Attorney General Barr not satisfied with early answers he's getting on allegations of Trump campaign spying

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," May 17, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

DANA PERINO, HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino along with Dagen McDowell, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City. And this is “The Five.”

Majors revelations from the Attorney General William Barr about the investigation into how the Russia probe started. In his first interview since the Mueller report was released, Barr is saying he is not satisfied with the early answers he is getting on allegations of Trump campaign spying.


WILLIAM BARR, ATTORNEY GENERAL: I've been trying to get answers to questions and I found that a lot of the answers have been inadequate and I've also found that some of the explanations I've got don't hang together. So, in a sense, I have more questions today than I did when I first started.

So, I think people have to find out what the government was doing during that period. If we are worried about foreign influence for the very same reason, we should be worried about whether government officials abused their power and put their thumb on the scale.

And so, I'm not saying that happened. But I am saying that we have to look at that.


PERINO: Barr also commenting on the Steele dossier.


BARR: It's a very unusual situation to have opposition research like that, especially one that on its face had a number of clear mistakes and someone jejune analysis and to use that to conduct counter-intelligence against American political campaign is a strange -- would be a strange development. I'm not sure what role it played. But that's something we have to look at.


PERINO: So, Greg, I have a theory. You don't want me to go to you first?


PERINO: OK. So, my theory is that if you were in the Obama administration at the time of the 2016 election and you were aware of Russian interference and you were somehow -- it would seem to me that you would welcome an investigation into the investigation.

GUTFELD: Absolutely.

PERINO: What do you think of that?

GUTFELD: Absolutely. But you may have heard a phrase that I coined recently. What's good for the goose is good --

PERINO: For the gander.

GUTFELD: No for my Uncle Steve. What's good for the goose is good for my Uncle Steve. He lives in the basement.

PERINO: How is he doing by the way?

GUTFELD: No well. I feed him lettuce and insects, he's like a goose. The Dems and the media have spent two years doing this. Do you think that they are just going to let it go now? They're going to cap that. Now this is revenge time. This is like evening the -- evening the score.

And you can use the same argument. You could say like we know that the Russians tried to collude. We know that the Russians tried to meddle. Now we need to know how it was done and who helped them. It's the same argument in reverse.

And the dossier, the great dossier it's like a bad batch of egg salad serve to -- serve at the buffet and everyone who took a taste got food poisoning. It's the food poisoning of the news. That's why CNN is so blue in the face all the time because they took the, you know, the biggest helping.

JESSE WATTERS, HOST: That's why if someone gave you food poisoning, you'd be mad at them.


WATTERS: But CNN is not mad. And to your point, if you were lied to by the Obama intelligence officials about collusion for two years and they humiliated you, you got a nice ratings bump but then at the end they humiliated you. The ratings are taking a nose dive. Wouldn't you want to know why and how you were lied to?

It seems like they have no interest in finding out what went wrong with the collusion hoax? But they don't care.

Now, to your point about the Steele dossier and the FISA warrant, we are learning a lot and more about that. So, the whole FISA warrant on Carter Page looks like it was based off the Steele dossier. A major red flag in the Steele dossier, it said that they were running this operation through Carter Page out of the Russian embassy in Miami.

There is no Russian embassy in Miami. Anyone that could look at that would know immediately that's a red flag.

PERINO: Is there a consulate office?

WATTERS: No. In Tampa. Not even in Miami. So, they also said the other two reasons they set in for the warrant, was two meetings that Carter Page had with these Russians oligarchs to hatch this plot. Both meetings never happened and then they used a Yahoo news article. Then you have Papadopoulos.

We're now learning that this is really not really what started off the entire investigation and that's going to come out. He never even spoke to a Russian. And we have now text messages between Strzok and Page. Strzok and Page called Mifsud, the guy that started this whole thing their guy. Now if he is a Russian agent how is he their guy? Very, very suspicious.

PERINO: Juan, if I can continue on with my theory. So if you are Hillary Clinton and you really believe that this election was stolen from you because the Russians interfered, wouldn't you also want it to be revealed like how the -- if you believe that that's true and you believe that the Obama administration did the right thing, wouldn't it be a good thing for her argument for the people to be able to see what the origins of the investigation were?

JUAN WILLIAMS, HOST: Right, but that's not what's going on here, Dana. What's going on is an investigation of the investigators as punishment coming from an administration --

WATTERS: Punishment.

WILLIAMS: -- that is overwhelmingly political. I mean, right now, really, they are distracting from the real news with all of the silliness. Because the real news is that we're going to will soon see transcripts of what Michael Flynn's and Michael Flynn's lawyers were saying to Trump's lawyers. And we'll see just how much they were trying to stop this investigation.

But the second thing to say here, is listening to Bill Barr, I mean, he has no reason to do anything. But what he says, you know what, let's not talk about the spying. I know I said that earlier. What about what happened between the time Trump was elected and the time he takes office. Let's go and look at what happened in terms of FBI and intelligence agencies talking to Trump at Trump tower. Did they leak something?

