Gutfeld: Progress, stability, success just 'one liberal away' from disaster
'Gutfeld!' debates whether the Biden administration is mirroring Jimmy Carter's presidency
This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," May 12, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STEPHEN COLBERT, CBS HOST: Chocolate or vanilla?
MICHELLE OBAMA, FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES: Chocolate all the
way. I don't even understand vanilla. Vanilla is just sort of a
disappointing chocolate.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Wow, racist much. All right. Joe Biden
may have discovered the secret to time travel. Hear me out. We're currently
seeing the Middle East unravel faster than Ilhan Omar's marriage to her
brother. We're seeing inflation roaring back like that wrasse Kat got at
Coachella. We're seeing absurd gas prices and a gas shortage. We're at the
mercy of criminals trying to shut down a pipeline and a president who
actually did shut one down.
And speaking of, we have a bumbling leader who scares no one except young
women who use Herbal Essence shampoo. Oh, he'll send a stern letter to our
adversaries as long as it's before his 4:00 p.m. bedtime. Unemployment
rising as benefits keep flowing. Crime is back and bloodier than ever we're
witnessing shootings and murders like never before. Well, not exactly never
before. We have seen it before. In fact, we've seen it all before. It's
called
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You don't have to clap. That was no Jack Jones. But it's true.
We've gone back to the 70s. A 10-year span so awful, we had to create the
80s and the 90s to erase it. On the plus side if this continues, we might
get another one of these. Yeah, remember that? That was the 70s. But maybe
we have. Yes. Seriously she is this generation Farrah Fawcett. Or maybe
Jacqueline Smith. I can't make up my mind. But why should I? She didn't
until a few years ago.
And by the way, it's not like I'm stalking you, Caitlin. OK? You D.M.'d me
first. And then I figured I should start working my magic on you. And then
she ghosts me, speed goes on Hannity. I get it. You're trans and you still
date women, whatever. But I feel like I was led on and it kind of hurts.
Just like the 70s. And just like today, the crime, the joblessness, the
turmoil of it, unstable world questioning America's resilience.
And also, no coincidence Joe Biden's in D.C. The fact is we're learning a
harsh lesson here. That progress and stability and success is just one
liberal away from disaster. Just one liberal away. Think about that.
Everything great about America can be unraveled by one leftist with some
power and a vendetta gets America. And we have an administration crawling
with them. Now take New York, Rudy Giuliani took a city rife with rampant
crime and hopelessness and turn it into the number one global tourist
attraction.
And then Bloomberg inherited it and didn't screw it up totally. But then
this ghoul came along. A vile groundhog murdering idiot so clueless to
human motivation that he might actually be from another planet. I think
they call it Shatturn. It's like a giant lumbering Frankenstein made up of
parts from lesser idiots. And it took only one card carrying anti-American
commie to drag the city back down to its worst and two if you count his
wife.
So now we have Gotham City but minus the Batman. But it's not just NYC,
it's every city run by Dems. And now it's America. Joe Biden was so
nostalgic for those years when he had real hair that he took his back there
in a matter of months. It's a pattern. Republicans create the bank account
that the Democrats end up blowing like Hunter's backup eight ball. Saddled
with the attention span and fruit flies high on crank with I.Q.s lower than
CNN's ratings.
Libs see the progress made by Republicans as wrong, and therefore an
opportunity to experiment. And we are there guinea pigs. Our jobs, our
healthcare education system. And it's those experiments that lead to the
devastation. It's a cycle. Liberals like spoiled children ruin things which
Republicans like patient parents fix. And that creates a false sense of
security that allows liberals to return and ruin them again.
I say we put them up for adoption so we could have nice things in the House
again. I wonder what the angry white male thinks.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TOM SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN: It's like the America I grew up
in. Urban decay, crime, inflation, gas lines. Democrats. You make me feel
young again.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So, can we time travel out of this mess? Maybe we did have so many
options for entertainment. Back in the 70s we had three channels and two
restaurants that delivered. One was Chinese and the other one was Chinese.
We had almost no options for pornography, unless you count the sexy Indian
girl on the lender lakes box. Sometimes we got creative and we went to work
on the Sears catalog with an eraser.
