Updated

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld," November 29, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Happy, happy Monday, everyone. Yes, we're back. We ate like feeds and drank like ghouls and now we're back at work asking the makeup people to hide our neck fat. Except for Kat. For her a four-day Thanksgiving bender is just three days shy of her normal week. Tyrus is back and this is how he cooked his thanksgiving Turkey.

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GUTFELD: There we go. Joe Machi is here. Good to see you, Joe. Yes. Oh, he gets applause. He was just on tour. He just got back. Here's one audience reaction to a stand up

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GUTFELD: Yes. It was that good. Now sometimes in the media, you end up in dangerous places. The weird thing is often the dangerous places the media goes to were mainly created by the media themselves. It's like someone having a bad acid trip. It's totally self-induced. Kat understands. Take last year's riots. The media bravely covered it calling it mostly peaceful because nothing says mostly peaceful, like a man shot dead protecting his business.

That giant lie handicap the police so they couldn't do a damn thing to stop the riots without being accused of attacking mostly peaceful protesters. The media protected the mob so the cities burned and people died. And this move beyond the riots to a nationwide crime wave. Because as long as you dismiss the crime, you create more crime. You could do it with words. Here's a recent tweet by CNN. Waukesha will hold a moment of silence today marking one week since a car -- a car drove through a city Christmas parade, killing six people and injuring scores of others.

So a car drove through a parade, not a racist madman. But a car. They got it didn't have a driver, it could have been worse. This from a network that takes pains to uncover any human responsible for a silly meme that hurts their feelings. But here a massacre is caused by an inanimate object. They blame it on a curling iron if they thought they could get away with it. And suddenly the media is no longer interested in domestic terrorism.

They'll also label a black politician, a white supremacist, but when the suspect has more racist social media than Louis Farrakhan, it's the car at fault. But you get it. When you're in the media, identifying who is responsible must be avoided if it makes you seem racist to the activist class. So focus on the object and hope the public is as stupid as you think it is. You can run over a Christmas parade and kill twice as many people as the Boston Marathon bombers.

And they'll call it an accident. The soft bigotry of low expectations turns into crime and murder because they believe minorities are responsible for themselves. Now we have organized looting. The question isn't why it's happening. It's why the hell not. If you're a criminal it's like stealing Stevie Wonder's French fries. This risk is tiny compared to mugging or drug dealing. Here you can easily overrun a business and steal 900 bucks worth of stuff per person.

That's the law in California. So forget robbing a guy coming off a shift at Arby's. All you get is 50 bucks and you end up smelling like a roast beef sandwich. They now have decriminalized crime and the risk is nil. They might as well advertise it on T.V. It's Black Friday, every day and everything's marked down 100 percent. The first 100 customers busting through a storefront window gets a flat screen and victim status.

The media will say don't call it looting because that's racist. Perhaps even covering these crimes at all is racist too. Criminals understand this as they see Democrats are more worried about protecting people from old statues than active crime scenes. As retail dies, Amazon must be grinning until the next wave goes after their drivers. They'll be the new stage coaches, but instead of guns their drivers will defend themselves with bottles of urine.

Now if you're in the media, chances are you're protected. As I taped this show, we have security. They make sure the fans in this audience don't attack me which happens when you're this sexy. Some nights I feel like Tom Jones trying to get to this -- his dressing room at the Sahara. You 80- year-olds know what I mean. But we have security especially when we go outside like when Jesse gets his hair cut.

Super cuts can get chaotic especially since Jesse never tips. But what happens to those who try to protect the media from the story that they try to cover? Kevin Nishita, a security guard was shot and killed trying to protect the KRON T.V. news crew while covering a smash and grab in the Bay Area. As he tried to stop thugs trying to steal the crew's equipment. He was murdered. He was a former cop who just retired.

He had a wife and kids. And like AOC's criminals he was actually trying to feed his family. Will this wake the media that crime is out of control when those helping you cover it lose their lives. Will his death remind the media that there's a cost in redefining crime as a form of protest? Will his death have any effect on those who see crime as a joke? Like Seth Rogen, when a guy on Twitter claimed he was robbed in L.A., Rogen blamed the victim saying don't leave anything valuable in the car.

