn't buying it.


ZUNIGA: I do apologize to parents, students and community members for having done that. I made a mistake, but I have learned from that. Given my record, I do not believe -- given my record, I do not believe this one episode justifies my termination.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Let her teach! Let her teach! Let her teach!

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Let her teach! Let her teach! Let her teach!

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Let her teach! Let her teach! Let her teach!


WILLIAMS: Well, this is one of those moments where you think, "how did the kids know to ask her to write the letter if she hadn't politicized it in the first place and made Abu Jamal into some kind of hero?"

I mean, it's just bizarre to me. But you know what? I don't know about terminating her. But I will say she brought this on herself, in my opinion. Of course, you know what? A lot of time I'm wrong, so what do you say?

BOLLING: Eight-year-olds. They're not activists. They have probably never heard of Mumia. She clearly presented it to them like, "Oh, this guy has been wronged. He's wrongly imprisoned. What should we do?"

And they said, "He's sick. Let's send him letters."

It's terrible what she did. No, she shouldn't -- especially then she blames the kids at the end.


WILLIAMS: What do you say? You're the lawyer here.


WILLIAMS: She said this is one incident. She shouldn't be punished for one incident.

GUILFOYLE: Too bad. It's one incident too many in this case.

WILLIAMS: But are you being political about this or you just think it's wrong?

GUILFOYLE: I don't care. This is what I think.

WILLIAMS: Because it's political.

GUILFOYLE: Maybe there's layers.

WILLIAMS: You have a political agenda.

GUILFOYLE: No. No, I don't think it's -- I don't have a political agenda. As a mother, if I -- if she was doing this with my kid in the class I would flip out. I don't think it's appropriate. I don't think it's right to then blame the kids for her own personal political ideology and trying to create this guy as, like, some kind of martyr and write, you know, letters for him to get better. He's a cop killer. He's a disgusting human being. He should have got the death penalty.

WILLIAMS: Well, you know what she said? She really likes -- and apparently, I bet she read to the kids a quote from Abu Jamal in which he said, quote, "If one -- so long as one person is silenced, there is no justice." Well, so that makes him a hero, doesn't it, Dana?

PERINO: No. There is no reason to be teaching this cop killer's...

GUILFOYLE: Thank you.

PERINO: ... life to eight-year-olds. She says that they asked to write letters. Kids are more likely to ask at this time of year "Can we have class outside?"

And I think that they -- I think the suspension is correct, and I think it should at least be for a three-year period.

WILLIAMS: A suspension but not termination.

BOLLING: Well, she's being paid, too, by the way.

PERINO: I would go without pay.

BOLLING: One final thought: Did they read the police report, where he shot Faulkner in the back and then shot him in the head?

WILLIAMS: No, no, no. See, you -- you're politicizing it.

BOLLING: Then talked about it in the hospital.

PERINO: That's not political.

GUILFOYLE: You can't separate -- you're talking about the facts of the case. Those are the facts of the case, Juan. It's not being political. WILLIAMS: No, I'm talking about the facts of what she did this in that classroom -- Greg.

GUILFOYLE: It's about what she's saying to do.

GUTFELD: There's no -- it's not politicizing to discuss what happened in the crime.


GUTFELD: Maybe Daniel Faulkner's widow should go to that classroom and explain exactly what happened.


GUTFELD: Or why not just go -- why don't you start writing letters to Charles Manson or the Night Stalker? Where does it stop?

She is a rat.


GUTFELD: She's an absolute rat for blaming her -- she flew her entire class under the bus.

WILLIAMS: She did.

GUTFELD: By the way, she's a hero to the people behind her.

WILLIAMS: I was going to say.

GUTFELD: She's a community organizer.


GUTFELD: Screw her. Fire her.

WILLIAMS: You see, they made it political from their point of view. If she's going to be their hero, she's got to bear the burden.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

WILLIAMS: be a martyr. "One More Thing" coming up next.

GUILFOYLE: Starbucks will hire her.


GUTFELD: "One More Thing" -- Eric.

BOLLING: So last -- yesterday fast-food workers protested. They want $15 an hour across the country. Take a look at this from New York City.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What do we want?




UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What do we want?




UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The workers united will never be defeated

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The workers united will never be defeated

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The workers united will never be defeated


BOLLING: So just to get a sense of what this is all about, show the V.O. of when I got stuck. That's Broadway. You can't go east and west from Central Park all the way down to the city hall. They shut down New York City.

De Blasio, what an idiot for allowing a permanent something like this.


BOLLING: I can't imagine how this guy is going to ever, ever last a couple more years.

By the way, cops were so mad that they had to deal with that stuff last night. And I spent an hour behind that.

GUILFOYLE: No one could get across anywhere.


GUTFELD: Most of them are students, so they don't have to worry about getting up in the morning or working.

Where are you? Dana.

PERINO: Dana, OK. So first of all, happy birthday to my dad in Denver, Leo Perino. Happy birthday.

And also I wanted to show you this clip, because you know, the American Country Music Awards are on Sunday night, and my favorite, Dierks Bentley, was on CBS had morning. Take a look.

GUILFOYLE: So in love.


DIERKS BENTLEY, COUNTRY MUSIC STAR: My story is not typical, and it's not easy to sum up in, like, a two or three word byline, which is what I really love. I'm, like, the 17-year-old kid that fell in love with country music, but also I'm allowed to write songs about being a man, too, which I think is one of the coolest places I've been in my life.


PERINO: What do you think, K.G.?

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God. Put me on the spot. That's your dude, not mine. You got him. And you can keep him all to yourself.

PERINO: All right. I will.

GUTFELD: All right. I got a piece up on Breitbart.com called "Speech Easy." You should check it out. It's interesting, provocative.

But more important, it's time for...


GUTFELD: Greg's Gutfact.


GUTFELD: All right. As you know summer is coming. Summer is my new intern. But she loves picnics. So here is the quiz: How many ants are there per human being on earth? How many ants? How many ants?

WILLIAMS: I don't know.

PERINO: Two hundred thousand .

GUTFELD: One point six million. There are 1.6 million ants per human being.

Now here's the weird part. The total biomass of all the ants on earth are the same as the total biomass of humans on earth. So that means the average human is 1.6 million ants.

BOLLING: One point six million ants. Right. That was amazing.

GUTFELD: Where am I?

GUILFOYLE: That's really weird.

GUTFELD: Kimberly.

GUILFOYLE: Mama mia. OK, does everybody love an Abba? OK, I do. So but Abba, unfortunately, is ending on Broadway. But Bjorn -- you see him there -- wants it to live on forever and ever. So he's going to open up a new diner in Stockholm. It's going to be fantastic.

PERINO: Wow. That's great.

GUILFOYLE: It's going to have Abba music and Abba theme. It's going to be a lot of fun. I think this is a test case, and then it's going to be here in New York.

PERINO: It's like the IKEA diner.

GUTFELD: Juan. I've got to get to Juan!

GUILFOYLE: And then please watch me on Greta tonight. What are you doing?

GUTFELD: Shush. Juan!

WILLIAMS: Let me say this quickly, then.

GUILFOYLE: I'm not done.

WILLIAMS: Don't forget -- don't forget to watch Kimberly on Greta.

GUILFOYLE: Thank you, Juan. You're a gentleman.

WILLIAMS: Let me just tell you, there's this incredible story right outside College Station, Texas. Look at this. Here is a kid. She's been found with alcohol. She's going to get a ticket, but the officer does rock paper scissor, and she gets out. So as a result, the officer lost his opportunity to continue to be a security officer.


GUTFELD: All right. "Special Report" next.

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