Gutfeld: The state of civility
Before you decide to match anger with anger, why not take the high ground?
This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," June 30, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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CHRIS CUOMO, CNN: There is a lot to tackle tonight, what do you say, let's get after it? Let's get after it. What you say, let's get after it? The new happy hour according to one of our fans, so what do you say, let's get after it.
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GREG GUTFELD, HOST: He must have practiced that in the mirror for hours. I don't care. All right, the world is ending yet again, the latest existential terror, Justice Kennedy hanging up his robe. Could he be giving it up for this one? I would. It is time to relax. He's 81 years old. Come on, give the guy a break. Still, I wonder if we are screwed.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, we are supremely screwed.
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GUTFELD: In some ways, it feels like all hope is dead.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In some ways it feels like all hope is dead.
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GUTFELD: Trevor, you are on Comedy Central, what part of the title are you forgetting? Thank god, this hysteria isn't contagious.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If he is gone and they replace him with a classic - one of this Mike Pence type Republicans, God help us.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What's the court going to look like for the next 30 years?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We are looking at a destruction of the Constitution of the United States.
MICHAEL MOORE, AMERICAN FILM MAKER: The only way that we're going to stop this is if eventually, we're all going to have to put our bodies on the line.
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GUTFELD: I feel bad for that line. The medical term for this, losing their [bleep]. I can't blame them. The guy they hate is doing pretty good and we have nicer votes.
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DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We've got nicer votes.
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GUTFELD: See, I told you. I wouldn't lie about nicer votes. So how do we respond to this widespread panic? I am torn. Should I get after it, Chris?
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CUOMO: There is a lot to tackle tonight. What do you say, let's get after it. Let's get after it. What do you say? Let's get after it. The new happy hour according to one of our fans, so what do you say? Let's get after it.
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GUTFELD: Yes. Let's get after it. Every day something happens and the media announces the end of the world and when it doesn't happen, they act like they never said it. They did it with the Paris Accords, North Korea, tax cuts and now this, and the fact that they are always wrong, it doesn't stop them. Mayflies have longer long-term memory and they croak in two hours.
So, time to replace the boy who cried wolf fable with the host who scream apocalypse. The average anchor is now the freak on the street corner wearing his mother's wedding dress with a golf bag over it screaming that the end is so near, it was actually last week. So, what happens if we truly have an apocalyptic problem? Will the public even listen? What if something truly bad happens like Costco running out of Kirkland signature Italian style meatballs? They are amazing. I eat them frozen, in the dark, alone. Still I wonder, should I get after it?
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CUOMO: There is a lot to tackle tonight. What do you say, let's get after it. Let's get after it. What do you say? Let's get after it. The new happy hour according to one of our fans, so what do you say? Let's get after it.
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GUTFELD: Funniest thing ever. Now, everyone when this week was about civility, everybody was calling for it, even cable news. Yeah, these guys.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: They got 49 votes.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You don't understand this. They will be blamed...
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: To get a Republican grip on this.
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GUTFELD: There you go. And now everybody wants calm and they are right, now we've got a congresswoman encouraging conflict. We've got people heckled at homes while others are harassed at restaurants. It's like "The Dawn Of The Dead" except it is feelings and not zombies that are eating us alive. So, where does this end? I mean, what happens if all restaurant started to discriminate based on their personal preferences? Maybe one already does.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you tired of being kicked out of restaurants halfway through your meal because someone finds you problematic? Don't you wish you could know that you are not welcome before you went inside. From the founders of Hassle-bee's and Outback Judge House comes Snubway. It's the only restaurant where you can't even enter until you've been thoroughly vetted as a person.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hi, welcome to Snubway.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hi, two please.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I have this picture of you from 2013 where you're wearing a man bun. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That was just a phase.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There's no statute of limitations on poor life decisions. Next.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hi, we have a reservation. It's our anniversary.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, great, just one question. What's your favorite TV show to watch together?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, that's easy, we love "The View."
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We don't serve your kind here. Next.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And even if you do manage to get into Snubway, you won't last long because we'll learn everything about you, until we find something we disagree with.
KAT TIMPF, REPORTER, NATIONAL REVIEW: Excuse me, sir, I see that here he went on a 14-tweet rant harassing Lou Dobbs and yet there is a baby as your profile picture. Is that your child?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, so?
TIMPF: Get out.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: All of us? We barely know this guy.
