Canadian grocery store shames customers for plastic bag use
A grocery store in Vancouver has introduced plastic bags with embarrassing logos to shame customers into bringing their own reusable ones.
This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld," June 22, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT: Bernie looks crazy, but he always did. But he looks like a tired crazy right now. And Joe Biden, he looks like he's just exhausted. I don't know what happened to him, but he is exhausted. And he doesn't do any work. He's not working.
JOSE DIAZ-BALART, AMERICAN JOURNALIST: A Quinnipiac poll out in Florida says that Sanders, Biden, Warren, Buttigieg right now would beat you.
TRUMP: I know but Buttigieg, you do believe that really? Do you believe it? They also have me losing Texas to Pocahontas. I'm not losing Texas to anybody.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: It's so much fun to read it in Spanish.
(Laughter)
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: Another week, another wonderful learning experience. First, the campaign kickoff in Orlando -- that's in Florida -- where we learned what would happen if Trump deleted one e-mail.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)’
TRUMP: If I deleted one e-mail, like a love note to Melania, it's the electric chair for Trump.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(Laughter)
GUTFELD: I know that feeling. We also learned some history, like does anyone have a higher percentage than your favorite President Donald Trump?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: One person has a higher percentage than you have favorite President Donald Trump. Do you know who that President is? He has got a higher percentage than me and it's devastating. His name is George Washington.
George is at 100 percent, and there's no way I'm going to get there no matter what I tell you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh man, and what about the wall? Is it moving along?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: The wall is moving along. It's moving along rapidly. It's beautiful. I changed the design. It's stronger, bigger, and better and cheaper. You know, sometimes when they don't give you the money, you have to make it cheaper.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: It's true. But do we have to pay?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: You pay for the very distinct privilege of not having to pay, but you had to pay a lot. Now, you don't have to pay any more.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I have no idea what that meant. But I asked, do you need a magic wand?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: You need a magic wand to bring back manufacturing? Well, we'll tell Sleepy Joe that we found the magic wand.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, at least he has a lot of brilliant talented campaign people.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: We have a lot of brilliant talent campaign people, they cost a fortune and they never give me any ideas. I'm only kidding.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know, he's not kidding. It makes you wonder what country you're in.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: MAGA. MAGA country. We are in MAGA country, that I can tell you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That I can tell you. Now as you know, MAGA is no longer the motto. It's now Keep America Great or KAG, which sounds like a Finnish death metal group, and it is a departure.
See, the first motto, MAGA said "Hey, it's time for a change." The new one says, "Let's preserve what we've changed." I can't wait to see the slogan for his third term.
(Laughter)
GUTFELD: Anyway, that's impossible people. It's impossible, but as he throws his first political tailgate, "The Orlando Sentinel," a paper pulled a first, too. An anti-endorsement of Trump even before the Dems have a nominee, meaning they hate Trump so much the Dems could nominate a desiccated zombie raccoon, and they'd go with a dedicated zombie raccoon. But enough about Bernie Sanders.
(Laughter)
GUTFELD: I still think it's a little infantile, much like CNN who after being insulted at the rally actually shut their coverage down, proving how emotional they really are. I'm surprised they didn't shout, "I hate all of you," then run upstairs and slammed their door and fling themselves on the bed sobbing into a cloth pillow. But at least they provided coverage for some creepy stuff.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ, D-N.Y.: The academic definition of concentration camps are targeting a community and putting them in detention camps without a trial. And that's what the Trump administration is doing.
CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Is she right in defining concentration camps? Yes, but do they have a feeling of usage, stained with what happened with the Nazis and the genocide of the Jews? Yes.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So as one side celebrates a country, the other floats in an impervious, idiotic bubble, insulting Holocaust victims and then justifying with some lame semantics.
Again, the contrast. This is Trump --
[VIDEO PLAYS]
GUTFELD: Crazy group. And this is his critics.
[VIDEO PLAYS]
GUTFELD: Now I'm bad at predicting things, but I know this, the side that's having the most fun usually wins. On the Republican side, it's fun; on the Democrats, it's a funk -- a deep dark, smelly bottom of the laundry hamper funk.
(Laughter)
GUTFELD: You know where the socks have already gone stiff. Every candidate staking out the gloomiest vision for our country. So thank heavens, Trump will be live tweeting the debates. How awesome is that?
