Gutfeld: Trump pitches 'America' to North Korea

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," June 16, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.


SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM, R-SOUTH CAROLINA: When I worked with President Obama and I did on occasion, I was a hero and now when I work with President Trump I am two-faced.

I know how the game is played and I don't give a damn. I want to do what is best for the country. I like the President. I want to help him. I hope he is successful. He's been a friend to me and he says some things I don't agree with, so if you don't like me working with President Trump to make the world a better place, I don't give a [bleep].

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: I second that [bleep]. All right, it was the movie it made for him, a film to capture Kim. A face melting pant soiling sales tool for freedom which Mr. Trump played for the North Korean leader. Roll it.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Destiny Pictures presents, a story of opportunity, a new story, a new beginning.

One of peace, two men, two leaders, one destiny.

A story about a special moment in time when a man is presented with one chance that may never be repeated. What will he choose? To show vision and leadership or not?

A new world can begin today. One of friendship, respect and goodwill. Be a part of that world where the doors of opportunity are ready to be opened.


GUTFELD: Where do I sign up? Here is the question -- why? Why the movie? Who would do that, it's crazy. Well, actually, it's not. The film shows the tyrant what could be if he stopped being a dick. It was muck.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It was a child's presentation to another child to try to convince him to come to the party.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There were reporters in the room who initially thought it might have been something with the North Korean government have put together.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It was strange and I think the power of propaganda video like that is extremely overrated.


GUTFELD: What idiots. Look, if you live in America with an iPhone, iPad, iVibrator, that video wasn't for you. It was for the North Koreans.
Jesus, do you jackasses look at an ad for baby food and say, "Hmm, that commercial is so stupid, I am not a baby?" "Hey, what is this bus stop doing in front of my house? I don't need a bus, I live here."

Let me say this slowly. The video is not for you. It's an intervention made to persuade to show other options besides annihilation. Isn't that why you showed it to me, Donald? Because that's the future.


DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I showed it to you because that is a future. That could very well be the future and the other alternative is not a very good alternative.


GUTFELD: It's not very good. It is this or die. That's not appeasement, that's salesmanship which is Trump's tool. He gets you into the car. See, once the dealer gets you to test drive the Corvette, you're stuck with two options. In the corvette, not in the corvette. A life of shiny fun versus a Prias that stinks of Taco Bell wrappers.

That video let Kim test drive prosperity. Now, it may fail, but critics, what do you have beside mockery? You are just mad because Trump did it first. He began with the threat of nukes, added the sanctions and then the persuasion.

He swung the stick and then came the carrot. It is so odd. Wasn't the left the peace party and the right were supposed to be the war pigs. Obama was supposed to bring world peace, not Trump. My god, now we have an orange Gandhi.

No wonder the left is a mess. Trump stole the liberal playbook and beat him over the head with it. You would think the left would embraces, but not if Trump is behind it. Then they tell all of us to be skeptical.

The left is the least skeptical bunch on earth. These are the same piece blindly embrace bogus climate statistics, communism, gun-control lies, new age medicine, quack diets and any postmodern trick about race or gender, the same people who demand skepticism would applaud a six-year-old man self-identifying as a hairless cat.

That was a shout out to Brian Stelter. A cheap shot. For those of you who still say the summit gave Kim a photo op, this is North Korea. If Kim wants a photo op, he can create one. You think he doesn't have Photoshop back in his castle?

If the summit is a confession then your solution ultimately is war because that is all you have without dialogue. I am beginning to sound like a liberal. Here is Trump on his methods.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You have spoken so passionately about the circumstances that led to Otto Warmbier's death, in the same breath, you are defending now, Kim Jong-un's human rights records. How can you do that?

TRUMP: You know why? Because I don't want to see a nuclear weapon destroy you and your family.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And by the way...


