Are Americans politically ignorant?

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," February 18, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle, along with Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld.



GUILFOYLE: It's 5 o'clock in New York City. And this is "The Five."




GUILFOYLE: The show must go on.

Can America survive if Americans don't know anything about our country?

Well, check out this new Presidents' Day prank pulled of by Jimmy Kimmel. One of his reporters on the street notified people about the death of FDR.


QUESTIONER: President Roosevelt passed away due to natural causes at a very old age. Do you have condolences to give his family?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He was a good man, and I'm sorry for his passing.

QUESTIONER: President Roosevelt died this morning. Do you have anything to say to his widow, Eleanor?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Wow, I'm truly sorry for your loss.

QUESTIONER: Did you follow his account on Twitter, his little jokes?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, yes, oh, yes, he's a funny guy.

QUESTIONER: What were you favorite jokes, when he would make fun of Obama a little bit for the ears or --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, yes, I like the Obama ear jokes. I'm trying to think of more.



GUILFOYLE: Last night on "The Factor," Bill O'Reilly was fired up about a Newsweek survey that shows 25 percent of Americans couldn't name Biden as our vice president, 43 percent couldn't define the Bill of Rights, and 67 percent didn't know our economic system is capitalism. I wonder why.

Well, Bill thinks he knows why Americans are having a hard time answering these simple questions.


BILL O'REILLY, FOX NEWS HOST: It's quite clear the American public school system is the main culprit. I know there are some good schools, but most schools could not care less about instructing young Americans how their country works.

Number two, the Internet has created a generation of self-absorbed, addicted, distracted, and ignorant people. Therefore, we are a country in decline primarily because 320 million American citizens aren't paying attention. They do not seem to be interested in the welfare of their country. They are primarily interested in their own welfare.


GUILFOYLE: We're going to get back to O'Reilly in a moment. We had our own toxic mess up on "The Five," as I tried to keep the show going. But

GUTFELD: Look at my notes. Can you see my notes? Look at this. How can I talk without my notes?

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: We need to let people know that Eric and his exuberance as he usually is, went to wave.


BECKEL: And he knocked a cup of coffee all over.

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Coffee all over Dana's lap, too.

GUILFOYLE: Dana was up for 15 hours writing all those notes. All of Greg's jokes are wet. Let's see if he comes up with some original material after this.

BECKEL: That looks like the museum of the constitution.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: One of the funniest things I have ever seen.

GUILFOYLE: This is the beauty of live television. You never know what's going to happen.

GUTFELD: I wouldn't call it beauty.

GUILFOYLE: It depends on if you're into abstract coffee --

PERINO: A full immersion --

GUILFOYLE: Mine went in the hot tub and it survived.

PERINO: We'll find out.


GUILFOYLE: There's hope or there's help.

All right. Bob, you seem to be the only one not involved in the multicar wreck here, and you don't seem to be wet.

BECKEL: It's like North Carolina turnpike in the snowstorm.

GUILFOYLE: Terrible, my gosh.

BECKEL: Let me make several comments about Uncle Bill O'Reilly.

I think it's a somewhat elitist to suggest that people sit around in America and think about politics the way we do. Nothing is really changed much. If you ask these questions back in the '50s, you could have gotten this kind of answer. I think frankly, if anything, things have gotten better. I mean, I give Bush credit for getting some serious education stuff done.

I think the idea that -- now, do I agree with him that technology has sort of blunted a generation? Maybe so. Let's also remember, a lot of people get educated on the Internet. They go to college on the Internet.
That was never available before.

So, I just don't agree with them.

GUILFOYLE: Well, what about the fact, we have union dominated schools? It's impossible to fire teachers who aren't performing properly.
That's why people are looking for an alternative education for their children, via charter schools, via private schools, because of what is going on. Never mind even the crowding in public schools. And, by the way, my favorite thing -- you can't even fire a sexual predator.

BECKEL: That's because you think about New York City every time you think about public schools. Most public schools are pretty good.

BOLLING: That's not a fair assessment, and by the way, your numbers -


GUILFOYLE: Could you spill more coffee?

BOLLING: Our schools aren't doing better. Our high schools aren't doing better. We're 31 -- number 31 in the world in math skills, 21 in reading skills, and tanking.

