'Gutfeld!' on colleges censoring offensive speech

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Gutfeld takes issue with university attempting to police 'offensive' speech

'Gutfled!' panel discuss at what point colleges have gone too far

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," June 25, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

NICOLLE WALLACE, MSNBC HOST: Jen, I walk similar shoes to the ones you walk in now -- 3-1/2 hours of -- I'm guessing. How do you feel like it's going and, you know, you get such high marks from the vast majority of the people in that room? You spar a little bit with some of the President's detractors but I'm sure privately even they give you grudging respect. How do you feel like it's going?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Oh, and here we thought Biden was the only one given out back rubs.

Happy Friday night, everyone. You know, Kat's gearing up for a wild weekend. Let's just hope she eats first before she drinks, not like last weekend.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Those are good?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: She stay so trim. But at least your husband is good enough to give her a ride to work.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: We also have Dagen on the show. Our favorite Southern belle. You know, being from the south, she really loves a good off road adventure.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sorry.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Aren't going to make the bus.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, here we go. Throttle down.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Falling every day. Come on. Run, run, run (INAUDIBLE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And to think she lives in that. So, what cost 75 and rots your brain besides a three- day weekend with Hunter Biden? If you said college, you'd be right. Take Brandeis University whose students and faculty are being instructed not in expanding one's vocabulary, but shrinking it based on links to oppression. Some of the words they want to ban are phrases like trigger warning, picnic, and rule of thumb.

Rule of thumb, who does that offend other than maybe a few careless shop teachers? Shout out to Four-Fingers McGee. But all these words are somehow related to systemic oppression. Yes, even trigger warning. And early woke isn't designed to prepare fragile students for shocking subject matter ahead. That's now considered shocking in itself, because trigger is part of a gun. So now we need a trigger warning for trigger warning.

How soon before we need a trigger warning for the trigger warning for the trigger warning? Here's my suggestion. Grow the (BLEEP) up you infantile wooses. Yes. The posted on the school's Web site includes examples of phrases that appropriate cultures, exclude genders and hurt the disabled. For example, if there's a barbershop nearby, it shouldn't be taking any walk-in appointments. Because what if you can't walk?

Well, I mean, you could just ignore it but that would be the adult thing to do. It's much better to feel offended. By the way, God forbid with the mere presence of the barbershop does to nearby bald people. It's exactly how I feel when I walked by a high shelf. Someone says -- if someone says this is nonsense, don't say you're all ears because you'd be offending Evander Holyfield.

Other words deemed off limits policeman, Congress man and even fresh man because of that evil man part. Although it's -- let's be hard to decide what the worst part of the phrase policeman is. That's like trying to figure out which is the more evil Olsen twin. Of course, if you were to compliment anyone who put this list together by saying you killed it. Well, how dare you equate their achievements with murder?

That's why I only say it to Governor Cuomo. I'm not kidding. I suppose I shouldn't say not kidding. How insulting is that to people who can't have children? I would say I'm joking. But jokes are offensive to those born without a sense of humor. They also tell people not to refer to meetings as powwows because it appropriates Native American culture. We called Liz Warren for a comment, but her smoke signal was busy.

So, you know, how there are colleges for the deaf? Well, it appears Brandeis' end goal is to be a school for the dumb. Let's go to the angry white male for comment.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, you know, I guess I'm going to have to be brief because I checked the list and pretty much everything, I say on a daily basis is on the list. That's why phrases like long time no see, and no can-do love them phrases. But I'll tell you with all these restrictions, the one positive thing is I'll probably never have to talk to these knuckleheads again. And yes, I checked, and knuckleheads is not on the list, honest engine.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, I think I figured this out in order to have a meaningful dialogue. Just get rid of the dialogue altogether. What's left will be grunting and sighing like the dialogues in a porno. As we regress to our infantile stages of existence, the Mime industry will go belly up with everyone stealing their act. There will be no more pens in the world only tellers. So, I have a word I want to ban. It's called college. Because in the old days, it meant a place of learning.

