Remember getting Newsweek as a child? I looked forward to it. I believe that Newsweek made me a smarter kid. It was like Highlights with war. Now the magazine just makes you dumber. Once a noted publication, it's now a thinly-pressed carcass of mind vomit.
Their latest, an article by Melissa Matthews called, "How murderer Charles Manson and Donald Trump used language to gain followers."
Hold on. Isn't that what Newsweek does, use language to gain followers? Isn't that what Melissa Matthews does? Isn't that what The New York Times does? Isn't that what we all do? Does that make Newsweek like Manson?
Imagine how this story came about. A group of young editors -- close to my age, early 30s -- they're sitting around, they're hoping for any idea to take a naked Charlie Rose off their minds. It's like a hairless cat on his hind legs, smoking a pipe. Now they know they're one paycheck away from opening a cat-sitting business in Brooklyn.
Finally, a cretin says, "Let's compare Manson to Trump." Relieved, they break for lunch: vegan wraps and green tea all around. Good for them, I say.
If you want people to click on your free webzine, which is what Newsweek is, saying Trump is Manson beats all comers. Although in the article, even they admit that Trump isn't really Manson. They didn't buy it either, and they don't expect you to buy it, too. That's why it's free.
So Newsweek is now, like, the saddest sideshow attraction. The sign reads "See the Caterpillar Man," and it's just a junkie in a sleeping bag.
Fact is, even they know they're peddling tripe. But an editor has got to eat. They don't have the words, but they do have Manson.