Gutfeld: Tuesday night's biggest loser? The media

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 7, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Don't buy ointment on the street.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Good advice.

GUTFELD: All right. Hello, everyone. I'm Greg Gutfeld along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling and she counted half a vote, Dana Perino. This is "The Five."

So today, our Tuesday was the quiet kid spanking the bully after six years of taunting: The quiet kid being America, the media being the bully. Which is why it's fun to see them preach compromise now. It's like the defense lawyer pleading mercy for his homeless client, after he torched his own house. I get it, their goal is to save the president, because Tuesday, was bad.

The damage? Well, Harry Reid is no longer Senate majority leader. Now he can return to doing what he does best: nothing.

Charlie Crist lost, again. It's time to roll up his yoga mat. Somewhere there's a tanning salon with his name on it.

Wendy Davis got rolled. Later one of her hacks tweeted that any woman who voted Republican, should fall off the face of the Earth. Lesson: Unless you obey, feminists hate you more than ISIS.

Mia Love won. Black, female Haitian, Mormon, Republican: She scares liberals more than simple math.

Sandra Fluke lost her state senate race by 21 points. A humiliation against phonies who pretend that speaking out is actual work. She's a lawyer and an activist, so the loss is a two-fer.

Joni Ernst won. She's for a balanced budget, free market health care, federal tax reform -- meaning she's the anti-Fluke. She prefers bottom lines over picket lines -- that's real feminism.

Tim Scott, the first black to win in the House and Senate, received an F on the NAACP report card. It stands for "feared."

The biggest loser, the media, who sheltered Obama, like a wounded kitten in a snowstorm. Their love created a pig in a blanket of failure. Self-importance wrapped in doughy arrogance, no amount of mustard could save this weenie.

So what's next? 2016. Because this GOP wave is a huge waste if you don't find someone who can ride it.


GUTFELD: All right. First I want to go to -- this is sound on tape of President Obama talking about working with the GOP at a wonderful lunch today, let's roll that.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: What we seen now for a number of cycles is, that the American people just want to see work done here in Washington. I think they're frustrated by the gridlock and one thing but I, committed to both Speaker Boehner and Leader McConnell is that, I am not gonna judge ideas based on whether they're Democratic or Republican, I'm gonna be judging them based on whether or not they work.


GUUTFELD: So Dana, they had lunch -- for lunch today, they had fillet and sea bass. Think that they should have lame duck. We'll be right back.

Do you believe that ideas are somehow not connected to their ideology or their party?

PEIRNO: I feel like he's -- it's like he's playing a role, and it was like this is what you should say, and things like, OK, this what I'm gonna say. The lunch looked so uncomfortable. But I also, I like how they -- how they sat people right. So there Reid and Boehner, then you've got McConnell and Schumer, after said they have to wonder if they were texting under the table to each other like, can you believe this guy.


PERINO: One of the things that the president apparently said is that, for sure he's moving forward with immigration reform.


PERINO: By the end of the year, by executive order. Repeatedly, down the lines, which were told, Mr. President, that I think that would poison the welfare. Other things that we might fail to do together. Speaker Boehner apparently talk for about all the possibilities that exist for bipartisan cooperation of the jobs fills that the House has passed. And the president kind of shut him down.

GUTFELD: Yeah. That's a good point, Eric. What they're talking about compromise, but he's gonna do an executive order on amnesty, which basically says, screw you.

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: No compromise.


BOLLING: Well, he has a history of no compromise. Obamacare, there was no compromise, the allowing -- whatever, 100 which is 200,000 illegal children coming from Central America, no compromise there either. He doesn't compromise, and he won't compromise so, it's illegal -- maybe not illegal, this executive fiat did allow 4 million to 5 million people to stay in the country. Even though Boehner say it was a poison -- poisoning the well, and McConnell says like, raising a red flag in front of a bull. He's still gonna go forward, where's the Compromise? The compromise always has to be with the Republicans. Republicans always have to compromise, no way. The time for compromise is over. You didn't want compromise when there was real -- the House is -- Republican and the Senate was Democrat. Now, all of a sudden it's both our Republican, you want to compromise? It's too late, sorry.

GUTFELD: You know Bob, I know before the show you said, "Do we have any tape of Bill O'Reilly talking about compromise. So went back and I look for some for you, so.

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Thank you. GUTFELD: Can we roll that and I'll get your commentary.


BILL O'REILLY, THE O'REILLY FACTOR SHOW HOST: Voters not expect the GOP, the Grand Old Party to improve things in America. If those expectations are not met in the next two years, Hillary Clinton has a very good chance to be elected the president. So Republicans has to wise up, come together, passed some laws that will help all Americans.


GUTFELD: But Bob, he is making a strong point. But I -- the problem for me is how Republicans do and President Obama compromise, when the Republicans think President Obama is merely wrong, but President Obama thinks Republicans are evil. And you can't compromise with evil, right?

BECKEL: Well, first of all, I think it's grossly unfair to say that just people are not called for common ground, including the Republicans and Obama in certain points. I -- the press has been strong on this editorially. I wrote a book on it four years ago, called "Common ground" which I and Thomas (ph) as the preserver. So, I think this is gonna have about to be aware of the public feels about this. The question -- and by the way, on the market for the Obamacare bill, not a single Republican even showed up. I mean, how do you call that?