Now we know that's not the case. It's a place for ritual indoctrination into a cult of mindless conformity. Trying to stop calling colleges, colleges. We need a new name. I propose idiot farm. Although how insulting is that to idiot farmers or cows or corn stocks? I mean, when does this madness end? Apologies to Jim Acosta. But this oppressive language lists can only grow, soon it will be illegal to eat white rice.

After I want you to start the game of oppressor versus oppressed. Each new power mad misery merchant will only try to outdo their predecessors. And that's the root cause of this. Not fragility but a naked thirst for power. Every banned phrase and every terrified administrator is a feather in the cap of the mindless woke, and the more we indulge them, the more insatiable they become. It's the tyranny of the few versus the cowardice of the many. My rule of thumb, let them destroy each other while we go to a picnic.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She's a Southern vegan, so her guns are strictly for shooting the trespassers. Fox Business Network anchor, Dagen McDowell. He gets up so early. I can't imagine how many worms he has by now. "FOX AND FRIENDS FIRST" co-anchor, Todd Piro. He's so sharp. He had to quit comedy to sell razors. Westernrazor.com spokesman, David Angelo. And she once gave a blind man to cactus and told him it was braille. Fox News contributor, Kat Timpf.

You know, Mr. Angelo when I was doing this story, my only concern was your career as a razor salesman. Because being a salesman for razors has you rely on language to sell your product. So I imagine that now you are facing a lot of obstacles in this era when you're trying to sell your precious, precious little razors.

DAVID ANGELO, WESTERNRAZOR.COM SPOKESMAN: Well, you know, it's true. It's very difficult. That's why I got out of comedy. Here's the thing though, Greg. There are some words I do think are offensive.

GUTFELD: Like what?

ANGELO: There's a few -- I mean, I -- look, I wouldn't call a meeting of power on though, I think about it. I probably wouldn't. Honest to God, I don't think I would. I think it's maybe a little weird. Not that -- it's a little weird.

GUTFELD: Why?

ANGELO: I don't know. I mean, but can you admit the Washington Redskins? That was a little weird.

GUTFELD: Yes, that was weird.

ANGELO: Yes.

GUTFELD: That was weird.

ANGELO: There's certain ones. So I think the issue some of these Brandeis overreactions are, is that there are some words that you could maybe edit.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: Maybe not use as much.

GUTFELD: Right.

ANGELO: But when you throw everything in like picnic, it's kind of like -- then you -- it's too many.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: It's too hard to keep track, you know, and then it puts -- it recenters the power on English majors. That's what they're doing. They're sitting around, they're hanging out all day.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: You know, they're PhDs working at Starbucks. And they figure, you know, let's have a low voltage reign of terror on the community and make it about us again. That's what they do. And it's an overreach.

GUTFELD: It is. It is a low voltage reign of terror. Todd, welcome to the show.

TODD PIRO, FOX AND FRIENDS FIRST ANCHOR: It's great to be here.

GUTFELD: You've been up for about 47 hours.

PIRO: I have no idea where I am.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. What do you make of this whole -- this whole thing? It seems like there's absolutely no opposition and academia to this.

PIRO: Well, it's that and it's also the fact that to your point, these people have way too much time in their day. Going back to my life for a second, I'm tired, Greg. I've been up for 24 hours at this point, these people need more to do. The other thing is I feel like -- no offense to my dad. I love my dad. But I feel like Brandeis has a camera in our house. And it's just recording all the words that he says. And it's just like, where are you going to go (INAUDIBLE)

He might -- another thing he says that's coming soon. I got to go to the little boy's room. I think that one's on the chopping block soon.

GUTFELD: Yes. That is.

PIRO: He's just going to the bathroom, America.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

GUTFELD: The only people who can use that are the Lincoln project. You know, Dagen, do you remember when college students led the Free Speech Movement? And now it's as though they're trying to undo the very thing that they had been known for in the 60s in the 70s when you were in your early 20s.

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK ANCHOR: Exactly. I don't remember anything like before 1990 because of college.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Because of the drinking and the keg stands.

GUTFELD: Right.

MCDOWELL: And all the other substances. But this is the -- this is the -- to Todd's point, this is the definition of privilege and the elite of the elite that they have enough time and energy to sit around and care about (BLEEP) the rest of us are just trying to get through the day.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: I just want to get through the day without getting mugged.

