Can this old fella get the nomination, if his beliefs are an abomination?

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," February 23, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.


RACHEL MADDOW, ANCHOR, MSNBC: Joining us now is Congresswoman Maxine Waters, Democratic California, Chair of the Financial Services Committee. Chairwoman Waters, thank you so much for being here tonight. It's really nice to have you here.

REP. MAXINE WATERS, D-CALIF.: She's cutting out.

MADDOW: Oh no.


MADDOW: Can you can you hear me Madam Chair?

WATERS: Not that well.

MADDOW: Uh-oh. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to take a quick break. I'm going to send a bunch of elves over to you to fix the audio and then we'll be back with you in just a moment. We believe we have fixed our technical gremlins. Madam Chair, can you hear me?

WATERS: Barely.

MADDOW: Oh, well, I'll talk loud. We'll hopefully work this out.

WATERS: I don't know what's happening.

MADDOW: Oh, dear. Well, let me try this. Madam Chair, you've been asking for documents and testimony from Deutsche Bank as it pertains to President Trump, basically since he was sworn in. What are you interested in here? What is it that you're investigating there?

WATERS: Rachel, would you repeat that one more time?




GREG GUTFELD, HOST: I'm surprised she didn't blame the Russians.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: What a bad week for the activist press. Smollett, Sandmann, Laura Logan -- the three horsemen of the media apocalypse. They got every reporter pulling out their hair. Well, except for this guy.


GUTFELD: I think he's already moved on to his back. First, there's Nick suing the "Washington Post" for 250 million bucks. It's a lot of money. But think about how much money they made off smearing him. The paper makes 100 million bucks of digital ad sales alone. That's a lot of money, a hundred million dollars. That's more than I make in a year.


GUTFELD: How do they make all that money? Conflict - which brings eyeballs, which makes money, so I say Nick Sandmann, get your piece, you earned it. Without you, how would Chris Cuomo afford his daily waxing?


GUTFELD: At least daily. Now there's Smollett. Like Covington, it began with media ready conflict spiraling into a hate tornado directed at the usual suspects, which is you. Remember, Covington was a white brat in a red hat. Smollett also tapped that hat. Sadly, it turns out his white racists were Nigerian bodybuilders. Check out this pair. Their abs have abs.


GUTFELD: They've got more muscles than a mollusk convention. If I had access to those washboards, I'd be doing laundry every night of the week. Smollett paid them 3,500 bucks to pull off this stunt, yet he makes 60 grand a show. So forget that he's a hoaxter. He's just a cheap [bleep].


GUTFELD: Now these cases along with the Brett Kavanaugh smear, they need to be part of a course. Call it Journalistic Ethics, something to take instead of Intersectional Gender Studies and I know who should teach it.


LAURA LOGAN, JOURNALIST: The media everywhere is mostly liberal, not just in the U.S., but in this country, 85% of journalists are registered Democrats. So that's just a fact, right. No one is registering Democrats when there are rarely a Republican, so the facts are on the side of what you just stated, most journalists are left or liberal or Democrat.


GUTFELD: Talk about speaking truth to power, which is why no one covered it, but us, because when the news embarrasses the news industry, it disappears faster than Taylor Swift's boyfriends. Because once the Emperor's New Clothes are exposed, don't expect the Emperor to tell you about it. The Emperor is busy blaming Fox for eating people's lunches.


DON LEMON, ANCHOR, CNN: Sean Hannity is going to eat Jussie Smollett's lunch every single second. Tucker Carlson is going to eat Jussie Smollett's lunch every single second. The President of the United States is going to eat his lunch --


GUTFELD: I'm getting hungry. So that's the concern. We're going to dine on Smollett, no Lemon, we're dining on you. You believed him because you already believe Donald Trump supporters were racist. Smollett served a purpose for you and you served a purpose for him.

Smollett saw the media for what it was -- suckers -- and I kind of admire it. But if you're only lesson is that Smollett was being used by us as fodder while missing the fact that he made you look like a dumb ass then you truly are a lemon.

Since 2016, these media fail moments have been piling up and the same culprits are at the scene of every crime. It's the activist media, journalists driven by an agenda and the profit maker behind this machine is always conflict.


RYAN YOUNG, NATIONAL CORRESPONDENT, CNN: The idea that racial slurs, and maybe even some of the homophobic slurs being used toward him. You can see how serious this crime is right now.

BROOKE BALDWIN, ANCHOR, CNN: Absolutely despicable.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Smollett in real life is black and gay, which may have been the motivation for a possible hate crime against him in Chicago.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm disgusted by people who wear hats that same MAGA.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't believe Jussie is making this up.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't like that it's being put out there in the media that this is a "possible" hate crime.

