Updated

This is a rush transcript of "Gutfeld" on January 4, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Cross my legs. Yes, yes. Oh yes, I'm extra clammy. Happy Tuesday, everyone. It's another in-studio night, here without a live audience. So if you don't hear any laughter at home, just pretend I'm Colbert. I kid, Steve. Not really. But everything is about precautions these days. You can't ever be too safe. One mask, sure. Two masks. Why not? While you're at it, put a coffee filter over your ass.

Especially if you're Eric Swalwell. Guy likes to fart. Doesn't hide it. I respect that. Of course. While the legacy media gives you grief, even if you register mild hesitancy over a vaccine mandate, they still ignore some of the essential truths about health, that in a world where you can't trust the media or the government, you can still trust yourself. You can control your own risk factors. And that's the good news about the pandemic, that deleting comorbidity that influence severity of disease is one you can be and that's obesity.

The bad news is you're living in a country where you can get a cheap steak out of a vending machine, where your average Exxon station has more food than North and South Korea combined. There's a Sunoco station near my apartment that received four stars from Zagat. So it's really not our fault that we're fat. We're just awesome and making great food and we can't stop eating it. And that makes COVID worse.

We knew that but in the media, no one ever wanted to say that. This is the media who regularly scolds you, like your 58-year-old single aunt who has the same haircut as Newt Gingrich. Oh, they bend over backwards to slam you for your cloth mask, but bend over forward and do some sit-ups, that's unacceptable. In the early months of this epidemic, a few loud mouths like me mentioned, this would be a good time to lose weight because it's a risk factor that you can manipulate.

And we were accused of fat shaming. Yes, something that used to be known as good advice is now offensive by people in the media, who were later call you a monster for not getting triple vaxxed. Meanwhile, they got COVID anyway. But when young patients died from COVID, the Web sites wouldn't run a picture which is perfectly fine. Privacy matters, but a hidden unspeakable truth.

Obesity influence the outcome, just as obesity increases non-COVID risk for diabetes, heart disease, stroke, sleep apnea, and also joint damage. Relax Kat, not those joints. It's a drug reference.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Oh, shocking.

GUTFELD: I know. All right. Now according to the CDC, 61 percent of teens hospitalized for COVID-19 had severe obesity. And in general, people who are overweight are in much higher risk for death and severe disease from COVID. New study from the CDC took a look at young people hospitalized for COVID-19 and found that healthy young people continue to evade the worst of disease.

Meaning if you're young and healthy, you should be living your normal life which means going to work, having a beer with friends, sending me photos of you in public bathrooms when you're drunk. Those have really dropped off during the pandemic and I'm the victim here. Meanwhile, another study finds that dropping the weight drops COVID risk. So instead of hiding inside like your Joe Biden, you're better off taking a brisk walk around the block. Unless you live in Chicago, in that case run.

But this is a big untold story, untold because even as acknowledgement of weight as a factor is seen as fat shaming. So then rather save a generation from a debilitating self-created comorbidity. We salute fashion magazines for letting the plus size grace their covers, or we champion the clinically obese for being body positive. We actively try out something that as a -- that may be as bad as smoking, pretending it's a fun, flirty lifestyle choice.

Because this country is mentally and emotionally softer than a tube sock full of pudding. Sounds good. Heaven forbid our doctors point out the obvious thing that could kill you.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And what seems to be a problem?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, Doc. I've been having these terrible headaches. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if I'm drinking too much coffee or not sleeping enough. I mean, also been hitting myself in the head repeatedly with this wooden hammer I found but --

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hold on. What was that last one?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, I forgot to mention my wife and I have been doing this Pilates thing. I don't even understand.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, no, no. The headaches you're getting are from the hammer.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Whoa. OK. First of all, that is hammerphobic. The hammer has nothing to do with my headaches and I'm offended that even brought it up. Only in the Soviet Union. What is going on here?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Does M.D. stand for major (BLEEP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But really, this is about health. It's not about appearance. How attractive you feel it's up to you with obvious helpful input from any construction workers. According to the welders on 49th and 6th, I'm knocking it out of the park. Look, the obesity epidemic has been a threat to American health for decades. And a lot of it is our own government's fault. If the carb rich nutritional pyramid of old was designed to shape all of us like pyramids, it works.

Meanwhile, we targeted people in peak physical conditioning for making the decision not to get vaxxed. These are people from pro athletes to Navy SEALs spent their entire lives focused on physical fitness. And yet an overweight news anchor can pass judgment on them in between inhaling ring dings and fun sized Snickers, their most reliable sources Grubhub. Look, before the pandemic I weighed a lot more than I do now. Real picture.