GUTFELD: Right.

MCDOWELL: Or, you know, hearing from my doctor that that mole is funny. Or coming home and my two dogs have reenacted that scene from bridesmaids.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PIRO: Oh.

GUTFELD: I thought you're going to say --

(CROSSTALK)

PIRO: Too soon?

MCDOWELL: You didn't say it, you don't get (INAUDIBLE)

(CROSSTALK)

PIRO: -- my head.

MCDOWELL: But -- where -- so they start with words. And then they go on to objects, like how long before they try to genetically engineer say, fruits and vegetables that are offensive to them? Like, let's change melons, because they're too Melanie? Or those aggressive bananas need to be in a different form.

ANGELO: Well, they are kind of aggressive.

MCDOWELL: Yes.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat --

MCDOWELL: It depends on the banana.

GUTFELD: Yes. That's -- you have a grimace on your face, Kat.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I was just thinking it depends on the banana and what that, I don't know.

GUTFELD: Yes. The thing is -- the point I think being made here is that all of these complaints are based on a luxury.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Like if you -- if you actually have a life, you can't -- you can't pull off this crap.

TIMPF: I don't think you need to have that much of a life either because I don't really.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: The whole point is language it changes and means different stuff. Like the rule of thumb thing, I guess they're saying that it maybe came from -- like the width of a stick you could use to beat your wife and like old British law.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Well, like wife met in old British law wasn't great either.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Like, I'm a wife.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And it's not that, you know, you know, like, you have to sell like you give a dowry so that some guy can just like tell your daughter what to do for the rest of her life where she's going to be set on fire. It doesn't mean that anymore. So, I think that people need to come. I don't think.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes. You know it doesn't. I didn't know that part. You know, it's -- but I got to go back to my -- the root cause of this. People think it's about people's feelings. It's not about people's feelings. It's about a thirst for power. People feel good when they're able to do this stuff to other people. It gives them a rush to say you can't do this, and nobody is stopping them. And that's why this -- there is no slippery slope here because you always assume the slippery slope will end up somewhere. This is just going to keep going. Because no one has the balls to stop it.

ANGELO: Yes. There's just like, English is a colonialist language.

TIMPF: Yes, yes.

ANGELO: At some point, they're going to be like, the whole dictionary is gone. If you want to apply the logic.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: And then -- word we can't get a new language. That's appropriation. You really can't if you really expanded the whole way. Where do you land?

GUTFELD: Emojis.

MCDOWELL: Money is power though. These jackasses are charging students $300,000 to go to school there.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Isn't that enough?

GUTFELD: Yes. That's why -- that's why the parents are going crazy. All right. We got more to come here. Up next. Will the press rejoice when Biden lowers his voice?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Is there no relief from the whisper in chief? Yes, he's the babbling press who murmurs what he says. But should we fear him when we can barely hear him? When he gets sleepy, he certainly gets creepy. Joe Biden's now lowering his voice the way he's lowering expectations. The resident in chief raised eyebrows when he inexplicably used his indoor voice at an outdoor press conference. Here's a quick refresher.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I got them $1.9 trillion released so far. I wrote the bill on the environment. I said yes, pay them more.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh man. We haven't seen something that creepy since Kilmeade wore that hoop skirt to our Christmas party. I have to say he had the gams for it, but still -- but it wasn't Biden's only bizarre moment Thursday, while delivering remarks on vaccinations. He said this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BIDEN: There's a reason why it's been harder to get African-Americans initially to get vaccinated because they used to be an experimented on, the Tuskegee Airmen and others. People have memories.

It's awful hard, as well, to get Latinx vaccinated as well. Why? They're worried that they'll be vaccinated and deported.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So obviously, he bungled that one with the implication that many Latinos are in the country illegally, but also using the woke term Latinx, Latinx.

