CAIR chapters campaign to stop Israeli operation in Gaza

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," July 23, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle, along with Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld.

It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."


GUILFOYLE: Secretary of State John Kerry landed in Israel today as the country continues its campaign to dismantle Hamas. While Israel has attempted to avoid civilian casualties, even going so far as to announce their bombing targets, Hamas has turned pools and hospitals into military command posts. Now, instead of condemning this deplorable action by Islamic fundamentalists, the Council on American Islamic Relations is calling for Israel to stop their military action.

CAIR's rhe reaction is a far cry from Rush Limbaugh who leveled this serious charge against the Hamas terror group.


RUSH LIMBAUGH, RADIO HOST: Here we have the modern day Nazis, the Palestinians, Hamas, you name it, are the modern day Nazis, where the Jews are concerned. Here you have a whole region full of them, and nobody will utter the word that describes the ideology of the Islamic jihad, which is anti-Semitism.


GUILFOYLE: All right. Rush Limbaugh always making provocative statements.

Let's take it around the table and get your reaction.

We'll begin with you, Mr. Beckel.

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Well, it's nice it's Rush. We rarely see him. But I'm also glad to see he's picked up on something I said a couple days ago. And I'll say it, Rush, it is anti-Semitism. They want to get rid of the Jews. They want to exterminate the Jews in the Middle East. So, it is Nazism.

I think that -- look, I don't know how much farther Israel can go to try to protect innocent civilians in Gaza and how much farther Hamas can go to put them in harm's way.

At some point, the American media particularly and others, and CAIR -- I mean, who cares what CAIR says?

But anyway, CAIR, you really -- if you want to be a serious organization, if you really want to be a serious organization, can you please condemn these Nazis from doing what they're doing? Can you please do that? They started this thing. They're the ones who have to be cleaned out, and you sit back and blame Israel. A pox on your house.

GUILFOYLE: Bolling, should it matter?

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Well, maybe we should start with President Obama. President Obama has literally and figuratively been bowing to Muslims since he took office. The White House declared Israel the loser in this conflict. The Palestinians have shot 2,000 rockets into Israel. All Israel is doing is saying, we told you not, stop, and now they're feeling the pain because of that.

The FAA doesn't make a move without the Department of Homeland Security. DHS is appointed for the most part by the Obama administration. So, the Obama administration knew exactly what they were doing when the FAA put the flight restrictions into Israel.

By the way, why aren't their flight restrictions into Pakistan, Yemen, Afghanistan and other countries that are -- rockets are flying and they are dangerous places. There aren't flight restrictions there by the FAA.


BOLLING: So, they have singled out Israel as their point.

Look, this is a punitive measure by the FAA, by the White House to punish Israel, and they always blaming Israel, when all Israel is trying to do, contrary to the White House. I stand with Israel on this.

GUILFOYLE: All right. And we're going to get more into that in a moment.

Dana, so if you're sitting in the White House and you need to advise the president, when you see this kind of action by CAIR, which I think really is going in the wrong direction. It's not improving the situation at all, calling for this condemnation of Israel, how do you take it?

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I think CAIR is probably the least of their worries right now. It matters very little that they reach out to them. I think they try to have a cooperative relationship with them. I don't think it's that important at this moment.

I think the fact John Kerry is there -- just remember, you know, John Kerry has been there a lot in the last two years. That was his goal, was to try to establish some sort of basis for a Middle East peace deal. Arguably, some people suggest that that effort actually made things worse and helped lead to the situation that Israel faces now.

But that said --

GUILFOYLE: Why do you say that? Because I think that's --

PERINO: Well, I think the fact that Hamas and Fatah made -- established a relationship in the United States really was kind of unable to do anything about it, then I think that that militarized a lot more of the Hamas situation and then that's when hostilities really ramped up.

I'll also say I don't -- I don't subscribe to the theory that the grounding of the flights was political, like a decision made by the political people at the White House. I do think, however, that the consequences of it gave Hamas the green light to say, if you keep doing this, you can have an effect that could cripple Israel, so keep doing what you're doing.

So, I think there are practical consequences of what they're doing. I wish they would change it.

GUILFOYLE: All right. Greg, I'm going to get your thoughts on two things, but first I want to play a little sound here from Ambassador John Bolton regarding the FAA's decision to ground the flights.


AMB. JOHN BOLTON, FORMER U.S. AMBASSADOR TO U.N.: I would like to know who influences the FAA decision, because I think in the Obama-Kerry paradigm in the world, this puts economic pressure on Israel to increase the likelihood they'll agree of a cease-fire. In my way of thinking, it proves precisely the opposite. It's why Israel can't live under this constant threat of being rocketed.


GUILFOYLE: Greg, start with here.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Well, if you look at two conflicts going on, you have a plane that was shot down in eastern Ukraine, possibly by separatists, perhaps a mistake, and I believe probably a mistake. In Israel, when a passenger plane is shot down, it's actually intentional. So, you actually could see the difference between these kinds of fighting and these kinds of fighters.

There are people that are, at least have some kind of moral structure to their rage or their beliefs, but you have one that would be happy to blow out a passenger jet or fire at innocent people in their homes.