To be fair, most of it was baby fat. I just love eating those babies. But when I looked at my risks, I realized I could do something. So I stopped mainlining sugar and started exercising more. Bottom line COVID stress tested our country in every facet of our lives. We learned a lot about our physical and mental health, our limits, but also about how pointless it is to trust the government.

Instead, you can trust yourself. And if there's anything we should exploit, it's the things that we can control. And that's diet and fitness. And in Kat's case, hygiene.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Yes. Let's welcome tonight's guests to this roaring audience. Yes. His leather jacket says 80s is cool but his haircut says 70s bass player. Reason editor at large, Nick Gillespie. Yes. So cool. He sees more royalties than a party on Epstein's Island. T.V. writer and producer Rob Long. Audiences hang on his every word. Yes, they commit suicide to avoid listening to him. Writer and comedian, Joe DeVito.

And she's like the Time Square sidewalk on New Year's Day. Cold, hard and cake with vomit. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. So this is day two, Rob in the no-audience GUTFELD! show.

ROB LONG, T.V. WRITER AND PRODUCER: Right.

GUTFELD: Yes. How do you feel? Everything OK?

LONG: I think it's good for me. I'm not sure about you.

GUTFELD: Why? Do you think I'm falling apart?

LONG: I think even when the audience isn't here, you still need to try.

GUTFELD: Yes. So you've noticed I've given up.

LONG: Those are your words. I've just noticed that you're very comfortable.

GUTFELD: Yes. If I don't have eyeballs on me I don't care.

LONG: Yes. You don't care.

GUTFELD: It's like -- I don't even like -- when I have the curtains drawn you can see what I do.

LONG: Are you even there?

GUTFELD: Yes. No, no.

LONG: Who am I?

GUTFELD: I saw you in the green room. And the first thing I said to you is, what? I said you dropped some weight.

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: How much have you lost?

LONG: I don't really know. I mean, like, I lost some of the gains. Here's the history. I lost some during the initial COVID thing. Just because I was eating at home.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: And then I gained some back when we -- COVID was over. Remember when it's over?

GUTFELD: Yes. Right. Yes.

LONG: And then -- and then I and then I got COVID in December 2020. O.G. COVID, not the diet. COVID everybody's so proud of.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: The real COVID.

GUTFELD: Right.

LONG: Not like COVID light or whatever.

GUTFELD: Yes. Omicron.

LONG: And then -- and then back to like, you know, eating at home and eating normally. Right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: I mean, you know.

GUTFELD: Well, that's a great story.

LONG: Yes. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes, I learned nothing from that. Other than that you were like a victim. And eternal neck.

LONG: That's pretty much it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: You got it.

GUTFELD: Nick, you're svelte. You're -- do you have any kind of -- like, I don't believe in goals. I've told Scott Adams line, you have to have a system in order to stay thin. I bet you have a system because you've never changed. Your hair, your jacket. Your long sleep body tone. Muscular.

NICK GILLESPIE, EDITOR AT LARGE, REASON: My feelings towards you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GILLESPIE: Which I keep hidden.

GUTFELD: Yes. No.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Not anymore.

GILLESPIE: I think amphetamines.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GILLESPIE: Are pretty much, you know, that comes -- every jacket I have I just reached in the pockets.

GUTFELD: Do you think --

GILLESPIE: Amphetamines.

GUTFELD: Do you think -- I mean, this is an area where you can shame the media because if they had actually reported the heightened risk of obesity, it might be a good thing. But they don't want to do it.

GILLESPIE: No. And neither did the government. You know, that is one of the things that's frustrating to me about all of the COVID stuff is it's taking whatever trust and confidence was left in any of these things down to zero. And that's a bad country to live in when you can't trust the media, when you can't trust the government.

GUTFELD: I think it's good not to trust anybody. Not even --

LONG: You know, that's why you're in a room alone without an audience.

GUTFELD: That's true.

LONG: We're not even here, Greg. Just in your head.

GUTFELD: If only that were true. Joe, I marvel at the abundance of food in America and the best measurement is good -- like when we were kids because you would roughly the same age early 40s.

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Close enough.

GUTFELD: We used to go to a gas station, there was just a row of like Snicker bars and some mints.

DEVITO: Yes.

GUTFELD: And now --

(CROSSTALK)

DEVITO: Covered with dust.

GUTFELD: Yes. Covered with dust. Now, like a convenience store, writ large, its massive, it's massive. It's like -- it's not our fault. We're fighting a war against our own abundance.

DEVITO: We've been too successful. And I think the problem was when we stopped talking about health and started talking about wellness.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: Because wellness is -- you ask, well, is it healthy? And well, pretty much tells people keep doing whatever it is you like to do, which is not really what the foundation of health. Health, you know, the human body is designed to use food for fuel and to move around and do stuff like that. And they really took that away from us. They kept McDonald's open, but they closed the gyms, they chased you out of the park.