TIMPF: Latinx.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: To refer to Latinos no one actually uses it including Latinos. Really, I expected something better from Hunter's father. The truth is Latinos aren't afraid they're going to get deported. They're afraid Joe might snip their children's hair. And finally, Joe's third slip of the day involves that war with Iran that never happened.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BIDEN: We lost 600,000 dead in America. And about a year, that's more than every life lost in World War I, World War II, the Vietnam War. Iraq, Iran, across the board.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, at least he's being factual and that COVID killed more than zero people. It's true, more people did die from COVID then our war with Iran. Also our wars with Peru. FlapJack and Stan and the People's Republic of Kajagoogoo. But it's like I always tell my dinner guests just eat around the class ring. So, Dagen, I think you know, Whispering Joe is a great nickname. It sounds like the creepiest hobo on the train.

You know, steer clear of Whispering Joe. He will try to whisper in your ear, that'll bite your nose off Whispering Joe.

MCDOWELL: The whispering thing is actually a good pickup technique and bars. Like if you speak Sotto voce, you have to make the woman or the man come closer to you. So, I just made that word. I am a scholar of crazy, grown up in my family in the south. And you should start worrying about Joe when he starts communicating and more -- with his armpit. That's worse.

GUTFELD: I don't know. What do you make of this, Todd? It would be too hard on the President.

PIRO: I'm an Italian from Jersey, we have never whispered once in our life. There is no whispering in the entire state. But I mean, we need to take a step back. This is extremely disturbing behavior. If you saw this, like you sit on a train, you'd go to the other side. If this happened in our building, you'd go to H.R. This is the president. Like we got to stop joke, I understand it's a comedy show but we got to stop joking about this.

This is the leader of the free world. He should also probably know when we've invaded somebody, you know, in case we need to invade somebody again. We want to make sure we get the right country.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Yes.

GUTFELD: Because he said he supported every war including the make-believe one. He's pretty certain he voted for the Iranian invasion, Kat.

TIMPF: Yes. I agree with you like my grandpa is actually 10 years older than Joe Biden. And he's not even the president. But if he started acting like this, like at a family barbecue, I'd be like, Papa, are you good? Like, you need to go to the hospital.

GUTFELD: But he -- you know, he probably -- somebody told him that if he whispered people would like listen more intently. You know. That's like -- and that's --

TIMPF: That's now how you whisper unless you are a cartoon.

GUTFELD: Yes. David, you claim to be in show business or before you quit and started selling razors.

ANGELO: I got it right here.

GUTFELD: There you go. There you go. He could be -- it's like he's playing a character in a horror movie about a decrepit librarian, right?

ANGELO: Oh yes.

GUTFELD: Who's like, you know, the only one -- he's like the Freddy Krueger of the library. I just trying to think of a name for that movie. But I could -- I like it. Not to be renewed or something. I don't know.

ANGELO: That's a good one.

GUTFELD: Yes. I don't know.

ANGELO: Yes. Reference Desk.

GUTFELD: That's worse than mine.

ANGELO: It is, it is. I'm trying to make it look good. None of the --

GUTFELD: Overdo.

ANGELO: Overdue.

GUTFELD: Overdo.

ANGELO: Overdo.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: Joe Biden -- here's the thing. I think he's whispering, it's -- I like it. You know, it's an ASMR kind of like vibe. He's gone for the millennials.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's right.

ANGELO: But the thing also is it's like, he's -- this is a cry for help. This is how he talks normally, you know, it's usually to a secret service agent just like get me out of here. Joe won't let me leave after dark. Help me. Help. This guy, he wants to be on a porch sipping lemonade. He doesn't want to be doing this.

GUTFELD: Yes, this was not his choice.

ANGELO: Oh, he had a long life in public service. You know, he made a lot of money, Hunter collecting the bags around the world.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: He should be living the leisurely time. He didn't want this.

GUTFELD: No, no, no. He's like Al Pacino in -- what was that movie?

ANGELO: Scent of a Woman. Whoa.

GUTFELD: No. Was it the one that they keep --

MCDOWELL: Godfather three.

GUTFELD: Three, yes.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: -- In Needle Park.

GUTFELD: Oh.

ANGELO: I think it was Scent of A Woman.