He just changes the game time and again. And that's why --


WATTERS: He's added --


WATTERS: -- added things to look at.

WILLIAMS: That's why when you look at the Fox News poll that came out yesterday, the Fox News polls says 45 percent of Americans believe that Barr is covering up for Trump and not being transparent. And also, they give him a negative rating for how he handled the Mueller report. Forty- four percent say they don't approve of what he has done with the Mueller report. Only 35 percent --


PERINO: That feels like a pretty --

WATTERS: The media destroyed the --


GUTFELD: If that makes you feel better but it has no effect on anything.

WILLIAMS: That's the truth. The truth. In other words, the American --


GUTFELD: No. It's a poll. It's a poll.

WILLIAMS: The American people are not being hoodwinked by a guy who is now Trump's lawyer. This is what Trump wished for all along. He wanted an attorney general --


WILLIAMS: -- who would be his consigliere and that's what this guy.


WATTERS: Like his wing man. Like Holder was for Obama.

WILLIAMS: No, not like Holder. Holder --

GUTFELD: So, wait, what's happening right now the Russian story is now into its summer reruns. That's what happening. I saw it on the first run. I don't need to see it again. I know what this Flynn story is about. I know all that crap. That's because the economy is going well. The world is going pretty, it's peaceful. It's prosperous. Everything is fine. They have to keep doing the Russian story.

WILLIAMS: Yes. Jess, look, people don't look --


PERINO: Can I add one other thing here?

WILLIAMS: -- says Greg. Don't look here. Look --


GUTFELD: I don't care --

PERINO: I'm going to get --

WATTERS: We already looked for two years.


WATTERS: Now we are looking in the other direction.

WILLIAMS: The White House talking point is this investigation is done. No obstruction and no collusion. Jerry Nadler has said to them repeatedly this is about --


PERINO: I have a point about that.

WILLIAMS: -- preventing the Russians from doing it again.

PERINO: Can I play -- can you please -- guys, can we please get Dagen? But first, can we hear the attorney general about this idea about the documents and contempt.


BARR: It's part of the usual game, you know, political circus that's being played out. It doesn't surprise me.

BILL HEMMER, ANCHOR: The House Speaker Nancy Pelosi she believes you lied under oath. What do you think of that charge?

BARR: Well, I think it's a laughable charge. And I think it's largely being made to try to discredit me. Partly because they may be concerned about the outcome of a review of what happened during the election.


PERINO: Dagen?

DAGEN MCDOWELL, HOST: They are trying to discredit him because they are worried, people who worked in the Obama administration and the FBI and the CIA and the intelligence community, they are worried. Whether it's Brennan or Comey or even subordinates of both of them. They are worried about what Bill Barr and John Durham and the Inspector General Michael Horowitz are going to find.

It's not silliness, Juan if there was corruption. It's not silliness if there is an abuse of power. And you know why Hillary Clinton is being quiet about this? Because the DNC and Hillary Clinton's campaign paid for that dossier.

What could be disinformation by Russia which was, if you read the whole Mueller report, the whole Mueller report, basically discredits big, big elements that were in that dossier.

And I just want to point this out. I point it out all the time. Jim Comey looked at Bret Baier in the spring of last year and said I can't definitely say I know that the Steele dossier was paid for by the DNC and the Clinton campaign.

He was running the FBI. They got a warrant on an American citizen to spy on him and he didn't know that. That is boulder dash and hog wash and -- we all know it. And by the way, I also read that poll, Juan. And here's what people said.

A majority 58 percent think it is at least somewhat likely the FBI broke the law when it started investigating the Trump campaign.


MCDOWELL: The millions of Americans who don't trust what went on in intelligence and the FBI under the Obama administration. They deserve answers.


MCDOWELL: And there is nothing wrong with a thorough look at it.

WILLIAMS: They had it.

MCDOWELL: Because again, it disrupts democracy in this country.

GUTFELD: There you go.

WILLIAMS: They had a thorough look. What we are doing now is we're trying to punish the investigators.

MCDOWELL: Mueller didn't look at it.



MCDOWELL: Mueller didn't look at it.

WATTERS: So, Juan, you don't like --

MCDOWELL: Bill Barr said that I read the whole Mueller report.


WILLIAMS: Mueller didn't look --

MCDOWELL: He did not look at the investigators and the predicate of that investigation.

WILLIAMS: You don't need Mueller. Pick up a newspaper. It will tell you how it started.

WATTERS: Juan --

MCDOWELL: Yes. The press that lied to us for three years about Russia?

WILLIAMS: Yes. Get out of here.

MCDOWELL: Liars. All.

PERINO: All right. All right.

WATTERS: You know what, I'll save it for another day.


PERINO: Yes. Because we have our favorite topic. New York City's Mayor de Blasio facing widespread mockery after his presidential announcement. We'll show you next.