GUTFELD: Right.

DEVITO: Because they want us to be fat, sick, unhealthy, tired. All these things because when you surrender control of your body, that means the people who are in charge get a little bit more control of what they can tell you to do and how you can feel and that is not good/

GUTFELD: Hmm. It's like the final scene of the time machine, right? Where they're just all blobs being chased out of a park like me. That brought back memories.

GILLESPIE: But for different reasons.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GILLESPIE: It's your case of a park like --

GUTFELD: Yes.

GILLESPIE: By villagers. It's very -- and it's hard to run away when you're wearing a leash.

GUTFELD: Connected too well anyway. Kat, You're libertarian.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: This is like -- this should speak to you because these are like a libertarian, you want -- you want to be able to control the variables in your life without the government intervening. It isn't proper health and nutrition, the right way to go.

TIMPF: I'm all about proper health.

GUTFELD: You don't even eat.

TIMPF: No. Sometimes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Yes. I do sometimes. I mean, but also like when I had my second COVID I was only sick for 12 hours. And that's probably because I have the body of a nine-year-old. So, it didn't affect me that much. But it's not like there's this idea that it's fat shaming to point out reality, but it's not. Shaming is saying like, you're a piece (BLEEP) as a human being.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Like, when people talk about age shaming. Nobody means if you say, oh --

(CROSSTALK)

GILLESPIE: Why are you looking at me?

TIMPF: This 90--year-old -- this 90-year-old is maybe closer to death than this 12 year old. That's not shaming and it's the same thing with this.

GILLESPIE: You know, the other thing though, about all of this is that when we're talking about kids, especially, it's something like 600 kids in America under the age of 18 or 19 died of --

GUTFELD: Right.

GILLESPIE: And somehow they're the ones paying all of the costs including now being called fatties.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GILLESPIE: You know, it's like -- it -- there -- this is another thing that's hollered at any trust or confidence. Why have we force kids to pay for a disease, you know, pay the biggest cost for a disease that harms them the least?

GUTFELD: Well --

GILLESPIE: Even the fat.

GUTFELD: We have to move on but we -- I could say that maybe this is payback for the greatest generation finding (BLEEP) so those kids can be barred.

GILLESPIE: OK. What are you really mad at?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

GILLESPIE: Who are you really mad at?

GUTFELD: I just felt like yelling.

GILLESPIE: Are you mad --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: What?

LONG: Donut.

GUTFELD: Thank you. I love sugar. All right. Up next. Wokesters make Patton Oswalt bend and sell out a longtime friend.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: The minor actor from the King of Queens becomes a groveler in mom jeans. Yes. He's the friend from hell for selling out Chappelle. Comedian Patton Oswalt has apologized for being friends with Dave Chappelle after performing with his longtime pal on New Year's Eve. Yes, it looks like when the balls dropped Patton's disappeared. Look at him. What happened, Oswalt? He looks like Joe DeVito's grandmother.

I don't even know what she looks like. Probably hotter than that, though. Sorry, Joe. I didn't mean to objectify you're probably dead grandmother. Anyway, apparently, they were doing so -- they were doing shows next door to each other. I mean, she might be alive. But we don't know. They were doing shows Friday night in Seattle when Oswalt got a call to join Dave's show.

And Oswalt wrote, why not? I wave goodbye to this hell year with a genius I started comedy with 34 years ago. I ended the year with a real friend and a deep laugh. Can ask for much more. Well, it turns out Oswalt could ask for much more, namely approval from strangers online. Who saw the photo with Chappelle it didn't approve. So Oswalt put up another post which reads in part, I'm an LGBTQ ally. I'm a loyal friend.

There's friction in those traits that I need to reconcile myself and not let cause feels a -- cause feels of betrayal in anyone else. Whatever. And I'm sorry, truly sorry that I didn't consider the hurt this would cause or the depth of that hurt. So an old friend Oswalt a favor by letting him come join the show then Oswalt grovelled before strangers while throwing Chappelle under the bus. All the scrape up some relevance on Instagram.

A comic hasn't used another like that since Tom Arnold married Roseanne. That's what friends are for, right? Wrong. You'd have to be a real clown to do that. Right, Professors Sniffles?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DEVITO: Unfortunately, this kind of treachery is common in the entertainment business. Sure, there's a comic guy helped get his start back when he didn't know a whoopie cushion from Whoopi Goldberg. I said, kid, you want to spend your whole career performing for five people in the back of a pizza place? Or would you rather perform for 10 people in front like me? Did I get any thanks? No. More like a giant novelty size shoe in my ass. Joe Machi, thanks for nothing like the real enemy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE) well, I'm going to go to you, Joe. You know, I was -- I was -- when this whole thing was unfolding it was probably the biggest story of the night. People were going crazy. He was -- Oswalt was close to doing something magical. Like he could have served as an example to everybody else by sharing the risk with his old friend and saying, you know, screw you. I'm not going to apologize. But he didn't.