PERINO: They even didn't take any of the Senate Democrats of them either. I mean --

BECKEL: The limit that is the young (inaudible) is not.


PERINO: That was not a crowning achievement of by partisan legislation.

BECKEL: The idea of being in the committee is gonna passed some entries of legislation, you ought to get there.

BOLLING: You're not suggesting there was compromise on Obamacare, I hope.

BECKEL: I think there was.


PERINO: Oh, come on Bob.

GUTFELD: It will get through, and we let it get Democratic.


GUTFELD: Oh yes.


GUTFELD: That was the compromise in the middle of night.

PERINO: But interestingly, the kind of says of Bob one thing.


PERINO: Because David Axelrod -- not going on you. David Axelrod suggested that the president put off the executive order on amnesty piece, the executive order, and why not then use that opportunity to jam the Republicans and say, "I'll hold off, but you have an up-or-down vote by march 31st." Why not be smart about it?

BECKEL: Unless it's.

PERINO: What is the rush? I don't think the president has defined the problem.

BECKEL: That's some idea, well I think part of the rush is that he'll be doing it during a lame duck congress, so they won't have that many votes to overturn him. Which I can do and make a new law and that goes important you lose. But, I think frankly the reason is that the Republicans have not, will not, negotiate seriously on immigration reform. They want one thing, they want to seal the boarder and send all of them back home.

GUTFELD: That's not true, but we'll move on.

BECKEL: Really.

GUTFELD: No, it is not true, that you're conflating illegal immigration with legal immigration. Everybody, anybody who believes in the American ideal believes in immigration, they just don't believe in breaking the law. All we have to do is enforce the law. Speaking of laws, K.G.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, come to me.

GUTFELD: Yes, I will. I'm coming to you now. What it is.

PERINO: Is this where the law lives?

GUTFELD: Yes. What is gonna come out of this meeting? Is anything good? Do you see compromise?

GUILFOYLE: No, I see Pepcid AC, I see Imodium (ph) I see acid in suggestion, stive in reflex. (ph) I mean, that looks like the most uncomfortable situation, take a blind date, I went on when I was 16 years old, awkward, awkward, awkward.

GUTFELD: There were seven men.

GUILFOYLE: But I hope.



GUILFOYLE: There are right, there are, choose me. I think, I'm hoping of the hopeful, that they're gonna get the message from the can exit polling, that Americans are strongly dissatisfied -- you know, with both sides, meaning, they expect that from a government and they should. So this a lesson, that anybody want to be open and listen to what the people are saying, but they want something to be accomplish, but they want the bank for their buck. They don't want you to go to the hill and be like, yeah, I won, were better than the other guys, because that's a mature and it's a waste of time. Go there and try and meet some common ground, show that your vote was well learned and discern.

BOLLING: By the Republican?

GUILFOLYLE: Because that gonna be different. I think both sides need to do it. Good point. Do I think the Republicans were treated fairly or they tried to compromise? No, but you lead by example. You lead by example, you can't just sit there and say we're gonna pay it back to you.

BOLLING: And say, OK Obama, you want $4 million, take 4 million?

GUILFOYLE: That's not what I'm saying. I've said try to build some consensus. How about on taxes?


BOLLING: Where do you use comprise? If they OK, no Keystone.

GUILFOYLE: No, how about say, let's do the Keystone. How can you really on and suggesting with Keystone Pipeline.


BOLLING: You're suggesting that -- I agree with you that.


BOLLING: That Republican should push for Keystone tax reform, immigration reform.

GUILFOYLE: Get rid of the medical device tax.

BOLLING: Where is that a compromise on the Republicans side? It did sound like, I agree with you, that's why.


GUILFOYLE: No, I'm saying that they need to go ahead and push forward and try to find common ground and convince them. Use their power of persuasion OK? Because they have the votes from the people, they have some kind of political will behind them now, see if you can do that, put the other side to the vote, to the task. Let them fail at it, but at least you've gone forward with some things that you think are mutually acceptable. That's all I'm saying.


BECKEL: Democrats should not now march in lock step with Obama. They do not need Obama now, he's gonna be out. There are a lot of Democrats on the Keystone Pipeline, for example, Obama may say, no, but they're gonna say, Mr. President, we're gonna go on that. Now, Obama is not gonna put himself in a position to veto bills that have Democratic laws is on. Go forth.

GUILFOYLE: Well, fine. So then something should get done. And the clock is ticking and I'm waiting.

BECKEL; I think It will. The vote of the (inaudible) and the folks are both there up.

GUILFOYLE: Right. But my point is, come with something that you actually can get common ground on versus right if come right away off the top of an intractable issue that you know that you're not gonna get anywhere with. Let's start in massage in a little bit. Massage it.

GUTFELD: Yeah, I'm all for massage. Dana, the point is I think what Kimberly and Bob are both are making the similar point. That even though the Republicans won these elections, you still have to earn the support and the trust of the entire country.


GUTFELD: Just hated the Democrats this time. It's not enough just to ride on the hate.

