Gutfeld: When it comes to the media, there's no there there

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," May 17, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Jay Carney began his Wednesday briefing with a jokey montage of facial contortions he made during Tuesday's hearing. This was done in mind the deep love that exists between the pliant media and its companion White House. It's what's done between lovers in a tiff to remind each other that they are still in love. Will it work? Does he even need it?

Watch Piers Morgan -- that chap named after a landing dock for boats -- go flaccid when faced with Jay.


PIERS MORGAN, HOST: How are you going to move on now and restore perhaps faith that some Americans have lost this week in your openness and honesty?

JAY CARNEY, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Well, I'm not sure, again you are concocting scandals here that don't exist, especially with regards to the Benghazi affair that was contrived by Republicans, and I think has fallen largely apart this week.

MORGAN: Jay Carney, you probably have been the busiest man in Washington this week. And for that reason, if nothing else, I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to come and talk to me tonight.

CARNEY: Piers, I was glad to do it. Thank you for having me.


GUTFELD: Well done, Mr. Morgan, I haven't seen a stronger follow-up question since paper or plastic. If you have any less cojones, you'll be singing castrato for pope (INAUDIBLE).

Again, we're witnessing a media that's lost the muscle it once had due to an adversarial relationship with the White House. Resistance creates strength. Ask any gym rat. But now, they have gone soft person from Pillsbury.

Here's Bob Woodward on "Morning Joe", which is not a sex act.


BOB WOODWARD, JOURNALIST: I have to go back to 40 years to Watergate when Nixon put out his edited transcripts of the conversations and he personally went through them, and said, oh, let's not tell this. Let's not show this.

I would not dismiss Benghazi. It's a very serious issue, as people keep saying, four people were killed.


BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: I see another book in the works for Woodward, who has --

GUTFELD: Excuse me, Bob.

BECKEL: Oh, you didn't finish your monologue, I'm sorry.

GUTFELD: Yes, no worries. Glad you were awake, though.

So, Woodward compares Benghazi to Watergate. That's a direct shot at modern media. I mean, that's like Willie Mays showing up at a Yankees batting practice, shaking his head and saying, you guys suck.

The president was right when he said there is no there there. Not about the scandals, but those who paid to cover them.

The media has to wonder why the only entity the White House cares about is Fox News. For a non-Fox reporter, that means you are a pushover. Obama can have you any time he likes. And he's about to have you now. Be sure and wear that nighty he likes so much. And don't talk, he hates that.

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