It was almost as though like he was going to -- everybody knew he was going to apologize. Right?

DEVITO: Yes. There was a teachable moment there. But it wasn't the moment that he thought it was. And it wasn't teaching what he thought it was.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: Look, people have posted photos with me that they later regretted.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: They were family photos. But this was so lame to do this. There's so many things he could have done differently. The first thing he could have done was not reply to any of it.

GUTFELD: Right.

DEVITO: That's the way you handle this. You let it go away. And then they move on like any other bully, they move on to someone else who responds and gives him that juice that they need. So what he should have said was -- and this is really sad that 30-something years of friendship, and to sacrifice it for the approval of mob of people that you don't even know. It's really lame.

And it doesn't work. That's the most frustrating part is that doesn't matter what kind of an ally you are or what your stated opinions are, when they set their sights on you and it's your turn in the barrel. There's nothing you can do about.

GUTFELD: Yes. And Kat, Joe's point is well taken. Like he actively had to go look for the problem. Like -- it was like -- he doom scrolled the comments.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: To find -- to find that sorrow that forced me to do this. That's a certain type of human being. And I don't want to -- I don't want to kick him while he's down. But what an idiot.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Stupid jerk.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Coward loser. Trash bucket. Anyway, would you -- the bigger question, Kat is and I think you're thinking it too. Would you defend me no matter what horrible, disgusting political opinion I hold?

TIMPF: I think I do. I'm still sitting here.

GUTFELD: Yes. It is true. Don't forget it.

TIMPF: Yes. You won't let me but like 34 years seems like a really long time to be -- I mean, again, I haven't been alive that long. So I don't know. But it seems like a really long time to be a friend of someone and be like I need, you know what, I need these strangers' opinions on what kind of guy that he is.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

TIMPF: And then even weirder thing is can we show that photo that was with his apology? He posted this photo with his apology. Where did this picture come from? Like, did he take it for this or did he go through his camera? Like, where's my most thoughtful looking journaling picture that I can post? Very strange. All of it is strange.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Yes. Like who took this and when?

GUTFELD: Oh my god.

LONG: On the other hand in this picture it looks like Dave Chappelle will the world's oldest Make A Wish kid.

TIMPF: Why so many notebooks?

LONG: Yes. I would say like I actually feel like it's worse. I feel like not only should he not have apologized, he should have said the truth, which is the Dave Chappelle's special, the very things he said on that special were more positive and more supportive and will do actual more measurable benefit to the trans community than anything all those like online commenters will ever do.

Like it isn't not just that Dave Chappelle should be allowed to say what he said he actually moved the issue of trans rights forward and the -- I -- we're living in such a crazy world now that no one recognizes it. He shouldn't have just said oh, sorry or not said anything. He should -- he should have slapped back and said no, this guy did more for that community than anybody else has done in years.

GUTFELD: You're such a turf.

LONG: I am. Except for the R part.

GILLESPIE: You know, can I say one --

GUTFELD: What does R stand for? I forgot.

LONG: Radical. But you are a --

(CROSSTALK)

LONG: I'm a term right hands.

GUTFELD: But by the way, wait, Nick before your important point --

GILLESPIE: Yes. Thank you.

GUTFELD: You have a theory. Don't you have a theory? A Patton Oswalt theory you'd like to share with America? Our millions of viewers?

GILLESPIE: I think that you are the second Oswalt. I think you are his aspiration. You know, people come in different kinds of vague categories. And you're at the apex of the category that include Patton Oswalt.

GUTFELD: There you go. So it's -- there are two Oswalt.

GILLESPIE: So he's jealous of you -- everything he does to try and., you know, and try to supplant you.

GUTFELD: That's it. Would you have another theory?

GILLESPIE: Yes. Now, the one thing that I take out of situations like this, which I find great comfort him because, you know, at rock bottom, I'm just an internet troll like everybody else. The fact that celebrities, entertainers, politicians, leaders, the Pope, even the Pope gets into the comments on Twitter and on Instagram. And it is a great world to live in where you cannot say anything without immediately getting a million comments telling you to go to hell.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUTFELD: And you feel it need that you have to engage them. That's a structural change from 20 or 30 years ago. And I think it's quite beautiful.