PERINO: I think that they wanted to stop, and it a sort of -- it was a few things, which is stop, what's happening in Washington and then figure out how to move forward from there. I think on immigration, there was -- remember when the president in August, they teased up that the president was gonna do his executive order, that actually hurt them, OK? So that's I why I don't understand why. That would be something that he could -- I don't see what the rushes before December, except for the point about the lame duck climate, which is a good one. But, if that would be a way for him to be immediately gain good will, especially from the media they say, look, he was going to compromise, he's selling you guys -- they try to get it together, use your new congress and show me what you can get on immigration. Stepping back from that, on the big picture of immigration, I think that the president -- has got to come out and give some sort of speech that explains it. Exactly how does he see the problem, how does he define it, how is it hurting America and how this is solution that he's proposing actually help Americans. That information totally lost in this debate. Coverage of Immigration reform is not well defined by either one. The last thing I said on that is last year when last year when Patty Murray and Paul Ryan got together to work out that budget deal. Perhaps, that's something that could happen on immigration, or any of these big things, which is at McConnell and Boehner choose somebody and Reid and Pelosi choose somebody, and they ask those two to try and go and try to work it out and see if they come up with a solution.

BECKEL: Which is -- we ask about the thing of this comprehensive and maybe this town has trying to do it incrementally.

PERINO: Agree.

BECKEL: Send pieces of immigration on.

PERINO: Absolutely.



PERINO: You do, you do the --

BOLLING: It means it can also increase legal immigration now?


BECKEL: You can do trade, you can do trade with some.

GUILFOYLE: How about Dana?

PERINO: No about.


PERINO: And yeah, take it yeah. But on immigration, I think that you could do the piece for the business community really, really wants, which is -- I assume that's the only thing that they want. I understand that they want to be able to allow everyone that -- legally who deserves to be here to be here. But the high-tech community, and the scientists and the engineers, that is a need that we, could actually sell to the American people. They can get that done in a lame duck in about five hours.

GUTFELD: You know what's missing though? IS the process -- the illegal, influx eliminates the process. So when you eliminate the process, you also eliminate the idea that the people coming here -- get it. Like they're willing to go through this process, because they get it, not because they deserve it, and that's a key distinction.

PERINO: Earned it.

GUTFELD: And if's they have to be -- you know, like, we all feel that they -- people are coming here, earn it because they want to be here, because they get -- they understand what America is, right? Is that the whole point?

BECKEL: Well yes, I don't think -- they believe that they're gonna get that. I mean, if an illegal immigrant in the city for example, who makes beds at hotels every morning. Is not gonna buy the no show (ph) can go down there and I'm gonna register and get (inaudible) they don't buy it, they're afraid of it. You've got to make it -- you've got to take all the demons out of it and say yes, we really did.

BOLLING: But they don't want to do that, because these are not to do that. So this is just common that you have to get, you know -- literally, they don't get deported, Bob. On contrary to what the -- enough of the White House --

BECKEL: Every day, every day with no documents is a very, very difficult thing.

BOLLING: Bob, if you're handed a deportation slip and you're never followed up on, Obama counts says a deportation, even though, you're still in America. That's the truth, that's the facts.

EBCKEL: Yeah, because people get those and then flee to other states.

BOLING: No, they don't. They don't have to go. GUILFOYLE: They don't have to flee, and it has no to go anywhere. There were shows (ph) further in their hearing.

BOLLING: They were up for the hearing. Right.

GUILFOYLE: We covered this on O'Reilly, Bob. You should watch it.

GUTFELD: Hey, stick to The Five.


GUILFOYLE: Whoa, Whoa.

GUTFELD: President Obama has a new pen pal, the top mullet in Iran. Dana has the details on the secret letter, he reportedly sense Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, next.


PERINO: Is President Obama seeking our own tell (ph) to battle ISIS in exchange for confessions on our owns (ph) new program. The Wall Street Journal reports, he sends a secret letter last month to Ayatollah Khomeini looking for cooperation against the terror network. And that's were John Bolton thinks that, that's never gonna happen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) JOHN BOLTON, FORMER U.N. AMBASSADOR: Notion of cooperating against ISIS sounds superficially appealing. But the fact of the matter is, are differences with Iran are far greater than any common interest regarding ISIS. In this Middle East, which is descending in the chaos, Iran remains America's principle adversary.

(END VIDEO CLIP) PERINO: House Speaker John Boehner is also voicing concerns over the reports.


JOHN BOEHNER, SPEAKER OF THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVE: I don't trust the Iranians, I don't think we need to bring them into this and I would hope that the negotiations that are under way are serious negotiations. But I have my doubts.

(END VIDEO CLIP) PERINO: The White House isn't commenting on the correspondence. But it's denying the team up against ISIS.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) SUSAN RICE, U.N. AMBASSADOR: I think you know that I'm not gonna comment on any private communication between the president and any world leader. But I will say this, first of all, as I have said repeatedly in public and others have too, we are in no way engaged in any coordination, military coordination with Iran on countering ISIL.

(END VIDEO CLIP) PERINO: Alright, Bob. Let me ask you about this, the John Hay initiative, which is a group that is working -- try to prevent Iran from getting the nuclear weapon said that, the November 24 deadline, that was established by the president and the world community is rapidly approaching as is couple of weeks away. And every indication is that, should the administration strike a deal with Iran, it will fail to stop or even set back in any significant way that regimes nuclear program. And the Iran would be -- a nuclear country with the threshold to be able to wage for with nuclear weapon. Is that -- is the deal at any cost so important to the administration?

