Exclusive: Jodi Arias' regrets: 'I would have been happy to remain silent and go quietly off into the night to prison'

This is a rush transcript from "On the Record," May 9, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GRETA VAN SUSTEREN, FOX NEWS HOST: Jodi Arias has a lot to say and she is talking a lot. Right after the jury announced her guilty, she said it all only to KSAZ anchor Troy Hayden. He joins us from Phoenix. Troy, in a minute we will play more of your interview that hasn't been seen anyplace else yet. But tell me this, it was expected today the death penalty phase would begin. What happened?

TROY HAYDEN, NEWS ANCHOR KSAZ-FOX PHOENIX: We don't know. I wish we did. We got there on time. I stood around, edged up toward the door by the time we were supposed to be there. All of a sudden maybe 15, 20 minutes later somebody came out and said "No court today. You can go home and resume next Wednesday," and that's all we heard.

VAN SUSTEREN: Did you see her lawyers anywhere? I'm troubled why her lawyers weren't in the cellblock with her and prepare and maybe there's a huge gap between them. Did you see her lawyers anyplace in the courthouse today?

HAYDEN: No. I was actually doing a live shot for Shep Smith. I think when they walked in earlier I never saw them walk out. When they said that it was shut down I pretty much left for the day. I hear Juan Martinez was there, somebody told me they saw him walk in. The jury of course was there. It was a sealed hearing. That's happened quite a bit in this trial. So again, no official word. A lot of rumors but no official word on, but no official word on what happened today.

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    VAN SUSTEREN: All right, well, let's listen to what Jodi told you, because she's told us and no one else. Here's Jodi Arias.


    HAYDEN: You had some pretty tough things, I imagine, going through the trial. During the trial there were photographs of you displayed. I notice you tended to look away. What were you thinking when those photographs were being flashed up in front of everybody?

    JODI ARIAS, CONVICTED MURDERER: I wanted to crawl under the table and just disappear.

    HAYDEN: You had to look at some of the tougher parts of what you have been through the last four months, what would they be?

    ARIAS: Just coming to fully understand what I put people through, my family and everyone else, as well. That's the part I'll always regret.

    HAYDEN: Tell me more about that. What do you mean?

    ARIAS: Well, just the way everything happened. I think that if I had been honest from the beginning I would be in a different place and so would everyone else. And because of what I have done a lot of people will hurt for a long time.

    HAYDEN: It's got to be tough. It's hard for you learning what happened, but if you are telling me if you had done things differently -- you regret about how you went about doing things after Travis was killed, after you killed Travis?

    ARIAS: Yes. I think I was just freaked out. I know I was freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I knew that I couldn't just carry on as normal, but I tried to do that. I tried to act that part until, you know, until everything came down on me. I guess I just couldn't imagine going to my family and saying, hey, look what happened, or going to the police and say, here, arrest me. I was just horrified with what happened, and it was difficult to face that I had been pushed to that point and that I could be capable of something like that.

    HAYDEN: Let's talk a little bit about what happened after you were with Travis that night and that day. A lot of people who have talk to me have said, how could she have gone out and been with another man, maybe only 24 hours after this? How were you able to put that behind you and basically go on a date?

    ARIAS: I don't think I so much put it behind me as I sort of checked out. I hardly remember that day. I don't remember it being nearly as intimate as he described. I remember falling asleep and taking a nap and he was laying next to me. I remember feeling -- it's strange but I remember feeling safe, he wasn't going to snap, he wasn't going to take advantage of me and try to do things I was uncomfortable with. I just felt safe with that person.

    But I knew that -- I mean, it's not like I went up there because I was hoping to pursue a relationship. I went up there because I thought, oh, crap, I need to keep my schedule. So I went up there almost because I felt a sense of obligation inside in order to keep up the pretense, not because I was going off to have fun.

    HAYDEN: But the thought even to me -- I don't know you at all but I feel I know a little bit about you, but you looked at your hands and you realize what happened.

    ARIAS: Yes.

    HAYDEN: And at that point you say to yourself I have to go up and meet this person. I'm going to keep that appointment. I'm going to keep that date. I don't understand how that goes through your mind.

    ARIAS: What happened was, I slowly began to come to while I was in the desert. When I found my charger and I turned my phone on, there were tons of voicemails. One from Leslie, I think a few from Leslie, and maybe one from Ryan. I realized these people are wondering where I am. And I just felt like I needed to buy myself some time and figure out what had happened. I was just very -- I was very shocked. I didn't know what I was doing.


    VAN SUSTEREN: Troy, stay with us, because coming up, you were about to see more of what Jodi Arias told troy. No one has ever seen this before. We didn't even show this last night. We saved it for right now. Jodi Arias, two minutes away. Stay tuned.


    VAN SUSTEREN: So what does convicted killer Jodi Arias think about a possible death sentence?


    ARIAS: Well the worst outcome for me would be natural life. I would much rather die sooner than later. Longevity runs in my family and I don't want to spend the rest of my natural life in one place. You know, I'm pretty healthy, I don't smoke, and I would probably live a long time. So that's not something I'm looking forward to. I said years ago that I would rather get death than life, and that is still true today. I believe death is the ultimate freedom, so I would rather have my freedom as soon as I can get it.

    HAYDEN: You are saying you would actually prefer getting the death penalty than being in prison for life?

    ARIAS: Yes.


    VAN SUSTEREN: Jodi Arias wants the death penalty. If you were on the jury would you give Jodi her wish or sentence her to life in prison? Go to Gretawire.com and vote in our poll.

    And up next, never before seen parts of the Jodi Arias interview two minutes away.