CAIR, to me, is like the father who is angry that his bully son who started a fight got his butt kicked by the smart kid with glasses. And now, they're saying, oh, enough, enough. But CAIR's brilliance really is that they know how to target America's Achilles heel. Our obsession with tolerance and our fear of racial accusation, CAIR bludgeons us with a cudgel of inclusion, but we can't do it back to them, you know, because they don't care about tolerance.

Islamic countries, there's no such thing. You're with them or you're against them, and if you're against them, God help you or Allah help you.

But there are no such obstacles among Islam, whereas, we have to deal with this, and we are in many ways a cowardly country beholden to the fear of being called a bigot.



BOLLING: You know how we fight back? You know what we do, when we talk about CAIR, we let people know what CAIR really is. CAIR is really the PR wing of Hezbollah, Hamas, and the Muslim Brotherhood. That's what they were put in place for, to kind of calm the tensions, the finger- pointing at the, you know, radical Muslim extremists that America was kind of getting very mad with, CAIR says, let's point out the moderate Muslims around the world.

The problem is they're also representing the extremists.

GUTFELD: But wait, but CAIR, who is CAIR's biggest fan?


GUTFELD: No, Glenn Greenwald. I mean, he's the same guy who gave us Snowden. Snowden was a valentine to CAIR to undermine the war on terror. And where is Snowden now? He's in -- with Putin.

I mean, if you hate CAIR, you can't be friends with Greenwald.


BECKEL: Let me say, the idea that somehow --

GUTFELD: You know what I mean?

BOLLING: No, I'm not getting --

PERINO: Are you aware with their relationship?

GUTFELD: Greenwald has a very strong relationship with CAIR, which also informs what he did on the war on terror with Snowden.

BOLLING: OK. Fair enough, but that doesn't take any of the spotlight off what CAIR really is, 9/11, unindicted conspirators of 9/11. Their --

PERINO: I agree with you. I actually think it shows more of what CAIR is all about, that they have such a relationship with Glenn Greenwald. I think that actually --

BOLLING: They'll take anyone who will be friends with them, journalists.

GUILFOYLE: What do you read on that, Dana?

BECKEL: We cannot let this segment go by without that ridiculous comment that they decided not to land planes in Israel. When you have a bomb that goes off within a mile of a major airport, you're going to stop planes from going on.

BOLLING: How many bombs are going off in Afghanistan?

BECKEL: Not next to the airport. Not next to the airport.


BECKEL: Can I repeat this? The idea --


BECKEL: That's so uninformed and ridiculous.


BOLLING: This is a White House punitively punishing Israel --

BECKEL: Oh, come on! And, by the way --

BOLLING: The White House has bowed to Muslims --


BECKEL: Is that true? They put drones on top of them. When they killed bin Laden, you think that was bowing to them?

BOLLING: You know why this is going to end? Not because of Obama, not because of CAIR. This is going to end because Hezbollah said to Hamas, hey, you guys want to fight Israel. We're not fighting this fight. We've got our hands full with Syria, Lebanon, and to a certain extent, Iraq. That's where we're full. Good luck. This is not --


BECKEL: Could you at least proceed your comment by changing your conjecture? Instead of making it sound like it's real, because it isn't real. It's like Howdy Doody.

BOLLING: Everything I say is my opinion.


GUTFELD: Don't smear Howdy Doody. Why are you bringing Howdy Doody into this?

BECKEL: I'm sorry.

GUTFELD: He's a legend.

GUILFOYLE: So mean-spirited. Yes, Dana, put some sense and color on this.

PERINO: Thread the needle again?

GUILFOYLE: Thread the needle.

GUTFELD: Talk about Jasper.

PERINO: Bigger picture, pulling back -- OK, we have to decide how much -- when we say we fully support Israel, does that mean we fully support their right to defend themselves no matter what it takes? They have taken great pains to make sure that civilians are not in harm's way. Hamas, one of the tactics is to put innocent people in harm's way.

So what you are doing, what is fundamentally different ideologies of how to fight a war. So, I -- if this is going to continue, and we're going to say that we support Israel, that has to mean fully supporting Israel to do what they might have to do, which could be very unfortunate for some civilians that are put in harm's way.

GUILFOYLE: How does the U.S. do that? What do they need to do to fully support Israel?

PERINO: I think -- I'm not sure. I think that John Kerry -- hopefully, we'll have to put our faith in the leadership to get a cease- fire, at least.

BOLLING: One thing you don't --

PERINO: Cease-fire will allow you some space to get a political solution. But I don't think that will be enough at this point. I don't think they will be able to get it until somebody blinks. And I don't think it's going to be Israel.

GUILFOYLE: It's not going to be Israel. They can't afford to.

PERINO: Hamas has all the support now it needs.

BECKEL: Israel is the largest recipient of U.S. aid, it's the largest recipient of U.S. intelligence. I would bet you the tunnels have been seen by U.S. satellites and they have given them the information. The United States has done everything they possibly can, and for years, for Israel.

BOLLING: And they should continue.

BECKEL: Of course.

GUILFOYLE: Right, but there shouldn't be any let-off.

PERINO: I think a lot of it is propaganda.



