This administration is great at creating your pain: Gutfeld
Gutfeld and guests discuss how the issues in America are what Biden and the Democrats wanted all along on ‘Gutfeld!’
This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," May 25, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Happy Wednesday. We're back. Hope you enjoy the show tonight. We're going to keep it super light this evening because yesterday and today was pretty heavy and it was heavy for everyone. But my job is to offer some break or a place to come up for air and breathe especially in ugly times, so with that, onto tonight's monologue.
So how about that monkeypox? There is a transition you don't see. We'd beat COVID and now we got monkeypox. From an update, let's go live to some monkeys.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: They're practicing safe monkeypox, I guess. We've been monitoring this closely, but not that closely. We're following CDC guidelines to keep at least six feet of distance from the closest chimp. But there are no concerns here. Well, except for this weird rash I just got on my back. In all seriousness, 200 people are being monitored for infection in Massachusetts after coming into contact with a confirmed case, and it's not Liz Warren, although she now claims she's 13 percent primate.
But the virus may have been spreading for months. And experts claim that they've even been suspected cases in Salt Lake City. So who was just in Salt Lake City? Sunday, actually. I never should have gone to the zoo. I also shouldn't have hopped the fence to hang out in the enclosure. But I could have sworn that orangutans winked at me. Don't laugh, Tyrus.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Oh, I'm not.
GUTFELD: You were there with me in Salt Lake too.
TYRUS: I went left. What did you do? What did you do when you got there?
GUTFELD: You shared my hairbrush. All right.
TYRUS: Our hairs don't match.
GUTFELD: Tell that to my wife.
TYRUS: No. Oh.
GUTFELD: I don't even know what that means. What if --
TYRUS: I'm trying to do and I'm not OK.
GUTFELD: I don't even understand it. But it's getting so bad at some people aren't actually coming into work now.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dirtbag Diary until 345, day one. I've been told that I have to isolate because I was exposed to the monkeypox. But I only associate with meatless monkeys that I make out of soybeans in my own hair. And no one is answering my calls, which has to be because they're worried about the pox that could be -- that could be in the whole other reason. Oh, that's my landlord, I got to hide.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oscar-worthy. Now, of course, Joe Biden is concerned over monkeypox, but gas prices, not so much. I wonder why. Well, I'll tell you. Because filling your tank will make you more sick than monkeypox ever will. But I wonder when it comes to gas prices. We're going through an incredible transition.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: When it comes to gas prices, we're going through an incredible transition that is taking place. And God willing when it's over, we'll be stronger in the world, be stronger and less reliant on fossil fuels when this is over.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Well, I bet Putin is relieved Joe isn't blaming him anymore. So only then did Biden pay lip service to millions of Americans as they experienced an incredible transition of money from their paychecks to the pumps. Calling this crisis a transition is like saying Caitlyn Jenner used to be kind of a tomboy. And we're supposed to chalk it up to progress. And now we're told there are going to be blackouts. I'm sure if you asked Joe about them, he'll say what's the big deal, man I blackouts all the time. So in case you're wondering if this administration feels your pain, they don't, but they sure are great at creating it.
Even if they did feel your pain, they still think it's good for you. That reminds me of tonight's bondage night at Duties. We're all those always welcome as long as he doesn't remove the ball gag. But I posed this question before. What if -- what makes our lives worse is exactly what the Dems in the media wanted all along. It's not just a bunch of unexpected side effects like the time I took those pills, I found a Dana Perino's purse, I didn't care for the diarrhea, but at least I won't have heartworm.
Sure, gas prices are high, but isn't that what the left wants the same way the anti-tobacco folks wanted a pack of cigs to cost 20 bucks so you'd quit? Sure, cheap, plentiful, clean gas heats your home, but it's morally reprehensible. It's far better to price you out of affordable heat, which surprises rich white lives can endure while the rest of you have to decide whether to fill your tank or serve your kids Alpo in the shape of meatloaf and hope they don't notice.
This is the chemo to cure you have your fossil fuel addiction, and it's forced upon you by an old fossil in the White House himself. Maybe that's why Joe hates fossil fuels. For him, it's cannibalism. But this is part of the oppression theology because you live in the greatest country ever. You're guilty.