TRUMP: I don't want to see -- excuse me because I don't want to see a nuclear weapon destroy you and your family. I want to have a good relationship with North Korea. I want to have a good relationship with many other countries and what I have done, if you remember, if you are fair, which most of you aren't, but if you are fair, when I came in, people thought we were probably going to war with North Korea and if we did -- quiet. Quiet. Quiet.


GUTFELD: Quiet. I love it when he shushes them. The hand gestures -- they are like kids at the ice cream truck and he's the good humor man. "You shut up, I will get you next." But they don't even listen to his answers. He's my second favorite part.


TRUMP: Go ahead.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What did you mean just now when you said you wished Americans would sit up at attention when you spoke.

TRUMP: I am kidding, you don't understand sarcasm. Who are you with?


TRUMP: You're with CNN, you are the worst.


GUTFELD: It never gets old. He is preventing war and they are chasing jokes, but maybe I could be wrong. Maybe this whole thing is about something else.


RACHEL MADDOW, HOST, "THE RACHEL MADDOW SHOW": North Korea borders South Korea, North Korea borders China. What is the third country with which North Korea has a border?

North Korea has a tiny little singlet of border with a third country. If you take that train across that bridge from North Korea and they let you cross that border where you end up is Russia.


GUTFELD: Russia. That is the ticket. It is always the ticket. Not averting nuclear war. Crazy. Anyway, I am optimistic and here's why.
Compare our team -- Pompeo, Bolton, Trump -- to the previous squad, Hillary, Kerry, Ben Rhodes.

Our team is the three musketeers and theirs is the three stooges. The Dems, you could do better with three quarters of "The View." They are a combination of weak handshakes and bad sandals. They stink of scented candles and failure.

Ben Rhodes he is like someone glued 100 beanie babies together. Hillary, she couldn't blow her nose without a consultant. John Kerry, he is so wooden termites consider him an all-you-can-eat buffet.

So, I am relieved. Peace is more attractive than war. Yet some of the left, they want to feel worse, if only there was a drug for that.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: First, tonight headlines, President Trump says there is no longer a nuclear threat from North Korea.



SHILLUE: The fear of imminent nuclear war. Do you remember when everyone was telling us our lives were in danger? It kind of gave me a rush.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That is pretty [bleep] upped, dude.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you bummed that you can't be afraid anymore?

SHILLUE: You know, I am. I think I was feeding of the paranoia.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Then you need Catastro-fix.

SHILLUE: Never heard of it. Will make America afraid again?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, just you, sourpuss. Catastro-fix is an aggressive stimulant that wokrs by reactivating your brain's fear receptors giving you that fight or flight hysteria you crave. Use it on the go.

SHILLUE: I don't feel it working yet.


SHILLUE: Why did you do that?

TIMPF: I was just saying hi.

SHILLUE: No, you are sneaking up on me.

TIMPF: All right, well, it's great to see you outside again.

SHILLUE: What? We are outside? That is where nuclear war happens.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Catastro-fix might not be for everyone. Be sure to consult your doctor.

TIMPF: Hey, have you seen Tom?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, he is taking shelter again.

TIMPF: Tom? Are you all right in there?

SHILLUE: It's not going to be okay. It's not going to be okay. Thanks Catastro-fix.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The thrill is back with Catastro-fix. Side effects may include unhinged partisanship, atypical news interpretation and difficult keeping your cool.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He is so sharp he could use his pot to carve a pumpkin. Author of "Up in the Air" and columnist at "Harpers Magazine," Walter Kern.

She is so bright glow worms find her intimidating. Her new book is called "#DoNotDisturb" Order it now. Author and TV host, Jedediah Bila.

She is stealthier than a Buffalo highway in January, National Review reporter, Kat Timpf.

And Big Ben's pocket watch, former WWE superstar, massive sidekick, Tyrus.

Walter, this video has never been done before and no one has done a sales video or a marketing tool for freedom, it is hilarious to me and wonderful at the same time -- what do you think.

