This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," January 21, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "At Your Beck and Call" segment tonight: Both Glenn Beck and I analyzed the big state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao on Wednesday. We had a little fun with it, but we know that Chinese-American relations are obviously very important, so that's where we begin this evening.
O'REILLY: So neither Beck nor I were invited to the big Chinese state house dinner -- White House dinner.
GLENN BECK, FOX NEWS HOST: I was very surprised.
O'REILLY: Here was the menu, Beck. This is what we missed. We did not get, but Barbra Streisand did.
BECK: I know. I know.
O'REILLY: OK. D'Anjou pear salad with goat cheese, fennel, black walnuts and white balsamic.
BECK: That sounds great.
O'REILLY: I have that usually for lunch.
BECK: Yes. Well, sometimes. Sometimes I feed that to the dogs.
O'REILLY: Right. I love the fennel. I don't even know what fennel is. Does anybody know what that is?
BECK: No, I don't know what D'Anjou…
O'REILLY: That's from France.
BECK: Oh, I got it.
O'REILLY: Oh, yes.
BECK: Thank you, professor.
O'REILLY: You're welcome. OK. Poached Maine lobster with orange-glazed carrots, black trumpet mushrooms.
O'REILLY: That's a mushroom that plays an instrument.
BECK: It's fancy.
O'REILLY: Black trumpet mushrooms.
O'REILLY: And then chardonnay with that.
BECK: Then you had the palate cleanser of a little sorbet.
O'REILLY: Lemon sorbet.
BECK: Then right to the dry-aged rib eye. May I just ask you a question?
BECK: Seriously. If you were going over to somebody's house that owed you a ton of money…
O'REILLY: I would have this.
BECK: Wouldn't you kind of just like, you'd go down a level than what you could afford because you wouldn't want them to sit there because you have to say, look, man, we are really struggling. We really need more money.
O'REILLY: No, you have to put on a good face.
BECK: No, you wouldn't.
O'REILLY: But the problem.
O'REILLY: You have to live large to make them think you are doing great.
BECK: If you are having the stuffed potatoes and the lobster and the rib eye…
BECK: …you don't need my money.
O'REILLY: And creamed spinach.
BECK: What are you blowing my money on? You're a coke addict. That's what I'd say to them.
O'REILLY: This dinner raised the deficit by about 30 percent, just to afford this.
BECK: I love this. I did like the attendees; not that we're pandering at all. Jackie Chan, Yo-Yo Ma, Vera Wang. It's like, "We have Chinese people here." What? We're just like you. Hey, Wang Chung is going to perform in just a few minutes.
O'REILLY: I love their hit. All right. And then they finish it off with the old-fashioned apple pie with vanilla ice cream, OK. Now, this is like Michelle Obama is telling everybody now to kind of slim down. This is 90,000 calories right here. I mean, Hu Jintao, they had to carry him out. He's used to eating a couple noodles. They had to carry the man out of there.
BECK: President Hu just kind of like he's got his belt off.
O'REILLY: You are killing me, literally. My cholesterol.
BECK: I love the fact that he comes on an Air China commercial jetliner.
O'REILLY: Yes, but he was the only one on it.
BECK: Yes. That's OK.
O'REILLY: That's OK?
BECK: That's OK.
O'REILLY: Everybody else was executed and he came by himself.
BECK: He comes on a commercial airliner. You know what I thought of?
BECK: I saw him and I thought, you know what? This is exactly what - - when we fly over with 14 planes and 700 limousines and all, they all the presidential seal on them, two 747s. You are coming over and we're asking for money, don't you think that President Hu Jintao might have said something like, oh, I don't know, what Congress said to the GM people, hey, man, take a commercial flight. Mr. President, take a commercial flight. He's flying commercial, and the biggest -- the debtor in the world is flying…
O'REILLY: Hu Jintao wants us to be a debtor.
BECK: Oh, I now.
O'REILLY: OK. So, you and I, ladies and gentlemen, this is why we're not invited. They don't let Visigoths, barbarians in.
BECK: We'd be like, "You ain't getting your money back. You're screwed."
O'REILLY: Hey, Jin, don't eat the pears.
OK. Now, CNN, you can't say crosshairs anymore. You heard that right?
BECK: I did. I heard their -- I don't know who they -- all of their -- maybe only 2-year-olds watching CNN? I'm not sure.
O'REILLY: But you worked there. Could you say crosshairs when you worked there?
BECK: Yes, I could. I don't know when did they take "Crossfire" off the air? For 20 years, they were like and in the "Crossfire."
O'REILLY: That's why they cancelled the show because guys bought bazookas after watching that.
BECK: You know the first episode, Barry Goldwater was on it. In the "Crossfire," Barry Goldwater. Barry Goldwater is dead now. Yes.
O'REILLY: Directly because of the show?
BECK: I don't know. I am just saying. If it wasn't that time, at some point it will happen.
O'REILLY: Here are some other stuff you can't say on CNN. Are you ready?
O'REILLY: Stick to your guns. You can't say it.
BECK: You don't want to say that.
O'REILLY: You can't say Congresswoman Louise Slaughter.
BECK: I know.
O'REILLY: You can't say the woman's name. Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's just Congresswoman Louise.
BECK: When she came out and she's like, we have to regulate these things, I said, why…
O'REILLY: On CNN.
BECK: …the hateful rhetoric with your last name for so long?
O'REILLY: On CNN, on election night, you can't say battleground states.
O'REILLY: You can't. No. You can't say bite the bullet. You can't say fight tooth and nail. You can't say bang for the buck. You can't say it. No more bang for the buck. And you cannot say attack ad. You can't say it. Now, we have to apologize to Congresswoman Louise. It's not our rules; it's CNN.
BECK: No, it's yours.
BECK: I love the way that CNN at the end said, please, we're trying. We're trying. And they got one right, they are very trying. But they're trying. They're trying so hard. Please hold us, I love this, please hold us to your high standards. Like, do you know everybody's standards that are watching?
O'REILLY: Well, there are only four people who watch that show.
BECK: Yes, it's possible. How about we hold ourselves to our standards and if you like them, great. If you don't, turn the channel. How about that one?
O'REILLY: Well, I don't know. I just don't want to incite any violence, Beck. Now, I know you do, but I don't.
BECK: No, I really don't. Have you noticed for like two years I have been saying, hey, we got to educate ourselves and enlighten ourselves and just get involved.
O'REILLY: Well, let me tell, I have been on the road with Beck. I know Beck now. He is the most peaceful guy in the world. I mean, you are. You are almost like the Maharishi out there. The Maharishi of political commentary.
O'REILLY: I don't know anybody who has their album but you -- wind chimes in the dressing room, a little incense. That's you.
BECK: That's me.
O'REILLY: And, therefore, I think you should go back to CNN and work there.
O'REILLY: All right. Glenn Beck, everybody.
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