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: People won't be watching the debates. They'll be watching him watching the debates. The Democrats should be thrilled over this. Fact is, if there's one person who can make Amy Klobuchar or Eric Swalwell, interesting, it's not Amy Klobuchar or Eric Swalwell. It's Trump and his tweet machine.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: It's a special time. But it's hard to see how special it really is when you're in it. It's one of those times that can only be revealed when you're looking back at it decades from now. Lucky for you, I took my time machine to the future and found the perfect product.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TOM SHILLUE, FOX NATION PERSONALITY: Hi. I'm Tom Shillue. You know me as the guy whose face makes you feel safe, but you forget in just a few minutes. Well, I'm thrilled to share with you a collection like no other.
TRUMP: I won't talk about Jeb Bush, I will not say -- I will not say he is low energy. I will not say it. I will not say it.
ANNOUNCER: Now, for the first time ever, all the unforgettable Trump hits are together in one must-have collection, Star Unicorn Entertainment and Greg Life presents "The Best of Trump."
TRUMP: We will build the wall. And who is going to pay for the wall?
CROWD: Mexico.
SHILLUE: Before we go any further, I'd like to introduce my co-host, Kat, Timpf.
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NATION PERSONALITY: Hello, you might recognize me from such films as "Titanic 17: Jack's Revenge." But today, I'm excited to look back on the voice that defined an era.
HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER FIRST LADY: Donald supported the invasion of Iraq.
TRUMP: Wrong.
CLINTON: That is absolute --
TRUMP: Wrong.
CLINTON: Proved over and over again.
TRUMP: Wrong.
CLINTON: He actually --
TIMPF: The "Best of Trump" is great for when you want to have friends over.
SHILLUE: Or if like me, you have no friends but want to relive the old days of the campaign.
TRUMP: I am officially running for President of the United States. And we are going to make our country great again.
SHILLUE: This collection brings back so many great memories, like before my wife left me for Geraldo.
TIMPF: That's right, Tom, and with more than 47,000 hours of content, you'll be transported back to all the most iconic moments. I'm cold.
TRUMP: I think you should let me run the country. You run CNN, and if you did it well, your ratings would be much better.
JIM ACOSTA, CNN CHIEF WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: All right, let me ask you -- if I may ask you one more question.
TRUMP: Okay, that's enough.
TIMPF: Before, if you wanted this much Trump, you'd have to watch the news 24/7 and ignore your family completely.
SHILLUE: Don't I know it, Kat. My son still won't talk to me. But now I can get the greatest Trump moments all in one place. Whenever I want, I can see classics like, "Get him out of here."
TRUMP: All right. Get him out of here, please. Get him out. Out. Out. Go home to mommy.
SHILLUE: How was your nap, Kat?
TIMPF: It was great, Tom.
SHILLUE: You know, it seems like every clip in this set tells a great story.
TIMPF: That's right. Who could forget, bing, bing, bong, bong, bing, bing, bing?
TRUMP: Bing, bing, bong, bong, bing, bing, bing -- you know what that is.
TIMPF: You won't find this collection on CNN.
SHILLUE: You're telling me? You remember, "Where's Nick?"
TRUMP: Nick, where are you Nick? Stand up. Get up here, Nick.
ANNOUNCER: So order Trump Hits today. Call anytime within the next four years and you'll receive a limited edition lock of the President's hair in a tiny glass bottle for no additional charge. Trump Hits. Rated M for MAGA.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
ANNOUNCER: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He has got more guts than a belly flop contest. Former U.S. Marines bomb technician Staff Sergeant Joey Jones.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: He has made more jaws drop than a sexy orthodontist, his comedy special, "I Got the House" is now streaming everywhere, Jim Florentine.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: She is quick with a quip, her glasses are thick, but they're part of her shtick. Host of "Sincerely, Kat" on Fox Nation, Katherine Timpf.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: He is a shoplifter, meaning he can actually lift an entire shop. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: So Joey, what do you make of the campaign kickoff?
JOHNNY "JOEY" JONES, FORMER U.S. MARINES BOMB TECHNICIAN: Well, I loved the video by the way and then the second little cat jumping, that's me getting on an escalator every day of my life.
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, CONTRIBUTOR: Okay, stop, stop, listen.