TIMPF: You are eating with him, you're just as guilty. Beat it, losers.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Snubway. We're so picky about our business that we rarely have any at all.
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GUTFELD: The fine acting. All right, so could this harassment get any worse? I don't know, the good thing is most people have jobs, so you don't going around shouting at people if you have got a sales call in the morning, the jerks chasing people around, they aren't commanding a sales force, they are barely commanding clean underwear.
My advice for libs, focus on ideas and not people. Demonizing never ends well for anyone. Call someone a Nazi and you end the discussion before it starts. So, my solution is kind of sincere, even naive and it might get me laughed out of here, but I think we need a peace movement and we need the right to started it because to expect one from the left, it's just silly.
Right now, they are in a state and everything to them is a helpless calamity. They don't like us much. It's when an outstretched hand must come from us. Now, Trump did it with North Korea. Netanyahu is trying with Iran, couldn't we do it with our fellow Americans? Maybe. Now, your generosity may not be reciprocated, but before we decide to match anger with anger, why not take the high ground. If it still goes bad, at least you know you did your best when they are at their worst.
Let's welcome tonight's guests. He is obviously let himself go, his washboard abs are now washboard flabs. Retired green beret master sergeant, Terry Schappert. He has crushed more sets than Godzilla in Legoland. His latest book is called, "Everybody is Awful Except You," and it's excellent, actor and comedian Jim Florentine. She is stealthier than a bowl of barroom peanuts, "National Review" reporter, Katherine Timpf. And he can make mountains look like mole hills, former WWE superstar, my massive sidekick, Tyrus. All right, Terry, what you think of my idea? Am I stupid?
TERRY SCHAPPERT, FORMER GREEN BERET MASTER SERGEANT: No, I actually think it's kind of a - it's a very nice idea and it has got merit. A couple of things, the Dems are pretty clever about this because I was driving the other day and I heard Rachel Maddow and they were playing at somebody, she was saying, she actually said this and I think she might believe it. You know, Dems, you know, we don't go for radical things, we're the ones who try to play by the rules. And I did a little rascal's triple take in my car, I went - because I was like, "Are you kidding me, man?" That's exactly what they don't do that.
But let me say this, America, do not forget that if your movement goes, that's great, but I will tell you now, do not forget, in the last couple of years, what the left has said about you. Do not forget what they've called for you to submit to, do not forget what they stand for. Do not forget all the things they have done because they are going to try to - are you smirking at me?
GUTFELD: Yes, I just realized there goes my peace movement. No, if you guys remember what the left does to you, there can't be...
SCHAPPERT: No, listen, dude, you know, I'm a 25-year Green Beret, I don't forget, so I'm willing to hold out the olive branch, but I'm just telling you now, I'll still - I might even forgive, but it will not forget because they are going to do it again. But I think what you're saying is actually a good idea.
GUTFELD: You're like a cross between a Green Beret and Alanis Morissette.
SCHAPPERT: Yes. I will do things to you in a movie theater, let's move on.
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SCHAPPERT: You like the Pirate shirt? I wore it on my show.
GUTFELD: Enough of this apparel disgrace with Jim, does everybody just need to lighten up? What are your thoughts on this?
JIM FLORENTINE, AMERICAN COMEDIAN: Yes, I mean, look Maxine Waters, she is saying you know, her theory is if we harass any people that work for Trump, they are going to quit, so he's will probably going to hire somebody else to fill that slot. It's not going to be at the point where Trump is going to be in the White House by himself going, "I've got nobody. All of my people are getting harassed." There's a hundred other people waiting for that job. So your theory is not going to work.
GUTFELD: Exactly. Where you see this going? Do you see this getting worse because they are going crazy about the Supreme Court nomination and it hasn't even happened yet.
FLORENTINE: You know, the left, I mean, I'm surprised they get hysterical and overreact on things. Really, it's after five normally, when they think that Roe versus Wade is going to be overturned the first day that new judge is there, you know what I mean? Like they really think that first day, it's going to get overturned. It's not. Just relax.
GUTFELD: Kat, my concern is that they're already at - you know, from a scale from one to ten, they're already at an 11, so where can this go?
TIMPF: It seems like it's going to stay at 11. I am someone who is upset a lot, but I do this thing where sometimes where I am upset I'm just kind of upset. I don't think that my life is over and that the world is going to end. And the people on the left aren't like that. It's always everything is over now. The country is over. Everything is done. Just once, after Trump does something or something happens, I'd like to hear one of them say, "I don't really care for that." Right now, they are like people who call 911 every time they sneeze more than once in a row. They think they're dying, you're not always dying until you are.