It's called living in a big city. He added he'd been robbed before and that "Once a guy accidentally left a cool knife in my car, so if it keeps happening, you might get a little treat. The guy is so out of touch. He pretends being a crime victim is delightful." No wonder he's typecast as an idiot. But what if the next time that knife isn't left not in your car, but in your back? Seth hasn't had to think about that. He's rich. It's easy for him to rebound from victimization.

Plus, he's always armed with Box Office poison. Now just imagine if our detectives ignored victims when they report crimes.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I hear you're the best detective in town and I want to hire you.

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: What for (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: My Store, 15 people robbed it yesterday.

MACHI: Oh, this is the big city. That's a misdemeanor, get used to it.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: But I'm ruined. They took everything.

MACHI: When you dames don't understand is when you move out of the sticks. You got to take the good with the bad. The bad is you're constantly being robbed. You're overtaxed and homeless people poop in your yard. The good is, hey, we used to have restaurants. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm moving to Texas. I got to help Beto O'Rourke got a personality.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I have no idea what accent that was, but I liked it. Now maybe the media should consider the sacrifice made by people like Mr. Nishita. So they could cover their stories. Nishita was shot dead by a thug. Or as CNN might describe it, a bullet drove through the air and struck a man who happened to be in its path.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's the talking head who looks like he has a racecar bed. The Guy Benson Show host and Fox News Contributor Guy Benson. When he goes Christmas caroling listeners convert to Judaism. Comedian Joe Machi. This is the only meeting where she gives her last name. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. And he knows it's snowing three hours before anyone else. My massive sidekick in the NWA World Television Champion, Tyrus.

Joe, what was that accent?

MACHI: That was a combination of a number of characters I've developed, Greg. None of them are good at accents.

GUTFELD: That is amazing. So you played somebody who can't do an accent?

MACHI: Can't do an accent.

GUTFELD: You know, that saves a lot of time in actually learning an accent.

MACHI: Well, we were trying to get Seth Rogen to play the part. (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: Speaking of Rogan. Why would he bother comment -- I mean, obviously it's Twitter. People just come on stupid (BLEEP) but I mean, what was his point?

MACHI: Oh, you know, I have a rule of thumb with social media posting. If - - imagine saying that to your imaginary girlfriend. How would she react?

GUTFELD: Right.

MACHI: Oh, someone just broke into my car. Hey, you live in the city. She's not going to make out with you that night. I thought the most interesting part about Seth Rogen was he said, oh, people are criticizing my tweet because they want me to interact with them and get attention.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACHI: And I'm like, no, you wanted attention. That was the -- that was the -- that was the end.

GUTFELD: That was the end. And that was a beautiful ending. Joe, you know, Guy, I saw this headline today. It was on -- I think was CNN and I took a picture of it in case they change it. It said that the NYPD is investigating a ? I guess a crime after an Asian woman was attacked with a large rock. She was attacked with a large rock. They never say anything that -- is this the thing today? So you don't mention that there was a person driving the car, there was -- who -- whoever held the rock who knows, it's just these in -- we are being attacked by inanimate objects, Guy.

GUY BENSON, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: You know This is such a cheerful and hilarious story. Thanks for the Asian woman attacked with rock handoff of football here. What strikes me about the story that you just talked about in the monologue with this poor man was murdered.

GUTFELD: Right.

BENSON: Right? And he is a grandfather. He's a father, he's a husband. Normally, the media loves talking about nothing more than the media, right? They give each other awards for their courage and their bravery. Here's the guy whose job was to protect the media, and he was killed in the line of duty. You would think this would be the amazing opportunity for everyone to speak up in solidarity.

And, you know, how brave this man was and how important journalism is. And yet strangely, this is not a national news story, just like Waukesha disappeared out of nowhere into thin air for very similar reasons. There are larger truths to protect. And if the media needs to even avoid talking about themselves to protect the narrative, which is very hard for them to do, obviously, they're willing to do it for the cause.

GUTFELD: What do you think that truth is that they're so worried about?

BENSON: The truth is that you have narratives that are inconvenient to their worldview, which is there are bad people and good people much of it is racial. And if you tell a story too loudly that vindicates bad people like you and other people at this network, that is more harmful than just telling the truth and even what happens sort of like an unfortunate casualty in the truth war because the larger truths are more important to them.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BENSON: That's not journalism. That's ideology. But that's what much of the media is engaged in.