BALDWIN: This is America in 2019.


GUTFELD: You wish. Celebs also dove in placing the blame where it belonged. Of course, on Pence.


ELLEN PAGE, CANADIAN ACTRESS: It feels impossible to not feel this way right now with the President and the Vice President Mike Pence who like wishes I couldn't be married. Let's just be clear. Connect the dots. This is what happens. If you we're in a position of power and you hate people and you want to cause suffering to them. You go through the trouble. You spend your career trying to cause suffering. What do you think is going to happen?


GUTFELD: She should know. I tried to sit through her last movie. That's suffering.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Anyway, I wonder if Colbert will have her back on to discuss how Pence didn't help create a crime that didn't exist. Meanwhile, we all here held our tongues even though the story stank like the bathroom after curry night at the rest home.

I mean, Trump supporters stalking the Chicago streets in subzero temperatures at 2:00 am carrying a noose running into some nobody actor on a show they don't watch and somehow recognizing him? Then beating him up without taking his wallet, phone or sandwich.

This seems it's possible. It's me being hired as a babysitter. They didn't even take a sandwich. This seemed as possible as me being hired as a babysitter.


GUTFELD: They didn't even take his sandwich. It was a Subway and they're delicious. Maybe that Smollett's next gig, Subway spokesman. It's a step up from Jared. By the way, he paid the Nigerians with a check. I mean, who still writes checks? Maybe your aunt on your birthday? Thanks for the card, Aunt Edna and the $10.00, but Smollett was the perfect victim for a media that wanted this so badly to be true.

So why are these hoaxes so common? Here's my thinking. All of those folks who went to college in the last decade or so are now employed in the media, and they brought with them the victimhood virus they were infected with on campus. The virus makes you stupid, na<ve, gullible, did I say stupid? Yes, I did. Anyway, some people are sad Smollett was a hoax. Not me, I'm always thrilled when a hate crime turns out to be false.

Which means I'm thrilled a lot. It means that we aren't as racist as the media wants us to be. And we live in a country where hate crimes have to be made up because the demand for hate crimes exceeds the supply. But if you're still sad, this was a hoax, it is only because it exposes how your activist bias set you up as a willing stooge.

The media owns this story. It's like they took a course on it.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Attention news professionals. Do the traditions of objective reporting bore you? Are you hungry for the profits that come with agenda driven headlines? Then send your journalist to the Blame, Insinuate Accuse Seminar.

KATHERINE TIMPF, HOST: Now, I'm going to show you some headlines and you're going tell me how you would rewrite them for maximum profit. Okay, here's the first one. "Snow storm expected to blanket North East."

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "Whites ski the rest freeze as snowstorm reveals weather inequality."

TIMPF: Nice. All right, here's another one. "Midwest man wins Mega Millions jackpot."

SALLY: Oh, "Man wins lottery -- No surprise to the 3.2 billion women who didn't win the lottery."

TIMPF: Snappy. I love it. Sally, you're a natural. All right. How about this one. "World War II vet celebrates 95th birthday."

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "Elderly white lifelong Republican voter turns 95 thanks to Russian collusion."

TIMPF: Nailed it. All right. Next one. "Church youth group holds bake sale for flood victims."

SALLY: "Extremists use religion to poison victims with heart-clogging toxins."

TIMPF: Yes. Okay. "Multi-car accident on Toronto freeway."

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "Multi-car accident on Toronto freeway only in Trump's America."

TIMPF: "House fire in Australia injure seven house."

SALLY: "House Fire in Australia injure seven only in Trump's America."

TIMPF: "Volcano erupts in Brazil, many injured."

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: "Volcano erupts in Brazil. Many injured only in Trump's America."

TIMPF: Yes, you all passed with flying colors. I am so proud of you. Now get out there and do some journalism.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's the Blame, Insinuate, Accuse Seminar -- locations everywhere. Call today.

(Cheering and Applause)


GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. If your symptoms are chronic, he's got the tonic. Host of the radio show "Dr. Drew Midday Live," Dr. Drew Pinsky.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: This man really got Bin Laden to open up. Former Navy SEAL, Rob O'Neill.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: She is only happy when she's feeling crappy. Host of "The Tyrus and Timpf Podcast," Kat Timpf.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: And the last time he blew out birthday candles, they had to call the Fire Department, former WWE superstar, massive sidekick, host of "UnPC," Tyrus.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Dr. Drew, you're a doctor or so you say, I haven't actually seen your diploma. Has America turned into one big church of victimhood? What's going on?

DREW PINSKY, HOST, "DR. PINSKY MIDDAY LIVE": Not only that, we have such - - we get such credibility from being a victim, people want to be a certain kind of victim so badly we're actually seeing a little epidemic of these kinds of hoaxes. They all have the same kind of construct to them, which is people want to be a victim of these things because it gives them status.