GUTFELD: That's true, for the media, basically cable news is there 911. They just get up there and they just go "Ah." Tyrus...
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FORMER WWE SUPERSTART: Greg, let's get after it.
GUTFELD: Oh yes. Boom. You always talk about taking the high road. I believe...
MURDOCH: I'm tall. I have no choice. I wear shirts, he wears blouses, I'm just different.
GUTFELD: Should people - should conservatives try to take the high road? Is it pointless?
MURDOCH: Greg, may I call you Greg?
GUTFELD: Yes, better than what you called me at home.
MURDOCH: I have never been to your home, Greg. I have a competiveness in me. I don't like to see people succeed and I hate most people.
GUTFELD: That's true.
MURDOCH: So this is a happy time for me. I enjoy the whining and crying. When I was in WWE, I loved being a bad guy. I loved stepping on toys and seeing kids cry. It was just one of my favorite things. I enjoy the mass hysteria. I love it. I think it is great. The Republican President and the Republican Senate and the Republican House gets to choose their Supreme Court Justice. Oh my god. What are we going to do? They are going to take away our rights. No, they will have right rights. The right agenda. That's why you vote and we voted so we can make those choices. So, it is not your turn. So, you have to wait until it is your turn.
SCHAPPERT: I asked this a lot, were these people like this for this [bleep] happened or did this do it to them? Because I feel like, this seed of insanity had to be in them. Or the seed of weakness, when it just breaks me.
MURDOCH: In fairness, in fairness, we've got to kind of look at ourselves at who started the fight.
SCHAPPERT: What you mean?
MURDOCH: Like, usually when you win, you are kind of like, "I'd like to thank my opponent, good job. We'll keep moving," we kind of we went a little different way. We still...
SCHAPPERT: I know that's true.
MURDOCH: Trump likes to get on there and talk about your momma and let you know he'll beat you and continue to let him beat you and every time you think the world is going to - he'll walk by with some salt and put it on you.
GUTFELD: And give you a wedgie.
MURDOCH: And at first, the Democrats didn't know what to do. They curled in a ball and they're like, "This isn't right. He needs to stop doing this." Now, they're trying to fight, but they kind of fight like this. My arms are too big to do that, but maybe you know, Greg, could you put your arms like - there you go. But they're not fighting. They just don't know how to fight.
GUTFELD: It's a good point, but we have to go, but I do think that a lot of this started - it was the Vietnam War. I'm going to go back and say - the moment that a large group of the population demonized the military and called us the baby killers and that became part of the media narrative that these people were at fault. We've never turned...
SCHAPPERT: It hasn't stopped.
GUTFELD: It hasn't stopped.
FLORENTINE: It hasn't stopped.
GUTFELD: Anyway, sometimes I come up something interesting.
SCHAPPERT: Sometimes, you don't suck, yes.
GUTFELD: That was uncalled for.
SCHAPPERT: Was that too much?
GUTFELD: Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. I could be wrong. Don't forget you can preorder my new book, "The Gutfeld Monologues." It's in stores July 31st, and the book tour starts August 4th. I'll be in Forth Worth in Dallas. You can see the rest of the current schedule right here on the screen, look at it closely. More dates to be announced. Once they are set, I will let you know, because why would I keep it a secret. Go to ggutfeld.com for more information.
Now, coming up, Trump's poll numbers are up. My cholesterol is down, it's a win-win for everyone.
Like the half eaten pie perched on Alec Baldwin's reclining belly, Trump's poll numbers are on a roll. Despite some recent controversies, Trump's popularity for some reason just keeps rising. The real clear politics average of polls says Trump's approval rating at over 43%. That's similar to where past Presidents had been at this time in their term. And it's Trump's handling of the economy that Americans like best.
The CNBC survey has Trump's economic approval rating at 51%, a 6% jump from March, which is probably like Bill Maher has been rooting for a recession.
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BILL MAHER, AMERICAN COMEDIAN: Anyone who went [bleep] over the last two weeks because I said going through a recession would be worth it if it undermined Trump's popularity has to enroll in college and take a course in perspective. A recession is a survivable event, what Trump is doing to this country is not.