PERINO: Propaganda is a major part of any war effort. The United States is not very good at it in the Middle East region. The terrorists and Hamas, they're very good at it in that region, and they're better than us at cyber warfare. So, I think that -- you know, we could put some efforts in addition to what we're already doing on the ground with intel, et cetera, but a propaganda campaign is actually probably more effective.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, build international support.

GUTFELD: For the Hamas propaganda to work, you have to have a sucker. And I really do feel that there are many suckers in this media. If you show the media a terrorist, they will recite a root cause that caused the terrorist. The cliche media hook is that in all conflicts, the little guy is the good guy, even if the little guy started it. You know, a terrorist suddenly becomes a freedom fighter because they're smaller numbers.

There's no such thing in the prospective of the media as a bad little guy. If you're big, like America, you got to be bad. And if you're small, you're a revolutionary freedom fighter, so Israel will always be bad and Hamas will always be good.

GUILFOYLE: We have to change that then.

GUTFELD: That's my --

GUILFOYLE: The perception. If you could come up with a solution for that in the next --

GUTFELD: During the break, I'll --

PERINO: Do a monologue --

GUTFELD: -- I'll write something up.

GUILFOYLE: Right. Free-form (ph) monologue.

Next on "The Five," a surprising announcement from U.S. officials on the downing of the jet in Ukraine.

And later, there's a very rich bachelor on the market, and I'm not talking about bob. It's filmmaker Michael Moore. Wait until you hear how much money the anti-capitalist is rolling in according to leaked divorce papers. Eric has got the numbers. Stay tuned.


PERINO: Two fighter jets were shot down in the same region where a passenger plane was shot down last week in Ukraine.

Meanwhile, the first set of bodies from the crash of Flight MH17 arrived in the Netherlands. The Dutch king and queen received 40 coffins and held a somber ceremony.

The country declared today a national day of mourning, 193 aboard MH17 were Dutch citizens. U.S. officials are now saying the plane was most likely shot down by mistake, and that there's no evidence that Russia was directly involved.

But not everyone is buying that.

And before we go to this, I just thought I would spend a moment because the story struck me today reading it in "The New York Post." I apologize I don't have their names, but I do have the picture of these three children who were killed on the flight. They are Australian citizens. They were there with their grandfather. We have the picture.

Most of our discussions have been about Putin, you know, the world revolves around him, but the reason that people are in such anguish and are living such hell is because those three children went back with their grandparents, as the parents stayed back in the Netherlands. They were going back to Australia to get ready for the school year, and their parents said that every single moment has been one of living through a living hell.

So, I wanted to take a moment to talk about them and just recognize the fact that we're talking about real people here, and, Greg, Putin likely is going to get away with murder because if the United States says, well, it's not directly involved, that allows him a chance to get away with it and just deny that he has any culpability.

GUTFELD: Yes. And the thing is -- I mean, I always go with the most obvious solution, I mean, the most obvious answer might be the right one, that he didn't know about it and that it was the separatists who shot it down.

Still, it doesn't excuse the repulsive aftermath that occurred in the wake with the tampering of evidence and the moving of bodies, you can't ignore this.

And I feel like when we look at our administration and we look at their administration, our Winnie the Pooh doesn't want to poke that bear. And when you talk about the men who -- the people who win are the people who don't blink.

Putin doesn't have any eyelids. The man does not blink. And we have to hold -- we have to hold them somewhat accountable for the fact that if they supply that ammunition, they have to pay.

But I just -- I think it's another day for Putin. And I have to say, he is still more popular than ever.

PERINO: I was going to ask Eric about that because the other thing that Putin has done immediately is a state-run television in Russia started making sure that everybody in Russia would point the blame at Ukrainians along with the other things, nasty things they say about Ukraine.

BOLLING: So, here's, from my little neck of the woods here, what we should probably do. Number one, obviously, we have been talking ability this forever. We should be 100 percent energy independent here. And that's important for one reason.

We don't need Russian oil anymore. They produce about 9 million or 10 million barrels a day. Think about this for one second -- $107 a barrel today, literally, half of their economy is based on their oil production. If you decrease the demand for their oil, that would put an immediate sword right through their heart. They can't afford that.

And the way you do that is you: (a), become more energy independent here, that takes time, and (b), you help the other countries around the region.

Now, I have stated, it's very difficult to do with liquefied natural gas because it's really expensive, and you really can't supply that. But you could help them become energy independent.


BOLLING: Can I just touch one real quick thing?


BOLLING: And, again, this is the way we do it. We don't -- in my opinion, we don't put boots on the ground there. We don't fire a shot there. We do it economically.

Germany -- the European Union has to step up. They're the ones who have real trading issues with Russia, $150 billion in and out of Russia to the European Union. We have like less than 1 percent of our own GDP, like a tenth of 1 percent with Russia. It's not our fight, but if you want to help them out, do it with economic sanctions.

PERINO: But, Bob, how do you do that with the French, for example, are about to sell to Russia, they're under contract to sell them two naval -- I guess destroyers, I don't know the right term, but they're $1.5 billion apiece.

And, France, if the rebel strength of resolve is stronger than the West and France won't even cancel those contracts, how are we supposed to help them?