Sure, the crime wave is bad, but Law and Order is inherently racist so deal with it. If you are cops, more criminals, that's the price you pay for the revolution. And for the left, anarchy creates chaos and chaos creates change. They want you angry, desperate, and confused, like a car crash victim or someone whose TV is stuck in the view. I wonder what Joe Biden thinks about all this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Hey, come on. Look. We're going to go through a great transition in this country. Yet, to a country where less is more and more is less. And then won't be the country we always knew we were on the inside. And we'll have new pronouns Xi Jinping. Let's do this. Come on.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: The idea ideology of punishment, the modern-day let them eat cake philosophy. Only nobody can afford to buy the main course so never mind dessert. It's a result of their punitive theater, we're a horse hopelessly corrupt country, although one everyone still wants to come to and because we're hopelessly bad we are unpardonable so instead of forgiveness, we deserve punishment. And not the good guide where there's a safe word involved.
Let's welcome tonight's guests. She's is sassy as she is gassy. Fox News Anchor, Julie Banderas. He's the Peter Pan of comedians because his jokes neverland, writer and comedian Joe DeVito. People want to feed her to sharks, Fox News contributor Kat Timpf. And he makes a mockery of elevator capacity limits, my massive sidekick, and the NWA World television champion Tyrus. Julie, Julie, Julie.
JULIE BANDERAS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL ANCHOR: Oh god, why do you have to come to me first?
GUTFELD: Why? Do you want me to skip you?
BANDERAS: No, I'm actually excited about this.
GUTFELD: Julie --
BANDERAS: By the way, there's a difference between monkeypox and hemorrhoids.
GUTFELD: What is it?
BANDERAS: I don't know. Well, I mean, you don't have monkeypox.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BANDERAS: Next.
GUTFELD: Not getting any of that.
BANDERAS: Yes.
GUTFELD: The night's still young. The bar's still open.
TYRUS: You know you keep going and the night's going to be over.
GUTFELD: All right, I'm just curious. Isn't it interesting how when the Republican is president --
BANDERAS: Right.
GUTFELD: It's always the fault of the president. But when the Democrats are in the White House, it is never the fault of the president. It is so obvious right now because it's like, honestly, whether it's baby milk. What is it, baby milk formula?
BANDERAS: It's called born -- baby formula for God's sake.
GUTFELD: I don't have kids.
BANDERAS: Jesus. Thank, God.
JOE DEVITO, WRITER/COMEDIAN: Baby milk.
TYRUS: That sounds horrible.
GUTFELD: It does sound horrible.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: No, no, no, it's baby formula, Greg. But the fact is all of these things would lead to impeachment if it was Trump.
BANDERAS: Yes.
GUTFELD: But here, it's just hey, it's a transition. You know a lot about transitions.
BANDERAS: Yes. Oh, yes. No, I know. Like when I transitioned to male. Is that -- was like getting at?
GUTFELD: No. I mean into a thought.
BANDERAS: Oh, OK. Well, was that a question? Because I don't even know --
GUTFELD: You're not even listening to me.
BANDERAS: I actually did. So I listened to Biden and I was actually quite confused during that press conference --
GUTFELD: Right.
BANDERAS: When they actually said that it wouldn't be a matter of great discussion at his kitchen table by talking about these gas prices, which to me is amazing. So you're basically saying that growing up in the 40s and 50s, where gas was around 27 cents a gallon --
GUTFELD: Right.
BANDERAS: Is similar to now which is what I love about Joe Biden. He's so relatable, you know.
GUTFELD: He really is.
BANDERAS: Like I really feel like he gets me. And he's also talking about the incredible transition. What's incredible is that he actually thinks that it's 1952.
GUTFELD: Right.
BANDERAS: I think that he may not actually know that you know what decade we are now.
GUTFELD: Yes, he stopped -- he stopped thinking about things a while ago, Joe. Underlying everything though, is this belief that we somehow deserve it, right? Isn't that the case?
DEVITO: Yes.
GUTFELD: We had this coming. We had a good for too long. You got a really good under Trump. Now, you're going to have it bad because you deserve it.
DEVITO: Yes, it's all medicine and no sugar.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: And he's talking about this incredible transition. Sure. When the comet hit around Mexico that was a big transition --
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: That killed the dinosaurs that he was personal friends with a lot. It was very distinct. Yes, I think it's -- there's only one way out of this financial problem and Joe is going to have to get his summer job.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: I think maybe go back to being a lifeguard because if they dragged you out of the pool, and he went to mouth to mouth --
BANDERAS: Or a truck driver? He's done that. Truck driver.
DEVITO: I prefer a lifeguard behind the wheel.
GUTFELD: Wait. I want to hear -- I want to hear his punch line, Julie. He was just about to make a joke.