WALTER KERN, AUTHOR AND COLUMNIST, HARPERS MAGAZINE: Well, it looks like it was produced by Scientologists. What it really was an advertisement for what it would be like to have electricity. I noticed there were a lot of subliminal messages that didn't make -- they just cut in weird images. I think it was ultimately a mind control tool that we probably don't have the key to.

GUTFELD: You know what's weird, after watching it, I wanted to go to North Korea.

KERN: Exactly.

GUTFELD: I wanted to ride a horse across the ocean. Did you see that? The little horse going across the ocean? It made no sense to me.

Jedediah, I think this approach is innovative, but it's typical. It's from a salesman.

JEDEDIAH BILA, AUTHOR AND TV HOST: That's true, that's absolutely true and it's funny because he put all the stuff in there that Kim Jong-un likes, like basketball and he basically -- it's like he character studied him and he's a guy who loves American pop culture, like he figured out all the things that he liked and said, "Let me try put this in here to convince him to be a better man."

The only issue I have with it is the fear that in any way it would elevate him. I mean, this is a guy, Kim Jong-un who is a mass murder. I mean, he has prison camps in North Korea, you know, gross violations of human rights for his citizens, so you don't want him elevated. You don't want him to be on par with an American President who is far superior, but with that being said, I think that it was very, I don't know, maybe Trump could get a job in advertising after this if President gig doesn't work out.

GUTFELD: Thing is though, it's like you have to -- what Trump is doing is he is looking at this guy as the hostage taker and in order to get the hostage taker to release the hostages, you use everything you have persuasively to get him to put down the gun and I think what we're seeing is a long process of getting this guy to put down the gun. What you think, Kat?

TIMPF: I watched this video without even looking at my phone one time. That hasn't happened since like, I don't know, 2008. So, I think that it was an interesting video with a bizarre video. I just don't like how many people are rooting against President Trump actually being able to accomplish working things out with North Korea because then they would have to be wrong. Things not working out with North Korea means war and a lot of dead people.

I don't like to be wrong, but if me being right means a lot of people are going to die, I actually would air on the side of allowing people to live.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's very nice of you.

TIMPF: And apparently that is a very rare thing.

GUTFELD: It is, it is. Especially in the media, I think. Tyrus, do you have any predictions on this? What's your take?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FORMER WWE STAR: I like the basketball stuff.
That was great.


GUTFELD: I know what you are trying to do.

MURDOCH: No, I am just saying, I am glad brothers -- we are getting more work. I mean, we are everywhere now. I am on Fox News. We're in North Korea, this is great.

I looked at it a different way. If he showed that video to his country, and then Kim doesn't come through, he is going to have a problem.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. That's true.

MURDOCH: Because they have done a very good job of keeping them sheltered and sealed. The original version of the videos they showed America, we were eating their children.

GUTFELD: Right, that's true.

MURDOCH: And blowing stuff up, we have like fangs and stuff, so now, they are like, they ride their horses in America?

KERN: Exactly.

MURDOCH: Show by growing food. The only thing I was missing was maybe a Vegas shot or a couple of McDonalds, but like, he is showing them the light.


BILA: You know what is funny, too, for me, Democrats get applauded for this stuff all the time. When they do stuff that is in line with Hollywood or remember when President Obama was running and the stage looked like it was like a scene from a movie and it was all built up, they get applauded for aligning themselves with Hollywood and things like that, but when Trump does something that's a little bit outside of the box to try convince a tyrant to maybe find a better way, he gets demonized for it.

So, you have to pick one either this is a good idea all the way across or you have to be picking on both individuals for doing it. The selective outrage is just always humorous to me.

GUTFELD: We've got to run, but Walter, do you think that he's being too deferential or is this an obvious sales pitch that we all know what he's doing?

KERN: The big wrap on Trump is that he's got such a big ego everybody threatens him. But he gave the spotlight to Kim.

GUTFELD: Exactly, yes. That's true. With that said, Scott Adams says he used his ego as, almost like a thermostat that he turns up and down. He lets people take control and then comes back. It's an interesting development, and I am cautiously optimistic and I am also very handsome. Thank you.