BECKEL: Well, not. And No, it sounds that should be and I don't think the Iranians are in a position yet, for about another year, anyway. To put another to the weapon on a missile and a fire, but this not a sight, why not communicated we learned this. (inaudible) we hated the Russians, we joined together to fight a common enemy. I think Iran's willing to join us and with influence or what.


BECKEL: Because the -- attached by this group on Iran is real and they're worried about it and they want to stop.

BOLLING: Out of your mind, did you think Iran has anything other than getting a nuclear weapons, so that they can at least threaten Israel and put Israel back on its seals and we're foolish to pull the sanctions, which should we kept them place, we gonna stop.


BOLLING: Stop their secret letters that told -- who really runs the show there, not the president, the mullets runs the show in Iran, you're out of your mind if you think you're gonna change their view on Israel or the west, they hate us, they always hate us and with them with Obama is a place a lot more.


BECKEL: And they have this self-preservation in mind and that is to keep ISIS away from Iran. And that -- tries (ph) everything in Iran right now.

PERINO: It's almost says who we have like, the president stays, we put himself boxed himself into a choice between two bad things, which is we need help to -- well, I don't know if a need for Iran so, but we need to destroy and integrate ISIS and we really don't want Iran to have a nuclear weapons. So as this point, the president is sort of twixt and between.

GUTFELD: That's true. You've got to stop calling them Iranians, they call them, call them Uranians.

PERINO: Oh, OK. That will make help.

GUTFELD: I actually kind of -- I agree with Bob, in the sense that -- in the past we have communicated with our adversaries, we communicated with the USSR during the cold war, that's what we do. But the problem is, it's not the action, it's the actor. We have a problem with President Obama who seems to be the leak -- the weakest least competent car salesman on the lot. He would trade a port to a pinto. You think he's gonna give the olive branch? He does gonna give away the whole tree. And I think that's why -- what scares this is, we don't trust him, we trust a strong patriotic leader to have these secret meetings, but we can't trust him with the secret deal. He's not Churchill, he's Chompsky. So we don't like it. We like the action, because maybe it will help, but we don't like the actor.

PERINO: Been talking about being caught in the middle, Kimberly, are the Sunni -- our allies in the fight against ISIS, the Sunnis, who are -- basically worried about the ISIS threat to them and also the Iranian threat and then the president -- I'm not against in the sending them letters.


PERINO: About what he want to do to try to box them in, but what about our allies?

GUILFOYLE: The Sunnis are already in the squeeze play, but I also look at it in a more global perspective, we've got to keep that in play over here, but we also have to understand our relationship with Israel. And let's not be, you know, naive and stupid to think that we can get in bed with Iran, by like naked, vulnerable, starving, alone with the devil. I don't think so. Why do we need them? Rely on American strength and independence to make the right military decision. We can, do this on our own.


GUILFOYLE: But what we have to gain, which we can start bargaining positions, to come to the.

PERINO: The President.

GUILFOYLE: And they lie anyway.

PERINO: The president said in his statement in the press conference the other day that the sanctions are working so, why not allow them to keep working.


PERINO: We -- he also sent double the number of American forces to go and help the Iraqis in order to fight ISIS, so.

BECKEL: Yeah, the difference between the sanctions they have on now and getting a nuclear deal. And I think that's what's imperative here. And the Iranians may not be going to do it. If they're not, within a year, the United States ought to join forces with Israel and take it out.


BOLLING: What's in it for us to do a deal with Iran?


BOLLING: What's in it for us?


BECKEL: What is in for us?


BECKEL: Is to keep -- hopefully is to keep Iran, not being as aggressive in that region.

BOLLING: But for 3,000 years.


GUTFELD: That's gonna make Valerie Jarrett very happy.


PERINO: Right.

GUTFELD: Alright. That's what it is.

BOLLING: That's in for us.

PERINO: OK. Well, hopefully, this is not just based on hope.

Coming up, Jerry Seinfield has just revealed something about himself and then many of his fans will be surprised to hear. You're gonna hear from the comedian, next.


GUILFOYLE: It's been one week since Marine Sergeant Andrew Tahmooressi was freed from his 214 days of hell in a Mexican jail. His situation was so dire that he attempted suicide, he also tried to escape. Here's what happened when he was caught.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) ANDREW TAHMOORESSI, UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS VETERAN: They lay me on the ground and then guard comes over running, and -- you know, starts whacking me with a stick. Another guard puts his, poop on my head in the ground, and they would drag me into the wall and put me on my knees up against the wall, and started hitting me, hitting in the face with open palms. I was glad as can be to take that beating, I was just like bring it, bring it on. Like, I was just there joyful knowing that I got away from that place. So the beating didn't bother me.


GUILFOYLE: But what of the happy day when he was released. Sergeant Tahmooressi takes us through that joyous moment.


TAHMORESSI: My mom was telling me, she thinks it's gonna be really soon. I was looking for signs of hey, it's gonna be today. And there were some signs there telling, they told me to take a shower and get ready and shave, they told me to clean up, so I cleaned up the lady came from the courthouse and have the paper work for me, saying that my immediate in absolute release is -- has been commanded by somebody. So, that was that.