DEVITO: Yes, that's cool. I'm glad to see it change its foot and stop you from stepping up my punch line. I thought they had.
GUTFELD: Nice.
DEVITO: Yes.
GUTFELD: So, if --
DEVITO: I phrase that joke next time on the panel.
BANDERAS: No.
GUTFELD: That was so funny. Don't you hate that? You're just about to --
DEVITO: Yes. It's just --
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: He was there.
GUTFELD: Almost there.
TYRUS: Joe's right there and you guide Gutfeld in the middle of nowhere.
DEVITO: It did.
GUTFELD: It's like -- it's like when the phone rings when you're watching Pornhub.
DEVITO: Exactly. I've been there.
GUTFELD: I've been told. Kat, welcome back to the show, you took some time off.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes.
GUTFELD: It's weird how the Dems decide--
BANDERAS: Florida.
GUTFELD: Smart forced. How the Dems get to decide what bad things are acceptable but then, like, you know, using the wrong pronoun is not acceptable? Like, there's certain things that you are damned forever but in this case, you know what, you're going to live with this?
TIMPF: Yes, I just don't think it's ever a good idea to talk about how great it's going to be when you're still going through the roughest part of something.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Because there's people that this really matters to, people really, gas prices are crazy. I think it's kind of like if you like, catch your spouse cheating on you and they're like, Babe, I can't wait to see how we grow as a couple. Like, maybe you will but that's not the time
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. We'll get divorced and then remarried.
TIMPF: We're going to grow so strong together. I know you're mad. I mean, not. No, that's how people get killed.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Tyrus, how stupid you have to believe that like, you're going to transition, people often energy without actually having existing energy to replace it?
TYRUS: I think you're missing a big point in that speech, Gutfeld. I don't know if anyone's caught that. It's always nice when your leader of the free world says, well, it's in God's hands now. I mean, he literally said God willing, hopefully, some will --
GUTFELD: Up it.
TYRUS: You know, one day we're going to look back at this and we're all going to have a good laugh.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: No one's -- no one's laughing. Yes, so that's, that's the panic button. That's when you go OK, we're in trouble.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: He's leaving it up to God.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: And I'm sure he's busy. He's got a lot of other stuff going on besides fixing the gas price in this world.
GUTFELD: But who is God?
TYRUS: Well, my -- for a while I thought it was Putin because he was responsible for all things.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
TYRUS: So it goes from it's everyone else's fault to it's going to be fine.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: But in between those two things, the one thing that we would all take and be happy to hear is, give us one solution. Just one, even if it sucks.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Even if he says I'm going to pull all the gold from Fort Knox, melt it down, and turn it into a little coin so everyone gets a gold coin during these tough times. And we'll all go what? And there will be at least five of us go. I actually like gold coins so much. Yes, I've always wanted one of those.
GUTFELD: Is there still gold in Fort Knox?
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: You know what, Gutfeld, go to hell. You've just been -- trying to Banderas my joke. You are now a catchphrase for people who ruined dreams.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes, Banderas, that's pretty funny. I'm going to use that every day now.
BANDERAS: Great.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Well, we use Gutfeld on a podcast, yes.
TIMPF: Yes, well, a Bread Butter filled.
TYRUS: Yes, anything creepy or horrible happens to you, you've been Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: You've been Gutfeld, they do. Yes. I do a lot of Gutfelding in the woods. Up next --
TYRUS: It doesn't even affect him.
GUTFELD: Yes, it doesn't affect me.
TYRUS: He's full of --
GUTFELD: I just grow stronger.
BANDERAS: It makes him stronger.
GUTFELD: Yes. Up next. Should the media gloat when we're at each other's throats?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Angering me, is the left and right Doom to fight or is media coverage lopsided when they insist America's divided. It's apparently true today's media aspires to pour gas on the fire. Turns out Republicans and Democrats may not hate each other as much as you think and that negative partisanship is largely exaggerated. At least that's according to a new study from the University of Pennsylvania, the school for people who couldn't get into college. Their football team is named the Quakers, which means the players probably do go to class because they're not good.
Anyway, research has found that the main reason Americans choose and stay loyal to a party has more to do with the love than hate, i.e. it's not that either side wants to trash the other's beliefs it's the -- it's that like a quality pair of boxer briefs, they just want to support their own. Weird analogy, I agree. But the study's authors claim the media Stokes the supposed hatred between parties and it clouds people's better judgment to a fault.