WILLIAMS: New York City's Bill de Blasio getting mocked from all sides after announcing he is running for president. Here's just a sample for you.


WHOOPI GOLDBERG, CO-HOST, ABC: Is this a good career move for him right now? No!


GOLDBERG: What are you doing?


GOLDBERG: It's not a good career move, man.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Bill de Blasio is the answer to what question that isn't being answered?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Unclear. I love -- God bless the New York Post this morning. New Yorkers laughing on the cover. This is probably a better America.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You've been warned.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You've been warned.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Guys, after 12 years today was the final episode of the big bang theory. Yes. Don't worry, it was also the beginning of a brand-new comedy. Bill de Blasio's presidential campaign.



WILLIAMS: President Trump joining in all of that by calling de Blasio a joke and, quote, "the worst mayor in the United States." De Blasio, though, quickly responding.


MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO, D-NYC, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: Hey, con Don, I saw your video. Man, you looked really low energy. You know, I really think you better rest up because you're going to need it for the election ahead. We are coming for you.


WILLIAMS: Dagen, does that mean Trump wants to run against de Blasio. Why is he sitting on Air Force One doing that video?

MCDOWELL: Because he like -- he enjoys like ridiculing him as every American does. He's -- you know why he is getting a lot of attention? He is a joke. People are mocking you. And you're not going to change that with a couple of zingers. So how does it feel to be laughed at, Mr. Mayor? Just mercilessly by all the American people.

And by the way, this is a little blue, literally unfigurative. But con Don sounds like condom. You know what, and that's something that gives you protection and provides safety. It might be uncomfortable and you might not like it but you know what? That's a stupid nickname.

WILLIAMS: I think we'll move on. I mean, come on.

MCDOWELL: No, I'm serious. He can't even -- he's got no mojo. People around the country are going to be looking at him going, this guy takes a caravan of vehicles to go to the gym every morning. You spend an hour and a half to travel to 12 miles. Son, what in the hell is the matter with you? That's what people are going to be asking.

WILLIAMS: We can say that about a lot of politicians. Jesse?


WILLIAMS: If you were Joe Biden, and I want you to take a look at these poll numbers. What would you be thinking right now?

WATTERS: If I was Joe Biden, I'd sniff your hair like this.

WILLIAMS: Thank you, love. Thank you. What do you think, because his -- Biden has increased his lead now. As you can see, 35. He is up from March. Sanders has dropped some. Sanders is down six while Biden is up four. And Elizabeth Warren and Pete Buttigieg are both up 5 percent since March.

WATTERS: Yes. I'm very impressed with Warren and Buttigieg. It looks like they've capitalized different ways. Buttigieg has capitalized mostly through being propelled by the media and just being a genuinely comfortable guy in his own skin.

The Warren trajectory I don't get. You know, I'm not on the campaign trail so I don't quite understand it. I just think she is slowly and methodically making connections to people on the ground in early states and she's resonating. So good for her.

Obviously, Sanders is going to kind of take a gut punch when Biden officially announces. He was taking a lot of that front runner space. But I really do believe the comment he made about the Boston bomber may have hurt him. I think it would. Because his backers are so crazy.

But I think moderate Democrats saw that and were completely dejected by. And then just lastly Biden, I still believe there is a chance he gets the nomination. I think he is an empty suit.



WILLIAMS: OK. So, Dana, also I want you to look at these numbers. This is the general election. Biden would beat Trump by 11 points. It's up from seven points in March. Also, Sanders and I think it's Elizabeth Warren would beat Trump right now. What do you think?


PERINO: So, I think that what's probably happening there. Remember, Hillary Clinton won the popular vote. So that's probably the same thing happening here. So, the question is still the electoral college.

Brad Parscale, the camp -- Trump campaign manager on Fox and Friends this morning you can look that they tweeted that out. You could look it up. And he's explaining that the electoral college don't makes sense for them. And he's actually saying that they can expand the map.

But let's just even say that they didn't. If President Trump wins Florida, Wisconsin, and Arizona, he gets to 270. That's what you need for the electoral college. So even if Pennsylvania and Michigan swing back to the Democrats --


PERINO: President Trump still wins in the electoral college. Which I think it's going to be -- I think it will be a close race. But nobody should count out either side. But to pass to 270 for President Trump looks pretty good.

WILLIAMS: By the way, Greg, so you think that we have to charge Trump for this trip because he is making political videos on Air Force One?

GUTFELD: I don't --


PERINO: No, not if you are doing an official event at the same time.

WILLIAMS: No, but he is doing politics.

GUTFELD: Thank you, Dana. You read my mind.

WILLIAMS: He is doing politics.

GUTFELD: Read my mind. Thank you. You look down on my notes.


GUTFELD: Answer for that.

WILLIAMS: And she's cheating. She's cheating.

GUTFELD: Remember, according to polls Donald Trump was the only person up on the Republican stage that was supposed to lose to Hillary. So, these don't mean anything. What I find interesting --


PERINO: If I get -- those are the popular vote when -- that's why that was my point.