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GUTFELD: Now, wait, wait. This is my finger who can stop booing. It's an anti-boo finger. Now, I get what Bill is saying, if Trump loses the economy, Trump loses his supporters because why else would we keep him around, but in order for this to happen, a lot of people have to get hurt. A failing economy obviously has a downside. If businesses fail, people lose their jobs and they can lose their homes, except of course for the talk show host rooting for this idiocy for a rich liberal like Maher egging on a bad economy, it has no downside.
You get rid of the President you hate, and you're not affected by the misery you've accepted as a consequence for others. Bill, I think you hit your head too many times doing this. That did not end well. All right, Jim, what do you make of this? Take the recession because it's for the greater good.
FLORENTINE: Yes, it's insane that he is saying that. But you know, they really thought that Trump's poll numbers are going to be affected by the immigration mess. It wasn't because anyone with logic knows if you come in illegally, you are going to get separated from your kid. That's just the way it's going to be. If you come in from the port of entry, you're not going to get separated from your kid.
If I do something illegal with my son and he is with me, I am going to get separated from him. I'm going to jail and he is going somewhere else, I wish you could go to jail with me that would be great. We could hang out, we'd play games and we could fight over who is going to get top bunk, I would love that, but that's not going to happen. He is going to be traumatized that dad has to go to jail and he's separated, too. That's just the law here.
GUTFELD: That's a great father-son activity.
FLORENTINE: Yes, and you know no one is going to mess with me or try to sexually assault me. I'm like, "Look, I've got my kid in the cell." They'll go to the next one.
GUTFELD: Yes, they always observe that. There's somebody else there. All right, Kat, why is that no matter what the controversy there is, Trump just kind of rolls merrily on in the numbers and the numbers kind of go up?
TIMPF: Because things are actually not that bad. They are kind of okay, but if you would watch a lot of the news on the left side, you would think that Trump was like the actual devil and everything was absolutely a disaster, but trusting these people to give a fair assessment of Trump would be like trusting a jilted ex-wife to give a fair assessment of her ex-husband. He might be this great guy with a great job who still takes care of the kids and she'd be like, "He only pretends to be a great dad to make me look bad." You know, "Just look at this video of him pushing our daughter. Like sure, she is on a swing and she is giggling with delight, but still what a monster." It's the same thing, and I think people can see through that.
GUTFELD: Yes, he's a man who pushes women around on a swing, but nevertheless - Tyrus, do you think that the critics are so obviously in emotion land that they can't see the positivity?
MURDOCH: Let's get after it. All right, go ahead, Greg, you didn't finish your question, Greg. So, let's just get after it.
GUTFELD: Yes, because you cut me off.
MURDOCH: Sorry.
GUTFELD: Do think it's because they're blinded by emotion that they cannot see the positive effects of the economy.
MURDOCH: I think because they know that is the only trigger that will affect the base. It doesn't matter who it was Barack, George Bush - the economy goes and we don't love you no more. It's your fault. That's the way the job works. We can handle all the things. We can handle the banter and the fighting back and forth, and the Twitter wars because this doesn't affect our bottom line.
My light bill still goes on even though he tweets back and forth with whomever arguing about whatever, that doesn't affect us. But if I can't make my bills paid and I lose my home, then I've got a problem with the President. So, I think that's the - Bill's wishing, is I think he's at the same time, he's also sending a message, that is the only shot. As long as the economy is there and strong, there will be no changes. There will be no blue wave. None of that stuff is going to happen. They have got one shot. They hope that he goes bankrupt and he bankrupts America, that's their hope.
GUTFELD: There trying so many things, Terry, they tried the Russian collusion thing. They compared him to Hitler, mental instability and that whole stuff. Nothing is working.
SCHAPPERT: It's not working and they are really banging their heads. Well, look to be fair to them, when Rush Limbaugh said, you know, "I hope President Obama fails," so fair, but here is the difference. My good buddy, Andrew Wilcow from "Wilcow Majority" says this, he goes, "What's good for the Democrats is not good for the country."
GUTFELD: I think I said that, but anyway...
SCHAPPERT: I don't you did. I agree to disagree, but the point is that though, that is the difference between Limbaugh saying it in my opinion and Maher saying it. What are the Democrats going to run on? These taxes are too low, raise them. The economy is doing better, let's crush it. Our enemies are afraid of us, let's make friends with them again. You know what I mean? Let's bring back the VA.
So, I mean, like, they have to have this. They have to have the insanity and to your point, which is exactly right, the internet is forever and all the stuff is open now, so things that we didn't know about in the '70s and the '60s with the radicals, now we got them - you said this, you did this, and they are busted. I don't know how they can get out of it except to try to intimidate people.