Up next, the Democrats turn to Hollywood to help them when the midterms in 2020. In other news, they are screwed.

Will the Dems get far by counting on stars? Politico claims the DNC is asking Hollywood actors writers and producers to help with midterms in the 2020 campaign. In other words, they are reelecting Trump.

Apparently these spoiled, detached, angry left-wingers will help the Dems increase voter registration and also help shape the message for the party. As one producer puts it, when Donald Trump is able to say "Make America Great Again," and nobody can tell you what the DNC slogan is -- that's a marketing problem. Good point. The Dems don't have a slogan.

Here are the people to give them one.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I have thought an awful lot about blowing up the White House.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When was last time an actor assassinated a President?

ROBERT DE NIRO, AMERICAN ACTOR: I am going to say one thing. [Bleep] Trump.


GUTFELD: It's like he had his first solid stool in the six weeks. I get excited over it. Now you should definitely listen to that Buzz, DNC. I can see the Democratic convention now.

Wow. Jedediah, let's pretend we never saw that. Hollywood did a lot for Hillary, right? So, you think they should just repeat it.

BILA: Oh, yes. I love the story because it's the Democrats are so desperate. They don't understand their own message. Their policies stink, so they are like, "Let's go to Hollywood and figure out how they can make us sound better than we actually are." They should be humiliated to do this.

It's so funny to me that they exist in such a bubble though that they don't realize that the more they do this at award shows, the more they try to craft a message, the more they get on TV and Katie Perry or Madonna or whoever it is, puts on a t-shirt of someone, the more the country says, "I am not voting for that person. I am going over here." Why not register it and just shut up. If they would just shut up, their person might get elected.

GUTFELD: It's like enlisting Hollywood to help with their political campaign, Kat, it's like hiring a screaming homeless man to do your taxes.


GUTFELD: Which I did once, by the way.

TIMPF: I just don't understand this at all. It's like, if you failed a test and then you ask your teacher if you could please retake it and the teacher said, "Okay," and then what you did was just do all the exact same answers as when you failed it the first time. They are using the exact same playbook as they used in 2016 between not really having a message other than Trump is bad and now relying on celebrities to get the message out there, that's exactly what they did.

Every celebrity and the mother was bending over backwards to try to elect Hillary Clinton.

GUTFELD: And forwards.

TIMPF: And forwards, and sideways and all over the place voters did not give a doggone hack.

GUTFELD: Wow, strong words from Kat Timpf.


GUTFELD: We are going to have to bleep that in (inaudible). A lot of TV lingo, Tyrus. All right, are we hypocrites because, you know, I am on the right, I would not mind having a few celebrities like me -- to express conservative opinion.

MURDOCH: Yes, I can see Hollywood helping you. Greg, he puts the all in small. You've got to be cool.


MURDOCH: Or you had it coming. One day -- I am going to introduce you and you are going to cry. Here's the thing. Hillary was a bad candidate which means if Jesus Christ came down and said vote for Hillary, everyone would be like, "Wow, this atheist thing, I never thought of it." She was a bad candidate.

If your candidate is rock 'n roll and he's got charisma and all that kind of stuff and a celebrity says, "I like this guy," that works, but when your candidate is paint peeling or wallpaper, it doesn't matter who says it's great, it is still wallpaper.

It is out of style and nobody wants it and no one is going to put it in their house.

GUTFELD: That is peeling.

MURDOCH: Yes, it just doesn't work. You can of all the writers in the world, but if your candidate doesn't have anything and if they are not being true to their states, because what Democrats -- what I feel like their slogan should be like, "Allegations, the new guilty." You know what I am saying, like they need to -- all they do is tell on each other and try to bring -- PC will keep you quiet. They need to do things like what they are known for.

GUTFELD: That is very good. An interesting way to do it. What do you think, Walter? I imagine Alyssa Milano is helping out. Have you seen her Twitter feed?

TIMPF: Wow, lucky us.