Nobody understands that. We had no choice but to save ourselves. But now
it's different. We have Netflix and Hulu. There are 407 ESPN channels.
delivers. And so does your dealer Kat. Decriminalized pot keeps us
ambivalent in China and Disney keeps us distracted. The whole world outside
could crumble but we're too happy binge watching the crown. The question is
for how long? Oh, thank God I still have this. Don't worry, I laminated it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's so country. He thinks a
seven-course meal is a possum in his six pack. Country music singer and
songwriter, Larry Gatlin. When he tells a joke, the woke shell joke. Host
of the Nick di Paolo show, podcast comedian, Nick Apollo. Stand-up comic
who needs a booster seat, writer, comedian Joe DeVito. And she said until
death do us part. And now her husband's missing. Fox News contributor, Kat
Timpf.
GUTFELD: All right. I'm excited. Larry, I got three questions for you. One,
do you remember the 70s? Two, do you even remember Jimmy Carter? And three,
do you remember doing coke in the Carter White House?
LARRY GATLIN, AMERICAN SINGER-SONGWRITER: I thought tonight was going to be
a career move. I don't -- I don't think it really turned out that way.
Well, you know, they will do but if you remember the 70s you weren't part
of them, you know, that's the standard. What was the second question?
GUTFELD: You just answered it.
GATLIN: Jimmy Carter. We were friends. He was a nice man. In my opinion, if
anyone was ever, you know, not really up to the task of that. That would
be -- if you're going to put it in the dictionary and, you know,
illustrated, good man. Policies all wrong. And do I remember snorting coke
in the --
GUTFELD: White House.
GATLIN: You know, I have -- I have kids and grandkids who watch this show
about a --
GUTFELD: So you're saying you don't remember?
GATLIN: That's a yes. No. Hey, just seemed like the thing to do (INAUDIBLE)
well, I had some help from Stephen Stills. Anyway.
GUTFELD: Stephen Stills.
GATLIN: I didn't say that.
(CROSSTALK)
GATLIN: I didn't say that. I could get sued. No, look --
GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE) son?
GATLIN: Yes. Right.
GUTFELD: Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
GATLIN: That is the most insidious drug on the planet. I got to disagree.
You know, let me -- let me give you this -- the test. They would put little
monkeys in the cage. And the little monkeys that tell -- they teach them to
self-induce that bounce up against this needle and shoot them. And so,
little god monkeys, if given the choice to get next to a little girl
monkey, or to get the cocaine? Which one you think they took?
GUTFELD: Well, was it --
(CROSSTALK)
GATLIN: Caitlyn Jenner.
GUTFELD: Oh.
GATLIN: No. They took the cocaine every time it's insidious.
NICK DI PAOLO, AMERICAN COMEDIAN: Yes, but those monkeys were in a band.
GATLIN: They just -- they ran out, you know. So it was -- it was crazy. And
like I said, they just seemed like the thing to do. The 70s and so Steven
and I -- I mean, nobody was down there. I mean, so we just went in there in
the library restaurant.
GUTFELD: Well, you know what, Nick, this is good news for everybody.
Because if we're going to go back to the 70s that means we're all doing
coke in the White House.
DI PAOLO: Yes. Apparently. I did it with Obama. (INAUDIBLE) It wasn't a
White House was a holiday in, right? Loudon County or something but --
GUTFELD: What do you do -- so it's only been 100 and some odd days, Nick,
and we're all going to hell. Everything's going to hell in a handbasket.
DI PAOLO: Well, is that -- is that a surprise? I mean, Trump said
everything called everything that we're going through right now.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DI PAOLO: I want to yell at people who voted for Biden, but we really know
nobody did.
GUTFELD: Right.
(CROSSTALK)
DI PAOLO: But --
GUTFELD: Allegedly.
DI PAOLO: Here's the thing -- yes, that's my opinion, not Fox's. Me and .
But here's the thing, you know, Jimmy Carter, like you said, I got -- I met
him on The Tonight Show. Nice guy. But he was a horrible politician.
GUTFELD: Right.
DI PAOLO: Right? He -- but Biden is inflicting this pain intentionally.
That's the difference.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DI PAOLO: And it's not even Biden. We keep saying Biden, we know it's. And
Bernie and the rest of the idiots, so --
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.
DI PAOLO: Right?
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, he's a hollow vessel. He doesn't - like it -- if he
doesn't do what they say they don't give him the pudding. That's the
(INAUDIBLE)
DI PAOLO: I just want to go that by putting --
GUTFELD: DeVito, what are your thoughts on this theory that we are
returning to the era known as the 70s? You grew up in the 70s, right?
JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: A little bit? But some of it. Yes.
GUTFELD: Yes. You're about 60 now?
DEVITO: About -- yes, it was very coked up as a child, so (INAUDIBLE) yes,
it's definitely -- it's definitely that 70s show. That's what we have with
Biden.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: And that, you know, it really feels like a throwback too because
we're saying things like are you -- is Jenner going to run?
GUTFELD: Yes.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Oh, I get it.
GATLIN: I know you were sick earlier.
DEVITO: He did. So yes, I mean, if I -- if I worked in U.S. embassy
somewhere, I would pack a bag.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: Because things are going to get bad. And it's unfortunate. You look
at somebody like -- they don't seem to understand that their policies that
are bad have bad consequences. It seems to baffle them all the time. And
then you see de Blasio and his wife on New Year's Eve dancing, and an empty
Time Square like it's I Am Legend.
GUTFELD: Right.
DEVITO: And they're having this wonderful time. Meanwhile, she put her in
charge of a charity that has $800 million unaccounted for.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
DEVITO: Now, that's not the ultimate leftist program right there. The money
went in and nothing came out.
GUTFELD: Yes. I don't even think Larry could spend all that on coke.
GATLIN: I tried. I tried. And then a bar someone steals money. He's got a
lot more than I do.
DI PAOLO: That have to be three-day weekend.
GUTFELD: So Kat, I talked about the trade off before the election which is
people were willing to vote Trump out of office for his mean tweets. And so
what you got in that work. I mean, they got no more mean tweets, but now
you've got inflation. You got unemployment, you got a Middle East. So it's
like, now all the news anchors can sleep better at night because Trump
doesn't hurt their feelings, but the rest of us are all screwed.
TIMPF: Well, the news anchors are complicit in all this, you know, the
government saying, hey, it's no big deal. Like the gas thing. For example,
hey, don't panic. It's no big deal. How is not being able to leave your
house not a big deal?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: And this is why people were concerned. You know, might not have this
one. But with all of those crisis sees of this magnitude that he had to
face is the mayor of South Bend, Indiana.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: But it's all identity politics, and now we go to have gas and
they're stuck at home and they can't go to work. But then they just, you
know, they get the government payments and they stay home and the
environments not affected if they need food, the government can bring it to
them. So maybe it's not a problem if you view the world a certain way where
individuals aren't responsible for taking care of themselves. Well, I'm
always responsible for taking what I know.
GUTFELD: I hear -- no, you don't
TIMPF: I do.
(CROSSTALK)
TIMPF: Excellent. I'm married.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
GATLIN: We can have, way to go girl.
(CROSSTALK)
GATLIN: -- an independent woman
GUTFELD: Up next. O.J. said OK but her party said no way.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: When the juice gets your back, it's probably time to pack. On
Wednesday, House Republicans voted to remove Wyoming Congresswoman Liz
Cheney from their leadership. Ostensibly her colleagues were upset she
voted to impeach Trump. And that's continued with their comments about the
former president and the January Capitol riot. May be true but I wonder if
anyone else swayed their vote.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
O.J. SIMPSON, PRO FOOTBALL HALL OF FAMER: I was not a fan of Liz Cheney.
Don't get me wrong. I'm 50/50 on her politics but I'm good like her. It's
seen that fact-based truth and Honesty seemed to be the enemy of many of
these Republican politicians. And Liz Cheney stands up for the truth. And
that's got her a lot of heat. She may lose her position in the party. She
may even lose her career as a politician. But that is something to be
admired standing up for the truth.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Someone is auditioning for CNN. I think Sunday, 8:00. It'd be
great. But you know it's trouble when O.J. weighs in on your behalf. The
last time O.J. paid this much attention to an outspoken blonde lady. We'll
just move on. OK? O.J. talking about standing up for truth is like Jack the
Ripper standing up for women's rights. Still, the only reason Cheney became
a big story is because she's anti Trump, which the media and the Dems
embrace.