GUTFELD: Well, I think it's just going to get more heated.
SCHAPPERT: I think it's going to continue to get heated, Greg.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's going to get more heated.
SCHAPPERT: They are passionate.
GUTFELD: I'm going to get more heated and passionate shortly. All right, still to come, a new poll asks if we would be better off with Hillary were president? I think that answers the question.
MARIANNE RAFFERTY, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Marianne Rafferty. Thousands taking to the streets today to protest President Trump's immigration policies. More than 700 marches from coast to coast including Washington, New York and Los Angeles, they want the Trump administration to end the zero-tolerance policy. Many of the more than 2,000 children separated from their parents remain in shelters and foster homes.
President Trump is spending the weekend in New Jersey. He tweeted, "When people come into our country illegally, we must immediately escort them back out without going through years of legal maneuvering."
And on Tuesday, a Federal judge ordered the White House to reunite separated families. The administration has two weeks to do that for children under the age of five and 30 days for older kids. I am Marianne Rafferty, now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."
GUTFELD: Twenty months since her loss, if you regret she ain't the boss. A new survey finds that most people don't think the country would be better off with Hillary as President. According to a Rasmussen poll of likely voters, just 40% say the country would be better off with Clinton instead of Trump, but 47% disagree saying the country would not be better off and the remaining 13% said, "Leave me alone, you're not my dad."
Why does this matter? Because she might never go away. A separate poll revealed that 32% of Democrats prefer Joe Biden as the 2020 Democratic nominee followed by Hillary Clinton with 18%. We asked a Bernie Sanders supporter what he thought of that.
My thoughts exactly. All right, Kat, 40% of people wish she had President Clinton - does that number seem too high or too low to you? That's amazing.
TIMPF: It's kind of high. I can't imagine wanting her to be President because it is serious thing like I'd be worried about my Second Amendment rights, but also because of like I'd have to listen to her talking so much and that would be tough. I think the most interesting thing is by the way she conducts herself, you can tell she doesn't think this is the case. She clearly behaves, "See how bad it is. I bet you regret not voting for me and me not being the President." That's how she carries herself and if she saw this study, she probably would not get out of bed or like, she would blame it on the Russians, which I am going to start doing that. Next time someone doesn't like me, I am going to say, "Those damn Russians."
GUTFELD: Yes, their finger is in everything. All right, Tyrus, I'm going to ask you a question that you're going to object to.
MURDOCH: All right, let's get after it.
GUTFELD: I have a theory...
MURDOCH: Every time.
GUTFELD: I have a theory that Hillary is like an aging rapper. Time to move on and start acting like in "Law and Order SVU."
MURDOCH: Whoa, whoa, don't talk about Ice T like that. He didn't age. He moved on. He graduated.
GUTFELD: That's my point.
MURDOCH: He's an actor. He moved up.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: He didn't get kicked out of the rap game, he didn't show up on ABC and get a job. He chose that. He got cocoa. Get off him. Find something else. Find something else.
SCHAPPERT: You didn't see that coming?
GUTFELD: No, no. That's why I asked him because...
(CROSSTALK)
MURDOCH: He can't take his eyes off your pants. He can't see anything.
SCHAPPERT: He's not alone.
GUTFELD: What are your thoughts on Hillary?
MURDOCH: Well, again, this is our fault. You keep talking about it, you keep poking fun, eventually the bear is going to get out the cage, and in this case, sit on your front lawn and talk to you because she's not going away because we continue to bring her up.
GUTFELD: Yes, but I love bringing her up.
MURDOCH: Yes, you love it. But that is there.
GUTFELD: It's an endless supply of fun.
MURDOCH: But that's not fun.
GUTFELD: It's like a ticker tape of inanities.
MURDOCH: How many times - let me ask you, when Barack Obama was President how many polls were there going, "How are thing if Romney ran?" There was none.
GUTFELD: That's true.
MURDOCH: They do these things to keep the division, to keep the argument. Shame on them.
GUTFELD: Because this is more about Trump, it's like what if there was...
MURDOCH: This is an attack. What if that would've been 51%?
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.
TIMPF: But it wasn't.
MURDOCH: What if they skewed it? It was 40, it's still high, but the point is for the people that are upset it gives them another reason to still be upset. There's no rhyme or reason for the poll. It doesn't matter. She's not President. There is no change.