BOLLING: Well, the first thing we've got to get clear here is Greg talks about the bear, Putin is not a bear. He's a wounded cub. That country could do absolutely nothing. He took over Crimea, but they already had ships in port. They are a wounded bear who only thing they've got is oil and gas. It's a country falling apart. Putin can do absolutely nothing --

PERINO: So, you're OK with him getting away with the murder of all those innocent people?

BECKEL: Not at all. I think that was the worse thing --


GUILFOYLE: Are we talking about the same Vladimir Putin?

BECKEL: What has he done? He went to Georgia, he got his ass kicked. What else is going on?

GUILFOYLE: He's been able to operate in brazen disregard for any international concern. It's all about the Black Sea and oil.

BECKEL: You can see (ph) this guy a big tough guy?

GUILFOYLE: He ran right through Crimea and he's doing --

BECKEL: He's a punk, he's a punk.

GUILFOYLE: Well, guess what? He's one of those criminal masterminds who's actually been able to effectuate all the goals that he has for his country to be able to secure economic independence --

BECKEL: No, his goal for his country is to reestablish USSR and that is never going to happen --

GUILFOYLE: And access to oil in the Black Sea. It is about dollars and cents.

The fact this administration, this country is so clueless, they're more clueless and blind than me when I get my eyes dilated walking around the streets of New York, when they're like, Russia had no involvement in this.

BECKEL: They didn't say that. They came out today and said they --


GUILFOYLE: No direct involvement. That is naive.

BECKEL: That is not what they said.

PERINO: And they're saying that it was an accident.

GUILFOYLE: It's a mistake or an accident.

PERINO: A mistake or an accident, and that's what they'll be able to hang their hat on.


PERINO: I'm going to ask you to remind me, tell me their names so I don't leave there without doing that.

Anthony Maslin and Rin Norris, those are the parents of those three young people, and the grandfather also passed away on that flight. OK.

BECKEL: Without oil, Russia is a third-world country.

PERINO: But they're not at the moment. That's the point.

BECKEL: But f we do what Eric says, they're going to be the third world country --


PERINO: You have a last comment?

GUTFELD: I'd just say, I just thought (ph), we should do a Kickstarter campaign to raise money to buy the Statue of Liberty and send it back to France.

PERINO: How about we do a Kickstarter campaign to buy Russia's media, and then we could take it over and win the propaganda war.

GUTFELD: There you go.

PERINO: OK. Ahead, President Obama says he doesn't watch the news because he already knows everything that's going on. Wait, what? The White House usually says it finds out about things after they see it on the news. What gives? Greg's up next.


GUTFELD: Last night, President Obama was at our southern border, seeing the chaos up close.

I kid. He was at a fund-raiser -- where he told his fans he doesn't watch the news because whatever they're reporting about, he already knows. That's so true, except here.


BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Let me take the IRS situation first. I first learned about it from the same news reports that I think most people learned about this.


GUTFELD: And here.


JAY CARNEY, FORMER WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: The specific allegations that I think were reported first by your network out of Phoenix, I believe, we learned about them through the reports.


GUTFELD: And here.


OBAMA: I certainly did not know anything about the I.G. report before the I.G. report had been leaked through press.


GUTFELD: And here.


CARNEY: Everyone knows the president did not know about this tactic until he heard about it through the media.


GUTFELD: Well, done.

Kidding. Here's another.


OBAMA: I heard on the news about this story that Fast and Furious.


GUTFELD: Let's face it. This administration seems less engaged than Bob does after his midday massage. Now, I don't doubt Obama doesn't watch the news, but he means FOX News. Why watch something that has your number and refuses to ignore your flaws.

You think the Chicago Cubs race home to watch their highlights? No, that's what tequila is for.

Not that Obama sees his mistakes as failures. His lowlights are highlights. What angers him is that we don't agree, that the scandals are change makers, a foul tasting elixir that cures America of all its greedy ills.

His strategy: marginalizing opposing opinion by labeling it cynicism - - a reflection of a bitter clinger in all of us. Cynicism explains anyone who refuses to applaud his greatness. And for him, applause is like a whistle only a dog can hear. The moment it starts, he sprints in that direction. Their audiences are seals of approval, clapping their paws loudly to mask the anguish of another America outside those walls.

So, you're either a groupie or you aren't on the tour bus or off. And if you're off it, you're likely under it as well.

PERINO: Crowded under there.

GUTFELD: It certainly is.

GUILFOYLE: Those dog whistles.

GUTFELD: A lot of speed bumps, Dana. Do you blame him for not watching the news?

PERINO: No, except for -- you remember -- remember like a few months ago, he -- he was going to go on a long weekend. He was going on a mini vacation, and the press office went to great lengths to make sure everybody knew that the president had called his buddies in Hollywood and asked them to send him all the DVDs so that he could binge watch through the weekend - -

GUTFELD: Of "Entourage."

PERINO: That's what he's watching.

GUTFELD: The worst show ever, "Entourage."

PERINO: I think they think we're like an etch-a-sketch citizens. They say something and then they think they shake us up overnight and we're a blank slate in the morning that you won't be able to put together a tape like that. They don't even watch their own press.

GUTFELD: That's true.

Eric, do you blame that though if all the news does is reflect your incompetence?