GUTFELD: Well, it plays off kind of a human need -- like for some reason there's a -- and Kat will back me up and there's a greater need to read the criticism than the compliment. Even though you claim you like the compliment the criticism has a five times stronger pool, like you want to be -- if there's two boxes and this one, you know is negative and this one's positive, you're going to open up the negative one first.

DEVITO: Yes. It hurts more.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: It has a little bit more of a sting to it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: And it's -- like you said, Nick, it's amazing that people have that power --

GILLESPIE: Yes.

DEVITO: -- because, you know, back in the day, you had to send a letter bomb.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Tell me about it.

GILLESPIE: Just think the --

(CROSSTALK)

GILLESPIE: The unabomber would have just been a great tweeter. You know.

GUTFELD: You know, that's an interesting point. We would have had fewer assassinations if we had social media. I don't know if that's true. But it sounds like a provocative idea for a salon article I was contemplating. Maybe it'll be on slate. I get salon and slate confused the way I get confused with The Daily Beast and a huge pilot (BLEEP) no one's mentioned that Patton Oswalt played a rat.

GILLESPIE: A talking rat.

GUTFELD: A talking racking.

GILLESPIE: Talking rat.

GUTFELD: You know, talk about that. Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy. Am I right, America? You're right, Greg. All right. Up next, what were they thinking posts in playlists of Blinken?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: They'd rather say he's a music fan than talk about Afghanistan. And who cares about Taiwan or Ukraine, does Antony Blinken really like Shania Twain? Yes, the country is in terrible shape, though the State Department made you a mixtape. Rather than addressing China, Putin; the State Department has made precious time to promote Secretary of State Antony Blinken's Spotify playlists.

Wow, I can't wait to see Pete Buttigieg's Pinterest page with all the baby booties he's been knitting on paternity leave. Travesty. They tweeted eight times about Blinken's public playlist since December 10th. Once for every time Joe Biden stays up at 7:00 p.m. GOP Rep. Steve Scalise tweeted, I'm sure Americans still stranded Afghanistan will appreciate having this playlist to listen to as they're forced to live under Taliban rule. Well, sorry, Steve, they cut your head off for listening to Western music.

And with this list, I might support that. Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and Adele are among some of the better-known names on Blinken's playlists, which gives him the music tastes of a depressed waitress at Chili's. I don't know it's almost as if it were a list picked by someone who's never listened to any music ever in their lives. But he also enjoys Penny Lane by the Beatles. Here's a snippet.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm Paul McCartney, everybody, hey!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That was actually a clip from the amazing documentary. I hope everybody's been watching that on, I think, is it? Busch Gardens plus?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Get lost.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm one of those.

GUTFELD: Yes, it was that -- I saw the -- I watched it on the log ride, Kat. You love the Beatles, do you love -- what do you make of this playlist?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Yes, I like -- first of all, I've never tweeted anything eight times. I think I could be like being murdered; I wouldn't tweet that. I'd be like -- they'll see it or they won't, you know. But again, the music, the choices on here. It's exactly what you hear. Like whenever you go to the pharmacy and you're waiting in line for a prescription. It's the exact same thing. Like, it's just the songs that you hear.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

TIMPF: He didn't even try. There's no way he made it. I don't know who made it. Yes, a pharmacy -- CVS may have just handed over the playlist.

GUTFELD: No, it's true. It's like, could have thrown like one little curveball like, you know, coil. Coil would be a good band.

GILLESPIE: He had a "Killing Moon" by Echo and the Bunnymen.

GUTFELD: Oh, he did?

NICK GILLESPIE, EDITOR-AT-LARGE, REASON: Yes. It's like, I'm one of them. And it's like, there's no way he even knows what any of those are --

GUTFELD: That was, that was, that was an underrated second album after the first one crocodiles, which is a classic record, Rob, I know. You look like a music professor. I'd like to (INAUDIBLE) you.

ROB LONG, WRITER: Oh, well. Well, there's no audience. I only work with an audience. The lead singer back on the budding ones Ian McCullough. Got it? That's true. But I happen to know that because I have it on my Spotify because I actually listened to it. Unlike some people who got the intern to do their playlists.

GUTFELD: Do you remember --

LONG: Make it, make it bland.

GUTFELD: Can you can you name the three albums that came out on the same week that were caught were part of the quote like new romantic new psychedelic movement.

GILLESPIE: So, was it a new order record as well?

GUTFELD: Yes, it was, it was -- teardrop explodes.

GILLESPIE: Oh my God. They were so good.

GUTFELD: Echo and the Bunnymen and YouTube Boy all in the same room?

GILLESPIE: Wow.

GUTFELD: I'm boring, everybody.

GILLESPIE: No, but you know who's fascinated by this? Antony Blinken.