MCDOWELL: The movie that shall not be named.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. He is the creepiest president though since Kevin Spacey. In House of Cards.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right. We got to go. Up next, he made the Twitter troll screech that he stood up for free speech.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: He took a stand to protect his band. True he's leaving Mumford and Sons but sticking to his guns. A founding member of folk rock -- of the folk rock group Mumford and Sons is stepping aside so we can speak his mind without his bandmates getting harassed. I guess you could say he refused to stay mum. Ford and sons. Thank you. Back in March, banjo player Winston Marshall tweeted, mild praise for journalist Andy Ngo's book Unmasked.

And the tolerant left replied with the grace of Darth Vader with a hornet in his helmet. Marsha was accused online of being a far right racist class puppy eater, but said nothing could be further from the truth. I condemn unequivocally, all political extremism. Be it of the right or the left. Well, you'd figure that you'd settle that but no. No apology is ever good enough for leftists. And so, Marshall is leaving the band so he can quote, speak my mind without them suffering the consequences.

It's no surprise, Marshall got unfairly smeared as racist. He is, after all, a white guy playing a banjo. But give him credit for standing up to the mob, even at a major cost. To be honest, the band doesn't sound the same without him.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I will wait for you come on. I will wait for you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, he really was the heart of the band. You know, Todd, I learned their note sons in that band. It's Mumford. And he called the other people's sons, but they're not his sons. That's false advertising.

TODD PIRO, FOX NEWS HOST: And clearly they are not going to wait for him. They joke in much better here than it did on my show. That's awesome. What I can't get over, this is the most 2021 thing I've ever seen. This guy supports a gay Asian journalist who literally his job is to get his head bashed in on a daily basis in the Pacific Northwest, yet this is the guy that's like, Oh, I got to quit now.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. The book is an anti-violent book.

PIRO: Right.

GUTFELD: It's chronicling Antifa. He's the only one doing it. If this, if the situation was reversed, he would be getting a Pulitzer. If it was like, right wing mobs insurrections, that journalists would be, you know, I already said he'd win a Pulitzer didn't I?

DAVID ANGELO, SPOKESMAN, WESTERNRAZOR.COM: It went two. That's how good.

GUTFELD: thank you. Thank you, Angelo. That was a close shave.

ANGELO: Made in America. Made in America.

GUTFELD: Is it really made in America?

ANGELO: It's made in America, Greg.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: You should get merch, that way, you wouldn't have to keep --

ANGELO: This is. This is the --

PIRO: You need to get them on one of those like aircannons at the audience.

GUTFELD: Yes, shoot razors. Shoot razors at the audience.

ANGELO: Do we have an audience shot? Audience, I want to --

GUTFELD: No, we don't.

ANGELO: Look under your chairs. That's where there'll be a razor next time I'm here. Bring up this time, but that's they'll be in there.

GUTFELD: All right. Let's get back to that. Sorry. I brought it up Kat. Um, so this is another example where a small minority on Twitter is dictating what's approved behavior. This guy is freaking out because he was in a new cycle for like, one day.

TIMPF: It's true, though. I have been unable to start a folk band since started working here.

GUTFELD: Really?

TIMPF: And the only explanation is that I talked too much about politics.

GUTFELD: My goodness, and you love folk music.

TIMPF: Just love it.

GUTFELD: You love it -- you. I mean, you grew up in a folk rock band. Oh, yes. Yes, exactly. What were some of your bigger hits? Um, biscuit town USA.

ANGELO: That was a good one.

GUTFELD: That was a good one.

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK HOST: She's hungry. It was the, I think that was the American Pie of the folk rock. If it wasn't American Pie --

TIMPF: I hate myself.

GUTFELD: Angelo, people try to silence you all the time and for good reason.

ANGELO: Yes, I wish they would.

GUTFELD: You actually hope to be canceled. Yes, I'm out there on the front lines. I just -- I do my best. No one cares. I'm not I'm not famous enough. It's not worth the effort with you. Thought about joining Mumford and replacing the guitars. Get in there, right? Yes, you got the hair and you're wearing what rich blanket?

ANGELO: I'm halfway there. Yes, I like how far music is fallen though. Like it used to be kind of edgy. Yes. You know, you'd have the sex, Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicious. They'd be getting into the knife fights with the audience.