BECKEL: It's history.

BOLLING: You know why? You want to know why?


BOLLING: Right here, technology. We have iPhones. We have an app for everything. You want to know what tip you have to leave at dinner?
You have an app for that. Press a button, they'll tell you how much tip to leave.

You want to write something, and you spell something wrong, it's highlighted for you. You spelled it wrong. You can press another button to tell you if your grammar is wrong. Kids don't have to learn. People don't have to learn anymore.

We're dumbing down our complete society because we're relying on technology.

BECKEL: Are you done sucking up to O'Reilly on this or what?

BOLLING: Well, I think he's right on this.


GUTFELD: I have to disagree because I think -- I'm with Bob on this.
It's easy to blame technology when it's actually ideology. Technology is an inert substance, it's like blaming the mailman for junk mail. It's the delivery system.

But the ideology that we're really worried about is what's going through these vessels of information. History is now histrionics. We don't talk about facts anymore. We talk about feelings in schools.
Statistics are now sex ex.

It's basically what we're worried about is the triumph of progressivism in education that has basically changed or may be shrinking the minds of our young people. We see it as a failure, but I think that other people see it as a defining success, that the decline of the west somehow is a good thing. David didn't kill Goliath. Goliath killed goliath.

BECKEL: You know, when I listen to you, it's like Groundhog Day.
Like (INAUDIBLE) over and over about the progressives --

GUTFELD: But I did agree with you. I do. We can't blame technology for our weakness in ideology, for allowing this pernicious poison to invade our kids' heads.

GUILFOYLE: Ms. Perino?

PERINO: I think there's good and bad, as with most things. Let me give you one example. Today in "The Wall Street Journal," there's a story about a decision in Florida for the community colleges, whether or not students should have to take remedial courses when they get to college before going on to graduate because they're finding if the students are made to take remedial courses, their rate of graduation is somewhat less.

So, now, we're going to leave it up to students to decide whether they need to go to English 101 again, and also the government is getting involved, which is sort of bizarre. So, I think on the education part, we've got a long way to go to catch up to the things we have lost.

On the other side of it, technology hasn't corrupted everybody's minds, and we talked, you talked about this this morning on the show with Andrea, Bob, about the UAW vote in Tennessee, which failed. To me, that means that people are still able to make up their own minds based on information that they gather, especially when it's going to affect their pocketbooks and those people there made a decision after a vote.

You never want to underestimate the ability of the American people to understand issues, to grasp them, grapple with them, and made decisions on their own. There's a lot of things we have to fix, but I think technology- wise, if you don't need to know the exact date that so-and-so was president, and because you have access to look it up, that's probably OK.

BECKEL: If you took a camera out to Times Square, you could find, and you could edit, you could find any number of people who come up with this, when did FDR die? Who is Joe Biden?

GUILFOYLE: Do you follow him on Twitter? And like, he makes funny Obama jokes?

BECKEL: There's no evidence that I see except this is, you know, I give O'Reilly credit, and Jesse for doing that, whatever they call that, attack TV.

BOLLING: Ambush, yeah.

BECKEL: Yes. But I mean, so what? You could edit it.

BOLLING: How do you explain a slide? You look at the top 10 countries. Six or seven of them are Asian countries. It's China, it's various Asian cultures.


BOLLING: Yes, and they're winning. They're the top five in science, math, and reading across the board. We've slid from, I don't know, maybe
15 years ago, we were around 15, 16, or os, and now, we're 31 in math, 21 in reading.

GUILFOYLE: That's really unacceptable.

BOLLING: And 26 in science.

This is a fail. This is a massive fail on our part.

GUTFELD: It's also hard to teach history if you really don't like your history. And I think you're seeing that a lot in education. People just don't have a high view of what America is, so what's the point of teaching it?

GUILFOYLE: Or how we got here?

GUTFELD: It's just a bunch of dead white men.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. But let's remember, they also don't think much about politics either. If we get up and think about politics every day, most average Americans don't get up in the morning and get consumed on what's going on in politics.

PERINO: They're not in my e-mail chain.

GUILFOYLE: That's correct.