By pointing this out they hope to "clear up some of the misperceptions people have about how much they are hated by their political opponents, and by extension, discourage people from feeding their own hostility." Well, what a bunch of -- I kid. Maybe they're right. I mean, despite the fact that we still disagree on things, we can overwhelmingly agree that this lady is amazing.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KAMALA HARRIS, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: You know, when we talk about our children, I know for this group, we all believe that when we talk about the children of the community, they are children of the community. We will work together and continue to work together to address these issues to tackle these challenges and to work together. I'm talking about the significance of the passage of time, right? The significance of the passage of time so when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time. You're going to literally see the craters on the moon with your own eyes. With your own eyes, I'm telling you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, that would sound better with what?
TYRUS: Bongos.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HARRIS: When we talk about our children, I know for this group, we all believe that when we talk about the children of the community, they are the children of the community. We will work together and continue to work together to address these issues to tackle these challenges and to work together. I'm talking about the significance of the passage of time, right? The significance of the passage of time. So when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, always works.
TYRUS: She said, literally, and take the sign language person out, bring the bongo guy in.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.
TYRUS: We would tune into her every night.
GUTFELD: Exact. Do you think this elevation of conflict, which I think the media is definitely responsible for, makes things like even this mass shooting, it makes it impossible to have a conversation because there are two sides are -- we only listen to the extreme sides, right? The NRA is Satan or everybody must be armed and there's like when actually there might be sensible stuff.
TYRUS: Well, because only the loud -- the loud ones get the mic because they're willing to talk about it.
GUTFELD: Right.
TYRUS: The rest of us are dealing with it. And that's the -- that's the thing. Like when you go to the shopping market, there's not a Democrat line and Republican line when you're --
GUTFELD: There should be.
TYRUS: Yes. I mean -- and how many -- and let's be honest, how many real people spend their day talking politics?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Usually, it's people who are bored in the office.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: We're talking about what they saw on TV. It's not part of our everyday lives. When it comes time for voting, it will come up but most of us, we're raising our kids, we're dealing with our wives and families, paying our bills, working, we don't deal with it. And then the people on the news, especially mainstream, they need us to watch, they need to see the fire.
So, of course, the extremes always get the mic because if you ask a regular person or a normal American person, it's about the tragedy. It's about, as you said, making soft targets, hard targets. They don't care about discussing it, they want to solve it. And when you solve things, it's boring. You can't make money off reality. You have to bring in somebody who when they speak, everyone goes what?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: And then they want to convince us that it's real. And it's on both sides. They do it all -- and when you don't do those things, there's no money it. It's about clicks and ratings. And that's what the thing is about. We all hate each other. We don't. We listen to it, and they try to trick us into thinking we do. And they create hysteria.
GUTFELD: Kat, Tyrus makes a good point. If -- when you leave -- but you might disagree because I was going to say when you leave this world, you realize people don't see party affiliation. But that's not always the case with you. I mean.
TIMPF: No. Like if someone asks me sometimes like where I work and they don't know, I sometimes just like just say that it's like something less controversial. Like porn.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: I work in pornography. It's -- the study didn't make -- it didn't make me feel better either because it was saying people really love like their political parties. That's like creepy to me, too.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Like to -- like love anyone in the government, like to love someone who has power over you like, I don't know, I guess it's not my kink personally. But I think that it can -- the opposite of that is you are going to have some hatred for the other side.
GUTFELD: Big government porn. Still works.
TIMPF: My least favorite kind.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. What are your thoughts, Joe? And try to let him complete his joke, Banderas.
BANDERAS: All right, that's between me.
DEVITO: Well, I wasn't sure if I would say something that sound intelligent until we showed those clips of the vice president. And now I realize it doesn't matter.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: It doesn't matter. She sounds like someone who's almost at the end of an essay questions word count and just needs to keep repeating a few phrases over to fill up her little blue book there.
GUTFELD: Right.
DEVITO: And in conclusion, if I could reiterate --
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: And so forth, I think when it comes to politics, you can't change people's minds especially not with a drunk text at three o'clock in the morning.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: To tell them that you love them.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: You know about that. Yes, it a --
GUTFELD: Maybe you should step on his jokes.
DEVITO: Here's the key. If you disagree with someone, say to them --
BANDERAS: Truckers.
DEVITO: Tell --
(CROSSTALK)
DEVITO: Did you know what's crazy? That was going to be the punchline that looks like. She guessed just a little ahead.
GUTFELD: What was the punchline?
DEVITO: How do you ever know?