TIMPF: Yes, we need to let everyone know.
MURDOCH: If anyone jokes about his legs, he is cool with it. Be cool with it with him, just like this.
(Laughter)
JONES: I am a bit of a one-trick pony over here. Listen, if I ever read arguing with Holocaust survivors over the definition of concentration camps, if I ever reached that level of my political career, put you know put a fork in me, I'm done.
That level of stupidity doesn't have any place in American politics which leads me to believe the conspiracy theory that she is an actress that's been hired by the Democratic Party.
(Cheering and Applause)
JONES: I don't know. Where do you come off arguing that this -- anyway?
GUTFELD: So I'd stop there.
JONES: Yes.
GUTFELD: Okay. Jim?
JONES: I don't want to get mad.
GUTFELD: Jim, what did you make of the week so far?
JIM FLORENTINE, COMEDIAN: I thought he was great. I mean a lot -- he got a lot of criticism because he was complaining in the first hour. But, you know, he has every right to complain. I mean, they've been on him -- the Democrats while work with him. You know, the Mueller report was hanging over his head all the time. The media is against him.
The media is almost like a nagging wife. They just pick at him. They look at any little thing -- look at the way he yawned. Could you believe it? You know? So just --
GUTFELD: Spoken just like a man who just got divorced.
FLORENTINE: Yes, exactly. That's why in my comedy specials, I got the house.
GUTFELD: Yes. Did you get the house?
FLORENTINE: Yes, I did get the house, yes.
GUTFELD: Is it a nice house?
FLORENTINE: Oh, yes.
GUTFELD: Well, congratulations.
FLORENTINE: Yes, just call me PD Prenup.
GUTFELD: All right.
FLORENTINE: But anyway, so it was good. You know, just that he got anything done in the first two and a half years is amazing with all of that. I mean, the guy is an animal.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: Kat? I kind of want you to do the movie that you said you were in, which is "Titanic 14"?
TIMPF: Seventeen. Jack's Revenge.
GUTFELD: Seventeen: Jack's Revenge. And I'm excited for that in your future.
TIMPF: I've been writing it. Yes.
GUTFELD: And you make it -- you make an excellent elderly Kat Timpf.
TIMPF: Thank you.
(Cheering and Applause)
TIMPF: So I want to go back to what you were talking about, about AOC and her concentration camp's thing. That was so stupid. I was trying to think of what it was like. So I wrote a bunch of analogies, but I couldn't decide which one I liked best.
So I'm just going to say them all. Okay. That's like saying having a cold is like having cancer. That's like saying your phone dying is like your mom dying. That's like saying that wearing a tie that's too tight is like being beheaded. That's like saying that eating hot soup and having it burn your mouth is like being burned alive while eating hot soup.
GUTFELD: Interesting.
TIMPF: And that's like saying breaking a fingernail is as bad as having a nail in your finger.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: I guess it's hard to pick from those. It's hard to pick.
TIMPF: I don't know which -- I didn't know which one to pick. So they all -- they all made the air.
GUTFELD: Yes. Tyrus.
MURDOCH: I think that's accurate, because there were no one sentence to describe the moronic-ness of what she said.
TIMPF: Right.
MURDOCH: The only thing left is like that's the same thing as saying somebody breaks into your house trips and falls and breaks their neck and you go to jail for murder.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Because that's kind of the same thing.
(Cheering and Applause)
MURDOCH: You know, Trump had a big week, you know, he kicked it off. And we didn't see the Democrats again, like it was -- once he got on the news, the only thing we had going on was they are really mad at Joe Biden for telling how it is.
(Laughter)
MURDOCH: Cory Booker was mad at Joe because Joe told the truth of something that actually happened in historic event, not something that you made up on Twitter. Or, you know, Cory Booker is hilarious to me as one brother to another. I'm all for civil rights and fighting for, you know, our stuff.
But his claim to fame to go after job Joe Biden is he wanted to -- he led the legislation to let everybody know that lynch mob is a crime, it is officially a crime.
Like we didn't already know that if you form a lynch mob, you're going to jail. See you in court.
GUTFELD: By the way, you are prefacing our next segment, which is we are going to talk about that.
All right, you want a sorry from Joe Biden, well, you're not going to get one. That's next.
(Cheering and Applause)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: And now “The Greg Gutfeld Show” presents, the 2020 CAN'T-idates.