BOLLING: You have to admit, though, Bob, as Kimberly pointed out when she threw you the first question, this whole issue of tenure and the public school system isn't helping things. Clearly, the kids are going to charter schools, are scoring higher than the kids going to public schools. Charter works better, am I wrong?

GUILFOYLE: That's why New York is going after charter schools.

PERINO: I was just going to say, I do think, also, we're forgetting to talk about parental involvement. I mean, the reason I started reading the newspaper, knew about politics, is my dad had an assignment for me every day, starting in the third grade, I had to read "The Rocky Mountain News" and "The Denver Post" before we got home. And it pick out two articles to discuss before dinner.

GUILFOYLE: Why is that sounds funny?

GUTFELD: That's hilarious. It's great.

PERINO: That was a mom and a dad saying, OK, we want -- this is important to us and we want you to learn about it, too.

GUILFOYLE: Family structure, caring about America's history in case -
- instead of being ashamed of it. But this is -- look at this "Newsweek,"
1,000 citizens to take the official citizenship test, 29 percent only could pass it.

GUTFELD: You know what? My parents made me learn how to make their drinks. So, when my dad came home, I had a scotch on the rocks.

PERINO: For real?


PERINO: How much scotch?

GUTFELD: I did two fingers.

BECKEL: My problem was my father came home with a whole bottle already drank before he got there.

But, you know -- I don't know -- listen, by the way, I am for competency tests for teachers. I think the idea of a tenure and automatically you get these jobs, I don't agree with that. There's a lot of problems with that, and I think charter schools are fine, too.

But I just -- how much concentration are we doing on math and science anymore in America? Very little, right?

BOLLING: But that's the problem. Maybe to Greg's point -- maybe teachers don't like it, so they don't concentrate on it either.

But you can't argue with results. I mean, we're sliding. Meanwhile, the public schools are failing compared to the private -- both private schools and charter schools, so if one system works, why are we throwing so much money and protecting the one class that's is failing at the risk of the other ones failing.

BECKEL: Let's face it -- you're talking about mostly inner city schools, right?

GUTFELD: Not just that. In the suburbs, I can bet you a student will know more about global warming and gender relations than economics, mathematics, or English.

BOLLING: Or history.

BECKEL: Also know about molly and how to roll a joint.

GUTFELD: OK, there you had to ruin the almost perfect block, Bob.

BECKEL: Sorry.

PERINO: Oh, yes, it was perfect.

BECKEL: Started off in a great way. Besides the cup that spilled.

BOLLING: My apologies to my co-hosts.

BECKEL: This whole thing was rim full.

GUILFOYLE: Let's see how we can top that, right? You never know.

Ahead on "The Five," Jimmy Fallon made his debut as host of the tonight show last night, and he kicked things off with a little zinger.


JIMMY FALLON, THE TONIGHT SHOW: I'm Jimmy Fallon, and I'll be your host for now. Of course, I wouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for the previous "Tonight Show" hosts so I want to say thank you to Steve Allan, Jack Parr, Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, and Jay Leno. They're very, very nice.




All right. We're going to tell you what we thought of his first show coming up.

Also, will Democrats' denial about ObamaCare cost them in November?
That debate when "The Five" returns.

Somebody, get them off.


PERINO: President Obama has had a hard time getting young people -- more coffee. Sorry. It's all over the chair.

Obama has a hard time getting young people in America to buy his health care plan, so now he's got a new approach, telling them ObamaCare is just a part of life.


BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We'd like to encourage more young people to sign up. They can find good options for less than their cable bill, less than their cell phone bill. And it's just part of growing up.


PERINO: And then, there's this -- Nancy Pelosi trying to convince Americans that ObamaCare is something our Founding Fathers risks their lives for.


REP. NANCY PELOSI (D), CALIFORNIA: The law is very sound policy. To go back to our founders once again, they sacrificed it all for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This bill, the Affordable Care Act, is about a healthier life, the liberty to pursue your happiness. That's solid policy, and that is the mandate is central to that.


PERINO: So, Greg, ObamaCare, signing up, just a part of, you know, rite of passage, growing up?

GUTFELD: Growing up is a part of growing up. Independence is a part of life. Dependence is the anti-life. Why does Obama applaud your weakness? Helpless Americans are controllable ones. The scariest sound a liberal politician can hear is when you say, we don't need you. He wants you to need him because that guarantees government survival.