GUTFELD: OK. Now, you're two for two, Banderas.
TIMPF: I can't stop.
GUTFELD: I'm going to say something nice about Democrats and something critical about Republicans. Can you do that? Like I will say, you know, Democrats have better taste in music, tend to, and Republicans should be more persuasive and less judgmental. Can you do that? Can you actually like flip and say something nice about the people you disagree with?
BANDERAS: I can't say nice things about any--
DEVITO: Truckers. Truckers.
BANDERAS: I love you.
DEVITO: Truckers.
BANDERAS: Oh my God we have Tourette's.
GUTFELD: This side is falling apart.
BANDERAS: So I can't really say much nice things about anybody --
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. You hate them --
BANDERAS: In general, right. I actually do. I mean, in general, it's like you're guilty until proven innocent.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BANDERAS: That's my role in life.
GUTFELD: Yours?
BANDERAS: I've never been a juror.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BANDERAS: But I do think that there is a -- it's a lopsided hate because I feel like Democrats absolutely hate Republicans more --
GUTFELD: More, I agree.
BANDERAS: Than Republicans hate Democrats.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BANDERAS: It is not even at all.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BANDERAS: And I certainly don't believe in hating somebody over their party. I hate everybody at the party, but not for their political affiliation.
GUTFELD: I think that's a fair point.
BANDERAS: Well, thanks.
GUTFELD: We're going to move on unless, Joe, you have a joke that --
DEVITO: Truckers.
GUTFELD: Truckers.
TIMPF: Truckers.
DEVITO: There you go.
BANDERAS: Truckers.
DEVITO: Yes.
GUTFELD: All right, up next. Don't have a house? Sneak into one like a mouse.
(COMMERCIAL BREAM)
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: If you're homeless and about to roam, why not break into a home? A socialist plan to provide shelter that says welcome as nude pics of Stelter. Yes. Nice. Rebecca Parson a Democratic socialist running for Congress in Washington State, which makes her a moderate, you know, she doesn't, she doesn't look like a socialist.
She's proposing homeless people break into abandoned homes to seek shelter. She talks about it in a highly produced campaign ad that shows her living in her car, whining about how the system is evil and corrupt. Maybe spend some of that production money on rent? Am I right, person asking the question to himself? So, why not break into houses?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REBECCA PARSON (D), WASHINGTON CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE: Imagine I propose a Housing for all Bill in Congress. Then imagine you, me and a million of our friends took action and occupy empty houses nationwide. They couldn't ignore us. No one has ever done anything like this. That's why it's going to work. Are you ready?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That's some edgy music. Yes, I guess. It's a re-check from Sons of Anarchy. Where's your jacket? Fox reached out to Parson's campaign for details of her plan, but so far, no response, perhaps due to alternate side parking. And we probably shouldn't have called her home phone -- because she doesn't have one, Banderas. It's the joke.
She also says the minimum wage should be $30 an hour, I guess she thinks rising inflation means putting too much air in your home's tires. But she's full of practical ideas. We await her plan to generate electricity from stupidity. Meanwhile, Tennessee, that's a state. They're taking a different approach, making homeless camps on public land a felony.
The law goes into effect on July 1st and criminalizes tent cities in parks and local public property punishable by up to six years in prison. Six years, seems harsh, but I get it, we let the crazies take over our streets. And now some states are taking the streets back. Now, if only they could take the streets, streets back from these people.
You know, it'll also be the fourth time I say this today, Joe, but that's a lot of ducks. Fourth time. Fourth time. So, OK, telling people to break into homes, is that a good idea?
JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Well, I think we can see why this woman has trouble paying her rent, yes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: I don't know if I'd like someone who says mentions an idiotic plan that says it's never been tried -- it's so crazy, it's got to work.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
DEVITO: Yes. I've never seen someone juggle chainsaws with their feet. But come on, it's time. The time is now.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
DEVITO: Yes, she's clearly a buffoon and doesn't understand how money works. But I'm happy to see that some of the cities are cracking down on these tent places.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: Because it's just not sustainable. Yes, you can't address the homelessness problem by that way, and there are people who are homeless because they're down on their luck, they've had tragedies, the economy is bad. You can help those people. There are people who are profoundly mentally ill or have severe drug addictions. You need to treat them differently. And then there's some people who just make choices where they can't fit into society. You can't treat all three of those groups of people the same.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
DEVITO: San Francisco tried it. And what happens? You end up turning a residential house into a crazy crack house.