GRETA VAN SUSTEREN, ON THE RECORD SHOW HOST: When you finally got the idea that when it turn 214 days.

TAHMOORESSI: Yeah. SUSTEREN: This is at least over. What do you feel like?

TAHMOORESSI: Glad, happy.


GUILFOYLE: I get that -- it's sad and as a country and many people tried to do a lot to help this young man, who clearly suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. Who according to the facts, our own Greta Van Susteren, when did the exact route that he said that he took, made the wrong turn. Why didn't this administration and this president perhaps, even this justice department do more to bring our American marine home, Dana?

PERINO: Well, I have no good answer for it. But apparently the administration doesn't either if they had one. Maybe would have provided it. I've always wonder that they had, some reason that they -- were reluctant to say, whether is because to protect him. Maybe that's what on their mind -- perhaps, in the coming days there will be more of an explanation, I think -- bottom line is, great to have him home, and I hope that he does get some of the caring thing that he needs.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. I just think it's cause for concern, because why didn't President Obama, as leader of the free world, pick up the phone and call the president of Mexico to even try to do something to intercede on that. We certainly have a tremendous amount of economic influence with Mexico in terms of aid that we provide them. Why is it they have so little regard for the call to release our solder?

BOLLING: Baffling. I don't know what took them so long. Thank God we have him back; he's out. And I will tell you, we had Greg on last night, prior to the interview airing, and I had no idea how really messed up this poor guy is. I mean, when you watch that, you just see, like she said, he is fragile, attempted suicide.

GUILFOYLE: I see what you mean, how much he's suffering?

BOLLING: Yes, from PTSD, yes. I feel horrible that he's been locked up all this time. He talks about being locked up, arms and legs and chained to a bed. And ultimately he was released because of the PTSD. It's just sad. If our State Department knew how bad he was, wouldn't they step the process up?

GUILFOYLE: It should have been bad enough that he was behind bars that time for 214 days, and they didn't do anything. I mean, I just see so much outrage. There's Ferguson and this -- all the these things. You see the Department of Justice go crazy about all of this, and why the deafening silence on this? You saw this covered on this network. Right?

GUTFELD: That could be one of the reasons. It's the FOX News avoidance syndrome. Whenever our network champions something, for some reason the White House doesn't take it seriously.

You know, with Mexico in particular, we've been very gracious with the influx of their citizens coming here, often uninvited. We treat them nicely. They could have just treated one of ours...

GUILFOYLE: No kidding.

GUTFELD: ... just treat him well, that's all we ask.

And I often think of one other troubled soldier, and that's Bergdahl.


GUTFELD: And he got a Rose Garden -- he was a troubled guy, and they made a big deal about getting him back. -- but this is like, it's weird to me -- I don't -- maybe we don't know everything. But the fact is, we didn't know everything or anything about Bergdahl, and that was a Rose Garden ceremony that was everywhere.

GUILFOYLE: And in fact, because of the investigation, Greg, I'll tell you at the time of his AWOL, of deserting, we did actually know quite a bit.. And we know about the Americans that died trying to find him. Whatever happened to "leave no soldier behind"? And we instead let him in Mexico, which should have been a lay-up for us to be able to get him out.

That to me is a fail, and it's cause for concern that this happened the way it did. I'm telling you, I don't see any good reason or excuse for it. There may be more to the story, but nevertheless, we deal with it and we work it out. We don't leave him there to rot and be beaten when he's already suffering -- Bob.

BECKEL: I don't think -- I don't think he was -- we were not trying to get him out. There were a lot of State Department visits there, a lot of negotiations.

But you've got to remember: this place is controlled by gangs, drug gangs. It's not just as easy to walk in there. And the president...

GUILFOYLE: The drug gangs were not holding him, Bob.

BECKEL: ... let them go. They control the prisons.

GUTFELD: Wouldn't it have been great if his buddies, or if SEAL Team 6 went down there and got him out? I think it would have been very swift. It wouldn't have been a bad thing.

GUILFOYLE: I mean, the president's still in charge of Mexico. The drug cartels were not holding him prisoner. So let's not mistake the case.

GUTFELD: Yes. If it is drug gangs, we should go there.

GUILFOYLE: Why didn't -- why didn't Enrique Pena Nieto, the president of Mexico, do something? Honestly, I would have, you know, pinched a wallet.

GUTFELD: If it was in control of the government, I understand trying to work through government ways. But if you're saying it's controlled by prisons, then we have to go in.

BECKEL: I would bet you, it's all said and done, you're going to find out that the United States representative sat down with the cartels in northern Mexico.

PERINO: I hope they tell us.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. Bergdahl, Tahmooressi. What do we get, five Gitmo detainees. One is back out already. Three of them back out in the field. Just saying.

Next, the film about Mark Zuckerberg's life may have won an Oscar, but it's not a winner in his opinion. Why the Facebook founder now says he was hurt by the movie. It's coming up in your "Fastest Seven."


BOLLING: Welcome back. Time for...


GRAPHIC: Fastest 7


BOLLING: The "Fastest Seven" minutes on all of television. Three fascinating stories, seven fun-filled minutes, one fierce host.

First up, Jerry Seinfeld...


BOLLING: Fierce. Is a master at making people laugh, a comic genius. So it might surprise a lot of people to hear this self-diagnosis: he may have a form of autism. Listen.