It isn't what the Founding Fathers sacrificed for. If the Founding Fathers were alive right now, they'd kill themselves, after hitting Times Square.

PERINO: Eric, how does somebody say, and the White House has done this, too, with Ronald Reagan, saying he would have been for this, or he couldn't have won today's Republican Party. What gives them the right to rewrite history?

BOLLING: I have no idea. Do you realize what Nancy Pelosi said at the very end of that sound bite? And the mandate is central to that, when she's talking about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Mandate is the exact opposite of liberty. Liberty implies freedom, freedom to choose. Mandate implied no freedom. So, I don't know -- I can't believe she actually uttered those two terms, mandate --

GUILFOYLE: But you kind of can believe them.

BOLLING: -- in the context of life, liberty and freedom -- it's ridiculous.

I don't know -- politicians, ask Bob, politicians who say whatever they want whenever they want and no one calls them on it, but thank goodness we're calling her on this one.

By the way, just very quickly, James Madison actually had a comment, I can't remember the exact comment, but he alluded to the fact where laws shouldn't be so complex that they take -- they are too complex to understand, they shouldn't be passed that way.

Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi, her own words, we need to pass it to find out.

PERINO: You know what? You're in luck because Lynn Cheney has a book coming out, I think the beginning of April or May, on James Madison. I'll get you a copy.

BECKEL: All right.

GUTFELD: The odd couple.


GUILFOYLE: Did you use a cleanser during --


GUILFOYLE: What is that?

GUTFELD: Clorox.

PERINO: Coffee and Clorox is a very good smell.

GUTFELD: I'm getting high off that.

PERINO: I want to play the sound bite and get Kimberly and Bob to comment. This is from Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius.




KATHLEEN SEBELIUS, HHS SECRETARY: There is absolutely no evidence, and every economist will tell you this, that there is any job loss related to the Affordable Care Act. I know that's a popular myth that continues to be repeated, but it just is not accurate.


PERINO: Bob, if that's the case, if Kathleen Sebelius were right, why, then, did the administration delay the employer mandate for another year, because presumably they were concerned about the implementation and the effects on the economy, right?

BECKEL: Well, I think a lot of us think it's the effects on the election. I mean, that it was -- let's be honest. This is becoming -- every time I see another thing happen with this, I say to myself, OK, I'm back in my campaign manager role, right? This is what I would do with ObamaCare.

Now, having said that, I think Sebelius -- however you pronounce her name?

PERINO: Sebelius.

BECKEL: Sebelius, this was an outlier, the CBO thing. We always jump on the CBO and give it a God-like sort of aura about it. I don't think that you would probably see many more jobs lost as a result of ObamaCare if you didn't have ObamaCare. I think people don't like their jobs. I think if they had a chance to do something else, they would do it. So I'm not defending that. I think -- I just have a hard time seeing how they figured out statistically, 2 million people will be out of work.

PERINO: Do you work with anybody here -- do you know anybody in your life who doesn't like their job?


PERINO: Really?

BECKEL: Oh, my gosh.

PERINO: Tell us who?

BECKEL: Out here in the street.

GUTFELD: That's no one's choice to make but that person.

By the way, when Sebelius said there no jobs were lost, she was bragging about herself.

GUILFOYLE: Right, exactly. One job that should be lost.

PERINO: She saved hers.

One thing, Kimberly, on the public communications standpoint, when an administration seems this out of touch with what other people are at least perceiving, do you think it undermines President Obama's credibility for them, at least not to admit that there could be some concerns for the economy since it seems to be everybody but the administration is saying that?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, this is why they have no credibility, because it's such a bold-faced lie, such a disconnect with the truth. And that's what bothers me.

It's one thing for them to talk about dreams for America and changing
-- fundamentally changing America and making it a fair place for everybody.
The problem is they have done the exact opposite. They have cost people coverage, cost people jobs. They made a deep and lasting unfortunate and deleterious impact on the economy.

And now, it's not an intangible they're selling. Americans know, because the numbers are there, whether Bob and others like them want to admit it, the numbers are there to show the damage from what they have done, and now they want to continue to sell us other products they don't know what they're doing with, whether it's immigration or something else.
We shouldn't believe that.