KERN: This is the problem. First they go to actors. Actors don't have thoughts.


KERN: Actors need writers. Actors are like shoes without a foot in them.

MURDOCH: Again. First, it was wrestling now it's acting. Do I owe you money?

KERN: I am telling you your business, man. Secondly, when actors don't have writers they do what de Niro did. They just swear and then they swear again. He did it twice. It wasn't even spontaneous.

GUTFELD: No, it wasn't.

KERN: They're going to the wrong people; and number two, we're not being fair. The Republicans turn to Hollywood, too. I was at the Republican convention and they had the guy from Duck Dynasty and they had Scott Baio. And they won.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, I will never get over de Niro doing this. It really is like, you know, he got the last container of Jell-o at the supermarket and he can't wait to get home to put some cool whip on it. By the way, I am getting some breaking news here that we have a crazed bicyclist on the loose somewhere I believe in Asia. Do we have tape of that?

I don't know why, but I love that. All right -- first, he was crazy then he was Hitler and now the media is calling Donald Trump a cult leader. We discuss their desperation next.

ROBERT GRAY, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I am Robert Gray. The number of migrant families separated after crossing into the US along the southern border may double.

That is what the man in charge of enforcing the Trump administration's zero-tolerance policy in the region tells The Washington Post.

Manuel Padilla says that agents have separated 568 parents in the Rio Grande valley. He says that number will increase as more parents are prosecuted for illegal entry.

Nationwide, nearly 2,000 children have been separated from their parents from April 19th through May 31st. That is according to the Department of Homeland Security.

President Trump heads to Capitol Hill on Tuesday for a meeting with House Republicans. They will discuss two bills that include measures protecting Dreamers from deportation, the House is expected to vote on the bills next week.

I am Robert Gray, now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."

GUTFELD: Finally, a Democrat admits that Trump's diplomacy might be working.


CHUCK SCHUMER, SENATE MINORITY LEADER: The summit was much more show than substance. What the Texans call all cattle, no hat.


GUTFELD: All cattle and no hat. Meaning, Trump is all substance and no talk. How nice of Mr. Schumer. Oh my god. Of course, Chuckie got it wrong. He meant the opposite, but I can't blame him. He is all hair plug and no paddle.

Trump's critics always fall into gibberish when things look good. Their new smear now, "It's a cult."


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It has evolved into a cult. (Inaudible) in the Republican Party have evolved into a Trumpist cult.

JOY BEHAR, HOST, "THE VIEW": These guys are in a cult and drank the Kool- Aid, I don't know.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Republican Party becoming more like a cult than a political party. That's hard news for the Republican. You are in a cult. This is Jonestown?


GUTFELD: They all sound the same. Almost as if they are in a cult. A profitable one too. The more they bash Trump, the higher the ratings among their disciples. The so-called Trump bump is paying for their Botox, and it exposes the lies that there is a press crackdown under Trump.

This industry has never been more vocal in opposition. The previous eight years, the media under Obama, talk about a cult, they were in a pliant coma, they were Obama-tosed.

So you could hate Trump, love Trump, I don't even really care, but targeting people, not results, I'd say they are all hat and no cattle, but they are really no hat and all jack ass.

To be fair, to be fair, Tyrus, everybody thinks someone else is in a cult. If you don't like them or like their beliefs, you say, "Oh, they are a cult."

MURDOCH: A cult is like the new code word for like jack ass I don't like you. It's the new thing. Like, I don't -- my problem with he screwed up the saying, he didn't try to fix it.

GUTFELD: I know. He didn't know.

MURDOCH: He didn't know, which means, but his assistant knew and his assistant let it go. So, Chuckie, you might want to holler at the guy because I mean, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a cow's -- but you could -- where is that guy who wrote this? I mean, they don't have anything. They are running out of stuff. So, now I am possessed by the devil. And you can't argue that.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. Kat, is a cult that bad?

TIMPF: I mean not for the people in it. They don't know any better. I don't know. Not that I've ever been in a cult.