GUTFELD: Yes, of course he is. By the way, you're a Libertarian, shouldn't this be what government only does?

GILLESPIE: Yes.

GUTFELD: I mean, that I mean, like, rather than wage wars, rather than create another Afghanistan, create a Spotify list.

GILLESPIE: Of, you know, if we could only you know, just come together over Spotify?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

GILLESPIE: I want a Secretary of State, you know, and Hillary Clinton did this when she was Secretary of State her playlists. It was always gore, sex pistols and Gigi Allin, and then, you land in Afghanistan. And the Taliban doesn't know anything, but they know Gigi Allin. And they're given a --

LONG: Totally out, right.

GUTFELD: Gigi Allin was in public before San Francisco made it famous. I mean, he would literally walk out of her place and just pooped all the way down. Yes, just not stop pooping. And it wasn't. It wasn't a healthy kind either, Joe.

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: It was. It was really was art. He had an open casket. You should look at those pictures.

DEVITO: Yes.

TIMPF: Oh, I have stuff.

DEVITO: Hated in America?

GUTFELD: Hated. By the way, do you know who did that movie hated the, the, the guys who did what's the name of the movie where they go to Vegas?

DEVITO: Great trivia, Greg.

TIMPF: "The Hangover."

GUTFELD: Yes, the guy, the director? The guy who did "Joker," The guy who did the movie -- Todd Phillips.

DEVITO: Feel free to call in listeners. If you have any, any direction.

LONG: So, let me get this straight, this is the number one late night show?

GUTFELD: Yes, it is. Look, we are discussing the, the link from Gigi Allin to Joker through the art of genius work of Todd Phillips, who, who was first, first movie was GIGI ALLIN. Hey.

DEVITO: This all makes sense to people who are not well.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: yes, he's a to many dots. I know. It's easy to make fun of his playlist, which does sound like something you'd hear when you were buying socks at Kohl's. Right? Page one of the Old Columbia House record -- oh, yes, where's the good stuff? But how bad would you feel if you went to that playlist and saw all the things you were currently listening to the favorites of Antony Blinken.

I would be pretty bummed out if I saw that video. I think this is either someone who's running the account doesn't know what they're doing. It's like when my dad texts me the thumbs up icon 15 times NAFTA ask him what's going on? It's some kind of signal they're sending to aliens. Hmm. That's when this eight times. Have you heard the news? Have you heard the news?

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: But the problem here is that like he's a grown-up person.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Maybe like a young person.

GUTFELD: Right.

LONG: So that is that the reason the playlist seems stupid is, is like it's like Bob Hope and a hippie wig.

GUTFELD: You're right.

LONG: You know, like you're growing up, you're the Secretary. Like he wants to be there. I'm not just Secretary State, I'm the cool secretary.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

LONG: No, you're not secretary state. It's OK to be a grown up and to be like, you know, kind of boring and like serious and not have a playlist because you're like, I just too busy.

GUTFELD: I saw him on the street and he was drinking a monster. You know, the thing is he -- well, we got to move on, but there's one last point here is that perhaps they were carefully curating artists that didn't have any kind of like, bad story. There's like no R. Kelly, there's no Michael Jackson. So, they're left with this stuff. Anybody you can't do Chuck Berry --

TIMPF: Women. You're left with women.

GUTFELD: You're left with women. That's right. He says, Antony Blinken is just a walking Lilith Fair. Is that still around? I should shut up. Coming up, Biden learns it takes more coins to purchase prime sirloin.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Uncle Joe finds it surprising that the price of meat is rising. True, he's the commander in chief and clueless on the cost of beef. The skyrocketing inflation continues to boost the prices of food and assless leather chaps, Nick. President Biden says he only recently learned the price of meat had gone up. Now, he'll be livid when he hears they canceled mash. I bet he was sitting in his kitchen yesterday.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I was sitting in my kitchen yesterday and there's a son in law for kitchen. And my wife was there with her sister and a good friend named Marianne. And she was saying, do you realize it's over? $5.00 for a pound of hamburger meat? $5.00?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Whoa, a sunroom off the kitchen? Must be nice, Mr. Fancy Pants. Over the last 12 months, the cost of ground beef has gone up nearly 14 percent. Which when you think about it, really isn't that much. Are we doing the story? Anyway, it's terrible. According to Joe, it's not inflation. But corporate middlemen to blame for the rise in the price of bison. Yes, he already knows the solution to the problem he just found out from Mary, who the hell is Mary, anyway? What does she know? And how long did she know it?

Big beef, which is also Rob Long's High School nickname. Paying farmers less while charging grocers more, so it's not Joe's COVID policies that have caused labor and supply chain problems that's to blame. Yesterday's administration announced plans to lower costs by increasing regulations on meat packers and encouraging competition with increased federal spending. That sounds like a lot of words. Use a lot of words we go to Jerry, the one-word rabbit for comment.