PERINO: Minimum wage. And, in fact, Eric, do you want to tell Bob what the CBO said today about minimum wage?


BECKEL: Yes, that's right, 600 economists --

BOLLING: CBO scored -- by the way, CBO scored ObamaCare before it was a law. Remember when it was a bill and CBO scored it? All you leftists were like, look, it's not going to cost a dime --

BECKEL: Well, that's because in our favor.

BOLLING: -- but you quoted the CBO. Right, exactly. It was in your favor to quote the CBO --


BECKEL: One of the things we're discussing is the Democrats campaign idea about how they're going to take this and turn it into a positive.
They're not going to turn it into a positive. Can they blunt it? Yes. I think it's not a bad idea that a lot of polling, a lot of focus groups, and found that, first of all, a majority of Americans, if it could be fixed, would like to see ObamaCare.

PERINO: OK. So, the question is --

BECKEL: Second, they think Republicans -- they think Republicans have no idea what they're doing.

PERINO: Republicans have proposed something.

BECKEL: I've read it.

PERINO: OK. So, you don't like it.

But when the Democrats now, because their polling is concerning to them, when now they say they're willing to fix it, what are they proposing to fix?

BECKEL: Well, that's the whole point here, right?

PERINO: They don't have anything.

BECKEL: I don't think there's any way some one bill, you could fix everything here. Some things need to be fixed. But look, these Democrats are fighting for survival here. And they're going --

GUILFOYLE: It's their own fault. They have created their own doomsday.

BECKEL: And, by the way, we use the word lie around the table --

GUILFOYLE: That's a lie, Bob!


GUILFOYLE: Liar, liar, pants on fire.

GUTFELD: The inherent contradiction is she said no jobs are lost, but a couple weeks ago, the lost jobs were good. So, that's an inherent contradiction.

PERINO: Right, because you'd be freed up so then you could away --

GUILFOYLE: And pursue your dream.


GUTFELD: By the way, this bleach --

PERINO: This smell.

GUILFOYLE: This smell is also notes of a moldy mop.

BECKEL: We have to get out of here.

GUILFOYLE: It's not me.

PERINO: "Tonight Show" --

BECKEL: I'm sorry. It's not you.

PERINO: I'm trying to read it.

"The Tonight Show" transition is complete. Jimmy Fallon took over for Jay Leno last night. We're going to show you the highlights and tell you what we thought, next on "The Five."


BOLLING: OK, welcome back to the fastest seven minutes on TV, news, and otherwise. We're getting bigger. Three alluring stories, seven exhilarated minutes, one animated host.

First up, Jimmy Fallon returns to the fastest seven. Late last night, "The Late Night" host crushed it in his premier as host of the tonight show. The celebrities came out to show their support.



FALLON: To my buddy who said I'd never be host of "The Tonight Show," and you know who you are, you owe me 100 bucks, buddy.


FALLON: Broadway Joe Namath?



BOLLING: Fallon is funny, really funny, but he can sing and dance.
Check out Jimmy alongside Will Smith as they re-enact the history of hip- hop dance.


BOLLING: All right, we'll bring it around.

Greg, did you like the premier?

GUTFELD: I didn't watch it. Didn't watch it.

They were giving him money. You know who gave him the most money?
New Yorkers, $20 million to stay here, in tax breaks.

Think about that, when every business in New York --

BOLLING: That's OK, right?


BOLLING: That's OK, right?

GUTFELD: I'm for that, but it shouldn't just be for media hacks. It should be for everybody in New York.


GUTFELD: You know what I'm saying? People are leaving because of the tax problems here. But they gave him $20 million, to somebody who wasn't even leaving.

GUILFOYLE: Somebody get the mop again.

BOLLING: Let's bring it around. Dana, your thoughts?

PERINO: I like it. I didn't stay up to watch it. I was watching ice dancing and that was riveting. We did win gold in that. So, I like -- I mean, I like it that I don't have to stay up to watch the highlights. I can watch them on "The Five" every day. It's incredible, the amount of attention.

GUTFELD: Wait a minute, is there some conspiracy? Are they paying us? We just ran two minutes of this show on "The Five." Are we getting cutbacks?