BOLLING: You know, no, I think I -- absolutely, Greg, I think they have someone watching "The Five" right now. I'm sure --


PERINO: The worst job in the White House. They need a promotion.

BOLLING: And tell President Obama we know what he's up to. He just wants to fund raise for the next year and a half. He doesn't care about America, doesn't care about the economy, doesn't care about jobs. He just wants to raise money.

GUILFOYLE: Or scandal. Or scandal.

BOLLING: I blame him -- I blame him because I think, as I said yesterday with Bob, I think even Democrats should be outraged that he's fund-raising with all the stuff that's going on. It's just un-American.

GUILFOYLE: Look at Bob. Can I just tell you, this is when I look over at him in my, like side-view mirror, the hands down the pants.

BECKEL: Let's just say that it was an unfortunate comment for Obama to make, but by saying -- by saying about the V.A. scandal, if he knew about it, then he covered it up. If he knew about the IRS, then he covered it up. What you're accusing him of, the president of the United States with all these scandals, is covering them up. Now if you want to accuse him of covering them up, let's just say it.

PERINO: Is it better, Bob, that they have no idea what's going on?

BECKEL: No. But it's a cover-up.

PERINO: But then they say that they know everything that's going on. So they're, like, doubly incompetent.

BECKEL: If they know about these things -- if they knew about the V.A., that means it's a cover-up.

BOLLING: Or a hypocrite.

GUTFELD: Or could they be a hypocrite, cover-up and stupid?

GUILFOYLE: Why can't it -- why can't it be all of the above? Why are we having to be so picky, people? Circle the D, all of the above.

BECKEL: It's a serious -- it's a serious allegation that he covered - - you're suggesting he covered up two very serious scandals.

GUILFOYLE: You brought that up.

BOLLING: Literally, it just came out of your mouth. If he knew about it, he covered it up.

BECKEL: He said he found out about these things from the press. He never should have said what he said after that. If he heard from the press about the V.A., then that means -- and he knew about it, that means he was involved in it. If he knew about the IRS before the press, he was involved in it. So you're saying the president of the United States is involved in scandals.

GUILFOYLE: What we're saying is he needs a new press secretary. Dana is taken.

BECKEL: Get him impeached. Get him impeached.

GUTFELD: We're not that crazy.

PERINO: If he doesn't watch the news, how can, then, he also refer to very specific criticisms he's heard on the news and repeat them back to Bill O'Reilly when he has his interview?

GUTFELD: You know why? I have a theory. It's because he goes to, like, websites and watches the...

GUILFOYLE: Highlights.

GUTFELD: The highlights. He'll go to someplace and it will be, like, something that makes fun of FOX News, and -- because we made fun of Obama.

BECKEL: At least you guys will understand; I give you a lot of credit for it. The Republicans all believe that Obama was involved in the scandals, and they don't have the guts to try to impeach him. They don't have the guts to do it. And if they had the guts to do it...

GUILFOYLE: What are you talking about?

GUTFELD: Reverse psychology.


BOLLING: He's baiting the hook. He's throwing it out there. He's waiting for one of us to bite.

PERINO: Not doing it.

GUILFOYLE: Sorry. I'm not hungry enough for that.

BECKEL: Because you can't prove it.

GUILFOYLE: Ay, yi, yi, yi.


GUILFOYLE: All of this -- all of these are bad answers. It doesn't make him look good. It makes him look uninformed, confused, incompetent. Not presidential.

BECKEL: No, it makes him look like he's scared (ph).

GUTFELD: It makes him look unengaged and incompetent.

GUILFOYLE: You know what he's really good at? He's an amazing fund- raiser. And when things are this bad, you go chase dollars because you do what you're good at, because it's an ego stroke.

BECKEL: If he said -- if he said, "I didn't know anything about the V.A.," and then he said, "I knew everything that's going on before that," then he's said (ph) his word. That means he knew about the V.A. That's an impeachable offense. Impeach him.

GUTFELD: This is what -- you know, Will Ferrell made a career out of making -- making George Bush seem stupid. But you can't seem to do that with Obama, can you? Given the fact that he's unaware of everything going on in his life.

BECKEL: Well, you just said he was stupid. There you go. You also said he was the guy in charge of scandals.

GUTFELD: Yes, I did.

BECKEL: Impeach him.



BECKEL: You have more power than the Republican Party in the House.

PERINO: You know what the clip's going to be, right? It's going to be Bob Beckel, "I can't imagine spending my life trying to, like, get on media." I mean, I just can't. Like all day long, like "What could I say if I could get on a website?"

BECKEL: That's not what I thought about, getting on media. I just thought about it...

PERINO: All across cable news, that is a problem.


GUTFELD: Ahead -- that's a good point. Maybe that's a monologue for tomorrow.

Ahead on "The Five," Snoop Dogg rolling joints at the White House. Michael Moore rolling in dough. That's a disgusting image. And cameras rolling on a shocking fight on a new reality TV show. Stay tuned.


BOLLING: Like a cool Slurpee from 7-Eleven, another edition of "The Fastest Seven." Three captivating stories, seven crushing (ph) minutes, one cogent host.