JERRY SEINFELD, COMEDIAN: I think I'm on a very drawn-out scale; I think I'm on the spectrum. You're never paying attention to the right thing. Basic social engagement is really a struggle. I'm very literal. When people talk to me and they use expressions, sometimes I don't know what they're saying. But I don't see it as dysfunctional; I just think of it as an alternate mindset.


BOLLING: All right. Greg, your thoughts on this one?

GUTFELD: I'm always against self-diagnosis. You know, there are people that are sick, so when you give the self-diagnosis that's a problem.

And when people are talking about being on a spectrum of anything, I don't know exactly what that means.

Having said that, though, I have quote outrage fatigue. I really don't care what he says. I'm more interested in what he does. And he does a lot of charity work for autism. Later in that interview, he talked about finding joy in work, not in the money you make from it. I thought that was important, too. It was a good point he made.

BOLLING: How about it, D?

PERINO: I love these interviews. And Greg told me about this series that he's been doing, the coffee with comedians.

GUTFELD: Comedians in cars having coffee. Very good. Very funny.

PERINO: Comedians in cars having coffee, which I really like. It's great. He's extremely talented. I don't know if he does have -- if he's on the spectrum...

GUILFOYLE: ... disorder.

PERINO: ... at all. I don't know enough about it. I know that he's extremely talented. We love him. And I think that his message about -- you have to be -- the reason he keeps doing stand yup is that's what he started doing, and he enjoys it and he loves doing it, and that gives him joy. It makes him happy. I like that.

BECKEL: True. And also, the autism thing has probably plagued him for a long, long time. The question is, has he been diagnosed with it? I don't think he has been diagnosed. He may think he's got it. But look, if you get somebody willing to step up there, autism is a terrible thing. It hurts many, many families. So the guy wants to do it, that's fine. If he's autistic, let him be autistic.

BOLLING: Good point. K.G.

GUILFOYLE: OK. Well, yes, he hasn't been diagnosed with it. I think what he was trying to say is that, you know, he relates and understands, no judgment. We all have different things going on with us. He's a, you know, champion of autism and research and fundraising for families, so many children afflicted with it. It's very difficult, he says, very hard on the families, Bob, it really is. So I think he should be applauded for all his outreach and giving back and being incredibly charitable.

GUTFELD: See, I don't think that's what -- I don't think he was actually saying he had it.


GUTFELD: He's talking about the nature of his personality.


GUTFELD: That's a key difference. He isn't actually saying that.

BOLLING: What makes him -- what makes him operate, what makes him tick, what makes him funny.

GUILFOYLE: No, I don't think he's saying that he has it. He's trying to be relatable.

BOLLING: Next up, it's been over seven years since the finale of "The Sopranos," but creator David Chase still knows how to keep fans excited about the series. He's now teasing a possible prequel. I'm on board, K.G. Are you on board with the prequel of "The Sopranos"?

GUILFOYLE: You know, why not? I think that's a clever idea to bring it back. Everybody is still talking about it. Right? I mean, the only time now we see sweet -- Tony Soprano, James Gandolfini, is on the Wounded Warriors.

BECKEL: Wounded Warriors commercial, right.

Bobby, are you a big fan? By the way, do you realize seven years ago? Isn't that amazing?

BECKEL: No, I didn't watch it (ph). It's nothing against Italians. I just don't particularly like...


BECKEL: It takes place in New Jersey, right?

BOLLING: Yes, sir.

BECKEL: Then that makes sense. Just wait a second. I think the idea of going with a brand like that, talking about making a movie out of it, they probably ought to do it.

BOLLING: Good idea. Good idea, good business sense, right?

BECKEL: Of course.

PERINO: I think that there should be more -- you know what? Truly I don't care. If they want to make it, great. I just wonder where the creativity is. I usually don't like prequels. The only one I liked was a book. Kent Haruf wrote a Pulitzer Prize-winning book called "Plainsong," which was fabulous. And he wrote a prequel that actually was as good as "Plainsong." So that's the only prequel I ever liked.

GUILFOYLE: You're so going to be my phone a friend if I'm on one of those game shows. Like, yo, D.P. on the speed dial.

BOLLING: What about a prequel to "Not Cool"?

GUTFELD: Good point. Prequel is Latin for "how do we make more money off a dead series?"

The -- by the way, there's a prequel to "Sex and the City." Looking forward to that.

PERINO: "No Sex and the City"?

GUTFELD: Very funny. Prequel sounds like a medicine that you buy when you think you're about to get sick. Like when your co-worker has been sitting here for weeks, coughing on you.


BOLLING: Nyquil, Dayquil and Prequel?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, Prequel, you just start drinking it. It's all booze.

PERINO: Finally, the 2010 blockbuster, "The Social Network," about Facebook won rave reviews from critics and won three Academy Awards.

GUILFOYLE: That's funny.


JESSE EISENBERG, ACTOR: I need the algorithm used to rank chess players.


EISENBERG: We're ranking girls. You give each girl a base rating of 1,400. The girl A has a rating RA, girl B has a rate of RB.



BOLLING: But the founder of the actual social network just told a crowd he wasn't a big fan. Here's Mark Zuckerberg.