GUTFELD: Right, it's actually - for this guy it's better to be a victim than actually a being a star of a show. That's insane.

PINSKY: It's strange how -- however, I've been doing a lot of thinking about this guy. He had an album dropping like a day after this whole thing, and it was all about exactly what happened to him in Chicago. And I wonder if there was something. Even he -- listen to this, even he was shocked at how crazy the media got with the story.


PINSKY: I think that might be the case.

GUTFELD: All right. Rob, what's your take on this?

ROB O'NEILL, FORMER NAVY SEAL: I am a straight white kid from Beau, Montana who could probably be on the cover of "Decent Shape" magazine. So I have never -- I have never been the victim of a hate crime. I've never seen it. But for someone to -- it's one thing to screw up, which I don't think happened. It's another thing to make it happen.

A hoax like this that takes away from actual hate crimes where real violence in Chicago is a problem, real people who are gay or transgender getting beat up. It's a shame because now, was this real? Or is someone making this up? And I don't think personally, he did it like they're saying for salary. I think he did this because he hated Trump so much. Maybe we can make them all racist to make people hate Trump more.

It just -- I mean, it might sound ridiculous. But how ridiculous. I'm impressed that he got beat up and held on to his sandwich.


O'NEILL: I mean, I've been in fights before. That's the first thing I'd drop.

GUTFELD: Yes. Although I would -- I would beat them with the meat.


O'NEILL: Well played, sir.

GUTFELD: By the way. That can't be policed. Thank you. Kat, I'm being applauded for some strange sentence.


TIMPF: No, I'm just - this whole thing confuses me. I love attention. Like, I love it so much that it pushes people away. However, I don't fake a racist, homophobic attack on myself love attention. Like, hasn't he heard of just like posting a selfie on Instagram? Or like starting a fight with your boyfriend? Or pretending to be pregnant? These are all better ways. Or maybe like learning to ride a unicycle because you know what? That's the only reason anyone learns to ride a unicycle, Greg.

GUTFELD: That's true.

TIMPF: They have invented bikes with two wheels.

GUTFELD: That is true. That is true. We're going to -- don't sit -- unicycle writers, send the letters to Kat.

TIMPF: You're doing it for the attention, guys.


GUTFELD: Yes. Tyrus?

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Smearing the unicyclists. Tyrus, what are your thoughts?

MURDOCH: Besides the fact that you literally -- great monologue, by the way.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

MURDOCH: But you certainly got really creepy in there. Literally, every time you made a great point, he slid in something creepy. Did anyone stuck on the whole, "Don't let me babysit your kids," was that a mission? A cry for help? Like, what the hell, Greg?

GUTFELD: I hate kids.

O'NEILL: Hey, Tyrus, that was as creepy as him saying he is going to beat the meat out of my sandwich.

MURDOCH: That's what I am saying like he will say something like, "You know, we should all be unified together, and then unify in my basement." Like he says really creepy things.

GUTFELD: That's my thing.

MURDOCH: And this is my segue. We don't have the explosion from, you know, "Tyrus and Timpf" but if you subscribe.

TIMPF: Podcast.

PINSKY: Nice plug.

MURDOCH: I was - I talk to Dr. Drew a lot about this, Dr. D -- you said, I'd call you that. I was trying to figure out why he did this. Why did he -- they mentioned salary and this whatever. And I've actually witnessed this behavior quite often in my own life in my own home. My four-year-old daughter.

GUTFELD: Really?

MURDOCH: She'll be running in the yard back and forth and I'll be having to do work yeah, maybe watching ESPN report on my phone or whatever. And she'll fall. Like, "Uh, Daddy my leg," and I'll be like, "Oh, what happened?" A shark.


MURDOCH: And then will look at me and I'm like, "A shark." "And a dinosaur."


MURDOCH: What do we do? What do we do? "I don't know. They killed me to death." "Oh, my poor baby." And then I give her a hug, and guess what? Where's the shark? "I think they left, daddy. I think we're good now."

GUTFELD: She just wanted to hug?

MURDOCH: He did the [bleep] for a hug. He should have paid those guys $3,500.00 to hug on you.

GUTFELD: Oh, my god.

PINSKY: How about the check by the way? I think he must need a vinyl also.


PINSKY: Check the vinyl. This maybe a new thing.

GUTFELD: We have to roll, but I do believe that it has a lot to do with naivete. The people in media right now are coming from the campus and they can't -- everybody here, Dr. Drew, Rob military, Kat libertarian, Tyrus --

MURDOCH: Watch your mouth.