First up, they say a man can be judged by the friends he keeps. Check out Snoop Dogg and what goes down during those important meetings with the president at the White House.


JIMMY KIMMEL, LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST: Have you ever smoked at the White House?

SNOOP DOGG, HIP-HOP ARTIST: In the bathroom.

KIMMEL: You did, in the White House?

DOGG: In the bathroom.


DOGG: Not in the White House, but in the bathroom. When I do a No. 2, I usually, you know, have a cigarette or I light something to get the aroma right. You know what? You can light a piece of napkin. I said, "I'll do that." And the napkin was this.


BOLLING: All right, Bob. Anything else in the White House?

BECKEL: I can't criticize this guy, because I've done dope in the White House myself.

BOLLING: Are you breaking news?

BECKEL: No, I'm just saying.

GUTFELD: There's a lot of dope in that White House.

BECKEL: That's in my book. It's -- I did, yes.

BOLLING: Dope in the White House. All right.

BECKEL: Mm-hmm.

BOLLING: OK, Dana, you ever see that stuff going on in the White -- when you were in the White House, was anyone going to the bathroom and lighting up joints?

PERINO: You know what I did in the bathroom at the White House? What I did in the bathroom at the White House? Went to the bathroom.

GUILFOYLE: No, you don't go to the bathroom. Please take that back.

PERINO: I think that it's just amazing to me that they think that this helps them. I guess maybe it does. With the young kids, they love it. They think it's great; it's so cool. I think it's unattractive and unappealing.

BECKEL: I'll bet you somebody in your White House smoked dope in the White House.

PERINO: In the bathroom?

BECKEL: I don't know about the bathroom. Somewhere.

GUTFELD: You know, somebody has got to say, "We get it. Snoop, this is your shtick. You smoke pot."

You know what he is? You'll remember this guy, Bob. He is this generation's Foster Brooks. Foster Brooks was a comedian during the '70s who made his persona an alcoholic. And so the joke was, "Here I am. I'm always drunk." And it was just some kind of stupid novelty.

This is what's become of Snoop Dogg. He thinks it's edgy that he's smoking pot. It's an edgy as a snowball.

GUILFOYLE: And by the way, he works with a lot of children's groups and does this Pop Warner football. He fosters a very successful young Pop Warner team, and they travel the country.

PERINO: Yes, remember, when he...


PERINO: ... Sunday morning?

GUILFOYLE: What a role model. I thought he wasn't smoking pot anymore.

GUTFELD: He's an American hero.

BOLLING: American role model. A model of American success.

Next up, remember when Michael Moore said he wasn't rich?


PIERS MORGAN, CNN ANCHOR: I need you to sit here and say, "I'm in the 1 percent," because it's important...

MICHAEL MOORE, FILMMAKER: I can't, because I'm not.

MORGAN: You are, though.

MOORE: No, I'm not. I'm not.

MORGAN: You're not in the 1 percent?

MOORE: Of course I'm not, how can I be in the 1 percent?

MORGAN: Because you're worth millions.

MOORE: No, that's not true.


BOLLING: It turns out the liberal filmmaker lied, and boy, did he ever. During his bitter divorce, it was revealed Mr. 99 Percent is worth a staggering 50 large. That's million.

PERINO: Wow. And large.

BOLLING: And owns nine homes. Hey, Mikey, your film "Capitalism, A Love Story"? I had no idea it was about you.

Dana, your thoughts.

PERINO: I was going to say that maybe he would say that he did not lie on the program, because he's not in the 1 percent. He's in the .0001 percent.

BOLLING: Right. Exactly.


PERINO: ... would protect himself.


BOLLING: Greg, your thoughts on Michael Moore?

GUTFELD: Well, it illustrates the difference between the left and the right. The right wants everybody to be rich. The left only wants the left to be rich. And he got rich demonizing the rich. It's the ultimate in selfishness.

But he's just upset because he hasn't seen his genitals in 30 years.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. Let me tell you, that's one bachelor that's safe from me. Let me tell you. X on that.

BOLLING: Bobby, this guy was -- remember, with the whole Occupy Wall Street, he was anti-1 percent? Fifty million dollars, nine homes.

BECKEL: Yes, it's -- well, I mean, I will say this. Greg is exactly wrong. I want to say, you're rich, and I want you to be rich. And you're the top 1 percent. I want other conservatives to be rich. I think it's fine.

BOLLING: But I don't, like -- I don't demonize capitalism. I actually embrace capitalism.

BOLLING: We need to save time for this one. Finally, folks, mark your calendars. It's finally happened.

PERINO: What was that?

BOLLING: We can thank the "Real Housewives of New York" for the definitive moment American culture not only declined, the moment American culture hit rock bottom. I give you Aviva Drescher and the only thing that's fake about me is this leg here, right here. (BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You say that you have never lied to any of us at the table and you find us really hurtful. I find that laughable. Only thing that is artificial or fake about me -- this.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I am sick of it. I am sick of all of you accusing me. Everything else is real. Everything else. So real.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Go ahead. Go ahead, Heather. Take it.


GUTFELD: All right, I'm going to start with you. Greg, I've got to hear you.

GUILFOYLE: Thank God she didn't beat her with that. Did they know that was going to happen? I mean, come on, that seems like it was a little bit planned. But it's pretty out of control.