They actually can't stand her but they're willing to put that aside and
they're already drooling over the comments she made after the vote.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. LIZ CHENEY(R-WY): I will do everything I can to ensure that the former
president never again gets anywhere near the Oval Office. We have seen the
danger that he continues to provoke with his language. We have seen his
lack of commitment and dedication to the constitution. And I think it's
very important that we make sure whomever we elect is somebody who will be
faithful to the constitution.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: And also don't shoot your best friend in the face. Anyway, that
was your dad. But anyway, that's a lot of constitution talk in a deep cut
at the same time. Anyway, an election on her replacement is going to take
place at a later date. Congressman Elise Stefanik is a front runner who
cares, she's a great choice. But I'd also nominate these ladies.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Here grandmother doesn't know where the hell (BLEEP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No with your damn big mouth, damn it (INAUDIBLE)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yeah. (BLEEP) an excuse.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Ah, I don't (INAUDIBLE) the hell we're going, I go
uphill.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Just go uphill (INAUDIBLE)
(CROSSTALK)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And then you turn to your right --
(CROSSTALK)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Left, left.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: (INAUDIBLE)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know, Nick, those are my groupies. I have to beat him up with
a stick. I tell you. Yu know, when O.J. always --
DI PAOLO: Excuse me?
GUTFELD: What do you make of -- what do you make of this?
DI PAOLO: Well, I got to my political notes. You know, O.J. is the first
thing I think of. We didn't -- you didn't even show the part where he
quoted Voltaire.
GUTFELD: That's right. That's right.
DI PAOLO: That was my favorite part. You know, I want to hear what Antonio
Brown has to say about Socrates. But -- and first of all, he looks way too
good for guy who's spent time in the can.
GUTFELD: He is -- he is --
DI PAOLO: He looks great.
GUTFELD: Yes. He's in great shape. He's younger than me.
DI PAOLO: If I was a politician, though, I could be -- I'd rather be backed
by O.J. than Kaepernick. All right. There's a hush, I understand. O.J., you
know, lost his mind for like five minutes. But you know, Kaepernick lost
his forever. So I would rather have O.J. having my back. That's how much I
hate Kaepernick. You don't -- we don't know what he did. Now we don't. But
I'm just saying Liz Cheney, I hate Liz Cheney more than Kaepernick. I think
that's the point I was trying to make.
GUTFELD: So there you finally got him.
DI PAOLO: She -- as far as the election goes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DI PAOLO: Come on. I disagree a thousand percent with her.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DI PAOLO: He's out there saying there was no shenanigans. Come on, Greg.
Let's get to the bottom of this.
GUTFELD: But you know, I got to tell you.
DI PAOLO: Yes.
GUTFELD: Trump broke a lot of people. And she's one of the broken people.
DI PAOLO: Yes. Good way of point there.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: She said -- she's one of the broken people. And Kinzinger is
another broken person. They were probably sensible, but they can't get
Trump off the brain, Joe. What are your thoughts on this? Would you like to
comment on O.J.?
DEVITO: Yes. Yes. That is -- the O.J. endorsement hasn't been good since
Hertz rent a car but it's like years ago. Yes. Now, if she thought the
Republicans stabbed her in the back.
GUTFELD: Oh, god.
DEVITO: Ah. The man's a widower for God's sake. This is -- this is the
problem.
GUTFELD: I knew this would happen.
DEVITO: This is the problem. The news media thinks that the rest of the
world cares about what's going on with Liz Cheney. We really don't. We have
much more serious things going on. So they're going to -- they're going
tout this. This is it. This is some big in your face guy who's not the
president anymore. Where normal people have more important things to worry
about. We've got -- we're on the brink of war in the rest of the world.
We don't have gas, prices are going up. It -- we don't care what's going on
in Wyoming.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: I mean, I hate to say it but AOC's district has more people in it
than the whole state of Wyoming deaths.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.
DEVITO: And hopefully Liz isn't going to make a dancing video for us. I
have no interest.
GUTFELD: I like that dancing video --
(CROSSTALK)
DEVITO: It's very nice.
DI PAOLO: I have a ranch in Wyoming with Larry. I disagree with you.
GUTFELD: You call it a ranch. God knows what you people are planning. All I
know is there's a weird buzzing noise coming from your ranch. Anyway, Kat,
you know what? There's a -- there's a paradox when O.J. offers you with
support. You want to -- if you accept it, you look bad. But if you don't
accept it, he could kill you.
TIMPF: True. Yes, I thought you said O.L, you know, supporting you for
being a truth tellers like jack the Ripper, supporting women's rights. It's
also like Liz Cheney supporting herself for being a truth teller. It's just
as bad as -- I mean, do we not remember the whole weapons of mass
destruction thing? That her dad was pushing and then she was pushing on
behalf of them? We went to war over that and a lot of people died.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: OK? So it's -- although I'm very much in support of anybody who
wants to feel comfortable to break, you know, with what people are saying
who are leaders or, you know, former leaders in your party, hearing Liz
Cheney go on and on about the importance of truth and not -- how to not
tell the truth has consequences, when she still continues to say the Iraq
war was a good idea, even though it was based on a lie that she helped pump
up, she can save it.