GUTFELD: Really?

TIMPF: I just seem like I would be the type, but I have actually managed to steer clear of -- I mean, it wouldn't feel good to like belong, you know, I haven't gone that far yet.

But it's always great to see someone try to insult somebody and then do it wrong.

GUTFELD: Fantastic.

TIMPF: It's like, if you try to punch someone in the face and you miss and then you hit the wall and you break your hand, that is exactly what he did there. And I don't understand -- like I get it, he was trying to be relatable, but the internet makes it super easy to be relatable.

If you are not sure, you Google it. There is no way -- it's not like we rely on oral histories to know what people in the other parts of the country or the world are doing. you can Google it. It's so easy.

GUTFELD: He doesn't know. He probably calls it "The Google." Where is the Google? I think I left it somewhere on my phone. On my phone, Walter, the Google.

KERN: Yes, exactly. Schumer -- they don't hire writers, these people, that's the big problem with Hollywood, politics and everything else.

GUTFELD: What do you think?

BILA: I think any politician that has a populist feel, whether it is Trump or Obama or whoever it is Sarah Palin, for example, all of these people have that populist feel. I think when that happens you do have a segment of the population that can feel a little cultish. That they follow you no matter what, they look up to you become a personality instead of a politician or some combination of that.

With that being said, all of those people also take a ton of heat. Like Trump takes heat from the media every day. Sarah Palin, as we know, same thing. President Obama took heat from conservative media, so, yes, there is a cultish segment of the population but so what? I mean, to say that Trump has cultish followers and Obama did not, every one of the people in that panel was cultish for Obama.

GUTFELD: Absolutely.

BILA: So come on.

MURDOCH: I guess, what I am confused is, what are the people doing that -- was there a bunch of Trump-y guys with red ties running around the North Korea summit? What is the cult doing other than the President is doing his job but I don't see when came out (inaudible)...


MURDOCH: Did the media get attacked?

GUTFELD: Like you're saying it's like...

MURDOCH: There is no one showing up for the cult.

GUTFELD: Yes, my cult, if I have to start to cult and I have been thinking about it, I haven't figured out if I want to be god or just like some kind of weird prophet.

TIMPF: Is it like a robot cult?

GUTFELD: It will be a robot cult. Up next, Tom Brady want you to stop using plastic straws. I wonder who told him to say that.

GUTFELD: If you outlaw straws, then only outlaws will have straws. So after going after plastic bags, greenies now want to ban plastic drinking straws because they may threaten sea life. New York, California and the UK are considering it, as well as companies like IKEA and Sea World. If that doesn't persuade you, here are some quarterback.


TOM BRADY, AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUARTERBACK: There is an easy step that everyone of us can take to tackle this big issue right away. No more single use plastic straws . The effect of these little guys are posing a huge health risk to our planet. One of the solutions we are proposing is very simple. Next time you see a plastic straws like this, just say, no. We are not falling for your ruse, straw.


GUTFELD: And here I thought straws were great for deflating footballs.

MURDOCH: Oh come on.

GUTFELD: So, would the ban make a difference. The California, straws are only 4% of all the beach litter and that's far behind Kathy Griffin's tears. According to research, the top three plastic waste producers are China, Indonesia and the Philippines. We actually 20th. But damn the facts, they are coming for your straws. And they will do it by any means necessary.

That is persuasive. All right, Kat, as a libertarian do you like being told how to ingest your beverages?

TIMPF: No. I do not. Think of all the causes there are out there in the world, all the suffering, all the need, all of the terrible things. You are going to use your platform to be an anti- straws advocate? I can't imagine. I also don't want to imagine a world without straws.

I love straws. Could you imagine ordering a smoothie and having to smash it into your actual face? Instead of sipping it delightfully through a straw? That is not a world I want to live in.

GUTFELD: I don't want to live in that world either, Walter, why do you think Tom Brady is doing this?