GUTFELD: It is a Civil War over being civil. At a fundraiser this week, Joe Biden was talking about the importance of working together even with people you disagree with, like bigots who were also Democrats because that's what you did back then. That didn't go over well.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. KAMALA HARRIS, D-CALIF., PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: To coddle the reputations of segregationists, of people who, if they had their way I would literally not be standing here as a member of the United States Senate is I think -- it's just -- it's misinformed. And it's wrong.
SEN. CORY BOOKER, D-N.J., PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I know that I was raised to speak truth to power and that I should never apologize for doing that, and Vice President Biden shouldn't need this lesson.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Thank you, Spartacus. Of course the media smells blood and asked Biden if he would apologize?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
QUESTION: Are you going to apologize like Cory Booker has called for?
JOE BIDEN, D-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: Apologize for what?
QUESTION: Cory Booker has called for it.
BIDEN: Cory should apologize. He knows better. There is not a racist bone in my body. I've been involved in civil rights my whole career, period, period, period.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That's not how you do it. It's this way.
ANNOUNCER: Period.
GUTFELD: But then Congressman John Lewis, a civil rights legend vouched for Biden.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. JOHN LEWIS, D-GA: I don't think the remarks were offensive, but during the height of the Civil Rights Movement, we worked with people. You get to know people that were members of the Klan, people who opposed them.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: There you go, now, do the other candidates really think Biden is a racist? Probably not. Are they trying to knock Biden out of the top spot? Of course. Did they actually get the point Biden was making about working together is more effective than shunning? Yes, but they don't care. Will someone bring this up on the debate stage next week? We'll see. Should I stop asking and answering my own questions? Yes.
ANNOUNCER: Period.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, you were talking about this at the end. So let's continue. What do you -- do you feel any sympathy for Joe?
MURDOCH: No, there's no reason feel sympathy for him. He was telling them something that actually happened.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: There was a time in this country that we had to work with certain individuals who prefer me serving drinks and not being on camera. That's a part of our history. It's ugly or whatever.
His whole point was, he worked for common good and he passed legislation to stop those type of beliefs because he had to work with them. Find a way.
So people who are legit Joe Crow t-shirt rocking racists who are sitting on the Senate proud to stick it out, he can work with them. And they were the exact opposite of everything that he believed in and his record speaks for itself in terms of that type of stuff.
Joe has been a good dude when it comes to respecting different races and stuff. He could say his ability to work with --
GUTFELD: Except for Indians at 7/11.
MURDOCH: Yes.
GUTFELD: But that's a different story.
(Laughter)
MURDOCH: Yes. It is a different story.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: The point is, he can work with those people in those type of situations and we live in a world today that nobody can work together and it's not even that -- there's not -- there's no issue between the two sides that something as polarizing as civil rights was, and they found a way, but we can't find a way and that's pathetic.
GUTFELD: Yes. What do you make of this Jim?
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: Jim, they're going to just eat him alive, aren't they?
FLORENTINE: They are. The mainstream media is starting to turn on him.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLORENTINE: And it's only a matter of time. Now, they are just going on attacking. Remember they made that pledge, all of the Democrats don't attack each other?
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLORENTINE: And now -- what was that? Three weeks ago? And now, they are just at each other. I love it that they're eating their own.
And no, Joe Biden, he is just -- he doesn't have it. I think he would have probably maybe won in 2016. Now, he looks old. He is flip flopping. He is fumbling his sentence. He's almost like Willie Mays when he played for the Mets.
(Laughter)
FLORENTINE: You know what I mean? It's just like, that's it. You know, Joe Namath when he played for the Rams.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
FLORENTINE: Yes, he is not in his prime anymore.
GUTFELD: Joe Namath. No, Joe Montana when he went to Kansas City.
FLORENTINE: When he played the Chiefs, yes.
GUTFELD: I did a sports analogy.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: Kat, do you see him making it to the nomination?
TIMPF: I don't know. I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. I just think it's so interesting that they are attacking each other so much, especially when people like Bill de Blasio attack him. Who is that for? Right?
Like it's not because you know, it's not going to help him win the nomination. It's probably just going to help Trump eventually win, because they're going to have attacked each other.
It's like, if you're a boxer -- I'm going to do a sports analogy, too, okay.