GUTFELD: All right. Larry, did you ever do coke with O.J.?
GATLIN: You know, there's kind of a recurring thing. No, you know, I mean,
he's become such a punch line.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GATLIN: You know, I don't think --
TIMPF: So unfair.
(CROSSTALK)
GATLIN: Well, you know, I mean, he's not the brightest flame in the candle
shop.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GATLIN: You know what I'm saying? May be able to read, route or trace, but
I'm not sure. I don't think I'd really want him on my side. You know,
Johnny Case told me a long time ago that there's no such thing as bad
publicity. Unless they have a picture you making love to a goat.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GATLIN: Now that -- I don't know if that's tantamount to O.J. supporting
her. But the Cheney -- the Cheney family, they've been in politics all of
their life. And I would have thought on a serious note -- I would have
thought she would have had been bigger -- I mean, I've known President
Trump forever. He's been good. You know, I lived in Trump Tower years ago,
we played golf together.
The choice for me was between voting for the town bully or voting for the
village idiot. I picked the town bully.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GATLIN: I don't want to go to war with the village idiot. So, it -- to me,
if you're conservatism, if your conservative values depend not on the
values themselves, lower taxes, smaller government, strong defense, all the
things that that conservative stand for. If your conservatism hinges on
whether you like the guy or not --
GUTFELD: Yes. That's ridiculous.
(CROSSTALK)
GATLIN: Then you're not a conservative. You're just -- you're --
GUTFELD: Yes.
GATLIN: -- you know, you're wishy washy. And I --
GUTFELD: No, you're absolutely right. That --
(CROSSTALK)
GATLIN: Do good things for O.J. like your hero.
GUTFELD: You don't hire a lawyer or an agent because you like them. You
hire an agent or a lawyer because you hope the other people hate him. That
is -- and he was -- and Trump was our agent. He was America's agent. He
didn't give a (BLEEP) about anything but America. That's all that matters.
OK. Up next, does ending lockdown mean a swinging single seat?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: After months of lockdown, it's time to get down. Social distancing
rules in England have banned people from meeting up with anyone outside of
their home since January. But Boris Johnson, seen here, just announced that
beginning May 17th, people from two different households can meet indoors
and even hug and kiss. Yes, nothing like getting romantic advice from a guy
who looks like an old sofa mated with Gary Busey.
Johnson didn't offer any advice on going further than first base. That's
because in England, second base is actually brushing your teeth. But the
Daily Mail still chose to interpret the news this way: Casual sex is back
on. Oh, great! Britain are still being warned to use caution and common
sense. Or as I interpret that for Joe DeVito, always make sure to wash your
hands before and after you inflate the doll.
That was meant to hurt you, Joe. I want you, I want you to feel the sting
of that insult because I don't insult you enough. I feel. Are you kind of
shocked that there was a bit -- they were enforcing a ban? I didn't even
know about this. This is kind of crazy.
JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Yes, well, I actually would listen to Boris because
he always looks like he has bedhead.
GUTFELD: Oh, he's, he's a player.
DEVITO: Something's happening.
GUTFELD: He's a player.
DEVITO: I'm very happy for the British people for the, the lads the, the
yobs, the chavs, the chavets.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: The Hooligans, especially.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DEVITO: Yes, I think it's great. And this is -- we're talking British sex
here. It's pale. It's foggy. It's not -- I've actually extended my Tinder
range by 4000 miles just to maybe get some of that across the pond action
from that.
GUTFELD: Has since done in a foggy more
DEVITO: Yes, there's a Hound of the Baskervilles howling in the background,
very atmospheric.
GUTFELD: After we're after sex, you share some blood pudding.
DEVITO: Yes. You just close your eyes and think of England.
GUTFELD: Yes. I don't even know what that means, Nick. Nick, would you take
advice from Boris? I mean, I'm still shocked at this, actually, they
actually told citizens they couldn't like his people.
NICK DI PAOLO, COMEDIAN: First of all, how did they enforce this? What was
he on? It was a Boris on the balcony? The telescope blowing a whistle every
time he saw somebody across the way?
TIMPF: Undercover cops on Tinder.