GUTFELD: Yes. And at Mumford, they're like, you know, we're not sure about that tweet. We got to have a meeting about the tweet. Yes, wasn't exactly dg Allen type stuff. Sweet was a book review.

You, you said you like the book. OK, so we found that we you can read that's bad enough for the musician.

ANGELO: Seriously?

GUTFELD: Yes. I'm terrible.

MCDOWELL: I'm just thinking about Gigi right now. That's my diet for the weekend. I won't be able to eat.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: These, these Mumford and Sons guys are dopes. They kicked out, they forced out the best looking guy on the band that. The, the remaining three of them look like extras from Peaky Blinders or like amateur hobos trying to play like country bluegrass music. By the way, thanks for doing this segment that I actually had to listen to Mumford and Sons. For a smidge earlier in the day now that stupid song in my head.

GUTFELD: Amateur Hobos have stuck on.

TIMPF: You normally got to go to Ruby Tuesday to hear that song.

GUTFELD: You know, like amateur hobos was a Joe Francis DVD.

ANGELO: Oh, amateur hobos. I was Kat's big album when they broke. Yes.

GUTFELD: The only way to think about your band is when you were riding the rails. It was a totally different meaning.

TIMPF: You know, Greg, you are awfully judgmental of me. For a guy whose desk drawer was vibrating so loudly today. What was the buzzing? You said it was a colony of bees but I didn't see any bees.

GUTFELD: I didn't know it had a timer. All right, which is better for your health, a DNA shots or a week on a yacht. But first a quick reminder. I just added two new dates to the gut belt live tour November 13th in Birmingham, Alabama; December 12, in Newark, New Jersey. Tickets for these and two shows in Tennessee now on sale. Go to Ggutfeld.com for info.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: I've got great news to share about your body and your hair. First, the top genetic scientists, aren't they all? From Stanford University claims that a new so-called super hero vaccine made from a blueprint of Olympic athletes DNA could be developed within the next decade. Wow, Olympic DNA in a shot. That means I no longer have to steal discarded jocks. You and Ashley says a single dose of the vax could offer lifelong protection against stroke, heart disease, Alzheimer's disease, and even liver disease.

TIMPF: Wow, did he say even liver disease? If I got that shot, I might even be able to break my record of 5000 tequilas and two bottles of hand sanitizer in one happy hour.

GUTFELD: Yes, even liver disease, Kat. We could hear your thoughts.

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: Yes, meanwhile, a study from Columbia University finds that going on vacation could actually reverse gray hair. Apparently, people's grays got darker again during periods of relaxation. Now, I know why Bill Hemmer is always going to Cancun. He's 83 years old. Yes, Bill Hemmer is 83. But how is this news, really? We know that stress can cause your hair to turn gray. No, it's like my hairstylist once told me, you know, I cannot do a bikini wax in your van. Kat.

TIMPF: Yep.

GUTFELD: Question, answer. Well, they're two stories here. Which one is more value to you to answer?

TIMPF: I mean, vacations. I haven't, I don't really do those. I mean --

GUTFELD: Are you excited about a superhero vaccine? Would you get it?

TIMPF: Yes, I get pretty much any vaccine.

GUTFELD: Do you have a strategy with vaccines?

TIMPF: Well, a strategy? You're supposed to have a strategy?

GUTFELD: Yes, it's you first. That's the strategy. Like, what I did was I waited until you got a vaccine.

TIMPF: Yes, for COVID.

GUTFELD: When you didn't die, I got the vaccine.

TIMPF: That's actually absolutely true, everyone, by the way. I got the vaccine, and then I got the second shot.

GUTFELD: And I decided that I would do it. But I wanted to see if she was going to die first.

TIMPF: Yes, you're welcome.

ANGELO: I got the vaccine.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: I mean, for HPV, but I think it's still a good one. I think it's still a good one.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's a good one. It's a good one, but it's -- I mean, it's pretty much wasted on you.

ANGELO: Can't get it twice.

TIMPF: Summer. That's what they say.

GUTFELD: What about the superhero vaccine, David?