GUTFELD: Yes. I thought it was interesting. There was a huge rash of the sophisticated looting while you were awake, Kat. And I know, you went on vacation but I was waiting to see any blonde hair underneath ski masks at these -- at these stores.

BENSON: They just found extensions.

GUTFELD: They found extensions, they followed the extensions.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: OK. So now it's not drugs and alcohol. It's also theft.

GUTFELD: It is, it is.

TIMPF: All right. Yes, I do it all.

GUTFELD: What do you make of the incentives that were -- that in today's society for theft, that now it's like, why -- I hate to say it, but why wouldn't you do this if you knew you could get away with it? Walking into a store and taking (BLEEP)

TIMPF: -- because some people have morals.

GUTFELD: I don't.

TIMPF: You're right. You don't. Yes, I don't know. And it's -- and again, people like Seth Rogen going to actually say, hey, what -- that's like a story where you -- there should be a pretty clear side that you're on.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Like you're on the side of the person whose car got broken into because that sucks.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And it also doesn't matter that it's, you know, even obviously, the -- this is becoming more and more prevalent. Different kinds of crimes scream, more and more prevalent, but even if they weren't, there's a lot of bad things where you should show a little more compassion towards other -- like, if someone comes up like Seth, my grandma died. He's like, that happens all the time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: That would not be appropriate. So I don't understand what this compulsion is to take people side. I guess if you're super rich, it doesn't matter. But no, I think stealing is bad.

GUTFELD: There you go. There you go. Yes, a lot of grandmothers die in the big city.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: And that is also bad.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. All right, Tyrus, you work security.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes.

GUTFELD: So you -- I mean, this kind of the story must kind of ?

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: You know, before we get started, first of all, Joe, well done and I sense that Cabot Cove, like a main accent there. You know, like Miss Fletch, I thought it was well -- very well done. You know, he just, you know, don't let that bother you. You know, in the question in the media, this will get spun.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: This will get spun. They -- this is going to go into employment, you're going to have something while saying we've added new jobs this Christmas. Professional looting is a new job. And it's good for the economy, because it leads to more internet sales of stuff on back pages. So, they're going to turn this around for a good thing. But in general, when you push the -- these things don't matter because they're not affecting them. It continues to grow.

It is -- it is a -- organized crime is back. It was pretty much gone. But now it's back in it's not somebody who's you go to for a loan or someone you seek out. Now they're seeking you out.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: And people like Seth Rogen who I think was trying to be -- he was trying to be like, snooty to the guy.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: Like, oh, welcome to the big city YouTuber. I think that's what he was trying to do. And he got backed into an elitist corner. He did like, fine, I'll just take my ball and go home and I'll D.M. you and tell you how much you suck, man. That's literally what he turned into. It's hard to believe that I like Pineapple Express after seeing like -- you never want to meet your heroes. You never want to meet actors who play cool characters because then you meet and be like, wow.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Damn, Seth, that's the best you can come up with? Again, it's just we're in this really weird time right now to where nothing that's real is really real because it makes us look incompetent and they're just not going to do that.

GUTFELD: Excellent point to end this segment. All right. Up next. Should we feel more lockdown pain even for a milder strain?

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(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, you got to be (BLEEP) kidding me. Come on.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: There's a new variant in town mean we got to shut down. So the new Omicron COVID variant first discovered in South Africa, birthplace of my ex Charlize Theron has been out detected in other countries. That health expert in South Africa who discovered it says it's contagious, but fairly mild. Contagious but fairly mild. That described everything I brought back from spring break.

But it has people including me wondering if this variant is so mild. What's the big deal? Is nature solving this problem by creating milder viruses that build up our natural immunity? But as usual, it's the government immediate reaction that's embarrassing. New York's already declared a state of emergency. Please tell me when New York isn't in a state of emergency and then I'll be surprised. They have more emergencies than Joe Biden after eating Chipotle.

And the media is all in.

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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Breaking tonight as we come on the air. The concerning COVID variant triggering new travel restrictions. Healthcare officials warn it's a matter of when not if it will arrive in our country.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Countries are racing to contain a new COVID strain and the U.S. is on high alert as experts warn, it's likely already here.