GUTFELD: Tyrus streetwise. None of you believed this story. None of you believed this story --

PINSKY: Immediately.

GUTFELD: But stat people that work at MSNBC and CNN in their newsrooms bought it. They bought it --

PINSKY: And ran with it.

GUTFELD: Exactly. All right, we've got to move on because we have so much to share with you. It's the return of the burn, and no, we're not talking about that infection I got in Mazatlan.

(Cheering and Applause)


GUTFELD: Can this old fella get the nomination if his beliefs are an abomination? Add Bernie Sanders to the island of crazy oddities, looking for the Democratic nomination. He's been in politics forever, and hasn't combed his hair in 35 years.

Look, Bernie is a white guy in his 70s, which for the Democrats is worse than worshipping Satan. But he almost beat Hillary in the 2016 primary. So maybe he thinks he can get the nomination if she's not running. I mean, who else could do it? Kirsten Gillibrand, who's paying attention to her?


SEN. KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND, D-N.Y.: I don't think you should back away from the bold ideas that the base and the grassroots care about. Sorry ma'am.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Sorry, I just wanted to get some Ranch.

GILLIBRAND: Sorry, go ahead.



GUTFELD: It would have been better if she had asked Gillibrand for the Ranch. Pro tip, don't ever be the candidate standing in the way of Ranch Dressing. It's the best -- it's the best dressing ever. And what about Joe? He told an audience in Germany that America was an embarrassment. His biggest asset is that he's only stupid.

Now, the nomination could end up going to a crunchy old socialist who happens to own three homes. Yes, three homes, that's three more homes than Kat who still lives in a garage?


GUTFELD: Yes, but it'd be fun to watch him versus Trump. What do you think Bernie?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And its tendency to focus on side issues.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There's a lady who is sure. All that glitters is gold. And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: People in the audience as they approach the book might be interested in knowing --

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When she gets there, she knows if the stores are all closed with the word she can get what she came for.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And I just love you. I want to ask just a couple of things about your early life.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, and she's buying Stairway to Heaven.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What will Democrats do now that you are responsible? And in the leadership?

(Cheering and Applause)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure because, you know, sometimes words have two meanings.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There are so many people who say young people are only activists, because they are millennials who are idealistic and think it is cool.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I believe, I have gas. Oh, I never should have had that three-bean salad, always comes back. Why not just have two beans, always the three beans. Oh, my God. I hope that's just gas. Maybe they'll think Pelosi did it.


GUTFELD: Yes. All right, Rob --

O'NEILL: Yes, sir.

GUTFELD: Does he still have the Mojo that he had in 2016?

O' NEILL: Well, everyone is trying to get on board with the socialism thing because they put their name in front of Democratic socialism, which is a bunch of nonsense, too, but I am just saying they were bragging about what? $8 million a few minutes when he announced his candidacy. He better be given 70% of the Trump campaign because let's share the wealth a little bit.

GUTFELD: That is true.

O' NEILL: You know what I am saying? That's what it is all about, and like the $300,000.00 on private airfare last month. It's easy to be a socialist when you're living like a capitalist, man.

GUTFELD: No, that's the only way to do it. What do you think, Kat, as a libertarian? Are you scared that this could - we could have a socialist President/

TIMPF: Well, I love Bernie supporters. They're like, "I will not rest until every business in the country has zero dollars." I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the Democratic socialist acting like they're so altruistic, like, "Oh, look at us. We want to give you this, you want to give you this, we want to give you this. Not like those mean Republicans. No. They want it you to be sick, and they want you to be hungry. And then they want to kill your grandma. And then they want you to die after you watch grandma die."

It's like, no, in order to give you something, you have to actually own that first. They're not giving away their own stuff, right? If your boyfriend takes you out to dinner, and buys you a present ...


O' NEILL: Which happens only now.

TIMPF: You would probably be very happy unless you found out that he used your credit card to pay for it --

MURDOCH: Here we go.

TIMPF: Which is only acceptable if you are nine and that person is your mother, and you made it on construction paper or whatever. But no, it's -- I'm sick of them pretending that it's about generosity. It's not about generosity. It's about control. It's about big government. And it's about taking from people not giving.

GUTFELD: I agree.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Tyrus, the illusion is that government services are free and the socialists are actually giving it to you when in fact it's taking from the free market.

MURDOCH: Yes, that's deep. That's great, Greg. The illusion is the media and they go back -- America does not walk around trying to be victims. We talked about it about earlier. The media is painting victims and expect the American people to buy into it and the Smollett thing just prove that we're still not buying that.


MURDOCH: Bernie Sanders is a legit contender despite CNN and the other left leaning media's best efforts. They are pitching this magnificent Group of Seven young candidates who are coming in. And then Bernie announced and raised $6 million in 24 hours. Then they said, well, let's list how much the other guys made.