BOLLING: That was pretty -- that's good TV.

GUTFELD: Well, you know, it obviously, I think, was planned.

But when you watch these shows, the whole point of this stuff is to throw things at people. And it started with wine. You know, you'd be there talking to people. "Oh, yes?" And you'd throw the wine.

And then it became, like, tipping over tables. "I'm going to tip over a table." Now it's an arms race but with legs. What's next after prosthetics?

GUILFOYLE: Well, thank God she didn't beat her with it.

GUTFELD: Well, that will...

BOLLING: Do you believe that's the only thing that's fake on her?

GUTFELD: That's a good question.

PERINO: It depends on your definition of fake.

GUILFOYLE: It looks like she had her hair colored. You're right.

BOLLING: Her hair colored?

BECKEL: I didn't think you could get lower than the women of New Jersey or whatever those mafia babes were in Jersey. But this is -- all I can say, thinking about all the guys who slept with that broad and thought that she had both legs.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, help me, Jesus.





BOLLING: What is that?

BECKEL: A lot of guys thought that she probably did have two legs.

GUILFOYLE: Somebody roll the Bow Flex commercial. Can we take a break? I can't. I can't.

GUTFELD: Was it fake? First (UNINTELLIGIBLE) we can sell?

BOLLING: Where do you go from throwing your leg?

GUTFELD: That's the point.

BOLLING: Prosthetic use.

GUTFELD: You know, the curse of these shows is that they are scripted, and they create -- they're teaching people that the only way you can get attention is through conflict. Which we don't -- it doesn't happen here.

PERINO: I want people to -- I want people to set their DVRs for tomorrow's show, when Bob has to apologize to the "Real Housewives," which will be remarkable television. I've got to see it.

GUILFOYLE: And to anybody with prostheses.

PERINO: What we just did is give them all the attention that they want. They have a strange fascination with being famous, or infamous. They don't care that it shows a total lack of self-respect and dignity, and they have a huge number of viewers. It is the decline of America.

GUILFOYLE: And by the way, nobody picks up the leg.

BECKEL: They keep showing the picture of this leg sitting there, No. 1. And No. 2, the chance of me apologizing for that is nonexistent.

BOLLING: In the D-block, Bob is going to apologize to the "Real Housewives," CAIR, Vladimir Putin.

BECKEL: All bull. Pox on their houses.

BOLLING: The wussification of America on steroids? California sets time limits for contact in football practice. Stick around.


BECKEL: As part of an incentive to help minimize set (ph) injuries in youth sports, California's governor has just signed a bill to limit the number of hours student athletes can practice tackling one another. The law applies to all middle and high school football programs.

Some critics are warning it could result in more injuries if lesser prepared athletes take the field. Others say government shouldn't be involved in safety. What say you?

BOLLING: I think this is absolutely the worst -- America on steroids. Look, three hours a week during the off season?

I'll never forget the first time I got hit by a guy in live practice football. Running straight through the line, I got the ball, and I didn't see it coming. And I got absolutely tattooed. My head was spinning. You've got to be prepared for those hits.

They're right: whoever said that you're going to get more injuries, I agree. And they're going to be more. You have to know how to get hit. You have to know how to get hit in football.

PERINO: Well, when I went to football practice, it was just excruciating, hard to believe. Here's what I think. Why can't I just leave it to the families and the coaches to work this out? The government has plenty of problems. I don't think they need to get involved in this one.

GUILFOYLE: Hands off.

BECKEL: What do you think?

GUILFOYLE: Hands off. No contact. Meaning...

PERINO: Government.

GUILFOYLE: ... don't touch the issue. The government should be hands-off.

GUTFELD: They should worry more about gang crime and less about gang tackles.

PERINO: That doesn't rhyme.

GUTFELD: It wasn't supposed to rhyme. Not everything rhymes.

BECKEL: Let me take the opposite side of this. The number of kids who get hurt in practice every year, get concussions and get hurt seriously before the season begins are enormous number of people. And they should not do this stuff. I mean, you don't have to learn how to get hit. If you can't get hit...

BOLLING: I disagree.

BECKEL: Oh, you do not. You can't do that in three hours in the course of a week, you can't learn how to get hit.

PERINO: They won't be -- they won't be prepared to go to the pros.

BECKEL: How many of them go to the pros? One tenth of...

BOLLING: You're not really taking this side of that?

BECKEL: I absolutely am.

BOLLING: You're just being...

BECKEL: No, I am not. I am not. I think this is getting out of hand. They have these coaches, who are guys who are frustrated NFL- wannabes, and they get these kids to do stuff that is very dangerous.

BOLLING: What age can you start getting hit? Is college OK?

BECKEL: No, I think -- we're talking about three days, three hours during the practice.

PERINO: Why should the government tell them what to do?

BECKEL: Well, because there are a lot of people who are getting hurt.

PERINO: What's the consequence? The government says you can do this, but if you practice for 15 minutes longer, you're going to get what?

BECKEL: This is the state. This is the state government saying enough is enough.

PERINO: What's the penalty, if you don't comply?

BECKEL: You get fired, I hope. The coach gets fired.