(Cheering and Applause)
TIMPF: It's like if you're a boxer, and you have to box like 20 something people before getting to your final match and the other dude has just been chilling, it's going to be a lot harder and that's exactly what they're doing.
GUTFELD: That is an interesting boxing metaphor, Joey. Last words to you, thoughts?
JONES: I kind of see this a little different? I mean, Biden would have the opportunity to be the Trump of the Democrats, right? He is like, apologize for what? I'm not sorry. I'm already there. And the problem is, he's been around for too long, right?
So he is too much because he ends it with, you know, the good old boy, his come on, man. It's kind of like Trump's huge, you know, and -- but that's not going to get it.
I think that Democrats democrating Democrats with the fake outrage is exactly what we're seeing. They're turning it on their own and it exposes it because Trump's got the fans for it. Biden doesn't.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know what? I've said this a million times. All Joe is getting is what he's done to other people. He did this to Trump, he did this the Mitt Romney when he said Mitt Romney is going to put you all in chains, so it's kind of like, I feel bad for the guy but at the same time, it's like you got in bed with the smear machine and now the smear machine is screwing you.
All right, up next, are cell phones turning us into Satan? No, but that's a pretty good tease, right?
(Cheering and Applause)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
AISHAH HASNIE, CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Aishah Hasnie in New York. Eleven people are dead after a skydiving plane crashes shortly after takeoff in Hawaii. It happened near Dillingham Airfield on the North Shore of Oahu. An eyewitness as the plane was flying at a low altitude, it skimmed some trees and burst into flames near the airport's perimeter fence. There are no survivors tonight. And Federal investigators are on the scene right now trying to figure out what caused the crash.
President Trump is delaying immigration raids for two weeks. That's after a telephone call from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi requesting that delay.
On Sunday, I.C.E. agents we're going to start to arrest and deport immigrant families in 10 cities. The plan was criticized as heartless by immigration activists and the cities mayors. I'm Aishah Hasnie, now back to “The Greg Gutfeld Show.”
GUTFELD: Can being on the horn make you horny? Literally, horny? A headline in "The Washington Post" scared the crap out of us this week, quote, "Horns are growing on young people skulls and phone use is to blame, research suggests." "Newsweek" called them spikes. Spikes growing from our skulls caused by the forward tilt of the head when we look at our phones. It shifts the weight in your muscles and your spine in your skull and it causes a spiky bone spur. Just a bone spur, not really spikes or horns.
Those headlines were kind of misleading. I was picturing horns, weren't you? Like devil horns maybe? Or ram horns? Yes. Maybe a French horn? Yes. How do you like that growing out of your skull? But perhaps this horn.
[VIDEO PLAYS]
GUTFELD: I really think the music makes it pleasurable.
(Laughter)
GUTFELD: That's why I've been playing in my spa. All right, Jim, I don't know what I meant there. This study could be full of crap because "Reason" magazine is debunking. It said it has more to do with posture, but I don't care that it's false. Because I like this story.
FLORENTINE: I like it, too. I'm into heavy metal music, so that's always the devil's music. So I did want horns for years. You know, so if I get - - it's kind of nerdy though that I'm going to get it from my iPhone 8 horn.
I'd much rather get it from my lust, greed and gluttony lifestyle. That's way cooler.
GUTFELD: You know, Kat. This is just one effect of technology. If you go down the line, social media is turning us into monsters, right? We're less human. Video games are basically killing off sports, which I'm for actually, and pornography is offering you the ability to satisfy your needs without the messiness of human contact. We're just good -- we're turning into cyborgs.
TIMPF: That's okay.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Yes, I mean, I saw this horn story and I should have been concerned seeing as I stare at my phone, literally all day long. And I don't know I probably have the horns. If they're real, I definitely have them.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.
TIMPF: And I don't care because what else am I supposed to look at? The world around me?
GUTFELD: No.
TIMPF: Barf.
GUTFELD: And you can't see your own horns.
TIMPF: I don't understand the downside of being on your phone all the time because phones are much more interesting than most people. Except, except for maybe one.
GUTFELD: Who?
TIMPF: No one downside.
GUTFELD: Okay.
TIMPF: It would make me very easy to kidnap, like I wouldn't even realize it was happening. I would look up like three days later. I'd be like, "Wait, whose dungeon is this?" Surprised that that happened, yes.