GUTFELD: No, it's so true. It's so true, and you're the expert at that, Kat.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, because I, all I do is smoke crack.
GUTFELD: I know when you're not doing porn.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: I hope your father's not watching
TIMPF: My dad's always watching, he's really proud of me.
GUTFELD: Anyway, so let's go back to this tent thing because if you actually afford this sort of thing, it's -- you will be portrayed as heartless. But Joe's made a good point for once, which is that like this, like the thing is it does nobody any good, especially your property value.
TIMPF: Yes, but you know what else does nobody any good as a felony.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: But they made it a felony --
GUTFELD: Right.
TIMPF: To be homeless, which it's like you know, if you're down on your luck, there's things that can help but I've not heard that about felonies.
GUTFELD: You know what, you're soft on crime.
TIMPF: I, look, I don't think that homeless should be a felony, so that's, that's how I feel.
GUTFELD: What should it be? Death penalty?
TIMPF: I think there's a lot of other things that can be done --
GUTFELD: Just because you dated a homeless person, doesn't make it OK to be homeless.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: OK, Gutfeld, he was a couch person, not a homeless person.
TIMPF: He was, he was not homeless, thanks to me.
TYRUS: To me, yes, he lived on her couch.
GUTFELD: I mean --
TIMPF: Again, like don't say that I don't care about homeless -- my record for the homeless is unparalleled at least in this room.
TYRUS: She is a champion for struggling actor comedian homeless -- champion.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: That is so true.
TIMPF: I don't even have to like them, it turns out.
GUTFELD: Yes. Julie, it's a sad story over there, we won't get into it, but what are your thoughts on either topic: the, the --
JULIE BANDERAS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Her sex partners?
GUTFELD: No, no --
BANDERAS: Sorry, what --
GUTFELD: The getting the homeless out of tents and the lady breaking into homes?
BANDERAS: Well, first of all, this is exactly why socialists should never hold any position in office, whatsoever. Obviously, they want everything for free. You're basically telling every squatter in the country, including the guy you've got locked in your basement that you don't have to go anywhere, you can live for free off of anybody's dime and it's disgusting. I mean, but that's, that's a socialist for you so --
GUTFELD: There you go. Last word, Tyrus.
TYRUS: Two things -- well, three. First of all, you're stupid. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard in my life.
GUTFELD: Which one?
TYRUS: Well, everything --
TIMPF: That's fine. Everything that I did.
TYRUS: -- that came out of her mouth was stupid, no. But here's the, here's, here's the problem with that. How do you know the house is abandoned until you break into it?
GUTFELD: Exactly.
TYRUS: So, now, you're encouraging people to randomly break into houses if lights are off.
GUTFELD: Right.
BANDERAS: Yes.
TYRUS: So, then, you come home from work and some surprise --
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: That's going to go over really well. You break into my house, you're going to end up with a head that's going to be on my wall somewhere, I'll put some antlers on it. The second thing is, this is a problem with government, their first solution was to hand out tents. They handed out tents to everybody. What did you think they were going to do with them? They were going to put them someplace.
So, now, they're everywhere and people are complaining. So, now, they're going to arrest him for it. This is the problem with government we need to start doing things private sector and figuring things out because government just, they just create more problems. Now, they have too many tents.
GUTFELD: Too many tents.
TYRUS: And she is a complete moron, God help us all if she's ever elected.
GUTFELD: I hope not. I think she's the, the --
TIMPF: I think the people that she wants to watch the ad are going to be able to see it.
GUTFELD: That's a good point. Really true. You are heartless. Make fun of the homeless like that.
DEVITO: Maybe she'll get towed.
GUTFELD: By a trucker. Coming up, when kids are jolting for likes, tech company lawyers are yelling yikes.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Will suing Facebook over mental health lead to parental wealth? And will California let you sue Zuckerberg for 25,000 bucher-berg's? Yes, take that. Whoever you are. If a new California bill passes, parents will be able to sue social media companies for $25,000 if their kids become addicted to using them, that comes to $12.00 after taxes. It defines addiction as experiencing physical, mental, emotional, developmental or material harm, but being unable to stop or cut back on using it anyway.
Sounds like me with my charity work with the orphans -- so hooked on helping out those little bastards. So, what's this mean for other things people are addicted to, could you sue Ben and Jerry's because your addiction made you morbidly obese? Could you sue Fox because you're hopelessly addicted to my beautiful face? Well, if you want to, you better get in line. Let's go live to the line of people outside waiting to sue Fox for becoming addicted to my beautiful face. Suing, that's --
TIMPF: A line to sue?