Kamala, not bad. It took her about a week, she got about $2 million. So she's strong. After that. About $6.00 or $7.00, $16.00. I think Pocahontas owes money. And that goes against their message. It was supposed to be this new left because that's the only way they feel that they can. So you watch how this goes down.

This is going to be a boring time for President Trump and I don't know if he is going to be able to handle it.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.

MURDOCH: Because they're going to be going after Bernie Sanders for everything because he's not what they want.

GUTFELD: That's true.

MURDOCH: And that's going to be the fun story is how they keep throwing things at Bernie though, all kinds of little stories going to leak about him. There's going to be all these anonymous tips about Bernie's behaviors. And maybe there's a fourth house out there we don't know about. A little bastard house somewhere. I mean, a little cabin.

GUTFELD: The fourth house in his hair, Tyrus.

MURDOCH: Maybe he is out with Greg Gutfeld on weekends. Like we don't, we don't know. But I guarantee you there's going to be some stuff.

GUTFELD: I did meet him at a party.

MURDOCH: Here we go.

GUTFELD: I've got to get to Dr. Drew. Last word on this.

PINSKY: In two years, old white male becomes completely a non-contender. Just being an old white male.

GUTFELD: I would say no. I would say no.

PINSKY: No, I'm saying, he was a contender two years ago. Two years goes by, just being an old white male takes him out. That's it.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

TIMPF: It's against their religion.

GUTFELD: Up next. What kind of nicknames will Trump have for 2020 candidates? Stick around and we pretend to have answers. That's next.

(Cheering and Applause)


ANITA VOGEL, CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Anita Vogel. Billionaire Warren Buffett telling shareholders in its annual letter Saturday to continue betting on the American economy. Buffett says his company, Berkshire Hathaway, has prospered by doing just that. He says, he hasn't found any major deals at attractive prices lately, which is why Berkshire Hathaway currently has about $130 billion in cash and short-term investments. Buffett's letter is always well-read in the business world because of this remarkable track record.

Two top Defense officials taking a tour of the U.S.-Mexico border Saturday. Acting Defense Secretary Patrick Shanahan and Joint Chiefs Chairman, General Joseph Dunford getting a close-up look of a stretch of the 18-foot border wall, as well as Border Patrol vehicles used for surveillance. Shanahan also test fired a couple of weapons including a plastic one. I'm Anita Vogel. Now back to "Greg Gutfeld."

GUTFELD: It's the unwanted fame have a Trump nickname. The "Associated Press" is reporting President Trump is working on labels for the 2020 candidates and it's testing them out on advisers before he reveals them publicly. I'm so excited.

New nicknames. It's like waiting for a rich relative to die. I know, I don't feel really that good about it, but there is that payoff. Let's remember some of his most memorable monikers.


DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT: I've given my answer Lying Ted, I've given my answer.

Jeb Bush is a low-energy person.

More energy tonight, I like that.

Crooked Hillary.

She is Crooked Hillary Clinton.

Don't worry about Little Marco.

I've got more Indian blood in me than Pocahontas.

Sleepy Joe Biden.

Crazy Bernie.

Da Nang Dick.

Lying Ted. Lying Ted. What's your name? My name is Lying Ted Cruz.

I never attack him on his look, and believe, there's plenty of subject matter right there. That I can tell you.


GUTFELD: So he didn't even give them a nickname, but said he could. You remember how many Republican candidates he had to work through to get that nomination? He picked them all off one little Marco at a time. Nicknames helped him. They're short they get in your head and they work.

For more, we go to our junior corresponded, Susie. Susie, how are the Democrats reacting to this news.




GUTFELD: All right, Tyrus, you've changed your name many times.

MURDOCH: That's personal, yo. What are you talking about? I got bored.

GUTFELD: You know what's weird about Trump, is that he can choose a nickname that isn't obvious until it is. Do you know what I mean?

MURDOCH: Not just that. That's a new story?


MURDOCH: That's what somebody brought to the desk and said breaking news. You didn't need a reporter or a source to know that he's going to call somebody names, but it came up. Man, whatever.

GUTFELD: But it's new. It's a first.

MURDOCH: Yes, you know what --

GUTFELD: You don't like the story, Tyrus? Would you like me to do something else?

MURDOCH: No, because this is what I am talking about where they always talk about it and when there's nothing -- just wait for it.

GUTFELD: He's fun.

MURDOCH: Wait, guys. He is speaking of dissing somebody who is running against him? I didn't need "The Hill" for that.


