Gutfeld: What to watch for at the first presidential debate

Here's my debate prep: I am going to be drunk. Really drunk.

After all, how can this thing live up to the hype? The debate is billed as two Tasmanian devils being tossed into a blender with a nitroglycerin chaser. Anything short of a zombie blood-feast will be a bust.

So what should you look for when watching? The person, on stage, who will do the least amount of damage to the country.

That's why I vote: Not to get stuff done, but to prevent stuff from getting done. The concept of limited government may be dying, so it's now about slowing the bloat.

Thanks to endless pandering, bureaucracy must expand to cover all the promises. So who do you trust: the shady bureaucrat, or the impulsive autocrat?

It's sobering. Which is why I won't be.

Tonight, we might be entertained, but will we be reassured? So ask yourself one last thing: Which one is a better fit for the world today? After all, Rome really didn't fall; it jumped.