That added nothing to this segment. That's like almost 60 percent of what came out of my mouth. Nick, is it reasonable to expect someone that's old and isolated as Joe to know the price of beef?

GILLESPIE: I don't think he needs to know the price of beef.

GUTFELD: Yes, no, OK, that's a good answer.

GILLESPIE: You know, but I will say one I'm very suspicious that this person Marianne even exists.

GUTFELD: Yes, Marianne is not real.

GILLESPIE: you know, and I know I'm sure they workshopped if you go roll the tape, there's probably 10 different things where it's like Mary Allen?

TIMPF: Yes.

GILLESPIE: Mary Elizabeth.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GILLESPIE: Et cetera, but what really bugs me about all of this is that for a long time, Biden was claiming and a lot of Democrats and a lot of people in the press were saying inflation isn't real. It's not happening. It's all in your head, you fat COVID Loser?

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.

GILLESPIE: Who aren't triple vaxxed?

GUTFELD: Yes.

GILLESPIE: And now that they're saying, OK, yes, it's here and it's here to stay. It's not transitory. They are saying the only way to beat it is by pumping massive amounts of government money into the economy, which is exactly one of the major causes, if not the major cause of inflation. So --

GUTFELD: There you go.

GILLESPIE: I'm very upset.

GUTFELD: You know, that is probably the smartest comment made tonight. Rob, but I want to get back to Marianne. Yes, yes. I mean, who the hell is Marian? What did she What is she? Why is she more important than us?

LONG: I think that he thinks that Marianne was there. I think that he talked to Marianne and may be talking to her right now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: I think Marianne is very real to him. The weird thing about this beef thing is like, I feel like sometimes I like to think of what's the story next week, but next week is going to be how inflation is going to make you healthier yes we're, we're, we're enjoying you know be the ones we headlines we're eating less beef, right? To Joe Biden's inflation. Like, yes, they always have to be one step ahead of the disaster. So --

GUTFELD: Rather than fix it.

LONG: Well, yes, right -- they have to acknowledge it. And then they're going to say actually, it's a good thing.

Yes, there you go. You know, cat. This is the time where I made kind of an edgy pop culture reference that you'll surely understand. It's like I always say, where's the beef?

TIMPF: Yes, I don't get it.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

GILLESPIE: That's a Wendy's add.

GUTFELD: That's a Wendy's add.

LONG: Even Antony Blinken would say, "ugh". Five more minutes.

GUTFELD: What was her name.

TIMPF: And then it's the time where I'm supposed to figure out what the hell to do with that, because it is not a question.

GUTFELD: It is not, but you are -- and then Walter Mondale, though. Yes. used it in a debate with Ronald Reagan who was sleeping at the time. Yes, so it didn't really work.

LONG: Well, this is a great show for the assisted living.

TIMPF: I'm getting arthritis just listening.

LONG: Are we going to get to see the Golden Girls after this?

GUTFELD: Yes, we are you shut up and you are you'll get no pudding. Yes. piggyback on Nick's

TIMPF: I agree with everything Nick said, though. I think that obviously Marianne's not real. Because nobody, nobody talks like -- nobody talks like that.

GILLESPIE: Or was it Ginger.

TIMPF: Yes.

GILLESPIE: Or was it the Professor. My friend, the professor, told me. Yes.

TIMPF: Old friend like a really close friend. You don't sit around like beef is $5.00. Like, that's not how you talk about disgusting stuff that you can't talk about people you don't know better.

GILLESPIE: God. Joe, do you realize you know, a ground beef? I bought a pound of ground beef just like you go to the White House and you're with Dr. Jill and Joe Biden, and you're like, you know, ground beef is up to $5.00 pounds.

GUTFELD: You know what Joe? You

TIMPF: Talk about other people.

GUTFELD: Joe, Joe --

GILLESPIE: Like Antony Blinken.

GUTFELD: He should do this all the time. And go, yes. Wow -- I was out banging, Alice, the made.

DEVITO: Yes. And then did Jill say you know Joe never has a second cup of coffee anymore.

GUTFELD: As a reference.

DEVITO: This is --

GUTFELD: Holy crap.

TIMPF: I'm lost.

DEVITO: He doesn't -- and he doesn't know the price of beef. Because when do you think is the last time. he had a solid meal? Yes, it is true that you're putting ground beef in a blender that Joe Biden is not concerned with it.

GUTFELD: If you put ground beef in a blender, it actually solidifies.

GILLESPIE: Really.

GUTFELD: Well, because it's ground -- anyway.

DEVITO: Yes.