GUTFELD: I think, Terry, that the message that Tyrus is staring is that she should run again, perhaps with Biden. Can you imagine that? Hillary Biden - combine H 400.
(CROSSTALK)
SCHAPPERT: Here's the thing that really just - it just irks guys like me about Hillary Clinton, and this is just take away all the shenanigan and stuff behind the scenes and FBI and DOJ, this is indisputable. Hillary Clinton did things that if I did as a Green Beret team sergeant, I would have lost my security clearance, I would have lost my career and I would be in Leavenworth. That is a fact that happens. And she is walking out here, like this to all the guys like me who actually pay attention to this, she committed felonies, guys that is - whatever the background stuff is, that is true, it's a fact and I get to watch this woman do this kind stuff.
And if she became President, the slap in the face to guys like be in the military that actually try to do the right thing, and she would just like, "Yes, screw you, I deserve it." No, Hillary, I do. I like seeing her come out. It's entertaining to see her in her pain and I am awful to say that because how dare - I mean, like think about what she did, man, that really did happen.
GUTFELD: I know, I just keep thinking you probably like Leavenworth because...
SCHAPPERT: I heard the food is good.
GUTFELD: The food is good. You get to work out all the time.
MURDOCH: You get your free dress code.
GUTFELD: Exactly. Jim, last word to you, what do you make of all of this? What about the comfortable old blanket theory of just letting her run again with Biden because everybody would be, "Oh, we know this people. It's more relaxing."
FLORENTINE: She can't run again because she has run out of excuses why she lost. She has none left. If she loses in 2020, what is she going to say? "Oh, my Uber driver, I only gained two stars and he didn't vote for me and that's why I lost the election." She has no excuses left. She already went to the white females who didn't vote for me because the husband's control them. I know a lot of married guys and no husbands control those marriages. None of them.
GUTFELD: He speaks the truth. By the way, 2020 is going to be nuts because you're not only going to have the Democratic debates, you are going to have Trump tweeting about them. That's going to be - and it's going to be like mystery science theater. People are going to like, "They should have Trump watching the debates like mystery science theater."
SCHAPPERT: Like he'll go to the screen...
GUTFELD: He's goes up to the screen and he's got popcorn and it would be amazing. We should do that on Fox.
SCHAPPERT: That's brilliant, man.
GUTFELD: I should host it. All right, coming up, has science proved aliens do not exist? I hope not. My dream is to eat one.
There is no ET, just you and me. A new study from Oxford University, whatever that is claims there is likely no intelligent life outside of earth. How about on earth? We went to Whoopi Goldberg for comment.
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WHOOPI GOLDBERG, AMERICAN ACTRESS: Get out of my behind. Get out of my vagina.
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GUTFELD: I had to work that in somewhere. I am with her. All right, researchers say they saw something called the Firme paradox which goes like this, if there's billions of stars in the universe then at least some should support earth-like planets full of life and at least one of those civilizations should have developed interstellar travel. Yet we've never been visited by aliens. I guess, they've never seen carrot top. But using some mind bending maps and our latest scientific knowledge, scientists concluded the probability that we're alone in this galazy is 99.6%. That's the same score I got at the trampoline look-a-like contest. Here's video proof.
GUTFELD: Very observant fellow. Kat, do you believe in aliens?
TIMPF: I don't think that we can ever really know. I think that this study is very arrogant because maybe they do exist and they just don't want to hang out with us.
GUTFELD: They are just not into you.
TIMPF: They've seen us, they've seen that we like things like watching "Keeping up with the Kardashians" and cheese whiz which is cheese and it can and yes, I have eaten it and so they are like maybe we don't want them to invite us over and watch rich women complain while they eat salads in their mansion and eat canned cheese. They just don't want to hang out with us and do those activities.
GUTFELD: I think when you bring up food...
TIMPF: Sort of a food - cheese flavored foam.
GUTFELD: We are on earth and we eat earthlings. You know, a pig is an earthling, cow is an earthlings, even vegetarians, they eat broccoli, that is an earthling. On July 4th, we're having a hotdog eating contest, how barbaric is that? Eating a hotdog, get it out of the car, but my point is this.
TIMPF: Greg.
GUTFELD: We have a right to eat the aliens, Terry. If we're only eating earthlings, why can't we eat aliens? Space aliens.
SCHAPPERT: You can if you are bigger and tougher than them, sure.
GUTFELD: What if they are really tasty. They're like carb?