CHUCK TODD, MSNBC HOST: What appears the country in the world may be suffering from its own version of long COVID. Each pause in cases seems to be followed by spike. And now there's Omicron.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh my God. The concern voice, the series music. It's amazing. Excellent job there, fellows. Meanwhile, Biden's travel ban took effect Monday. It include South Africa and seven other countries. And of course, how dare you assume this might be racist, even though Biden saying a different tune when Trump did the same thing. According to Joe in early 2020, when Trump was in office and an Africa ban was designed to make it harder for black and brown people to immigrate to the United States.

It's a disgrace. Now I tell you to eat your words, Joe, but we'd have to put them in a blender, because your body has a hard time digesting solid foods. And Kamala back then tweeted the same thing saying Trump's travel ban was driven by eight and not security. For more, let's check in with my cat who's very nervous about the new variant.

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GUTFELD: Oh, that scared me. All right. From that cat to this cat. You're a doctor? Could this be good news?

TIMPF: Lot of people don't know that.

GUTFELD: Yes. I know.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: We always forget to ?

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: A medical doctor.

GUTFELD: Medical. You're a neurologist.

TIMPF: I do surgery as soon as I get out of here.

GUTFELD: It's amazing. It's -- you're a pediatric neurosurgeon.

TIMPF: Absolutely.

GUTFELD: You operate on tiny little brains.

TIMPF: And I do it for free.

GUTFELD: You do it for free.

TIMPF: But I don't bring it up because I don't want the accolades. I do it for the children.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes. And it's weird because you hate children.

TIMPF: Well ?

GUTFELD: And you save their lives.

TIMPF: No, not children. I don't hate children. I just hate other people's children. And I also have no children.

GUTFELD: That seems to work out. Are you worried about this variant?

TIMPF: No. I -- because there's always going to be variants. And I don't want to live like this (BLEEP) way anymore. Where you can't see people and go anywhere. And you just have to wear a mask all the time because I'm getting older. And I don't know how many more years I have left of my face being this attractive. And I have to keep covering it up.

GUTFELD: You think that's why a lot of people wear masks?

TIMPF: I don't know. But like, let me do it when it starts to fall. Which could be any day now, right? You know? Really.

GUTFELD: She's got a good point there, Tyrus. Are you worried?

TYRUS: Sure. Terrifying. I just, you know, I -- I'm not a rocket surgeon. I never claimed to be one. But I do tend to remember things.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And I remember this little old man named Fauci. I believe, doctor, I believe doctor. He came on and he said that typically science is 10 weeks behind when things spread. So if they just found the variant last weekend, chances are for several months, it's already been spreading around. And I also read that, again, that same doctor, that typically with viruses, they tend to continue to mutate to stay alive. And they become less effective, because they just want to keep moving.

GUTFELD: Exactly. They don't want to kill the host.

TYRUS: Exact ? so ?

GUTFELD: Unlike you.

TYRUS: Yes. But the little guy is clever. He's clever. He doesn't -- he doesn't fall for bear traps at all, got to work on that. But when you take common sense, and you apply it to a guy who in the middle of giving us information about Omicron which sounds like a bad guy in a Transformers movie, I'm with it. Ted Cruz asked a question. I get it as Ted Cruz. And his answer was, well, what about January 6?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: You know what I'm saying? Like he's not even trying to be the scientist anymore.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: Like somebody told him he was handsome as Brad Pitt and the fool believe it. So why are we taking device for him anymore?

GUTFELD: Who could forget that? Guy, I, you know, Americans are not going to take any more (BLEEP) no more lockdowns. I just don't see it happening. So I think that this is just like -- this is just -- this is media fodder where you can play the serious music and use the -- it's not -- it's not -- it's no longer if, it's when, it's all those cliches.

BENSON: Omicron is coming from inside (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: Yes.

BENSON: -- in the montage. The media is very excited about this because they can play the scary music and they can get some of those eyeballs back that have wandered away since Trump lost and everything. But there's also another weird like subset of Americans who are also extremely hyped about this moment. Gets this neurotic group of people who almost fetishize fear about COVID.

You can imagine them like getting the first tweets like it's go time, like it's game day. And they're trying to tell their fellow friends about this, but they can't hear each other because they're all wearing eight masks (INAUDIBLE) and they're very excited about this because they can dial up sort of the self-aggrandizement and the sense of superiority that they almost universally have while the rest of us are like, OK, there's a new variant.