LONG: The number on show in late night.

GILLESPIE: You know, suddenly, American exceptionalism is being exposed a lie.

GUTFELD: Oh my God,

GILLESPIE: That's a lot.

DEVITO: It's true that if he's running out of things to blame, he's blaming the meat packers.

GUTFELD: Right.

DEVITO: I think as against Aaron Rodgers, for not getting vaccinated to dig. But that doesn't explain why gasoline has gone up. It doesn't explain why the price of apples have gone up. And like Nick said, their solution is well, let's just print up a bunch of fun bucks. That'll take care of the problem. So, yes, it's, it's not good.

GUTFELD: Not good. We'll have to leave it there, a phrase I just coined. To your point. Up next, are fewer people knocking boots to focus on other pursuits? Probably not.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: There've been a hex placed on sex. Thank you rhyme zone dictionary. According to the Archives of Sexual Behavior, my favorite archives. I'm a perv. Between 2009 and 2018, the proportion of young men not having sex has skyrocketed from 28 percent to 44 percent. Among young women, it went from 49 to 74 percent.

In scientific terms, that's an increase from a lot to really a lot. Well, a bum it didn't go to 69 percent, because then we can all grin. But nobody explored the reasons behind the downturn in sexual activity. So, are young people having less sex than ever? We go to an expert in this field of sexual abstinence.

Why is this a bad thing? This is a good thing. Isn't this -- right? Isn't this a civilized society? People are having sex later. They're not pumping out kids when they're still kids. This has got to be great news. Bad news for you, Joe. But good news for America.

DEVITO: Yes, well, the Archives of Sexual behavior that --

GUTL: Yes.

DEVITO: That's what I call my contacts list. Yes, I don't think this is a good thing. But I read some of the information and it said that they think that the less sis sex activity is due to the economy into COVID. And as all these other factors, and they actually said sexual behavior does not occur in a vacuum. And I thought, well, for some of us, though.

GUTFELD: Yes. If I had $1.00 for every time that E.R. guy looked at me. I fell on it. Rob, like I fall on anything.

LONG: You know, what's -- nobody expects more? I think that's what -- I think it's a bad thing, but I don't think has any with COVID or any of that stuff. Let's to do with the fact that it's been essentially criminalized all the things that are involved in that kind of relationship that you might have, like, there's a certain amount of like --

GILLESPIE: Are you talking about age consent laws, Rob.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I think those things are unconstitutional.

LONG: You're confusing this place with CNN.

GUTFELD: Right. We are not pro-diddling.

TIMPF: Kids.

GUTFELD: Kids.

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: Totally against the diddling of children.

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: Bo-diddling any kind of diddling.

LONG: Yes, I want to make that very clear.

GUTFELD: Get to your point.

LONG: I want to make that very clear -- CNN calls.

Well wait a minute wait a minute. Look what you criminalize the behavior once you say like well you can't you know seduce -- you can't lie and charm your way in Tibet. All those things that people have done for --

GUTFELD: What you will criminalize is regret.

GILLESPIE: You can't drug.

GUTFELD: We've criminalized regret so if somebody has second thoughts after hooking up, you're screwed. And by the way as you see that happening -- porn -- things over, porn is guilt-free.

LONG: Every parent knows. Every parent of a certainly, of a teenage boy knows --

TIMPF: OK. We're back on teen boys, you guys.

LONG: But seriously, how dangerous it is, like, if you're just better off. I mean, what compare that to the porn use --

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Porn safe.

GUTFELD: Yes, that no, porn is, porn has no consequence.

LONG: You're not going to get arrested for porn.

GUTFELD: You're not going to get arrested for --

GILLESPIE: The fact that people are living longer with their parents which means --

GUTFELD: Hard to get laid.

GILLESPIE: I may be the only person on this show right now who was both a child and a parent. And the only thing worse than trying to have sex when I was a kid when my parents were creeping around on the upstairs if their own house is being the parent who is trying to have sex upstairs while my kids are playing video games.

LONG: I got to say this, I love you, but I don't think the outfit helps.

TIMPF: I will say yes. That it's because people aren't getting married and you physically can't have sex unless you're married because the trapdoor comes out and boom, you go straight to hell.

GUTFELD: That is absolutely right. It's directly linked to fewer marriages.

TIMPF: Yes, and you can't have sex, if you're not married doesn't work.

GUTFELD: No, it does it, it does. And sometimes when people try horrible things happen, horrible things happen.

TIMPF: Eternal damnation.

GUTFELD: Did you ever see "The Exorcist"? That really happened. I don't know what I'm saying. I guess I should just move on.org. Don't go away. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Nick Gillespie, Rob Long, Joe DeVito, Kat Timpf. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

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