SCHAPPERT: Every creature - think about it, every creature on earth - something has to die to keep it going, sure. There might be aliens. What do you think? I think there might be. Yes, why not?
FLORENTINE: I don't know. You know, I mean, you saw the fighter jets following that object that one time, so I was thinking - and then Pentagon put $30 million in a fund to check out UFOs, see if they're out there. I'm on the fence. But I was in Colorado a couple of weeks ago. I ate inedible. I saw things in the sky. I did. I saw a lot of stuff, so I'm in.
GUTFELD: Yes, I don't know. I'm going to go back. Tyrus, imagine if you discover an alien and it taste like a carb, but has the consequences of a protein, so imagine it like pasta that takes like a Cinnabon even if it looks like a bunny, it doesn't matter because we eat bunnies here.
MURDOCH: Okay, I'm not getting after that with you. I'm not going to eat it. You know, I saw Star Trek. If it is green and looks good, we might invent something new before I eat it, better than an earthling woman, so I think, obviously they had been here, they saw us, cleaned up their mess and got the hell out of dodge. So, they left. I think they flew in and they were like, "They're eating each other. Let's go." And they left. I mean, they left the pyramids behind. They left a bunch of other stuff. Some of us look a little different than others.
TIMPF: Are you talking about me?
MURDOCH: No, no.
SCHAPPERT: When you say that thing, that's a bit misogynist.
MURDOCH: No.
GUTFELD: Are you pointing at me?
MURDOCH: Greg...
GUTFELD: I already have the name.
MURDOCH: Hold on. Whoa, whoa. Greg, he's into AI, he's quick to sell all humans for the next best thing. There's a lot of evidence. He always goes to vacations, but there's never photos. He is married but we've never met her. I'm just saying.
GUTFELD: She's very private. She's very private.
SCHAPPERT: Oh, Tyrus, you're the worst man.
MURDOCH: He's into like misfits, hating Maroon 5, very unearthy.
GUTFELD: If there are aliens, you know what I'm going to do, I'm going to open the first alien edible restaurant, I already have the name for it, Eat T.
TIMPF: Greg...
GUTFELD: What?
TIMPF: Okay.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
SCHAPPERT: Okay, we have proof.
GUTFELD: Thank you, thank you. All right, so nobody cares. I don't believe there is an aliens anywhere. We would've seen them by now, right?
SCHAPPERT: It kind of doesn't matter, does it?
GUTFELD: We don't need them. Seriously. Space aliens are just annoying.
SCHAPPERT: No matter what, whatever population we bump against, whether it's human or not, it's always going to be about food and resources, so they're not coming here to say hi. They're coming here because they - maybe they need a new place to live.
GUTFELD: They could be here already, but they're small. They could be tiny, like little bugs.
(CROSSTALK)
MURDOCH: Writing tons of notes for an hour show. You're all being categorized. You know that, right?
GUTFELD: He's hurting me now. All right, still to come, male corsets, golden cowboy boots, the Paris men's wear show was this week. I know what I'm getting Lou Dobbs for Christmas.
The only thing more fantastic than fashion is men's fashion. I have two words that says it all, male corsets. Yes, the recent Paris Fashion Week hoped to blur gender lines with some never before seen outfits, namely male corsets paired with cowboy boots. Thank God because male corsets without cowboy boots would be absurd.
SCHAPPERT: Yes, that's ridiculous.
GUTFELD: Is that a John Galliano, good friend of mine, says the designer, a good friend of mine, says the inspiration was to "Discover a new sensuality," a new sexuality I'm with them. Which can be found in dudes in corsets. Thanks, Obama. And the corsets weren't even the weirdest part, there was also this. Interesting. He's a Swedish fish and then there was this. That is terrible. And then, of course, this. That is just garbage. I don't know what that is.
Anyway, Terry, I am going to go to you first because you're a kind of a fashion maven. Do we have a picture? There you are. The only reason why we are doing this segment is so I can embarrass you with this picture you posted on Twitter.
SCHAPPERT: I'm not embarrassed.
GUTFELD: You should be. Who wears shorts like this? Where do you shop at, Baby Gap?
SCHAPPERT: By the way, if anybody knows where Baby Gap is, it's you, little man, that's what you wear under wetsuits. Thanks very much.
GUTFELD: All right. Have you ever walked a runway?
SCHAPPERT: No, is anybody going to invite me, I mean...
GUTFELD: I don't know...