We knew this was going to happen. Is it more virulent or not? Oh, it doesn't seem to be, OK, let's just continue with our lives. That seems until we get better information or different information, like the sensible thing to do and I suspect that's what most fatigued Americans are going to do. Virtually nothing about this.

GUTFELD: I like how you were able to pronounce that word, Verlin. I could never do that. It's a hard word. I -- this is -- these are times when I wish Tom Brokaw was still around (INAUDIBLE) but it is true, it is true, Verlin. I'm going to say this now. I got to stop. Joe, this guy, you're scared to everything. I seem to remember you were the terrified correspondent for Red Eye.

MACHI: I was the frightened correspondent on Red Eye.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

MACHI: I am scared of a lot of things, Greg. I wear T-shirts to the pool. I always made a script when asked calling ladies out for dates. You don't want to ? you don't want to be stumped?

GUTFELD: No, you don't.

MACHI: Stumped for those.

GUTFELD: No, no. Did that work?

MACHI: Not often.

BENSON: He was just talking about this imaginary girlfriend before, so no.

MACHI: Well, Canadian. I'll say this. I'll say this, Greg. I'm more scared of the cure than I am of, of COVID at this point because more people have died under Biden in the same amount of time as Trump. And all these lockdowns and mandates don't seem to be that effective but they do -- they do bring riots and shortages and a really a dissolution of our rights. So I'm just more worried that the government's here and they're going to help.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's -- that's funny. It is the -- but it ? the -- this new kind of person that is out there and they're -- and they're often flight attendants. I'm sorry.

TIMPF: Oh.

GUTFELD: Yes, you had it.

TIMPF: When I was on a plane, I was asleep. I was asleep and she touched me physically to wake me up because my mask was right here.

GUTFELD: Yes. This happened to me with Delta.

TYRUS: Stop talking about spirit airline guys. Enough.

TIMPF: This was American Airlines.

TYRUS: No. I don't?

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: -- to touch me and I don't even get paid and you've woken up.

GUTFELD: Well?

TYRUS: You cannot press upon the both of you. How important is for you not to shun airlines. There you go, I get here every week on airlines. They won't punish you. They'll punish me. So stop.

GUTFELD: That is true. All right, all right. OK. Because we got to move on. Are Hunter scandals too much for the media to handle?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: So, China gave Hunter a precious jewel yet pointing it out makes you the fool, because the media doesn't seem to care when the grifter is Biden's heir. Which is why --

ANNOUNCER: We should all be Hunter.

GUTFELD: I think he'd like that. Yes, we should all be Hunter Biden. Why is that? Because he's living the life and the media lets him get away with it. Even Lindsay Lohan is like, get your (BLEEP) together, Hunter! First, it was his rampant drug abuse and kinky perverted sex with prostitutes. Seriously, I'm never eating another M&M.

Look it up. And nothing happened. But at least those things should be legal. But then it was this sham of an art show where Captain Crackhead sells finger paintings for half a million bucks. It's the only painting that comes with a shady government contract. But the most serious stuff, the shady business dealings with China while Pops was V.P.

The Bidens are a family that make the sopranos look morally sound. The latest New York Post piece describes a Chinese businessman giving Hunter a three-carat diamond and a $30 million offer to help boost China's influence in Europe. How is this not a story?

Because when you're a Dem, like Hunter Biden, nothing's a story. They'll only care about Hunter if he starts dating Pete Davidson. The left-wing media works overtime to ignore what's staring them right in the face, even when it's hunters bear ass. Let's ask his dad why?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, COMEDIAN: Hey, come on. I'm sick and tired. If you want to come after someone, you, you come after the big guy, all right? You don't come after Hunter. He's a kid. All right. He likes what other kids like. He likes three-carat diamonds. I mean kids love those. He likes building things like, like multimillion dollar corporations with Chinese money. Come on, man. This is a kid. He, he paints pictures and pays for sex. He's a kid.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Guy, I know it's an obvious question, and we asked this question all the time. And I don't even know why I'm asking. But I'm going to ask it because I haven't asked you, why does he always get a pass? And why am I so jealous?