PERINO: That if you -- don't worry about that. Think about the electoral college.

GUTFELD: I would just recast it in a different way, Dana. Don't get so testy. All right. Whoopi Goldberg -- Whoopi Goldberg, she is a liberal who lives under the worst kind of liberal. So, I can live under a liberal. The worst kind of liberal is a de Blasio liberal which doesn't -- in New York City it doesn't allow for the opposing party to sit at the table. Right?

Because I will say I think if conservatives need liberals and liberals need conservatives, they're both yin and yang. And that's how you get the best outcomes because it challenges your ideas. It puts your ideas to the test. And for some reason, you can end up in the center and come up with some good ideas.

The problem is all you have in New York City, it's a one-party system, it's a one party everything. And nobody bothers to vote. Nobody bothers to care. And what you end up with there's a pretty crappy place in terms of crappy literally.

And I do think it's brutal hearing de Blasio take credit for crime stats. Those are a gift from the law enforcement that he hates and hog-ties. That's got to drive police officers crazy.

I mean, this is a gift from two Republican mayors and the police officers that worked under them in the current -- in the current administration.

WILLIAMS: Is that like Obama's economy?

GUTFELD: It doesn't work anymore.


WILLIAMS: I get it.

GUTFELD: No, Juan, that would have worked for a couple months, but it's tree years now.

WILLIAMS: Go ahead.

WATTERS: Can I just add to what you just said about New Yorkers expecting basic levels of services. New York liberals are used to good subway systems and clean streets. And when you have someone come in and destroy the basic necessities that they've gotten used to under Rudy Giuliani and Michael Bloomberg, that's going backwards for them. I think that's one of the reasons they've soured on this guy.

WILLIAMS: Do you know that the governor is in charge of the subway and not the mayor?

WATTERS: I understand that but also Penn station outside the subway, it's more than just that.

WILLIAMS: Well, I just think that, you know, when you look at Bill de Blasio, I don't understand the reason for his candidacy. I think most Democrats don't understand why this guy is running. And that's -- we talked about Elizabeth Warren. She has that income inequality issue. She has proposals.


MCDOWELL: I'll tell you what I heard really quickly. I heard and read in multiple places that the mayor is bored. Yes. He's bored with his job. He hates his job.

PERINO: He's outgrown it.

MCDOWELL: And he wants to get out of New York City.

WATTERS: I agree. He wants to get out of here.

MCDOWELL: And I guess the headline would be mayor has no soul. He feel that way --


GUTFELF: So, because he's bored, he's going to make us suffer.

WILLIAMS: Well, you know, remember though, he is the guy that wanted to bring Amazon here. And it was people on the left.

GUTFELD: That's true. Good point.

PERINO: Yes. OK. But however, then when they left, then he tried to hide behind AOC as well. He tried to have it both ways.

WILLIAMS: Where he blends in her -- OK.

PERINO: And I think it was not good leadership.


WILLIAMS: Up next, is President Trump about to follow-through on his threat to send illegal immigrants to sanctuary cities. We're going to fill you in on that next on THE FIVE.


MCDOWELL: It looks like President Trump may be ready to make good on his threat to dump illegal immigrants into Democratic cities. The Trump administration is reportedly preparing to release thousands of migrants caught at the border into Florida's Democratic strongholds.

Local politician they are saying about 1,000 migrant families will be sent to Broward and Palm Beach counties each month for an unknown period of time. U.S. customs officials just saying they are not currently sending migrants to Florida but they are looking at possible locations across the country.

Jesse, this is a crisis. You had a record number of apprehensions of parents traveling with children just last month. These people have to go somewhere. Is something wrong with this?

WATTERS: I mean, where are they going to go? No one wants them. People on the right don't want them, people on the left don't want them. De Blasio said yes, we are a big sanctuary city, but he was offered illegal immigrants he said no, I'm going to fight it.

San Francisco, Pelosi's town didn't want it either. Remember, that was considered payback. Greg made that point. Why is it payback if we're supposed to like these people. They don't want them on the border Texas towns. They don't want them south of the border in the northern Mexican border towns.

Listen, if Palm Beach and Broward are Democrat counties but Florida is a red state, it's a swing state. Republican governors, Republican senators. Both parties have no infrastructure to handle these people. And I don't think any of the local people want them either because it's going to crush their local economy.

Where do you put them you? Where do you out them? The only solution is you keep the, you hold them, you extend the settlements so you could hold the families together. Process them. Use more judges and then send them back if their asylum claims don't add up.

WILLIAMS: let me just quickly something up though. These are not sanctuary cities.

MCDOWELL: Right. You read my mind.

WATTERS: I know.


WILLIAMS: So, I mean, so in other words --

WATTERS: But New York City and San Francisco are.