SCHAPPERT: That picture, I have no place to do that.
GUTFELD: Jim, what's with the - why is like Fashion Week, they always have really crazy stuff that you never see?
FLORENTINE: Yes, I don't think it is going to come here to the States. It might like good on Terry with the pirate shirt.
GUTFELD: Yes, I think so. I think so. I don't know. Tyrus, what you think? A good corset might be healthy and it makes you feel good. They are called spanx. They're called spanx in TV land, then wear spanx.
MURDOCH: I just don't want to live in a world where we walk around in corsets. I mean, what is the point? For a guy what is the point?
GUTFELD: I don't know. Maybe to feel good, look good.
MURDOCH: But it's just, from every one of them, you want to stare at your nipples? I mean, is that, there's no t-shirt, it's just...
GUTFELD: It makes you center.
MURDOCH: I don't know, man. I'm old.
FLORENTINE: Greg, would you wear that on your vacation coming up?
GUTFELD: I'm thinking about it. I thought it looked rather attractive, but you know, I live on the edge. I'll wear just about anything, provided that it's been clean. I don't know. Kat, thoughts? Fashion? Male? Et cetera? Corsets?
TIMPF: I think that this was super lazy. They didn't actually come up with anything new. They just took chick fashion and put it on dudes. Laziest designer ever. I also think that even if fashion is not that hard or not that complicated, you should never wear anything you see at a fashion show unless you want to get punched in the face. If I was watching fashion shows, I would be sitting here with like giant metal wings with some sort of elaborate headdress on right now. It's not that hard. All you need is like some places you were dresses, and some place you were jeans and then you throw on a pair of glasses even if you have perfect vision, which I have heard some people do and then you are set.
GUTFELD: I have a lot of fashion negatives. I don't like cargo shorts at work because legs are ugly. I don't like flip flops on men at work. I see that, feet are ugly.
SCHAPPERT: You would not want to hang with me.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Then when you see people with sweats at supermarkets. You are either sick which is okay, or you're unattached.
MURDOCH: That's my preferred go to. I wear sweats all the time. They are comfortable. Yes, instead of corset.
GUTFELD: It's a lazy man corset.
MURDOCH: No, I'm getting after by being comfortable and no one needs to see all my junk. I'm not going to wear skin tight bell bottoms when I go shopping, I like being comfortable. I literally wear - actually, Greg, I wear cargo sweat shorts. It's mine.
SCHAPPERT: Just so you know, this may look like a pirate shirt, pirate blouse, but these actually have enough give in them that I can still kick people in the head with this. I just tell you I do that. So, come at me.
GUTFELD: The other no, no for me as Chaps especially on my leather sofa because it sticks. I have a tarp at the ready just for complicated moments.
SCHAPPERT: I have Chaps for my motorcycles, sometimes, when I ride.
GUTFELD: All right, don't go anywhere, final thoughts next. We are running out of show. Final thoughts, terry.
SCHAPPERT: So, go to Netflix, my series got picked up by Netflix, it's called, "Hollywood Weapons," it's an outdoor channel, which is a really fun cool network, but Netflix is screening Season One, Season Two is coming up and we are filming Season Three.
GUTFELD: And it's a huge hit, Terry.
SCHAPPERT: Huge hit.
GUTFELD: Huge hit.
SCHPPART: I am recognized everywhere now.
GUTFELD: Wow, fantastic. For other things though. On the dark web. Jim?
FLORENTINE: My book is out, "Everybody Is Awful Except You," it is in stores, on Amazon. Check it out. And then my comedy tour dates, I will be in Tampa, Reno, Nevada, Atlantic City, go to joeflorentine.com. They are all up there.
GUTFELD: Excellent. And I'm bringing the book on vacation. What about you, Tyrus?
MURDOCH: My movie "Supercon" just hit iTunes and On Demand and all of that good stuff, this has been Tyrus on "The Greg Gutfeld Show" and we got after it.
SCHAPPERT: Nicely done with a bow.
GUTFELD: Aren't you going to be in a new movie?
MURDOCH: Yes, but it's closed set, big mouth. Pay no attention to what he said. Can't tell him anything.
GUTFELD: Kat, what have you got?
TIMPF: I know it would not be illegal for me to wear my bathrobe to the bagel place, but I know that I still can't do it and that is what being adult means.
GUTFELD: That is so true. Good for her. All right, special thanks to Terry, Jim Florentine, Kat, Tyrus and our studio audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.
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