KERN: I have no idea. He is kind of a mystery to me, frankly. First of all, that was the worst acting and the worst writing I have ever seen on a PSA. It didn't make any sense. Second of all, he is starting small. I think he is going to run for President. I think this is the first sign of Tom Brady's second act and it is very scary.

GUTFELD: I can't wait. Jedediah, do you know why he's doing this?

BILA: I do not. I was going to tell you I use reusable dishwasher BPA free straws and I was afraid you were going to yell.

GUTFELD: I just might. I just might. You're not welcome here anymore.

BILA: I mean, I do like straws though, and I think there is a difference. If you drink something, I was told by the doctor to drink water -- a lot of water, and I don't like to drink water. If you drink the water with a straw it goes down easier and the audience knows it is true. They are all nodding, so I think straws are important. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Here's the thing that boggles me, Tyrus.

MURDOCH: I am sorry, something bothers you. Oh wow, I am going to have a heart attack.

GUTFELD: They pick straws so they could focus on the US because the real plastic problem is from other countries, so now it is America and their straws -- not Indonesia, not China, not the Philippines, this is another thing to hang on us when it is not our fault.

MURDOCH: First of all, clearly, he was at gunpoint by his wife. That's number one, number two, Tom Brady is a saint. Here's the thing -- straws have been around for a long time and I happen to know that there are biodegradable straws and most resorts and most places where you buy the ocean, they use the paper straws. If you are into sugar and stuff, they have like the edible ones, so, you know...

BILA: An edible straw?

MURDOCH: Yes, oh my god, yes. There are other options. Plastic in the ocean is a kind of a big deal. It is causing some problems.

GUTFELD: But it is not our problem.

MURDOCH: Hey, it is a worthwhile cause. Listen, if your wife was on you telling you have to change the world and wouldn't stop, and was yelling at you -- no, let me, you want to go there, so let's go there. Let's go there.

GUTFELD: I am agreeing with you.

MURDOCH: So, it's not like Tom, what's going on with the plastic? What are you doing? Are you processing -- what are you doing? He probably had straws in his hand and he says I'll get rid of these. How about that? Great, here's my phone, do it. Straws. They are polluting our water. If you -- the next time someone says don't use a straw, say no. This is Tom Brady. Thank you.

GUTFELD: I have a theory, Tyrus, and I think you're going to agree with me. Why is he doing this? Because Giselle's boyfriend before him was Leo Dicaprio and she's been trying to turn him into Leo Dicaprio since she met him. Remember -- yes, yes -- the way she redid him fashion wise and now she's trying to turn them into an environmental activist.

MURDOCH: You are the only man in the world who is married who stands up to her when they make changes, because every guy in his audience can argue and say with his other half tells him to do something, he does not do it. Please, stand up. You bunch of cowards. Everyone of you -- you're having straws, and you're like, "Hi, name is Darrell."

GUTFELD: I have a message for Tom Brady. Tom, this is heartbreaking. You and I are both kind of brothers. We are Sierra Padres, we went to the Sierra High School in San Mateo, we are a few years apart, but I think Tom McKenzie, the football coach, would not be thrilled because I remember him drinking from a straw on the field and I think he let every Sierra Padre down. Yes, I know, that's kind of a creepy thing to do.

BILA: I am still like freaked out about your whole Leonardo Dicaprio thing because that just might be the smartest thing I've ever heard you say, ever. Honestly.

GUTFELD: On that note. I guess, I should quit while I am ahead. You know, for every straw that you guys don't use, I am going to use two times the straws.

MURDOCH: You will drink wine out of a straw? I actually would like to see that.

GUTFELD: Tonight, I will. Well, I could use the straw with mine but not there. Up next, Domino's Pizza is filling the nation's potholes. If only they were filling them with cheese that would make the treats delicious.

Domino's new goal, filling the potholes. The pizza company's new topping is one that covers street potholes helping fix the nation's infrastructure. Because they deliver and running over a pot ruins the pizza, great idea.