LARRY GATLIN, SONGWRITER: Yes. The British are known for their passionate
sex, you know?
GUTFELD: Really?
GATLIN: Yes. It's like a dog. Will we be having sexual intercourse? No. OK,
that's fine.
But my Lord, you know, you know how you can tell, when you alluded to the
two thing -- I mean, I mean, my God. I mean, the country has bad breath. It
would stop a train. I mean, my God. You know, you can tell the English, the
French, because they're the ones with the good teeth. I mean, my god. This
-- I think he's got like a Peeping Tom thing. He's going to kind of creep
around Big Brother running --
DI PAOLO: -- and he's watching the girl seeing the commercial
GATLIN: You lived in England, didn't you?
GUTFELD: I did, I did live in England. And I found it to be quite
delightful. The people there are magical. They're like, they're like from
another planet, except it's a country.
GATLIN: I always felt like I was in the middle of a movie when I was there
everybody speaking --
GUTFELD: Well, you were in the middle of the movie. That was during the
time when you were filming porn. All right, Kat.
TIMPF: Well, I spent a lot of time reading about this today.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: And I found it, it's shocking that this ever happened. And then,
also more shocking, they're still experts. I don't know how you'd be an
expert in this. Weighing in saying listen, I know you're cleared. You know,
the law says this patient still, if you're going to have sex, wear a mask
and don't do it face to face. And I don't even understand how that would
work. I've only been married for a week and a half.
GUTFELD: Here's what I -- here's, OK, one of you guys can answer this and
then I got to go. So, in the United States we have a baseball analogy
right? For sex, first base, second base. How can you discuss sex without
baseball? England, that's the problem. They can't talk about it. Do you use
cricket?
DI PAOLO: Yes. Oh, you just -- that's, I was going right there, man,
cricket.
DEVITO: It's a better bad for paddling. From what I've heard.
GUTFELD: More faculty nerds removing gendered words.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: They're standing firm against gendered terms. Penn State known for
employing Jason Dusky has passed inclusive language legislation to remove
gendered and classes terms from course descriptions and to move to delight
parents paying 30 grand a year.
The faculty senate has decided to ban terms like junior and senior because
they're "parallel to Western male father son naming conventions." And much
of our written document -- doc, scroll that back down -- documentation uses
he/she pronouns. Documentation -- don't use a word like that. Also out male
centric terms like freshmen and upperclassmen, because they're apparently
sexist in classes.
They'll be replaced with terms like first year, fourth year and crushed by
student loan debt. The resolution recommends that you move away from
gendered language in all written materials anytime they refer to students,
faculty or staff; except for courses and degrees that relate to gender
studies, those stay the same. Kat, what are your thoughts?
TIMPF: That was my favorite part. The fact like, listen, you can still
acknowledge gender in a gender studies course. So, I'm thinking at what
point does all of this collapse in on itself?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: At what point is a gender studies course just, it's not real. Close
the book. And it's based on everything. They're saying. Isn't that what the
whole course? There should be no gender studies because gender is not real.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: So, it's not your fault that you're not getting this. It's just the
ideas can't exist at the same time?
GUTFELD: Yes. It makes no sense to me, Nick, should modern schools be
required to watch 30 hours of Animal House?
DI PAOLO: Why not? To know what college is really about?
GUTFELD: Exactly. And what life is about, which is great.
DI PAOLO: You see the professors that teach this gender stuff?
GUTFELD: Oh, my god. Here we go.
DI PAOLO: I'm just saying.
GUTFELD: Just don't say it.
I'm just saying they should be referred to as Sir and Mister, and Kevin.
Kevin and these people. Um, what was my other really salient point about
this, I don't know. I thought it would have been an issue like you said,
right after Sam Dusky, with the with the junior father thing.
I mean, he had like 12 wrestlers on the shower. And it was staying at his
house. I'm just saying --
TIMPF: He's just saying, he's against that.
DI PAOLO: I'm saying it would've come up.
GUTFELD: Yes, it would've come up. Go ahead. All right, Larry, how does
this prepare anybody for a successful career?
GATLIN: It doesn't. It absolutely doesn't. I mean, they've they finally
have out-sillied themselves. You know, just when you thought it couldn't
get any sillier? You know, maybe someday we'll have a moment of truth. When
somebody like Fred Couples, golfer?
GUTFELD: Yes.