GUTFELD: That's good to know for potential kidnappers?
TIMPF: Bring me to your dungeons. I won't even notice. I'd probably would be boring to kidnap though because I just feel like playing "Words with Friends" the whole time.
MURDOCH: Just keep texting her.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Keep texting her. Who is this? I want to know who you are. You could carry her away and it would be great.
GUTFELD: So, Joey, would you mind having some horns?
JONES: Listen, when I read this headline, I'm like, when did the Westborough Baptist Church started doing scientific studies? Right? It will give you horns, you know.
But listen, humans are the only ones that adapt our environment to us, rather than evolve to it, right? We wear jackets instead of real fur. It's proven that we're losing our pinky toes because we wear shoes.
GUTFELD: Thank God for that.
JONES: I'm way ahead of you on that one, by the way.
GUTFELD: My pinky toe is just stupid. You look at your pinky toe, and it's like why?
JONES: Mine is a molded out of rubber and connected to all the others.
GUTFELD: Yes, I forgot.
MURDOCH: You laugh.
GUTFELD: I'm complaining to Joey.
MURDOCH: Shame on you.
GUTFELD: That I don't like my pinky toe.
TIMPF: Oh, my pinky toe, oh.
MURDOCH: Boo that man.
JONES: So when I saw this, I thought they meant like having your phone up there was causing a bone spur, but it's looking down. It's like how did people read books for 2000 years? Did they hold them up here? Like I don't know about that.
GUTFELD: I think that this is not entirely true, Tyrus. However the greater idea that the human -- the human mind or the human body is in communion with technology, we're actually -- we're producing offspring that is a commingling of electronic, of like computers and humans.
MURDOCH: Right.
GUTFELD: I did not drop acid.
MURDOCH: Okay. Listen, I love a good science story, and I'm all for some cool evolution, but this don't even make sense.
If you're leaning forward all the times, shouldn't the horn come out here to be like a kickstand to keep your head up, like it's in the back, it's only pushing it this way and if your little theory would come out, wouldn't it be like our chins just become like a phone holder?
Like that would be like, wow our chins are longer so we can -- you know, so Kat can have more free time with her other hand to drink while she texts.
Like, this type of stuff sounds great, but this is the problem with media today. It's all about the headline. The hell with the facts of the story. One kid's got bad posture and apparently some stuff growing out the back of his neck and the best excuse the parents could come up with was, "Oh, it's from his phone."
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Yes, this sounds like something my mom would have used to ground me.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Yes.
GUTFELD: It's that thing -- it's like -- you know, it's when they always would tell you that you would go blind, right? I mean when you --
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: I didn't even get to finish the line. All right, up next, would an embarrassing slogan on a plastic bag get you to stop using them? Yes, me neither. After that, Joe.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: These stupid nags want your plastic bags. A grocery store in Vancouver -- they have them there -- has introduced plastic bags with embarrassing logos to shame customers into bringing their own reusable ones.
The bags make it look like the items come from places like The Colon Care Co-Op and Dr. Toes Wart Ointment wholesale and Into The Weird Adult Video Emporium. These are popular.
So if these are supposed to be embarrassing. Colin Care, ointment and porn? That's my Wednesday.
(Laughter)
GUTFELD: Especially in the summer with the extra hours. Now, stores in Vancouver are required by law to come up with plans to reduce plastic bags. But people think these bags are funny. So they want to use them.
So here's what you've got to do Vancouver, just say what's actually inside the bag and you're good to go. For example, cheap wine to make the pain go away until your divorce is finalized. She is taking me for everything.
Or assorted lunch meats for my stupid brats, so they will eat at school, they make my life hell, but I still have got to feed them.
A birthday card for someone at work that I can't stand. He smells like vinegar and he never zips his fly to the top. It's almost always three quarters the way but it's never all the way up.
Stuff for the itching and the burning. Mostly the itching, but sometimes it's for the burning, too.
GUTFELD: All right, Kat, would these bags shame you?
TIMPF: No. No. I want all of these bags. Who wants a bag that just says CVS? You know, I thrive and survive on attention.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: And that can be very exhausting. Not only for me, but for all of those around me. It puts a strain on the relationships. And so you're telling me if I go to Vancouver and I don't bring a bag, I don't actually have to do anything for attention? I can just carry it around and people will look at me? I never have to eat soup on Instagram Live again.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: Jim, I like these bags because it's kind of like if you're sitting on a bus. It's way to keep somebody away from you. Right?