    VAN SUSTEREN: You've seen some of what Jodi Arias had to say just minutes after she was guilty of first-degree murder. And now the never before seen parts of that interview.


    HAYDEN: Do you still think about Travis?

    ARIAS: Yes.

    HAYDEN: In what way?

    ARIAS: There is a lot of regret because I was really hoping to get a plea and avoid talking about all of the things that came out about him. If we had been able to avoid trial, we could have avoided just the murkier aspects of his life that were hidden. And there are not just things that came from my mouth. They're his own words, his own emails, his own text message, the activities that he was up to, the photographs, they showed that, as well. None of that ever would have come to life. It would have been just forgotten and he would have been memorialized as, not perfect by any means, but somebody who was known to adhere to his morals and the principles that he espoused.

    But now the curtain has been drawn and you can see the hypocrisy and everything that was there. And I regret that because I know that even though he was living the life of a hypocrite, that's not how he wanted to be perceived, and I think inside he really didn't want to live that kind of life.

    HAYDEN: A lot of you were accusing you of tearing down a dead man's reputation.

    ARIAS: I would have been happy to remain silent and go quietly off into the night to prison. My defense team decided to rip the lid off because we were forced to trial, because they didn't want to settle. So it's not that I wanted to plow ahead and do this. But I took the stand because strategically they advised me to and when I was on the stand I had to tell -- I had to answer the questions that were posed to me.

    HAYDEN: A quote, or a sound bite from your trial that's played over and over again, and you smiled at it time in court, was Kirk saying nine days out of 10 he doesn't like you.

    ARIAS: Yes.

    HAYDEN: What did you think about that?

    ARIAS: I thought of Elizabeth Johnson's trial because I was reading the coverage in the paper, and her attorney told the jury it's important -- I'm paraphrasing, but he told the jury about it's not about who you like her. It's about the facts of the case. So I think it might -- I believe it's standard somewhat that jurors need to remember it's not about whether or not you like the defendant.

    HAYDEN: Does Kirk like you?

    ARIAS: I think nine days out of ten.

    HAYDEN: Nine days out of ten?

    ARIAS: I mean one days out of nine -- one day out of 10.

    HAYDEN: Why didn't you get along?

    ARIAS: Well, actually we got along very well for a long time and then we just have had clashes and ideas, and ultimately he's the boss.

    HAYDEN: Anything you want to say to Juan Martinez?

    ARIAS: No.

    HAYDEN: You seem to be writing quite a bit during testimony. What were you drawing, what were you doing?

    ARIAS: I was writing just thoughts. When I heard testimony I will write notes, pass it over to Jennifer and Kirk to keep them informed

    HAYDEN: So you weren't drawing?

    ARIAS: There might be occasional little scribbles in the margins, but no, no drawings.

    HAYDEN: Anything else you want to talk about?

    ARIAS: Not that I can think of. Well, actually there is one more thing.


    ARIAS: I wanted to say, if I could tell somebody in a situation that I was in or anything, I just would encourage them to document it. I think that it doesn't mean they have to turn the person in or betray them, but should a situation ever arise, I think documentation would have been very helpful in my case.

    HAYDEN: You have actually started, at least you tweeted out that you are selling t-shirts for violence against children. Do you plan to continue that effort?

    ARIAS: Yes.

    HAYDEN: Why do you do that?

    ARIAS: My -- well, I assumed that they were doing OK as is with government funding and things like that, just donations, but I have spoken with some people who have worked in those shelters, and they always need donations. And it's important to me to be able to assist them in being able to assist survivors.

    HAYDEN: So I guess I'll wrap it up by saying you talked about domestic violence. A lost people are going to be seeing this. Is there one thing you would like to get out to all those people?

    ARIAS: Do you mean people in general?

    HAYDEN: Yes.

    ARIAS: I'm sure I'll think of something very clever to say later.

    HAYDEN: When you walk out?

    ARIAS: Yes.

    HAYDEN: I understand that.

    ARIAS: I guess what I really want to say is to other women who are in a situation that I was once in, and like I just said, I really wish they would just document it. That's it. You don't have to do thing with it. You don't have to turn the person you love in. You don't have to do anything, just document it just in case. It's better to have it than not need it than the opposite. And again, I think that things would be very different right now if I had documented all of the things that I went through instead of being in a state of denial.

    HAYDEN: What would you like to say to all the people who seem to really dislike you, even hate you?

    ARIAS: Well, maybe I should be flattered that they focus on me so much. If they dislike me so much, then why am I always on their radar?


    VAN SUSTEREN: KSAZ anchor Troy Hayden is the one who got the interview with Jodi Arias. He's back with us. I'm curious, Troy, whether or not there is been any response to you getting the interview?

    HAYDEN: A huge response yesterday Greta, especially after it aired on your show here. People being supportive, saying that was an interesting interview. Today it kind of shifted. A lot of people say, why couldn't you let Travis Alexander have one day to enjoy the verdict? I just want to say, Jodi set the timetable on this. She told me it had to be done right after the verdict. I thought it was an important interview. I worked hard to get it. I thought it should be done and aired yesterday. You have good stuff tonight, Greta.

    VAN SUSTEREN: I'll tell you, Troy, the rest of us were just jealous. If they want to send hate mail, send it to us and every other journalist, because every other journalist wanted a chance to talk to her too. So we all want that. Wednesday they go back to court and the death penalty phase begins assuming nothing happens between now and then, right? I just need a yes or no on that one.

    HAYDEN: That is right. Yes, yes.

    VAN SUSTEREN: Great job. Thank you, Troy.