ANGELO: I don't need that. I'm already dialed in. I'm the donor.

MCDOWELL: We laugh too hard for that.

PIRO: What sport, what sport?

ANGELO: You know, I do a lot of different a lot of different activities out there.

GUTFELD: You're kind of like a modern-day decathlete.

ANGELO: I am. Yes. I'm out. I'm out. I'm hitting the gridiron.

GUTFELD: I even know what you're doing here, are you?

PIRO: That's how you hit the gridiron?

TIMPF: A robot.

GUTFELD: He's a race walker.

ANGELO: Guys, come on. Look at me.

GUTFELD: Dagen, what do you what do you make of this whole vacationing story?

MCDOWELL: You don't want to go on vacation with me. Your hair is going to go gray if it isn't already, and it's probably going to fall out because I am an utter nightmare to be on vacation. I go to the airport like three or four hours in advance. Whatever hotel you check into with me, I'm going to demand that the room be changed for no reason other than I think I hear an air conditioner somewhere and I'm not going to be able to sleep.

The vaccine, the superhero vaccine, don't want that either, because it would mean I might have to help people. I'm not climbing, I'm not climbing a tree to get your parrot. I'm not going to put out a brush fryer with my breath. I'm busy watching Master Chef with my dog.

GUTFELD: You know what's the, you know what's the extent of a good superhero is? Having jumper cables in your car. That's a superhero, whenever but they --

MCDOWELL: Or a murderer.

GUTFELD: Oh. By the way, before I go to Todd, what's with young women, Kat or Dagen --

TIMPF: Getting murdered?

GUTFELD: Getting murdered and blaming it on talk show host? No, I was going to say, no. Why are young women dyeing their hair gray? Have you noticed this? They're like, you're going to be gray in 30, 40 years, why are you jumping the gun? Have you been seeing that as a --

TIMPF: Because it's like feminist or something? I'm confused by it.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's basically, I'm adding baggage to myself to say that I don't care about my look.

TIMPF: Yes, when I get older, I'm going to get extreme surgery. Like when, when old age comes for me, I'm going to get one of those Kardashian butts implanted in me and a massive boob job. People won't know what to do.

MCDOWELL: I have already had extreme surgery.

GUTFELD: Extreme surgery, is that a Joe Francis DVD?

PIRO: Two Francis?

MCDOWELL: I didn't think the hair was gray, though, I thought it was lilac.

GUTFELD: Maybe it's lilac.

MCDOWELL: I thought it was supposed to be lilac, but it looks like dark gray.

GUTFELD: Yes. Todd, we've gone off the rails -- relax Kat.

TIMPF: Yes. I also heard the screaming coming from your closet. You said it was fear prop for your haunted house you're starting so I look forward to an invitation in October.

GUTFELD: They'll never find it. Todd, I've forgotten what the topic was.

PIRO: I have a problem with that the hair thing. OK. Let's take a step back here. Why are we funding studies like this? Vacation is relaxing? This reminds me of another stupid study that was funded. Wuhan. I mean, come on, where we spend our money on stuff we need -- I may agree. I've been up too long. Can I nap?

GUTFELD: I think you're going to have a, I think you're going to have a future here at Fox. Yes, David.

ANGELO: This study? That's not true. Relaxing like, why is Clooney gray?

GUTFELD: That's true.

ANGELO: He's all gray.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: How stressful is his life you know, sitting around? Hey, ma, where we going to get lunch? Monte Carlo or Tuscany? What should we do? I can't decide.

GUTFELD: Is that your impression of Clooney?

ANGELO: Yes, I'm known for my impression. Throw any name out. Throw any name out.

GUTFELD: All right.

TIMPF: Jennifer Lopez.

ANGELO: Hey, I'm Jennifer Lopez. Ben, where do we get lunch Tuscany or Monte Carlo?

GUTFELD: Tracy Morgan.

ANGELO: I am Tracy Morgan. Monte Carlo. People, I can't believe SNL passed but.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next, our Ombudsman Steve Phoenix Jr. is back to tell us what we got wrong.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Welcome back. Let's find out if we got anything wrong this week. For that, we go to our shows Ombudsman, Steve Phoenix Jr. Steve and I are actually working on a podcast about snacking in bed called treats in the sheets. Steve, how did you do? How did we do?