GUTFELD: Yes, it's a line to sue because of my beautiful face, Kat. You want to go outside right now? We'll stop the show. You doubt me? So, you're, you're one of those Gen Z's, right?
TIMPF: I'm a millennial, but thank you.
GUTFELD: Yes. So, do you think there's a case for suing social media? They assume everybody young is an expert in social media.
TIMPF: I'm an expert.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: I just think it actually incentivizes getting your kids addicted to social media. Because you could just -- I mean, how would you prove that your kid was addicted? Like yes, a lot of can't get off TikTok. Boom, 25- grand every single time?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: That's just free money.
GUTFELD: I know that. Exactly. And if you do a class action suit like 1000 Kids, that's a thousand times 25,000.
TIMPF: That's, you should just have as many kids as you can and just put phones in their faces. Leave them alone and just get rich.
GUTFELD: Oh, like a big warehouse full of cash, on phone.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: That sounds like fun, Julie. Are you going to sue the box of wine companies? Because you often wake up next to an empty box of wine wondering where did that go? But --
BANDERAS: It's just like California to blame their freaking problems on somebody else. It's the parents, it's -- you're the problem. If somebody sued me every time I sucked as a parent or made a bad decision or drank during homeschooling during the pandemic, I'd be absolutely broke. I would absolutely broke. The parents need to take responsibility for their kids. Take the damn devices away. That's what I do.
GUTFELD: Take the devices away. You're speaking about the phones, of course.
BANDERAS: Yes.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, what, just trying to get specific. I don't want it to be TVs, refrigerators -- Tyrus, you know what's the unspeakable truth, Tyrus? The unspeakable truth is, for all companies and all products you want -- the best strategy is addiction. That means, I mean, you want people to be addicted to your stuff, because that they're the best customer.
TYRUS: Well, they're banking on parents is what they're banking on.
BANDERAS: Exactly.
TYRUS: Because if mom is spending 12 hours a day on Instagram and Facebook and making TikToks, she's not taking time with her kids. If dad's doing that, so it's not and then the kids get hooked on it because that's the babysitter.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: So, you want to blame Facebook for your addicted bratty child look in the mirror put your own (BLEEP) down and be parents.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Stop being buddies -- and I'm not my friends at all. I ruined days it's a point of pride. Be a parent.
GUTFELD: Be a parent. Before I get to you Joe, let's just see how we doing on the ducks -- are they still crossing? Poor guys on those little scooters, Joe, you know.
DEVITO: They looked happier than the people waiting to sue you, though?
GUTFELD: Yes, that is true, that is true. What are you, are you with everybody else that this is stupid?
DEVITO: I'm amazed by California's legal system where wealthy liberals have a dumb idea, it a becomes a law, lawyer sue everyone, and then it just keeps going around this human centipede of stupidity where it's just mind your own business leave people alone. smack the phone out of your kid's hand because it's true it isn't that addicting. And I've seen friends of mine who say they go on social media vacations.
GUTFELD: Right.
DEVITO: Where there's no Facebook and Twitter and I thought wow, that sounds great. And then I realized how did I find out about that? They were bragging on Twitter about it?
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. I swear to god, somebody we know has quit Twitter three times this week. It keeps going back to let you know that he's quit.
TYRUS: Hemmer?
GUTFELD: No not hammer. Oh, I'll tell you in the break.
TYRUS: His name isn't Gutfeld, by any chance --
TIMPF: Never say you're going to quit and then everyone has low expectations.
TYRUS: Just do it.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
TYRUS: I deactivated my Facebook four years ago and never looked back.
BANDERAS: That's actually my motto: Lower the bar and then nobody expects anything.
GUTFELD: You lower the bar at the bar. All right. It's true, it's disgusting the things she gets up to at the bar. Up next, New York bids good day to the phone that made you pay -- pay per topic.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: "A STORY IN FIVE WORDS."
GUTFELD: We're short on time. So, here's the story in five words: the last payphone finally removed. Look at that, Kat. That's the last payphone in New York City Time Square. Have you ever used a payphone?
TIMPF: OK, so, do you know that like Mitch Hedberg joke about how like escalators aren't broken? They just become stairs. That's what happened with like payphones in New York: they didn't become obsolete; they just became urinals.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's hard to find places to pee now.