GUY BENSON, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Because Hillary Clinton lost the election in 2016, and the media went into four years of self-flagellation because they cover the laptop story and the, you know, e-mail account and all of that, right -- the server. They were furious at themselves that they help Trump win. Even though that was a bonafide news story, they were very upset and they got a lot of heat from their left-wing friends, so this was going to be 2020's server story. Now, it's the laptop story. It happened to be Hunter Biden's it might have threatened Joe Biden so they all didn't make the same mistake twice and he's the beneficiary of the guilt of helping Trump win four years prior. That's it.

GUTFELD: Well, I guess we get in the show there. I'm kind of hungry too, and get out early. Tyrus.

BENSON: M&Ms.

GUTFELD: M&Ms. You guys know, you know what I'm talking about with the M&Ms?

BENSON: No, I'm terrified to look it up.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I do, but I prepared myself. So, I'm OK mentally.

GUTFELD: No, it's just a peanut butter M&Ms.

TYRUS: Yes. OK, well, that's not better. Um, what do you -- don't look it up. Don't look it up. You know, I think we're, we've kind of given them this gullible pass. You know, we all, we talk about his drug addictions and stuff, but he's, he's playing the American people. Even the thing about and I really thought about this, why would anyone be OK with anonymous buyers?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: That takes away the transparency if you don't think a lot of those buyers are from different places, seeking favor, lobbyists, et cetera, and we have and they're anonymous, because -- but if they weren't, you could do that, you connect the dots.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: He's done more things than any of the Trump kids combined.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And we still keep finding more and more things.

BENSON: Yes.

TYRUS: And he's not only a danger to himself, he's danger to the national security. And we have to worry about some of the policies that dad's going to make or not make because it could affect his son, the things his sons has done. So, this is the worst case of what was pushed so hard. This is where, this is an actual dossier. This is an actual thing where the American people need to know how much the President is connected to his son's under dealings with China.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And look at the situation with China right now. You don't think this is important?

GUTFELD: That's a good point. That's a good -- Joe, something tells me you're a lot like Hunter in your, in your private life. You know, just the way you carry yourself. You're the strong, silent type, but you're kind of crazy once it gets dark. Is that the kind of -- am I right?

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: You're way off, Greg. I -- I'm straight as an narrow.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACHI: But I'll tell you what, I love this story. Because the media, they said that this story was fake.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACHI: And they can't now tell their viewers that the story is real because like Joe Biden said, you know, fool me once you know the thing.

GUTFELD: Kat, I know that you and I both find it despicable, but we also wish he was our best friend.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, but I'm also way more jealous of him than probably anybody at all.

GUTFELD: Why?

TIMPF: Because he has this you know, drug addiction, and he's doing all these drugs, doing all this crazy stuff, drugs, drugs, drugs, and he never has anyone give him any crap about it. I get crap every day for doing drugs, drugs, drugs, I never get to actually do all those drugs.

GUTFELD: That's true.

TIMPF: I get all the crap and none of the fun parts of being a drug addict because I'm not. And for him, it's just flipped.

GUTFELD: It is flipped. It is flipped. All right, coming up, Jussie Smollet's trial begins, but will he answer for his sin?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: What will be his excuse for lying about a noose. The trial of hate crime hoax-ter, Jussie Smollett, kicked off today. You'll recall roughly three years ago, Jussie has alleged to have orchestrated and elaborate hate crime against himself.

One in which he's accused of paying friends to stage a racist attack involving nooses, bleach and MAGA hats, what's known as the CNN gift pack. So, will he testify in his own defense which could make or break the case Attorney Mark Eiglarsh? I can never say his name. Did I nail it?

Told Fox News: "He's an actor. So, he has an advantage over almost anyone who is going to take the witness stand." And that is the best review he's ever gotten about his acting. But let's not forget his Democrat supporters, including our V.P. who tweeted in 2019: "Jussie Smollett is one of the kindest, most gentle human beings I know. I'm praying for his quick recovery. This was an attempted modern-day lynching, no one should have to fear for their life because of their sexuality or color of their skin. We must confront this hate."

So, we're just going to leave that tweet there to remind you how stupid she really is. I think we've -- I think we've forgotten. Yes, for more, let's go to our Legal Correspondent, Owl Roker. Owl, what's your prediction for the trial?

That's the number one cable network in the world, ladies and gentlemen. All right, Tyrus, what do you see this going?