STEVE PHOENIX JR. FOX NEW CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, yes, the only thing I enjoy more than fact checking is eating candy when I should be sleeping. Makes me feel so naughty. But speaking of things bad for your health, Greg, let's take a look back at your show. Starting with your comments yesterday about manual transmission cars roll it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: The guys in the parking lot at high school if they were driving a stick, Baker, they were cool and if you're driving a manual you suck.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PHOENIX: Now, OK --

GUTFELD: I meant automatic.

PHOENIX: Sure, you did. After the fact, sure. Greg, now I typically do some pretty in-depth research. But as you are aware, I did not need to on this one because everyone knows that stick and manual are the exact same thing.

GUTFELD: I know that. It was a slip. It was a mistake.

PHOENIX: Well, that's what I'm here for, pal. And of course, even my son, Steve Phoenix, Jr., Jr., who's in ombudsmen school right now knew this. He asked me, Daddy -- he says, Daddy, why is Greg so bad at this? But you know what, we got to move on. Hey, Kat. Kat, let's hear your comments on a Wednesday about copy toner. My man, Mike, hit it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: We forget that we actually have manufacturing.

TIMPF: Like how I used to drink before work and now that I know and get high off copy toner, I'm going to save a lot of money.

GUTFELD: Save some for the rest of us.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PHOENIX: Well, Kat, turns out printer toner or as you say copy toner is one of the most expensive liquids in the world, roughly $2000 to $9,000 per gallon according to Consumer Reports. By comparison, it only costs $1500 for a gallon of human blood. So, advise you to stick to booze.

TIMPF: Well, I guess the copy toner, if you're buying it, yes, but it's available in all the office.

PHOENIX: Wow, I want to meet your friends. We got to move on.

GUTFELD: By the way, we should point out that we are not endorsing any kind of, of ingestion of such chemicals.

PHOENIX: Yes, thank you Greg for that lovely interjection.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PHOENIX: Dagen, are you there?

MCDOWELL: Yes.

PHOENIX: Wow. Bringing the enthusiasm, I like it. Dagen, in the C Block, you said the members of Mumford and Sons look like amateur hobos, which I got to say does not make sense because it implies professional hobos. And we know those aren't real unless you count razor salesman.

MCDOWELL: He's dressed like a professional hobo.

PHOENIX: Well done. Well done. Finally, we're almost at a time gang. Greg, back to you, bud. Let's hear your comments on Wednesday about gravity. One more time, Mike, take us home.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: My theory is that outer space was never finished. Whoever the builders of the universe were ran out of money and they couldn't extend gravity beyond Earth's atmosphere. When you think about it, that day stopped with gravity. You cannot unsee this theory. It explains everything.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: It is actually -- once I'm going to stand by this until the day I die. Once you understand that, it explains everything they ran out of gravity material.

PHOENIX: This, your theories are outer space, my man. Because gravity actually exists far beyond Earth. It's literally one of the four fundamental forces of the universe contributed to the curvature of space time described by Einstein's theory of general relativity. And it's because of gravity, we've been able to land probes on Venus, the Moon, Mars and various asteroids in the solar system. It's the opposite of your monologue jokes, Greg, which never land. But hey, you learn something.

GUTFELD: You are so off-base because you can't prove anything you said, because it's all out there, right? We can't actually see it with our own eyes because it was never completed. So, they tell you, these things are happening. It's like when you play a video game, you only have to play with the stuff that's in front of you, even though they tell you there's a whole other world out there.

PHOENIX: I'm going to need a lot more help fact checking all the stuff you just said. But unfortunately, one thing is certainly true, I am once again out of time, so I'm going to have to see you again next week, all right.

GUTFELD: See you later, Steve.

PHOENIX: Bye, everybody.

GUTFELD: All right. Don't go anywhere. Be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Dagen McDowell, Todd Piro, great job! David Angelo, his razors. Kat Timpf, Steve Phoenix Jr., and our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

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