TIMPF: I've, I've never used a payphone, I've seen dozens of people peeing in them.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Exactly. Just right out here, as a matter of fact, the "FOX AND FRIENDS" crew. That is disgusting. Julie, as you're entering your sixth decade, what are your fondest memories of using a payphone? When you use --
BANDERAS: Why do I come back?
TIMPF: Because you want to see me.
GUTFELD: When you were dialing up for one of those cabs, those big clunky cabs.
BANDERAS: What makes you think I'm not her age? What the hell? I'm uh, I'm Gen Z. And, yes, no, I remember actually pulling up in my car, because I was driving, not after a bar. I was driving totally fine, but I needed to call for assistance.
GUTFELD: Right.
BANDERAS: Right. And so, I pulled over and I had to call somebody to come pick me up. Because I wasn't --
GUTFELD: Very good.
BANDERAS: Yes.
GUTFELD: Excellent.
BANDERAS: Yes, I pulled over.
GUTFELD: There you go.
BANDERAS: I had driven a little bit, then I pulled over.
GUTFELD: Payphones were disgusting. Weren't they disgusting?
BANDERAS: They are, but I actually miss them because I don't like the fact that people can reach me at all times. Like, I like the fact that I can just drop off and just you know, you can't text me -- find me at the gas station.
GUTFELD: Such a good -- do you ever like, watch old movies, Joe, and you go like how do they get anything -- how do they save everybody? Oh, I got to go to the hotel, Joe. You got to go, I got to run a payphone and everybody had to have changed in their pocket. Because in the movies, nobody didn't collect calls.
DEVITO: Well, I think once cell phone started to be everywhere, when you saw someone using a payphone you knew they were up to some really shady (BLEEP).
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: Because, wow, they don't even want that to show up on their, their T-Mobile, right?
GUTFELD: Right.
DEVITO: One thing I thought was nice though, is that after people urinated in them, I liked how they would turn around to zip up.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: I thought that was very, very gentlemanly thing to do.
GUTFELD: Yes. Thank God, it was just urinating. Tyrus. Are you glad?
TYRUS: No, actually no. Payphones in my neighborhood, we always knew where the bad guys were. So, you would see the guy was looking at his pager go into the like all the creeps, all the dawdlers like the prostitutes. They all hung around the payphone. So, you kind of knew what zone you could hang out in and where you could go --
DEVITO: That was their office.
GUTFELD: Yes, call me at this number, oh my god.
TYRUS: Yes, because nothing's worse than calling your mom from a payphone, and you're like because you don't want to get stuck in a phone booth with a you know, a diddler.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: So, you know, that was the one nice thing about. And the other thing is, you know, you feel bad for like, what do Superman do now?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: You know what I'm saying like? You know, he's getting in trouble for exposing himself.
GUTFELD: That's true.
TYRUS: And it's that great phone -- you know, when you're watching a boxing fight, and you're like, hey, you got to get in that phone booth and start hitting him. The guy's like, what does that mean?
GUTFELD: I don't understand that. Remember when he -- act themselves?
TYRUS: Phone's the home thing.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: It's like the yellow pages no longer -- you rip a phonebook in half now, it's not impressive -- doesn't know what that is. It's like a changing of the guard, you can't stuff guys in phone booths.
GUTFELD: No, you can't do it. You know what, I was thinking about collect calls. Did you ever have a little code, so you didn't have to pay for it? Like I would call, like if I would call my mom when I was like landing --
TYRUS: Collect call and be home in 10 minutes, I'm running late.
BANDERAS: Heard that, heard that one call from jail.
GUTFELD: I would like -- my name is Mr. JFK land three. I landed terminal three JFK. And that would go -- that was my, my little secret. I thought I was the only one who did that.
TYRUS: No, I was broke too.
GUTFELD: Yes, we're all broke. All right, somebody's going to be broken soon. Don't go away. We'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Final thoughts, Joe?
DEVITO: Thursday, the 26th, I'll be at the Anchor Tab in Long Beach, New York. And next week at Parks Casino in Pennsylvania with Kevin Downey Jr.
GUTFELD: Oh, Kevin Downey Jr. Excellent. Tyrus?
TYRUS: June 11. Always ready. I will be defending my world television championship, and I'll have a book signing, so check it out. Tennessee.
GUTFELD: Tennessee, excellent.
TYRUS: Knoxville, Tennessee, June 11th.
GUTFELD: You're the 10 that I seek.
TYRUS: Stop. Stop.
GUTFELD: All right. Thanks to Julie Banderas, Joe DeVito, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next and I love you America.
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