WILLIAMS: No, no. But what we got on the table, Jesse, is he said he is going to dump them. And by the way, is this cruel? Talk about bad government. He is just going to dump people in a vengeful act. I mean, that --


WATTERS: Wait, Juan, where would you like the federal government to put these people?

GUTFELD: You're using the word dump.

WILLIAMS: What are you talking about?

WATTERS: Where would you like them to go?

WILLIAMS: I'll tell you The Catholic Church. And I just want to say, you know, Catholic Church we always talk about the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church has been terrific.


WILLIAMS: Terrific in the border --


WATTERS: Juan, there's hundreds of illegal immigrant families coming in every hour.

WILLIAMS: I'm just telling you.

WATTERS: And you think the Catholic Church can take all of them?

WILLIAMS: No, no, no. What I'm saying. You hit something on the head early when you talked about a lack of infrastructure in Broward and Palm Beach. By the way, maybe they could go to Mar-a-Lago because Trump apparently hires illegals.

MCDOWELL: All right. Greg --


WATTERS: There is no -- there is no infrastructure, Juan.

WILLIAMS: But I'm telling you the church is actually putting in place structures to try to welcome people.

GUTFELD: The thing is --


WATTERS: The church can't hold them.

GUTFELD: A lot of people want these people but they want it through a process. And we don't have a process. Now, if you look at President Trump's plan. It's pretty interesting the two things. One is a very simple question that he is asking opposed to Americans and the answer is pretty simple. Who would you want to control of your immigration? Your country or the world.

Until you have a process the world controls your immigration. Whoever sends the caravans controls your immigration. That's wrong. It has to be our country. We control the border. That's the first thing.

The second thing is, he's transformed it into a competitive thing.


GUTFELD: He is saying, look, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, Japan already emphasized employment skills way more than anybody else - like 60 percent, 50 percent they weigh employment heavily - employment skills heavily.

So now he's turning this into a competitive race to get the best and the brightest to the country, that's a really positive thing and I think that that's going to make it harder to argue against his plan.

But the first part is who makes the decisions our country should. And I would stop using the word dump, when you're talking about people.


MCDOWELL: President Trump didn't use the word dumped, Dana?

PERINO: OK. First, I think that the President offered a couple of ways yesterday in his Rose Garden speech to change the asylum laws and also to - so that people can comply in their country or whatever.

But also he would change the law so that people from the Northern Triangle countries are treated such as Canada and Mexico. That seems fair to me. That sounds like a common-sense balanced thing that people should be allowed - would be willing to vote for.

The other thing is you can solve our problems here, we also know that they're going to keep coming. Right, so there's the pressure on the border and we haven't talked about solving the problem at its source, because that's the only way that it's going to stop. People are not going to stop leaving. They're going to leave.

But you look at people that trying to leave Syria, they'll do anything to get out of there, desperate people do desperate things. So in the long run, I think, there's something need to--

GUTFELD: But to - to help those countries, but also you have to - you have to be realistic and real about who's coming. There are economic migrants and then there are people who are desperate and right now we have politicians who just throw that throw them into one big package.

WILLIAMS: Yes, which is why--

MCDOWELL: We got to go.

WILLIAMS: Hang on a second, I just don't understand, though, when the President talks about bad hombres, again it sounds like he's just talking about people south of the border --

MCDOWELL: We got to go.

WILLIAMS: --when they're not even the biggest source of illegal immigrants.

GUTFELD: Literally some bad hombre, we know that.

MCDOWELL: Thank you. Final word. Up next the unreal reason a lunch lady was fired and an epic slide in Spain and why Game of Thrones could cause millions of Americans to call out sick on Monday, all that in the "Fastest 7", next.


WATTERS: Welcome back. Time for the "Fastest 7". First up, hard to believe situation at a high school in New Hampshire after a lunch lady says she was fired for giving a student a free lunch with only $8.

Bonny Kimball says she was accused of theft by the food vendor and also claims she asked the teen to pay his debt, which was settled the very next day. Two workers quit and protests, but the food provider says the information provided and reported is untrue, although they didn't really specify. I love lunch ladies, Greg.

GUTFELD: All right. You know what I am going to take a unpopular stance on this, because I don't really believe the story completely. She should have gotten in trouble. And by the way $8 is a lot of money. Only $8 is a lot of money.

Look, talk to any bar owner or watch any episode of "Bar Rescue", the thing that kills the business is people giving away free booze.

WATTERS: Wait - but Greg, he got to pay it back.

GUTFELD: It's easy for a - I'm just trying to make an argument. Easy for a bartender to be generous if he doesn't pay for the booze. So she wasn't giving away her food, she was giving away the school's food, she should be arrested and put away for 10 years. Lock her up and the child needs to go away to camp - summer camp - a fun camp.

WATTERS: Dana, I feel like you have a different point of view her.

PERINO: I feel for her and also for the boy, right, because it's not easy if you - and if you're broke, right? But what I do think is interesting, she took that risk, she allowed him to do that. And then if you do that you often do get paid back.