TYRUS: First of all, it's Jussie Smollett.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I think this, you know, first of all, I'm surprised he's also not being charged with a hate crime as well because his use of Nigerians playing to that thing where they're all tricksters and try to get you out of money and stuff that was not fair.

GUTFELD: That's true.

TYRUS: You know, that pick those two innocent young --

GUTFELD: Bodybuilders too.

TYRUS: you know, the guys. Yes, I mean, not to mention, asking body builders to attack you in freezing cold weather. There's a lot of warm ups involved there. It takes a while, you know, but the fact that his lawyer is saying, "He's an actor, he's going to do fine." The jury knows that too, and I'm sure besides the overwhelming evidence against him, what could he possibly say on the stand that could sway anyone at this point?

GUTFELD: He only needs one juror though. And one juror who's a fan of his, right? That's all he needs.

TYRUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: I mean, he's got to have one fan. Somewhere.

TYRUS: He, he pretty much pissed off every box of every person, every group yet ran to his aid there and when it came out, they're like, wow. And he left every box checked.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true,

TYRUS: In terms of who's alienated stuff. So, I personally won't watch any of this because this is a slam dunk case but --

GUTFELD: It's on T.V.

TYRUS: Yes, just for him to try to somehow connect this to poor parenting, or pressure or the man.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Or maybe there'll be another attack right before he gets on the stand. Like, who knows, you know, like, oh, my -- you know.

GUTFELD: That would be --

TYRUS: Two Swedish interns just jumped him outside of the --

GUTFELD: I can dream. Kat, he a bit -- it's like two and a half years, and he hasn't -- like, if I were innocent for two-and-a-half years, I'd be running around screaming I'm innocent. I'd be all over the place.

TIMPF: You wouldn't --

GUTFELD: I wouldn't?

TIMPF: -- ever be all over the place. You stay home, but --

GUTFELD: That's true.

TYRUS: A lot of scathing e-mails.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: I would send a lot of scathing e-mails, generally, from the bed.

TIMPF: It would be, I don't know. It's so easy. I could lawyer him to jail.

GUTFELD: Yes?

TIMPF: Yes. Just ask him, what do you get at Subway?

GUTFELD: Oh, that's a great question.

TIMPF: That's what Columbo would do.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Because, because if you were at if you were leaving in Chicago at 2:00 am in like freezing temperatures to go to Subway, you don't just like Subway. You love Subway more than anyone, ever. You have an order?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But he doesn't.

GUTFELD: Yes, but he -- this is so Columbo of you.

TIMPF: I could be Columbo.

GUTFELD: This is so Columbo. You almost have his voice.

TIMPF: Yes, almost.

GUTFELD: Almost. Just a few more vacations.

TIMPF: Mine's a little deeper.

GUTFELD: I'm a big fan. Jussie Smollett, my wife's a big fan of yours. I was wondering if I could get you to sign this picture of you. Ah, that's the same signature on the guy who bought the noose. That's how it would go. That's how it would go, Joe.

MACHI: It could go like that. But first off, I think this lawyer is overconfident.

GUTFELD: But this lawyer. That's not his lawyer, that was just a lawyer commenting.

MACHI: Well, he's overconfident because Seth Rogan just proved actors when they write their own lines kind of screw up a lot.

GUTFELD: That is true.

MACHI: But I, I think that the jury has a chance to be impartial on this one. I think that they're going to find him, they're probably going to find him guilty because there's, there's two things I worry about in a trial it's whether or not the prosecute -- prosecution's going to play fair, which we, we found out in the Rittenhouse case doesn't always happen. And two, can the defendant afford a good lawyer. And if he can write a $3,500 check for people to fake beat him up, he's going to have a good lawyer.

GUTFELD: And I don't even think he ever paid those guys.

MACHI: I thought he wrote like a big.

TYRUS: No, he didn't pay them and Subway was their bad too because that's where you can get the protein, you know, without the bread --

GUTFELD: And probably can't even go back to Subway now those poor guys. Guy, you know what, I'm saying, as I already said it I'm mad, this isn't on T.V. I would watch this. I would watch the hell out of this.