Yes, good for the country. I hope so. PR stunt, absolutely. I mean, once they fill the pothole, they brand with their logo, but who cares? It works. At least they are not virtue singling so many silly social conscious companies like hotels trying to guilt us into reusing the towels to save the earth. Shut up. You're saving money on detergent.

At least Domino's is really saving the earth, literally it is the pavement.
We don't have to see this.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I do it for the kids.


GUTFELD: Well, that was interesting. I hate companies that virtue signal, Walter. I hate it because you know it's to protect themselves from the Twitter mob, so everything they do charity wise is about climate, gender and race. I like this.

KERN: I love it too. I just wish -- you know, they want the pizzas to get to my house in good shape, so they fill the potholes, but when the pizzas leave my house, I want them to unclog the sewer drains.

GUTFELD: I don't even want to think about that. That is where straws come in.

KERN: Yes, yes.

GUTFELD: I don't know what that means, Kat. I think that this is a positive development. You are a libertarian, our government can't deal with the infrastructure -- companies -- remember Country Time lemonade and the lemonade stands, they're paying for the penalties and then you have got Domino's, this is a great trend.

TIMPF: Yes, people always say we need government to build the roads and that we just need more civically minded pizza companies.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

TIMPF: I wouldn't have guessed it. I really would not have guessed it, but this is great I mean, I really have not thought about Domino's a lot lately or like ever. It crosses my mind very occasionally and I think that most people with relatively healthy brains probably the same, but we are all thinking and talking about Domino's quite a bit and in some of this cities, you are not even able to drive to work without seeing Domino's so this is just a really smart move all around.

GUTFELD: I think so. Tyrus, could this be the first Domino to fall?

MURDOCH: Oh, clever.

GUTFELD: Other companies?

MURDOCH: Oh wow.

GUTFELD: Doing the same thing? Little Caesar's, I don't know.

MURDOCH: And then the first -- someone has got a problem with this, probably, me. So, your chubby self just can't wait for your pizza so you complain about the potholes, so you've got to get your food faster. How about get off your butt and go walk and get the pizza, but I guess, I feel like, you know, it is good but again, I would rather have potholes in my street littered with Domino signs. It can say a lot about your neighborhood.

You know what I am saying? If there are 35 Domino potholes in your neighborhood and none of your kids play outside, there's a good chance you've got a chubby neighborhood. So, you might want to work on that. Just be careful what you wish for. This is like, you know, property value goes down because high cholesterol and high blood pressure is in this particular neighborhood because there's a ton of Domino spots.

GUTFELD: What do you think, Jed?

BILA: I think it is so smart. It is like they are showing they care about the pizza. They care about the roads. Domino's is a topic of conversation. My husband is looking at me in the audience. We talk about Domino's daily because he loves Domino's and I am Italian and I defend like the love local Italian eateries, so we are talking about Domino's all the time, but this is really fly.

I think actually other companies, they are going to see this and try to figure out what they can do to kind of get this kind of thing going on.

GUTFELD: I agree. You know what, and I want to use this as a contrast to the hotel towel scam. I am just very mad about that. It's pretending to help the planet, so they instruct you to forgo the luxuries of fresh towels that you actually paid for with your exorbitant daily fee, so here's my challenge.

A person who check-ins should be able to have the option if you choose to reuse towels, they should take the savings off your rate, right? But they won't because it's about saving money, not saving the planet. It makes me sick to my...

BILA: Can't just get more towel? Can't you just call the front desk and get more towels?

GUTFELD: Even when I am not bathing, I order more towels. I build a fort out of towels and pillows. Final thoughts, next. Do not go I to bed yet.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If you will be in New York City and would like free tickets to be part of our studio audience, e-mail

GUTFELD: All right, if you have not ordered my book, the "Gutfeld Monologues," go to, Barnes & Noble, if you want,, it is there. Get it. You will love it. We are out of time. Special thanks to Walter Kern, Jedediah Bila, Kat Timpf and Tyrus. The studio audience. I am Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.


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