PERINO: And he - they paid it back the next day.

WATTERS: Juan, I wonder if it was one of those Michelle Obama lunches, because those aren't even worth $8.

GUTFELD: I love how you brought the Obamas into this.

WILLIAMS: But I don't even know what Michelle Obama--

WATTERS: And then there is - it's like mystery meat or like no meat one of those things everyone hated them.

WILLIAMS: I don't know, I don't know.

WATTERS: Well, we covered it at Fox flip years.

WILLIAMS: Well, it's a good thing I didn't go to the cafeteria. But I just felt for her and I noticed that two of her colleagues quit in support of her. But then it - apparently part of the story is that the food service had a competitor come in and was looking at the school that day and they were worried that the school district was going to give the business to the competitor.

GUTFELD: I know there was a--

WATTERS: There's something else going on here. That's a good point. What about you Dagen?

MCDOWELL: This is what we are these days. We punish good people. Tater Tots forever, I don't care--

GUTFELD: I love tater tots.

WATTERS: All right. This next one looks like a lot of fun. Check it out.


WATTERS: Oh, my God. This Spanish town built a slide to cut down on the just 10 minute walk between the two streets--

GUTFELD: It's amazing.

WILLIAMS: It was forced to shut it down after only 24 hours due to injuries. I mean, before I saw the video I thought it was pretty weak. But I mean they were careening pretty hard of slides. Look at that.

GUTFELD: I've been proponent of slides as transportation since I was a kid. There was a toy store in San Mateo, California at the Hillsdale Mall, called Bell Arts (ph) and they used to have a slide that went from the first floor down into the basement. It was great until Billy died. But the thing is - and then Tommy and then Caitlin - maybe they just disappeared.

WATTERS: Oh, rest in peace.

GUTFELD: No, but slides are great.


GUTFELD: What a great idea. It's a shame that people got injured.

WATTERS: It's a great idea conceptually and then when someone breaks a limb --

PERINO: This is infrastructure week Spanish style. The thing is it's a little steep and --

WILLIAMS: Yes, that what really--

PERINO: And I'm not sure if they did a lot of testing.

WILLIAMS: Yes, I'm with you. I mean, it looks--

WATTERS: The engineering on this slide --

WILLIAMS: Because it looks stupid, it's just too steep that's not reasonable. I mean, you say maybe _5 have fun. But it's like you go to the - there's summer is coming up and you go on a waterslide. I mean that's a steep - that's like for the big boys.

WATTERS: --gnarly left turn.

GUTFELD: And only one at a time there's no fun.

MCDOWELL: Yes, exactly. I wish they'd left it up for more than 24 hours so we had kind of weeks of video to watch. As long as nobody gets seriously injured like a little bit hurt, I'm cool with that. And you know teenage boys were running home to put on their slickest track pants--



MCDOWELL: --to get as much speed going down that thing.

PERINO: I love it.

WATTERS: All right. If you're thinking about skipping work on Monday over Game of Thrones, well, you're not alone. A survey has found that estimated 10 million Americans are expected to call out "Sick" following the much- anticipated series finale on Sunday. Do you even watch Game of Thrones?

GUTFELD: I've watched some of it. If you worked for me and called in sick due to a poorly written TV fantasy drama, I wouldn't just fire you. I would burn your entire town down. I would burn everybody in the town down--

WATTERS: With the dragon--

GUTFELD: --with the dragon, just like they did a Game of Thrones. I had an idea. They should do - you get to trade jobs with people sometimes. They should get the writers of Veep to write Game of Thrones and then the writers a Game of Thrones not do any writing.

WATTERS: That's one way to do it.

PERINO: And also if you're going to call in sick on Monday, don't tweet about it the night before about Game of Thrones, because you will get caught.

WATTERS: Very good --

PERINO: And I would be more likely to support Super Bowl Monday then Game of Thrones Monday.

WATTERS: Oh, so would I. Well Greg you won't be here on Monday, right?

GUTFELD: Of course--

WILLIAMS: Hey, you busted my man. He's got--

WATTERS: --he loves - big Game of Thrones fan over here.


WILLIAMS: --because I was going to defend you. But I - all right.


WILLIAMS: I think there's interesting thing going on here, because I think people are upset with Game of Thrones, because the good lady has turned out to be a bad lady and they want the whole thing redone.

You know what this is Greek mythology. People who are hungry for power always turn out to go over the top and get themselves revealed as, you know what, having blind ambition. So you got to have to live with it folks.

WATTERS: All right.

MCDOWELL: It's not Greek mythology. It's not Knots Landing with incest. That's all it is and you stole my answer - punishment.

WATTERS: All right, some really good analysis here on “The Five” today. "Fan Mail Friday" up next.


GUTFELD: "Fan Mail Friday", let's get to your questions. I like this question a lot but Cheryle C. "As a child what did you think would be awesome about being an adult, but isn't as awesome as you thought it would be?

That's a really great and profound question, Dagen?