MARK ZUCKERBERG, FOUNDER OF FACEBOOK: They just kind of made up a bunch of stuff that I found kind of hurtful. They kind of made up this whole plot line about how I somehow decided to create Facebook to, I think, attract girls. The woman who I'm married to who, I've been dating for more than ten years, and I've known for more than 10 years, I was actually dating her before I even started Facebook. So if somehow I was trying to create Facebook to get -- to find more women, that probably would not have gone over too well in my relationship.


BOLLING: Yes, all right. Dana, we'll start with you on this one. Your thought -- By the way, artistic, what is it called, artistic license.

PERINO: Billionaires have feelings, too.

PERINO: I wonder if I was -- I wonder if I were in his position, would I have watched the movie. I think I would have just had somebody that worked for me tell me about it.

BOLLING: I would have watched.

GUTFELD: Yes. Of course he would have watched it.

PERINO: Really?


GUILFOYLE: Or you would have had Greg watch it and tweet about it.

BOLLING: Who would play you?

GUTFELD: That...

PERINO: In a movie where I make an app that's worth a gazillion dollars?

GUTFELD: No, the movie about -- never mind.

Here's the thing. He can't expect Hollywood to do a realistic portrayal of making Facebook. It would be like doing a musical on Fortran. I mean, it's just three hours of people in front of computers.

What they did, what Fincher did, which was brilliant, he made a modern-day western. He replaced cowboys with coders. Wake up, Bob.

BECKEL: Sorry.

GUTFELD: And he replaced holsters with hoodies. It was a western. It was a face-off between young guys. I thought it was interesting. Although grown men saying that it's hurtful. You're not supposed to use that word. There's no such thing as hurtful.

BOLLING: My wife always says, "Oh, he's a lovely man."

I go, "Don't ever say that. He's not a lovely man."

GUTFELD: I found it hurtful.

BOLLING: K.G., who would play "The Five" if there was a movie about "The Five"? Who would play you? Actually, go to our Facebook and write.


BOLLING: Your thoughts on Mark Zuckerberg...

GUILFOYLE: I'd have Reese Witherspoon for Dana.

GUTFELD: That's a good one.

BOLLING: ... creating Facebook to pick up girls?

GUTFELD: Sean Penn's ex-wife. What's her face?

GUILFOYLE: Robin Wright Penn? That would be good. And then you're one of the Brady kids.

PERINO: I love her haircut.

GUILFOYLE: You would be one of the Brady kids. Whoever, they could use his job.

BECKEL: I would be Meatball, right? Is that it?

GUILFOYLE: Meatloaf!

GUTFELD: Meatball is part of Meatloaf.

BECKEL: I don't have one of these things. I have a page. I haven't looked at it in three years. But I want to hear...

GUILFOYLE: David Hasselhoff.

BOLLING: Oh, stop.

GUILFOYLE: Sorry. For Bolling.

BECKEL: The thing is, a lot of problems come with this thing. You see stuff, people are going to kill themselves. Why have it?

BOLLING: All right.

PERINO: Facebook?

BOLLING: We've got to leave it right there. I had it on five.

My full...


BOLLING: ... plus, how FOX News got that exclusive first interview with the hero who killed Osama bin Laden. Stick around.


BECKEL: Now did you ever skip class in college? Come on, be honest with yourselves. I skipped my senior year pretty much. But I was a football player and we got away with that.

Now, Harvard did a study and found out that a lot of people were not going to class, but they did it clandestinely by having counters following students around. And I think that's outrageous. I applied to Harvard and they didn't even send me a reply, saying no.

What about you?

BOLLING: So here, you know, look...

BECKEL: We'll start by how much you cheated. I want to know how much you cheated.

BOLLING: I never cheated.

BECKEL: You went to every class?

BOLLING: Yes, I was a good...

BECKEL: Really?

BOLLING: I actually -- whatever. I liked school.

Here's the thing. Harvard's a private institution. They can do that, and you expect them to. By the way, if you're ever in a private campus or in a private building, or -- expect to be snooped on, listened to, followed.


BOLLING: Just expect it 24/7, because you're probably getting done. The problem is when they take it to the next level and do it in your private home, in your home in public places. Then it becomes a, you know, constitutional...

BECKEL: You mean, you think it's all right to bump (ph) people in their dorm room?

PERINO: No, no, no. That's not what he said.

BOLLING: No. In the classroom.

PERINO: The classroom.

BECKEL: The classroom, all right.

All right. Dana, now look, you had a perfect record, right? Let's say it.

PERINO: Yes. I did. I don't remember ever actually skipping a college class, like, on purpose because I just did not go or because I was hung over or something like that.

GUILFOYLE: Of course not.

BECKEL: Yes. OK, well, let me go to the one person who I know skipped classes -- Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes, I -- for two years, I probably didn't go to school once at Berkley.

GUILFOYLE: Who would?

GUTFELD: I took a thing called Black Lightning, which is a note taking course. So somebody would actually be in your class and take notes for you while I watched every single soap opera known to man for the first two years of school, until I realized that, what a horrible thing I was doing. Because I didn't pay for my education. Because I didn't pay for my education, my parents did, I didn't feel the pinch. It's like blowing off a concert that somebody else paid for.

If I had actually paid for my education, I would have felt the consequences. I would have taken it more seriously.

