Pop stars are crying. Comedians clutch their Xanax.
Trump has won.
Cher says she's moving to another planet -- as if she wasn't already living on one. Sarah Silverman mourns, making her even less funny than before -- if that's possible.
It's the end of the world as we know it, so why do I feel fine? Because this hysteria validates last night. The stars did everything to get Hillary elected and now they're freaking out because their entitled arrogance flopped.
'SNL's Taran Killam tweeted "rural = stupid" about Trump's victory. To think, that's probably his best material. Lady Gaga looked sad in a Rolls-Royce Phantom after protesting at Trump Tower -- such a woman of the people.
And though Republicans snared the presidency, kept the House and Senate, at least the Democrats still have Katy Perry. She just threatened revolution; she's Che in a thong.
So you can criticize trump for lots of things, but you've got to love him for the enemies he made, because they're ours too. I've said it before: You may not like Trump, but you know Hillary's fans hate you. And boy, did they make that clear.
But last night, the unpopular kids told the cool kids, up yours. For once, Republicans won a culture war. And it was against smug celebs, who felt you were inferior. But I guess the feeling's mutual. To us, you're just overpaid preachers.
So thank you, Mr. Trump, for making Lena Dunham move to Canada. She'll be the least popular Canadian export since acid rain.