MURDOCH: I can't turn around anytime he speaks and if you say something you know like, he's going clown you.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know --

MURDOCH: He is a habitual name caller. We don't need breaking news. Guess what?

GUTFELD: Yes, I'll tell you what, you know, Doc, if he was around in the past, he would have called Abe Lincoln, Grave Abe.

PINKY: Oh, yes he would.

GUTFELD: He would have called George Washington, Gums.

PINKY: Or Woody.

GUTFELD: Or Woody. Woody is good.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Do you have a nickname, Dr. Drew?

PINSKY: I know you won't use this but I just thinking, "In the goal for the Capitol, it's Klobuchar tonight."

GUTFELD: Klobuchar. Speaking of Klobuchar. News came out that she didn't have a fork on the plane and used her comb to eat her salad. Comey Klobuchar.

PINSKY: There you are.

TIMPF: I love egg salad.

GUTFELD: Do you?

PINSKY: You tweeted about it before we got in here?

TIMPF: I did. I really like egg salad.

GUTFELD: It doesn't love me. Why did you bring that up?

MURDOCH: I love long walks in beach with my grandmother. What the hell? What's the matter?

TIMPF: Because that's the kind of salad she was eating.

GUTFELD: Oh was she eating egg salad?

TIMPF: Yes, it was egg salad.

GUTFELD: That's even more disgusting.

TIMPF: Yes, get a mayonnaise comb.

GUTFELD: Who eats egg salad on a plane? Because there's sulfur.

TIMPF: It's rude.

GUTFELD: I know. Where are we in this segment, Kat?

TIMPF: I don't know.

GUTFELD: Nicknames.

TIMPF: I'm just jealous that Trump doesn't have a nickname for me.

GUTFELD: Yes, well, of course it has to be about you.


GUTFELD: All right, Kat Timpf. How about sad Kat.

TIMPF: Sad Kat. I was thinking Spongebob Arms would be a good one.

GUTFELD: No, because he doesn't do physicality. He won't do physicality.

MURDOCH: Because he's smart.

GUTFELD: Yes, he thought slow energy was brilliant slow -- low energy, but he didn't say -- he didn't say you were lazy. He said low energy. He doesn't like to look at the physical stuff so --

PINSKY: Keep talking. It's Spongebob. It's Squidworm.

TIMPF: Squidward.

PINSKY: Squidward.

MURDOCH: Squidward.

TIMPF: I'm just trying to figure out which Nickelodeon cartoon character my body most resembles.

GUTFELD: It has to be something that the audience gets immediately and then it's and then it translate. What about you, Rob?

O'NEILL: Well, I was talking to a friend of mine that works for Fox, I don't want to name drop, so we'll call them Dieter Boozy. But we said that Kamala Harris was apparently smoking weed to Snoop Dogg and Tupac before they had albums, so we can we can start calling her Run DNC. Not too bad, right? Yes, that works.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: But it's --

PINSKY: Hasher Harris.


PINSKY: Hasher Harris.

GUTFELD: Yes, so it can't be clever. It has got to be -- you know what I mean?

MURDOCH: You're listening to -- like, let's listen to Blunt Lady. Like it's that simple. They've obviously never picked on people before. It's not that deep, guys. When I have someone who I hate the vest, what's up? That means his vest is unattractive.

GUTFELD: I got it.

MURDOCH: Hey, shortness, you've got to something to say to the rest of us?

GUTFELD: Yes, I do. Cannabis Kamala.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: You can have that, Donald. We're on a first name basis, until he kills me. Do I have any other nicknames?

MURDOCH: You personally? Yes, you've got a ton. You've got more than the devil.


GUTFELD: All right, it's all right. They're yelling at me. Up next, the Alabama lady who joined ISIS and now wants to come back.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Bolshevik Bernie. Still thinking these great things up. All right, she incited attack, but now wants to come back. I speak of Hoda Muthana, born in Jersey, raised in Alabama. And in 2014 left for Syria to join ISIS.

She was 19 back then. Got married three times, all to ISIS scum. Had a kid with one of them. Got on Twitter. Encouraged killing Americans. But hey, she was only 19. We all did crazy things back then.

But now the husbands are dead and she and her baby are stuck in Northern Syria and crazy thing, she wants to come home because yes, even New Jersey is better than a Syrian detention camp.

Too easy. I love Jersey. But what about those tweets?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Go on drive-bys and spill all of their blood or rent a big truck and drive all over them. Veterans, Patriots, Memorial Day -- kill them.

HODA MUTHANA, ISIS BRIDE: It's crazy. I can't even believe I thought of that. Really. It's the more I gained knowledge, the more I knew that it wasn't correct.