GUTFELD: Guys actually like hitting, and they like getting hit. And sports is one of the main weapons against the temptation driven by gangs to belong. You belong to a team; you're less likely to belong to a gang. So why make the team and the sport less fun?

BECKEL: If you want to get hit, go to the golden gloves or go to go to Chicago.

GUTFELD: Wouldn't you be against boxing then?

BECKEL: No. I'm not against boxing, because boxing, they've got protective gear. There's a lot they get...

GUILFOYLE: I like boxing.

GUTFELD: So do football players. They wear helmets.

BECKEL: Not -- they don't wear nearly enough.

GUTFELD: They wear helmets.

BECKEL: Three hours a week. Three hours a week. Three hours a week is plenty of time.

BOLLING: Can you imagine trying to be -- you know what, California football's going to go straight down. California competes with Texas and Florida. Congratulations, Texas and Florida, you win now.

GUILFOYLE: Friday night lights out of California.

BECKEL: They're going to have a lot more concussions, a lot more head injuries.

PERINO: People are going to pour out of California and move to Texas so their kids can be...

BECKEL: Big tough -- big tough football player. Yes. Longhorn, yes.

GUILFOYLE: Longhorn State, baby.

BECKEL: Get a concussion and be a horn. OK. "One More Thing" is up next.

GUILFOYLE: Doesn't make any sense.


GUILFOYLE: All right. It's time now for "One More Thing."


GUILFOYLE: He's made, like, these goofy faces at me.

GUTFELD: That's my real face.

PERINO: OK. So 2014, midterm election just around the corner, and it was a banner day for the Senate Democratic candidates.

Let me tell you, two of them. In Iowa, Bruce Brailey is a congressman. running for the Senate in Iowa. One of the complaints from attacks from the other side, the Republicans, has been he's on the House Veterans Affairs Committee and missed 75 percent of those hearings, including one in 2012 that was an important one. You might say that's not important. Who cares, right?

But he was actually -- his campaign said that he was at a Fast and Furious hearing. Turns out, he wasn't there either. He was at fundraisers, which from a PR perspective, just tell the truth. It would be a lot easier than what you're dealing with.

And then over to Montana where tonight John Walsh of Montana. He was appointed to the United States Senate in February. He's a Democratic candidate. He's already having a tough race, but it's going to get a lot tougher, because it turned out that his United States Army war college thesis, about 25 percent of it was lifted, plagiarized from someone else. So now the Democrats have a bigger problem on their hands than they already had in Montana for those of you keeping score.

GUILFOYLE: And that's your political whip tonight.

The whip. Whip it good.


GUILFOYLE: No, I said whip it good.

BOLLING: So you know, by the way, "Tyrant," the best show on television, was on again last night.

One of the shows that's not the best show on television, "True Blood" on HBO. Apparently, it's about vampires who are in society, and they're very anticonservative. They trashed Ted Cruz and George Bush. Take a look.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The second I told her that's where mommy and daddy were going, she hung up. You'll never get in. You're vampires. Security's going to be tight.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You don't know us, sweetheart. We can be (EXPLETIVE DELETED).


BOLLING: OK. So they also tried to trash Sarah Palin, but she saw into it. She didn't. They tried to hire her to come on the show. She said, quote, "The brilliant minds of 'True Blood' were brave enough to talk -- to ask me to do a cameo on their show, apparently so they could insult the conservative woman in person instead of all conservative women in general." Good for you, Sarah Palin, and don't watch "True Blood."

GUILFOYLE: All right. Here we go. It looks like it's you, Greg.

GUTFELD: All right. I'm going to ban a phrase today, and the phrase is this. When I hear somebody say, "Oh, it was a real dog and pony show," I'm totally excited. So I go, and I go there expecting to see some dogs and ponies...

PERINO: Jasper.

GUTFELD: ... maybe a dog on top of a pony or a pony on top of a dog. Nothing perverse. But just fun.

And I get there, and no, it's not really a dog and pony show. It's a political overstaged performance. And I didn't realize that there's no animals involved.

Pooh on you, dog and pony show. Don't use that phrase or I'll hunt you down and kill you.

GUILFOYLE: OK, wow, that was a little bizarre.

GUTFELD: Tickles. Kill me tickles.

GUILFOYLE: Bobby? What do you got?

BECKEL: Darth Vader was considered the most evil of evil in "Star Wars." And they did a poll, and they found out that Darth Vader is running considerably ahead of the U.S. Congress. That's not a big surprise. He's running way behind Hillary Clinton. But here's the interesting thing is, he beats -- Darth Vader beats every Republican presidential candidate to date.

PERINO: Do you think they thought it was Cheney?

GUILFOYLE: Where's Putin on that list?

All right. You guys.

BECKEL: There you go.

GUILFOYLE: That was kind of cute, actually, Bob.

So this is a good one about, hey, kids, listen to your parents. They know best. So this young girl Rachel Canning sued her parents after they didn't let her date her boyfriend. Turns out, then, she got a restraining order against the boyfriend, because he was violent. So this is what I'm telling you. Let them pick your dates until you're about 22.

Don't forget: set your DVRs.

GUTFELD: Single Bob.

GUILFOYLE: We'll see you back here tomorrow.

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