BENSON: Because he does have the advantage of being an actor. He has the disadvantage of being very dumb. Yes, so they might balance out and I call him very dumb not because I know him but because I have seen the hate crime that he tried to orchestrate, and it is hilarious. I hope he gets what he deserves and the people of Chicago get justice because it was just outrageous what happened here. But I am delighted that we get to talk about this more because is one of my favorite news stories ever.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BENSON: This guy, everything he did was hilariously dumb and wrong.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

BENSON: He did write a personal check. Like, if you write crime on the memo, like oh, for the hate crime, there you go. Like what was this man thinking?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BENSON: He kept a noose on him.

GUTFELD: Apparently, the noose was also underneath his collar. Like it was like a loosen tie.

BENSON: It's, it's just like chef's kiss everything about this. I wish it were televised. I would watch.

GUTFELD: I know, I know.

MACHI: He could have just said this happened. He didn't have to provide all the --

GUTFELD: All right up next. Did China make a bus to an obedient Disney- Plus?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: When it comes to Chinese propaganda, Disney wants to lend a helping hand-da. But could censorship, Disney supports, leave Bart yelling eat my shorts? Disney-Plus removed the 2005 episode of "The Simpsons" which contained a joke calling out China's censorship of the 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre or as CNN calls it that tank accident. From its Hong Kong streaming service, in the episode Simpsons go to the site of the massacre and see a sign that says: "On this site 1989, nothing happened."

Censoring references to the massacre has been common practice in mainland China and in the NBA for decades, and Beijing pushed Hong Kong's legislature to pass a series of bills limiting free speech in the region just last month. But a powerful United States media company taking the side of censorship efforts seemingly completely voluntarily is pretty gross. I guess they want to make sure Scrooge McDuck can still swim in his giant vault of coins. Kat.

TIMPF: Hey.

GUTFELD: Thoughts?

TIMPF: Yes, I mean, again, I've never been offered any of this Chinese money everybody keeps getting.

GUTFELD: I know.

TIMPF: Like they don't -- nobody's I've never been faced with that choice. But this, I don't even think like was there anybody you know, in the Communist Chinese Party, like going through all the episodes of "The Simpsons" on Disney-Plus, really?

BENSON: Oh, yes.

GUTFELD: Guy, do you have some inside knowledge?

TIMPF: Yes, do you -- are you getting a Chinese present?

BENSON: I'm not, I wish.

TIMPF: Did they sponsor "THE GUY BENSON SHOW"?

BENSON: They do not and I grew up in Hong Kong. So, like, I -- this is very personal to me. And it really angers me what's happening because totalitarian regimes throughout history, always censor their own misdeeds and --

TIMPF: Right.

BENSON: Or this is what they do.

TIMPF: Yes.

BENSON: What's different about this, it's an American company that pretends to be woke, and they shovel money at Colin Kapernick, and all this nonsense. When push comes to shove, they are actively complicit in the communist propaganda, because they want to maintain access to that market, and I don't know how you defend it. They don't really try. They put on one face here at home, and they do their dirty work abroad, and they feel like they can get away with it because I guess they probably they can.

GUTFELD: They can. If you buy up the woke with pronouns that diversity, you get -- they'll leave you alone on the really big (BLEEP) likes, like ignoring slave labor, just like the biggest --

BENSON: Yes.

GUTFELD: Joe?

BENSON: Genocide.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACHI: Yes. I mean, it's interesting because what they censored was exactly what China says too.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Yes.

MACHI: In Tiananmen Square, nothing happened here --

TIMPF: Yes.

MACHI: But it's interesting these companies, they will go with whatever they think will help their bottom line, so they'll support open borders but if they think that's going to cost them money to like, really to build the wall, I will help get the shovels.

GUTFELD: Last word, Tyrus.

TYRUS: You know, I mean, Disney used to be about a magical place, and kids, and families, and you bring your place that will ignore anything that happens to you as long as it doesn't hurt their bottom line. They go, China said -- China didn't even say anything, they just hope China wouldn't say. Look what we're doing for you. We're protecting everything so we can get another bid. Does Disney need money that long? When are we going to see some of these corporations be held responsible for? You we're willing to fire an actress for having right political beliefs, throw her out, career's over, never work again, how dare she say things that we don't like? But China can do whatever.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: We just had a tennis star go missing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: You know, and look what they did. They stood up to him but not Disney. We'll get in front of this, take anything out that says anything about China. Immediately.

GUTFELD: All right, well, don't go away. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Guy Benson, Joe Machi, Kat, Tyrus, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld, I love you America.

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