GUTFELD: Well, Trump had his own tweet saying, now way. The State Department says she's not a citizen and can't come back. Turns out her dad is a foreign diplomat, so she can't get citizenship. Her pop has already filed a suit. They want her to return and face America's justice system. People's court. I wonder what Hoda thinks her punishment should be. Therapy lessons?


MUTHANA: Maybe there'll be lessons, maybe a process that will ensure us that we will never do this again.

Jail time, I don't know if that has an effect on people. I need help mentally as well. I don't have the ideology anymore. But I just traumatized from my experience.


GUTFELD: She's traumatized. But should you be allowed back? What do you think Cockatoo Corey?


GUTFELD: Cockatoo Cory. Nickname. Cory Booker. Cockatoo Cory. All right.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: I just came up with it. Thank you. All right, Rob. The problem America is we don't forgive, but we forget. In three years, she will be doing commentating on some networking and dating Kevin Federline.

O'NEILL: I have -- I have no doubt she's traumatized because that was back in a time when it was romanticized to go join ISIS and be part of the Caliphate. She did see a lot of bad stuff there. She is a terrorist. It's a question -- she may not be a citizen here in the first place, her son certainly is not.

But then you have to ask yourself, how do we get into -- how did she get there exactly? What's the process of getting through Turkey? She'll know some of the faces and names of the people who were trying to get back here through the southern border or through the northern border back to Europe and other things. She can probably let us in a little bit on some of the tactics that ISIS uses.

And also, if we're going to defeat this radical Islamic ideology, we need Muslims. We need people who -- people have had the experience of going there, seeing what it is, seeing what they actually do, wondering what it's like living under -- it's not a lot of women love living under Sharia law. Some of them that do get elected to Congress. That's another story altogether. But --

GUTFELD: That's an interesting thing point. Doc, I'd like to see her in her first job interview in America. It's like your previous experience? "Well, I was at ISIS."

PINSKY: Mail order bride.


PINSKY: Yes, I mean there's no doubt she was terrorized and no doubt she's traumatized. And no doubt, she needs some trauma therapy and not therapy as some sort of compensation or some sort of reason that she's punished but if she can be useful the American government, I mean, that makes sense to me. I'm a pragmatist so --

O'NEILL: Well, I would, too. I mean, I don't need to send her right to the gallows, but she needs to be punished. Therapy, come on.


GUTFELD: Sanctuary city.


PINSKY: Come to California. It's a sanctuary city.

GUTFELD: San Francisco.

PINSKY: Sanctuary state.

GUTFELD: She moves in. She lives with Pelosi.

PINSKY: But she's a dangerous person.

O'NEILL: Definitely.

PINSKY: She's a dangerous person.

O'NEILL: She is definitely a dangerous person. She might not be telling the truth anyway. She just did a bad player. It turns out Syria is not a good place to live in.

PINSKY: Really? Wow. I was planning on moving.


PINSKY: But is it possible she could be a counter agent if you guys --

O'NEILL: Possibly. I mean, triple agents are used all the time. That's how we lost some of the three letter agency base because someone says I found this guy, so bring us in, but don't worry about patting us down. I mean it's tough to tell, but if you can get anything out of her, like I said some people believe it or not, terrorists are trying to come into the country through Mexico.


O'NEILL: If she can pick some of them out, some of these bad actors. That could help. We don't need to set her free, but maybe she will give a message that the radical version of Islam is bad. Who knows?

GUTFELD: All right, we've got to move on. Tyrus?

MURDOCH: I think what -- his first part of state was tremendous. I mean, it was -- America if anything we're not about redemption and the fact that she could help, not to mention that that ugly story that the world likes to paint about the Americans, to show that we know what the alternative is for her yeah and we know that that life over there is not where you want to be.

And even though she's bad and she's made mistakes, she said terrible things about our country. America, we can find a way for redemption. We bring her in, and maybe she goes to jail and that's exactly what you talked about. But it's hard to say you hate America, when they're like well they did help that one woman and her child -- so I think, I couldn't agree with you more. I think what you said was amazing. And more people need to have that mindset because I had to listen to, "Here's America, Jack, and if you come, this American, she needs to die." I'm like you're going to pull the trigger?



MURDOCH: I'm still -- I'm still ...

GUTFELD: I have a hard time believing because the ideology is so strong and maybe -- and also, I'm not sure I believe in second chances when you join -- okay, ISIS didn't start as just a little fun group. It started with beheadings and she was advocating the death of innocent people, Kat, and you also know that once she gets famous, she's going to have an entourage and like people are going to try to date her and that she's going end up on TMZ.

TIMPF: Probably.

GUTFELD: And you're going to be very mad about that.

TIMPF: No, I can't be mad. This is a very feel good story for me.

GUTFELD: Really?