GUILFOYLE: You'd have skin in the game.

GUTFELD: This is good. It's good that they're following kids who skip -- who are skipping class, because they're paying for those classes. And they deserve -- and the parents deserve to know if they're there or not.

BECKEL: It's amazing what a few decades will do to your mind, isn't it? Yes. "One More Thing" is next.

GUILFOYLE: I didn't even get to go!

BECKEL: I did that on purpose. I did it on purpose. To psych you...

GUTFELD: They started the music.

GUILFOYLE: Anyway, so, because I like to talk about this, like Dana, we're kindred spirits, and I had perfect attendance. I would cry if I couldn't go to class. This is really true. I showed up one time late for law school, and I got a standing ovation, because they thought that perhaps I was missing that day, and my professor was so happy.

Anyway, I love school. I love education. I come from an immigrant family. I know the value of hard work and the ability to get a great education like we have here. So I think people should take it seriously. Go to class. You make friends, and you learn something.

BECKEL: And you get other stuff. "One More Thing" is up next.



GUTFELD: "One More Thing" -- Eric.

BOLLING: OK. So I tried -- oh, that's right. It's Friday, it's time for...



GRAPHIC: Fool of the Week


BOLLING: Don't want to skip (ph) that animation. OK, so trying to do my best not to kick a guy when he's down. But look what happened this week. With a loss in the Florida governor's race, Charlie Crist has now lost as a Republican in 2007, as an independent in 2010, and as a Democrat in 2014. He's probably the only guy, in my mind, who has lost an elected office in three -- in all three of the major parties, if you call independent a major party. Libertarians, guess what? You're probably on deck.

But remember this, that fan, that poor fan? Bye-bye fan, I guess it didn't work.

That, also I'll be hosting "O'Reilly" tonight. Hopefully you check it out. Really big show, a lot about race and what happened in the midterms.

GUTFELD: Next time he should run as a human being.

All right, Kimby.

GUILFOYLE: Or Gumby. Gumby's popular.

All right. Well, next Tuesday night on the FOX News Channel, you're going to hear for the very first time from the Navy SEAL who fired the first shot that killed Osama bin Laden. His name is Rob O'Neill. Correspondent Peter Doocy got that incredible exclusive and explained how he did on "The Kelly File" last night.


MEGYN KELLY, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: I have seen clips from this program, and I was in tears. I was unable to move in my chair. It was incredibly gripping. How did you get this?

PETER DOOCY, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: He and I met. We got connected through a third party. And then over time, we developed a relationship, and this summer, something happened that we cover in the special, where he decided now is when I want to tell the story and now is when I want to reveal myself.


GUILFOYLE: The two-night special, "The Man that Killed Osama bin Laden," premiers Tuesday, at 10 p.m. Eastern.

GUTFELD: Excellent. All right. Who's up, Dana?

PERINO: I guess me. OK. A friend of mine, Ed Gillespie, we've been talking about him a little bit this week because he was running as the Republican for the Virginia U.S. Senate seat. He came this close to winning in a surprise that no one, except for me, believed in. Actually had a lot of -- a great campaign, a lot of volunteer support. He may not have won the election, but he won a lot of hearts and minds with comments like the one he made today when he conceded to Senator Mark Warner.


ED GILLESPIE (R), VIRGINIA SENATE CANDIDATE: It would have been nice to be called "Senator," but the best thing I have ever been called is "Dad."


PERINO: That was you?

GUTFELD: I called him Dad.

PERINO: Anyway, congratulations, Ed, you ran a great race, and I hope you enjoy some family time.

GUILFOYLE: Ed for governor!

BOLLING: Do it again, Ed. Do it again.

PERINO: I think Ed should be the vice president now.

BOLLING: There you go.

GUTFELD: All right.

PERINO: Vice-presidential candidate. What do you think?

GUILFOYLE: How about that...

GUTFELD: That's very interesting.

PERINO: Throw that little chum in there.

GUTFELD: We've got to move on, Dana. You had your chance.

All right. We had -- we have two big anniversaries this weekend. First off, Sunday, November 9, the 25th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, which is basically the end of the Cold War. We've got to give credit where it's due, Ronald Reagan, of course. And I would give some to Gorbachev. But the unsung hero, of course, our nuclear weapons, which prevented the conflict, and of course, SDI, which drove the USSR to bankruptcy.

That's a hot topic. You know what else is a hot topic? Hot Topic, remember that store in the mall? Twentieth anniversary for the shop, the only shop where America's underappreciated Goth community, remember that Goths are people, too. This is where they shop. Even though they look like unhappy zombies, they're actually quite a laugh and fun to be around. So congratulations, Hot Topic. It's a crazy store -- Bob.

BECKEL: OK. I want to say to all of my Republican colleagues out there, those who lost, don't feel so bad. Life come son. I want to tell you, this is the 30th anniversary yesterday of my managing Walter Mondale's campaign. And as you'll see, that map was very red. It was one blue because we won one state. So don't feel bad. Things get better. You can go on TV as a political expert. How's that? Only in America can that happen.

PERINO: After winning one -- one state.

GUTFELD: So true.

BECKEL: How can you do that? Manage to lose that and get to be a political expert.

GUTFELD: See you Monday, "Special Report's" up next.

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