GUTFELD: Wow, that's - God, that's a great answer actually.

MCDOWELL: I'm not going to expand on that.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's just the opposite sex or it doesn't have to be, I guess, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Wait, you're saying when you were a little girl--

MCDOWELL: I just thought it would be awesome, it's like going dates and like - and it kind of never happened.

WILLIAMS: Oh, stop. Your husband was a great date obviously.

MCDOWELL: Two husbands.

WILLIAMS: All right. I give up.

MCDOWELL: Not simultaneous.

GUTFELD: Oh, man. I love this segment. Juan.

WILLIAMS: I mean, when you're a kid it looks like the adults have power and right have money so they have control you think, Oh one day I want - I can get decide what I want to get up, when I want to go to bed, what I eat.

And then when you actually have power, you realize you have to earn the power, you have responsibility. If you make mistakes people blame you. You think, oh, geez.

GUTFELD: So worth it. What about you Jesse, you're a child at heart.

WATTERS: Yes. When you're younger and you can't go on the rides at fairs --

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm still at that point.

WATTERS: --yes, you know. And then at my age when you finally are tall enough to get there, it hurts.

PERINO: Or it makes you sick.

WATTERS: --and you know it's not as fun.

GUTFELD: You have great problems. Dana?

PERINO: I would say bossing people around is not as fun. I was going to say decision-making. Like, you think that if you're the decider everything's going to be great. And like, oh shoot, I just wish somebody would make decisions for me a couple time--

GUTFELD: Every time you got - every year that you got older and went to something new, you realize how much how - many more choices you had. And you just wanted to be that young kid again where you didn't have to think about anything.

WATTERS: Choices are hard.

GUTFELD: Choices are hard. That'll be the title of my new book - Choices are hard. And I'll co-write it with doctor - any doctor.


GUTFELD: Any doctor call me we'll write a book together. All right. "If the President gave you a nickname what would you hope it would be? Jesse?

WATTERS: "Dirty Watters".

PERINO: He thought of this.

WATTERS: That's a good one.

PERINO: You had that one ready to do.

GUTFELD: It was like - yes.

WILLIAMS: Wait, wait. I got to do what I did, but they know why.

WATTERS: I'll tell you after the break.


PERINO: "Giant Killer". And I took a picture with Brad Parks - he's 6'8. I looked like a ridiculous human next to him. He's quite tall.


WILLIAMS: I don't know, (inaudible) he calls me childish. I don't appreciate it. But he stopped tweeting about you, so I appreciate that.


MCDOWELL: "Big Dagen".

GUTFELD: That's "Big Dagen".

MCDOWELL: Some of that being true.


GUTFELD: I would just --

MCDOWELL: From a neck down.

GUTFELD: I just want to be - I know he watches - so he just tweeted me "Sexy Greg".

WATTERS: Little Greg, too deep.

MCDOWELL: You have to do this when you say that.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. No, I don't even need to do that. This is good question. This is from Henry. "How do you all react to an autograph request?" I know Dana you pretty much - you'll throw hot coffee on someone's face--

PERINO: Yes I scream. I go mad. I'm just like - you know what, it's a big honor to be asked for your autograph.

GUTFELD: It is. It really is. And you know this question is from somebody a little bit older Jesse --


GUTFELD: Because nobody does this.

PERINO: They just want to selfie now.

GUTFELD: They want a selfie.

WATTERS: You know what annoys me when they do that, though they don't have a pen, so I'm like, yes, sure and then they're like--

PERINO: Do you have a pen--

WATTERS: Dana don't carry around the pen.

GUTFELD: Or they don't have anything to sign. But that's a real big problem, Jesse, you're just insulting somebody who wants your autograph.

WATTERS: You can sign things on people.

GUTFELD: Yes, thank you. Dagen.

MCDOWELL: Your big time enough, you need to start are carrying around a sharpie with you everywhere, that's what NASCAR drivers do. They always have a sharpie for autographs.

GUTFELD: Is that a knife?


GUTFELD: OK. That's what I call my knife - sharpie.

MCDOWELL: I rarely get asked for autographs, because without makeup I look kind of like Marty Feldman. But when I do, I think I go overboard. And I'm like, "Hey, let's go get breakfast" "Let's go have lunch". And they feel like I'm being overly cumbersome (ph) and it kind of makes them a little frightened.


WILLIAMS: Well, I get a asked the lot, because I write books and so people - you go to a book signed, people want to sign it. But here's the thing, I don't like it when they resell them. I always say, hey, wait a minute, I got pushed out of the money here.


WILLIAMS: But the - so but - another day I got a request for good money actually to sign like a 1,000 books and they're going to be leather-bound editions of a book I wrote almost 30 years ago.

GUTFELD: I was leather-bound once. You know--

PERINO: Oh, my God, that'll be your nickname.

GUTFELD: Yes, leather bound Greg. You know what I do. I always, if it's an older gentleman or gentlewoman I will sign it as Brian Kilmeade and then I'll swear at him.

