Gutfeld: What the media didn't tell you about Fidel's funeral

Cuban soldiers pushed jeep carrying Castro's ashes after it stalled during funeral procession

You know who almost didn't make Fidel Castro's funeral? Fidel Castro. The Jeep carting his remains -- or what I call jack ash -- broke down. Soldiers had to push the damn thing. If only there was an appropriate response.

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NANCY CARTWRIGHT, VOICE OF "THE SIMPSONS" CHARACTER NELSON MUNTZ: Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

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So in a socialist sinkhole of a country, the corpse of its leader is left in a box in the middle of the road. A fitting tribute for a commie thug who steered a once abundant country into a bottomless pit of hellish tyranny.

But the hearse wasn't the only thing that broke down after Fidel's death. Poor Sean Penn just defecated an overwrought obituary through clenched tear ducts. It stunk more than his last film. Poor Sean. He lost a soul mate. Lucky for him, Robert Mugabe is still kicking around. Maybe Sean can get a head start and write him a love poem.

Now I know Castro was cremated. But it's the hearse breaking down that's the real burn, which is why so few in the left-wing press reported it. They looked the other way, just like everything else under Castro's sad watch. Why? Because he was the David to our Goliath. Under the guise of fighting evil imperialism, they let him get away with murder on a grand scale. They romanced his savagery and welcomed any attempt to normalize relations with him. It's why it's so cute that libs are losing it over a phone call to Taiwan. Castro may have died last week, but their morality croaked decades ago.