GATLIN: Right, great golfer, a friend of mine. Joins the women's tour as
Frieda Couples. And he'll go out there and take a four-hour and a pitching
wedge in the putter and beat the women plate. They cannot compete with
that. They -- you know, they want they want to have it both ways. And like
I say --
GUTFELD: Who doesn't?
GATLIN: Well, I mean, it's not like the old boy who was a veterinarian and
a taxidermist and either way, you get your dog back.
DI PAOLO: They did go too far. The feminist with this whole gender. That
it's come full circle.
GUTFELD: Right.
DI PAOLO: They're going to disprove their point.
GUTFELD: Yes.
DI PAOLO: When some tight-end 6'4" and 260 pound, runs a 45-40 named
Sharon, runs over a girl who's 103 pounds is trying to tackler and she's
paralyzed. They're going to -- this is so self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's what I'm saying. It's actually good. I want to see this play out,
GUTFELD: I don't know how long humans have been on the planet like 200,000
years or 2 million years? I don't know. But it's, but in the last 15 years,
or 20, we've decided that we know more about the biology of gender than his
did -- than the entire history of the human species.
DEVITO: Yes, well, this is clearly the biggest scandal -- the rename of the
classes. I wish they would just look, stop, stop moving too slowly. Just
comrade that's what they want.
GUTFELD: Right? Yes.
DEVITO: Just call everyone I'm in favor of that now. It's easier trying to
memorize was freshmen is now -- it's absurd at this point that what are we
going to do is make Penn State the first completely blank university. You
can't go at Penn State because William Penn had slaves hundreds of years
ago.
GUTFELD: That's true. That's true.
DEVITO: So, you're going to take that name away. And you can't call the
lions, because lions are meat eaters, and that's going to bother somebody.
So, I'm in favor of this, just started a university where everyone goes to
class. You're wearing a garbage bag, no one can tell your size, your
gender, your age, anything like that. Let's have a -- if we're going to
have a year zero, let's do it right.
GUTFELD: That's Chico State.
DEVITO: Chico State the fighting garbage bags?
GUTFELD: Everybody in California goes, he's right that is Chico State. What
a terrible school.
GATLIN: But you know, you can call something what you want to.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GATLIN: You can call a red light a green light, but there's going to be
hell to pay when somebody says, well, I know it's rare, but I'm just going
to call it green. One of my, my heroes, Dr. Allan Bloom said, in the
Closing the American Mind, he said, "The law may prescribe that man's
nipples are equal to women's nipples, but the men's nipples will still not
give milk."
DEVITO: I liked your other Texas sayings much better than --
GUTFELD: We learned so much tonight. You know, I think this obsession might
attempt to chase down problematic words might actually be a good thing,
because it preoccupies losers who could be far more destructive in other
areas. Maybe we just let them chase the pronouns that these activists and
leave us all alone. All right, my favorite block. Up next, who made the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? It's a story no other show is talking about, to
my knowledge, anyway.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: They beat all the odds to become a rock gods. The rock and roll
hall of fame announced the 2021 class, and for some insane reason, once
again, Crocus has been snubbed. Crocus has been snubbed. That's got me
screaming into the night, Crocus fans. Instead, here's who made the cut and
what's been called the most diverse. Thank you. Finally, a diverse class in
rock hall history. This is what we need. We got the Gogos, we got Todd
Rundgren, who is this sis-normative male, we have Jay Z, we have Tina
Turner and Carole King who are already in the hall, but as co-inductees
with their respective husbands. Finally, the Foo Fighters. So, I got, I got
to say, Foo Fighters, they've really been mailing it in recently. Take a
look at their last concert.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GATLIN: There goes -- hey, come on, solo.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: But they really have gone downhill. They were so talented.
DEVITO: Yes. Fan gets to your head like that.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, that's what happens. Exactly. Anybody in the Rock
and Roll Hall of Fame that you wanted to be in that isn't in? That was a
strange question.
DEVITO: Yes, this is my yearly cue to start bitching about how 80s metals
bands don't get the respect they usually deserve. But, I'm glad the go
GoGos are in. I love the GoGo's. They were a very innovative band. Plus,
Charlotte Caffey, they said that she couldn't tour because she had carpal
tunnel syndrome, but she actually was addicted to heroin, but that that is
not a Hall of Fame Rock and Roll move, I don't know what is. I'm glad they
have a diverse class. What I don't like is they get so diverse that they
include people who have nothing to do with rock and roll.
GUTFELD: Right.