FLORENTINE: That's a good idea. Look, I would collect them like baseball cards. I would want every one of them. I would stand outside the supermarket. I'm like, look, I've got two, I got herpes bags. I'm missing the Bestiality rules bag. Can we switch up?
First of all, if you want to get rid of bags, why does every cashier put one item in each bag?
GUTFELD: Yes. That is so true. I end up like with 12 bags and I bought 11 items, Tyrus?
MURDOCH: I believe that. You know, we're missing the point here. This is more of these stores and these companies that are so full of crap when it comes to they care about the environment. They're trying to turn a buck. They're trying to make you buy these stupid reusable bags that you keep having to buy.
If they cared so much about the environment, they wouldn't have plastic bags there. But they don't do that. They are trying to turn a buck.
GUTFELD: Everything in their stores, Joey --
MURDOCH: Two ways they get you. Do you want to donate to such and such thing? And if you say no, everyone looks at you because the button beeps louder if you say no. You notice that if you don't donate. Maybe I don't feel like building camp this year, I already did the other day.
And the thing with the bags. You want 12 bucks for a bag this big that looks horrible?
GUTFELD: And if you don't clean the bags, Joey, the bag that you reuse, you will get salmonella because people are getting sick from the reusable bags because they aren't cleaning them, so they get -- you're like buying - - if you buy like vegetables. I don't, but --
JONES: I don't know. I eat all my food raw. I've never gotten sick, so - -
GUTFELD: Really?
JONES: No, not really.
GUTFELD: Okay.
JONES: But I did kill all my own animals.
GUTFELD: You do kill your own animals. How good of you.
JONES: That's what I got booed about last time I was on here. I love to kill animals and eat them --
GUTFELD: Everybody thinks that the food at the store wasn't killed.
JONES: Yes, yes. They grew that way in plastic. But the thing about these bags and it's the perfect example of the difference between Canada and the United States and so, some Canadian store you know as nice as they could be came up with these and what they underestimated were the thousands of Americans who will fly a thousand miles putting carbon into the atmosphere to do an Instagram story holding one of these bags in Vancouver. And so, come on.
GUTFELD: Think about these. What about all of these aging celebrities with plastic surgery? Will they have to have little insulting sayings on their face? I don't even know what it means.
MURDOCH: No, this surgery in itself is insulting when the human duck walks up to you and go, "Remember me?" And you're like, "Jesus. Stop."
GUTFELD: All right. It's true. Up next. OJ is Twitter and other things I never thought I'd hear myself say.
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: OJ is on Twitter, and he is sounding bitter. OJ Simpson who is famous for something besides football, launched his Twitter account this week with a pretty ominous message after a very friendly greeting, "Hey, Twitter world."
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OJ SIMPSON, FORMER NFL PLAYER: Hey, Twitter world, this is yours truly now coming soon to Twitter, you'll get to read all my thoughts and opinions on just about everything.
Hey, Twitter world. You know, for years, people have been able to say what everybody wanted to say about me with no accountability. But now I get to challenge a lot of that BS and set the record straight.
This should be a lot of fun. I've got a little getting even to do. So God bless.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: And God is like, "Don't drag me into this, OJ." So OJ has already gotten over 700,000 followers, which is weird, given the take offense at everything times we're living in now, especially on Twitter. You think people would see and accuse double murderer there and close out their account in protest.
There's so many other worthwhile things to do with your time. I'd rather be doing this.
[VIDEO PLAYS]
GUTFELD: Yes, that did not go over well. What a mess. All right, Jim. I think this is a bad idea for him because, you know, he is a short temper and you go on and you know, social media is a more concentrated version of real life hostilities. I don't think his short fuse and Twitter is a good mix.
FLORENTINE: No, and when he said, I've got a little even to get you know, some people, I immediately deleted all my OJ jokes on Twitter.
(Laughter)
GUTFELD: He has the time now. He is out.
FLORENTINE: Yes, he does. And then he said -- he goes, I want to set the record straight. Nothing about the murders, about setting that record straight. He just said, listen, I didn't sleep with Kris Jenner.