TIMPF: Yes. Because I may have dated a lot of losers, but I never dated even one guy in ISIS.

GUTFELD: And she dated three.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: That you know of. That you know of.

MURDOCH: Way to go, Kat.

TIMPF: Yes, all of these guys --

MURDOCH: That is bad, high five. Date nights -- I'm so proud of you.

TIMPF: All of these guys with no jobs don't seem so bad when they're compared to a guy who works, but works at ISIS and she wants to come back. Yes, no [bleep] it's [bleep] ISIS. That's why you ever hear them say, "ISIS is bad," that's why people say that.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.

TIMPF: She can never come back. It's not like stole candy, she's a terrorist.

GUTFELD: And you know what, the one thing -- we've got to go. Even though she may not have killed anybody she claims she didn't, by being there, she probably did some occupations that allowed the freedom for somebody else to do the killing, like I'll be home at prepare our dinner while you behead. So she is an accessory to one of the worst crimes of my lifetime.

I mean, this is as close as you get to Nazi Germany was what ISIS did and I do think that -- this is one area where I can't even say what I think. Up next. France has invented a new sport, so you know it's going to suck.

(Cheering and Applause)


GUTFELD: Fencing has you bored, then pick up a laser sword. The French Fencing Federation or FFF has added "Star Wars" inspired lightsabers dueling to its list of officially recognized competitive sports. The organization, FFF, like the U.S. Border Patrol hopes renewed interest in fencing.


GUTFELD: Current lightsaber technology hasn't quite caught up to the movies. So for now, we'll have to make do with LED tubes. But because kids today are playing less sports, the Federation hopes this crap will get them moving. I guess, it beats the heck out of this.


GUTFELD: Tyrus, what are your thoughts on this?

MURDOCH: I love it. I think it's great. Fencing is like an old guard. The sport has kind of fallen back into like, like, really, really rich people do to their brat kids they don't want to see. So I think it's cool. I think it opens up. I wouldn't mind seeing lightsabers at the Olympics. Why not?

GUTFELD: Kat, you are a big fan of "Star Wars." So this must be right up your alley.

TIMPF: Right. Yes, so there's a nerd Olympics now, essentially, where all these nerds can just poke at each other with their nerd sticks and that's a sport. Okay, I guess there's one good thing about this and that is that all these Star Wars super fans will finally have a reason to come out of their mom's basements.

However, I'm a little concerned about all the Cheeto dust that's going get on all the equipment because these people do not eat anything that does not come out of a vending machine.

MURDOCH: I know we've got to move on. Real quick, could you describe what a nerd looks like to me, Kat? Like skinny, glasses? What else?

TIMPF: Like somebody who has seen "Star Wars." I've never seen "Star Wars." I'm far too cool.


GUTFELD: Why did you -- why are you doing this? You just reignited a hate club that is going to come after you.

MURDOCH: Nerd on nerd crime is fine. It won't affect us.

TIMPF: I may have done that, yes.

O'NEILL: I think it's nice that the French are getting good at fake weapons because they [bleep] suck at the real ones.

(Cheering and Applause)

PINSKY: Oh, I would say while Kat's ex-boyfriends may have not come from ISIS, you could find them wielding a lightsaber sword.

MURDOCH: Paid for by Kat.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Everybody can invent sports. I invented a sport called Greg ball. That's where I have a ball and you pay me $100.00 and I give it to you. It's also stickball and racquetball, but it's the same concept with the racket or the stick. I'm going to shut up now because frankly, I'm boring myself. Don't forget the "Gutfeld Monologues Live," it continues next weekend in Florida. Tickets are still available for Sunday, March 3rd in West Palm Beach. Go to for ticket info. "Final Thoughts" are next.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Final thoughts. It's the last thought. That's why it's called the final thoughts, okay.

GUTFELD: Dr. Drew, final thoughts.

PINSKY: Go Check out my new podcast "Dr. Drew After Dark." My wife would kill me if I didn't promote that.

GUTFELD: Your wife is a hardcore promoter.

PINSKY: And I'm on their podcast now.

TIMPF: Yes, "Tyrus and Timpf."

GUTFELD: You're wasting our time. Rob?

O'NEILL: Check out We transition veterans to the private sector and get them really good jobs there. And then when you see a veteran out in the airports, pick up his meal, buy him a beer.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Also, if you see me, pick up a dinner for me. I'm not a veteran, but I really do fight for this country, Rob. Some say I'm actually kind of a bigger hero than you.

O'NEILL: Sure, sure.

GUTFELD: He is going to kill me. It doesn't matter. Thanks to Dr. Drew Pinsky, Rob O'Neill, Kat, Tyrus, and studio audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

(Cheering and Applause)

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