Dennis Miller on Bin Laden Death

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," May 4, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: Since the attack on 9/11, Dennis Miller has been an outspoken anti-terror guy. So who better to put this week's events into perspective than the sage of Southern California, who joins us now from L.A. So, Miller, I'm just going to let you go, man. You just take it where you want to go tonight. Where do you want to start?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: First off, my sources tell me, and you know I have sources, they tell me the reason they won't release the photo is because bin Laden was wearing a Trump 2012 campaign button in his ShamWow. Now that's what I hear from my sources.

O'REILLY: Do you think they should put the pictures out there?

MILLER: Should -- they should be in "The Factor" store. It should be a mouse pad. Are you kidding me? Of course they should put the pictures out there.

O'REILLY: What about inciting the Muslim world against -- inciting the ladies of "The View" against us? I mean, it would incite them.

MILLER: The Muslim world is always so mellow until we rile them up. Of course, they're easygoing over there. They don't need riled up. They're perpetually riled up.

You know, I'm watching this British television special from the '70s, Billy, called "The World at War." Twenty-five hours, state-of-the-art, Laurence Olivier narrative. I just finished the Burma section. In Burma, the Japanese despised the allied troops who surrendered. They thought they were soft. Those are the ones they pulled out of line and beat to death.

I think the Arab world operates under the same realm of zealotry as the Japanese soldiers did. If you really tell me that you think if we don't show this picture, guys who are otherwise predisposed to blow up us and use their children to blow us up are going to come around to the table and say, "We're going to do you a square because we like you now?" That's dreamland. That's Alan Colmes land. That's not the real world.

O'REILLY: All right. Now, what about the burial at sea for bin Laden?

MILLER: Well, I think Al Jazeera is putting a new cartoon show on called "Spongebomb Squarepants," and that's why they put him down there. I hope they didn't shave the beard. It will make for a nice coral reef down there. But I don't think it had anything to do with ceremony. I just think I've watched Animal Planet enough to know that this is what seals do with their leftovers. They drop them to the bottom of the sea. And I hope he rots down there until Bob Ballard and Jimmy Cameron dive on him on an IMAX cam and do a PBS special about it on the RMS Satanic.

O'REILLY: That's right. The search for bin Laden and the Titanic. They can kind of combine them both.

MILLER: Can you believe this -- can you believe this crap we have to go through just for smoking the worst guy on the planet? It's unbelievable.

O'REILLY: No. I'm glad you asked me that question. I can't -- this is what I can't believe. I can't believe that, in the face of all the evidence that coerced interrogation led to, very strong evidence that, in part, led to bin Laden's demise, that the people who oppose it say, "You know what? That's right. It happened. We don't really like this technique, but controlled in the Oval Office we now understand it's necessary. This is provable. And you were right, O'Reilly and Miller, all along. We're sorry and we'll watch 'The Factor' every day for the rest of our lives." I don't understand why that's not happening.

MILLER: Instead, you've got Colmes and Juan coming on and saying, no, it had nothing to do with that. He broke the night Anna Quindlen came over with tea cakes and scones and then Maya Angelou read some Koranic passages while Enya sang in the background, and that's when KSM spilled his guts like John Hurt in "Alien." Yes.

This guy, all they had to do was come near him with an eyedropper full of water, and all of a sudden he started pulling Amelia Earhart out of the hat. He's a -- he was a monster, and he was a monster who cracked. And he cracked because of waterboarding. Case closed.

O'REILLY: But why isn't it closed? Why do people on the left refuse to acknowledge what now everybody knows to be true? Do you have any theories on that? You used to be a left-wing guy. Why can't...

MILLER: I think some people are unwilling to concede that evil exists in others because they view that that's a concession that it must exist in all of us, and I'm not one who believes it. If it does exist in everybody, like certain people say, I'd say 99.999 have an ability to tamp it down. But the simple fact is there's good in the world; there's evil in the world. And when good can thin the evil herd, you do it. And if you're going to go over here and tell me the reasons we shouldn't and claim the moral high ground, I'm going to say that's immoral. To not take this guy out is immoral. To not put water down Khalid Shaikh Mohammed's nose to get information is immoral. They can flip it our way. I'll flip it the back way and just say I don't understand that. That seems crazy to me.

O'REILLY: Yes, you've got to protect the folks. And finally, I was talking to a high-level person in the Obama administration over the weekend. Miller and I were down in Washington causing a lot of trouble. And I did recommend you as a new ambassador for Pakistan. I think that we need to send you there, and you need to be in charge and wise these people up. Are you ready for that?

MILLER: Billy, I understand the Pakistani people. It's like they're crazy. It's like dating Glenn Close. The sex in the elevator is great. Occasionally, they're going to boil your pet rabbit in a stew pot. I get it.

O'REILLY: So can you convince them not to be Glenn Close in the elevator? Is that possible?

MILLER: Yes, I can because I've got some hard things we can use on them. I say we call for a New York City cabbie embargo. None of them get sent over here anymore until they tighten up their ship over there.

O'REILLY: All right. The movie that Miller is referring to is "Fatal Attraction." And the bunny, I think they dropped him in the North Arabian Sea, as well, the bunny, after they cooked him.

MILLER: With Spongebomb.

O'REILLY: Dennis Miller, everybody. A little levity. We need it this week. Serious week.

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