DEVITO: Which annoys me because Jay Z is great, put them in the Hip Hop
Hall of Fame, the Music Hall of Fame. Now Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Iron
Maiden didn't get in. Iron Maiden should get in because they were a great
band. They inspired and influenced a lot of bands, and there were tighter
pants than the GoGo's ever did. That's rock and roll.
GUTFELD: By the way when I had, I was so embarrassed about getting carpal
tunnel syndrome that I told everybody I was addicted to heroin.
DEVITO: Times, they are changing.
GUTFELD: They are changing. You know, I think that'd make a great lyric.
GATLIN: -- kind of like that.
GUTFELD: Yes, something like that. Yes. That was, yes, just murder the
joke, Larry. Just take, drag it out and bury it in the streets. All right,
Larry, you are actually a musician. You are a music legend. You played
everywhere. So, what, what do you who do who should be in there that isn't
in there?
GATLIN: Hmm. I'll get back with you. See, because, I don't even know. I
mean, they put my friend Johnny Cash in there. I mean, we know that that --
GUTFELD: But he's --
GATLIN: -- rock and roll, yes, because some people are so all encompassing.
They, they don't they, you can't define them. They're undefinable. Tina
Turner, I mean, who was the It Girl back in the -- some actress they call
her the It Girl? Somebody Google who was the It Girl?
GUTFELD: We're on T.V. right now Larry.
TIMPF: Amanda Bynes.
GUTFELD: Amanda Bynes.
GATLIN: But Tina Turner was the It Girl as far as performers. We were in
Vegas with them one time. They work shows, we work opposite them. And I sat
over there every night and just watched, because it was a classroom, you
know, take notes and watch this woman --
GUTFELD: One of the hardest working women in showbiz.
DI PAOLO: I'll tell you who should be in there, that's not, men without
hats.
GUTFELD: Yes. The safety dance.
DI PAOLO: Just the name of the group.
GUTFELD: Yes, men without hats. That was a jab at you, Larry.
DI PAOLO: But guess who?
GUTFELD: Oh, I look from Canada.
DI PAOLO: Yes, how are they not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? By the
way, American woman destroyed by Lenny Kravitz. They were the original.
Burton Cummings, underrated classic band. No sugar tonight in my coffee.
TIMPF: What is the metrics, because like you said, Jay Z is great but he's
not rock and roll? So, they -- this is not the first time they put rappers
in. But like why is it just, like why not like Beethoven? Like, what I
like, that guy had some bangers, right?
GUTFELD: He did.
DI PAOLO: He did a lot of coke, to you.
GUTFELD: In the Carter White House.
GATLIN: Well, here's the deal. The people who voted him in obviously are
Democrats because they're making this crap up as they go. We'll just put
anybody who we want in this particular --
GUTFELD: The GoGos really --
DI PAOLO: That's like putting a 240 hitter on the Baseball Hall of Fame.
They had two hits. That says, back as a well -- it's like Paul Lindo in the
background. That's the B52. I thought she was part of both bands.
GUTFELD: B52 are probably one of the greatest bands ever, agreed? No?
DI PAOLO: That's right. Rock band.
GUTFELD: I loved B52. One of the greatest gifts (INAUDIBLE). All right. We
got to go. This was scintillating, I believe. I think we have more stuff.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Before we go who let's do this.
ANNOUNCER: "GREG SEES THE STARS."
GUTFELD: You know where I live, I see a lot of celebrities and every now
and then, I'll check in on them because sometimes I worry about them. For
example, I heard a lot of noise coming from Alec Baldwin's townhouse. So, I
decided I go in and check and there he was. I don't know what happened. He
had lost his temper. But he was just like he couldn't handle it.
And I feel bad for him because I know that he's doing a lot of yoga and
he's trying to get his temper under control, but he just destroyed the
place and we love you, Alec, we hope you get better. And put on a shirt.
OK, put on a shirt. All right, before we go, Nick, where can people catch
you?
DI PAOLO: Hilarities tomorrow night in Cleveland, Thursday night the FTX
Theater in Baltimore, Soul Joel's on Saturday night, and Royce Ford, Pennsylvania.
GUTFELD: Wow. And you're driving?
DI PAOLO: Yes. Didn't exactly get a handful of cash to come up here and --
GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to
Larry Gatlin, Nick di Paolo, Joe DeVito, Kat, our studio audience. Fox News
with Shannon Bream is next, "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT."
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