GUTFELD: Yes, that was it. That's what bothered me.
FLORENTINE: That's what bothered him.
GUTFELD: That's what he --
TIMPF: Not the double murder.
GUTFELD: Not the double murder.
FLORENTINE: That's a rumor that you should keep floating out there.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLORENTINE: Christian or the prime? You know what I mean? I just I wouldn't even acknowledge that.
GUTFELD: Yes. But that bothered him.
FLORENTINE: That bothered him.
GUTFELD: That bothered him. Tyrus, what do you make of this? Should this drive people off Twitter?
MURDOCH: Can I get a close up?
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: OJ, go away. You went to jail for 20 years for taking your own stuff back. You didn't get the hint? You testified then, how'd that work out? Don't talk. Is there any of his lawyers left that are still alive that could text him and say, "Don't talk." Go away.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Bye.
GUTFELD: I don't know, man. You know, Joey --
(Cheering and Applause)
GUTFELD: This is going to -- people are going to love tweeting at him just to get him mad.
JONES: Yes, it's already there. I mean, don't go look at the comments under all of his tweets because it's a rabbit hole that you'll go down for a long time. But what really devastates me about this is that Twitter is 20 years too late.
It's like what if we had Twitter when he was in that Bronco? "Hey, Twitter world, that ain't me in the Bronco." "Hey, Twitter world. I'm not driving, I'm just riding along here right now."
You know it's like -- it is like set the record straight. The legal record is that he is innocent. So what is the setting it straight to?
GUTFELD: Oh, good point.
JONES: So, it's like, you know, dude, take your wins where you have them, I guess. I don't know, but --
GUTFELD: You know, Kat, what if he starts following you?
TIMPF: I don't know, Greg. I ate a lot of rice pudding today. I mean, like a lot of rice pudding.
GUTFELD: Who does that?
TIMPF: Like, apparently, me -- I'm talking multiple servings of rice pudding to the point where it didn't just make me feel bad physically, it made me feel bad emotionally. Like, like really, Kat, you're going to eat all that rice pudding? Like how did you think that you were going to feel good after that? And then I didn't really feel like you know -- I ate so much pudding, I didn't even feel like coming out here.
I'm like, how were these people going to have -- you know, care what I have to say when I can't control myself around rice pudding. You know who doesn't feel that way?
GUTFELD: Who?
TIMPF: OJ.
GUTFELD: Yes, I was trying to figure out where this was going to come? How she was going to tie that that rice pudding.
TIMPF: It was an alarming amount of rice pudding. And I'm having a hard time thinking about anything else. So the rice pudding was going to come into the show at some point.
GUTFELD: All right, I'm glad it was in the OJ segment.
MURDOCH: Well juice does go with rice puddings.
GUTFELD: That is true.
MURDOCH: There you go.
GUTFELD: All right. Don't forget -- don't forget I'm bringing the the "Gutfeld Monologues Live" to the Jersey Shore next month, Saturday, July 20th, Asbury Park, New Jersey. Get your tickets. Go to ggutfeld. com. Stay right there. "Final Thoughts," I hope, next.
(Cheering and Applause)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: "Final Thoughts." It's the last thought. That's why it's called the "Final Thoughts." Okay?
GUTFELD: Joey? Anything?
JONES: Absolutely. I run a veterans transition program -- a camp. It's a week-long at Camp Southern Ground. So if you're a post 9/11 veteran and you would like to go through a week with me and learn how to transition out of the military, go find a job or be happy, campsouthernground.org.
GUTFELD: That's great. Thank you. And Jimmy?
FLORENTINE: I'll be in Dallas, Texas next week at Hyena's Comedy Club and this fall, I'll be in a Creeps with Kids comedy tour with a bunch of other comics.
GUTFELD: Hyenas because they laugh. All right, Kat, what have you got?
TIMPF: Thursday, June 27 at Carolines on Broadway in New York City. Tyrus and me, are going to be there. We're doing a live show. It's going to be fun. Please come. Also, it really was so much rice pudding.
GUTFELD: Yes. All right, you and Tyrus together. You've got to go. All right.
TIMPF: Get tickets.
GUTFELD: Get tickets. All right. Thanks, Joey. Thanks, Jim, Kat, Tyrus. Studio audience. I am Greg Gutfeld, I love you, America.
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