WATTERS: I was going in the subway the other day and the guy walks by me goes, "Hey, love you on Fox & Friends". I think he thought I was Kilmeade.

GUTFELD: I think it wasn't - that was Duecy who said that. Duecy was on the subway.

WATTERS: That's where he rides.

GUTFELD: That's how he rides.


GUTFELD: "One More Thing" is up next.


PERINO: Time now for "One More Thing", I'm going to go first. Grumpy Cat - you remember Grumpy Cat?


PERINO: Passed away. This is the internet's most famous feline. While her rise to stardom led to high-end sponsorships, appearances on the silver screen and earnings of - get this a $100 million. She was best known for the meme that started it all. I think we have picture of it. I had fun once, it was awful.

Since her passing, everyone's been pouring in tributes to this cat. She was only seven. She died in the arms of her mother Tabitha and it was due to complications from a urinary tract infection. You go to check those things out.

Anyway Grumpy Cat, a $100 million, I wish I could have figure that out. You still have time with Rookie, Jesse.


PERINO: You still have time, and you're next actually.

WATTERS: All right. I don't know if you saw, I was on the quiz with Tucker the other day. Second time second loss, Kennedy beat me, but not without controversy as it always is. Watch what happened.


TUCKER CARLSON, HOST "TUCKER CARLSON TONIGHT": The President, as you know, has given nicknames to a number of the Democratic candidates running this year. What is the name he has given to the South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg? Kennedy?


WATTERS: Alfred E. Neuman?

CARLSON: Alfred E. Neuman.


WATTERS: OK. Notice what she said - was it Alfred P. Neuman, Greg?


WATTERS: Or is it Alfred E. Neuman?

GUTFELD: She should have said "E", but she said "P".

WATTERS: Alfred E. Neuman is the correct answer. That was the tiebreaker. That would have given me that victory.

GUTFELD: They don't - I'm telling you they do not keep score well on that show.

WATTERS: You do not run a very tight--

GUTFELD: I saw their two producers the other day said, "Hey, haven't you noticed I've been on your show in a while".

WATTERS: Well, I'd like to be invited back, because I just need to do it once.

PERINO: You want to redo rematch.

WATTERS: Yes. Can I faceoff against an intern here or something like that. Also "Watters World" 8:00 p.m. We have the latest on the "Sex Strike", so stay tuned for that. We also have politically incorrect movies that would not survive today. We have a presidential candidate joining us and Dana Perino makes her "Watters World" debut, and you know what we talk about, you.

GUTFELD: Oh, geez.

WATTERS: We gossip the whole show.

GUTFELD: I will tune in. Sure people will be riveted.

PERINO: It's a pretty good segment. OK, your turn.

GUTFELD: All right, "Greg Gutfeld Show" tomorrow May 18th 10:00 p.m. I got Terry Schappert, I got Sean Kanan, I got Kat Timpf and Tyrus - 10 p.m. If you don't watch it you're dead to me. Now it's time for this.


GUTFELD: "Animals are Great!"



GUTFELD: Well, talk about walking softly and carrying a big stick check. Check out Bosco, no, he's not a chocolate syrup, he's a dog, a dachshund - a determined dachshund. Check him out with a branch that is so big between his gritty teeth. Look at that little fella go. Just goes to show that big things are often inside small packages. What an adorable little animal.



GUTFELD: "Animals are Great!"


GUTFELD: That was so cute.

PERINO: That's what they call the branch manager.

WATTERS: Excellent.

PERINO: Dagen - no, Juan, you're next.

WILLIAMS: OK. Moms and dads you know never ever to pick a favorite among your children. But what do you do when they're playing against each other in one of the biggest NBA games of the year. Well how about a coin toss?


WILLIAMS: Take a look at this video.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: rock-paper-scissors --

WILLIAMS: Dell and Sonya Curry are the proud parents of two NBA stars. Their son Steph Curry of the champion Golden State Warriors, younger brother Seth of the Portland Trailblazers - the video by the way was done by their daughter.

They are the first set of brothers to compete against each other in a Conference Finals Series in NBA history. So the parents wear two-sided jerseys and cheer whichever one of the boys does well. So "Go Curry's Go".


PERINO: No, that's great. That's great one. Dagen.

MCDOWELL: I will file this under southern people problems. The Memphis Airport is warning flyers to stop trying to bring large jars and bottles of barbecue sauce on planes in their carry-on bags.

The World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest is around this time of the year and people at the Memphis Airport have been posting warnings about bringing bottles of sauces that they pick up in the city through the TSA checkpoints. Barbecue sauces cannot be transported in your carry-on bags says the sign.

PERINO: Yes, because also if it breaks that's a problem.

MCDOWELL: Because there's always that care--

GUTFELD: Get sauced instead.

PERINO: That was great. Great show. Thanks for joining us everybody. Have a great weekend. We're going to see you back here on Monday.

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