PERINO: The fastest seven minutes.

GUILFOYLE: OK. So here's the deal. I still incredibly love Jay Leno, but Jimmy doesn't need me. He's got so much love from so many people, and all those hundred dollar bills.

BECKEL: I actually watched it and I agree completely. He did crush it. If there was word, if you use the word "crush," that was one of them.
It was a terrific performance.

GUILFOYLE: That's what "The Post" said.

BOLLING: Big numbers, too. He has amazing first-night ratings. He beat Jay Leno, if I'm not mistaken.

Anyway, let's move on -- Paramount Studios is set to release a biblical themed film "Noah" starring Russell Crowe. Here's a clip.

GUILFOYLE: And now, I'm excited.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: A great flood is coming. We build a vessel to survive the storm. We build an ark.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He ended everything.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Beginning. Beginning of everything.


BOLLING: But faith-based audiences are concerned with Hollywood's mixing of the biblical core message with a biblically themed movie designed to appeal to mass audiences.

So, we ask, should films like "Noah" be considered biblical or entertainment?

K.G., we'll start with you. Bring it on this way.

GUILFOYLE: Hollywood is doing it, so I would say this would qualify as entertainment with some threads of, you know, biblical veracity woven in between.

BOLLING: Bob, are you OK with a movie like this where it takes the theme and I guess it expands it for wider audiences?

BECKEL: Yes, I'm all right, but listen to the way they ask the question. This is why it drives me crazy when there's 98 percent of anything. As a faith-driven consumer, are you satisfied with a biblically themed movie out of Hollywood designed to appeal to you, which replaces the Bible's core message with one created in Hollywood.

GUILFOYLE: The call suggests the answer.

BECKEL: Yes. I mean, it's just obviously, people who have faith, and particularly evangelicals are going to say, oh, no, you're going away from the Bible and the one in Hollywood, of course not.

GUTFELD: But you're OK with the 98 percent climate.

BECKEL: I am, because that one is true.


BOLLING: Dana, and Bob makes a good point. They market these movies to people who want to go see a religious movie, and then you get something else.

PERINO: I think, well, you're never going to please everybody, but I think discerning adults can decide if they want to take their children to it, and they explain to them if they're concerned about it, what they didn't like about it, what they didn't like about it.

But I think there is something to learn from it. It looks very dark.
I just hope at the end the rainbow comes out --

GUILFOYLE: Aren't you precious?


GUTFELD: This guy did -- he did "Black Swan," "Requiem for a Dream," "Pi," "The Fountain" -- these are not uplifting films. So, it's going to be more about spectacle than biblical.

And, by the way, I'm a little skeptical about "Noah," the whole story itself. Does that make me bad that I really don't believe that a guy got all the animals unto a boat?


GUILFOYLE: How many movies Jennifer Connelly has done with Russell Crowe.

GUTFELD: She's great.

GUILFOYLE: She's great. I just saw a movie, this is freaking me out, with Russell Crowe in it. He played basically a devil, a demon in it. And now, he's Noah?


BECKEL: The same people who say they hate it when they take the baby Jesus scenes off public property. The baby scenes of Jesus are not biblically based. So, there you go.


BOLLING: Interesting.

All right. Ellen DeGeneres is having fun with Rebel Wilson, the quote, "new" rap duo may be the next thing, giving Drake, Dr. Dre, and Diddy a run for their money. What do you think?


UNIDENTIFIED FMALE: I'm so excited about our album.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm so excited, so many good tracks.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Baby got backfat.



UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Right, you can really get into that.

(singing): Watching cats on the internet, kitty cat, kitty cat, show me that, show me that, watching cats on the Internet, kitty cat, kitty cat, show me that.


BOLLING: OK, Dana, I have to go to you first on this one.

PERINO: Yes, you may. I love Ellen DeGeneres. I'm a rap expert. I thought they did an OK job.


PERINO: I prefer to watch dogs on the Internet rather than cats, but no. Cute. I like Ellen DeGeneres a lot.

GUTFELD: You are so diplomatic.

PERINO: I like the time she it the special and she said you're running along and your trip and then you want to keep walking. It was very funny.

BOLLING: Bob, I know you researched this extensively.

BECKEL: I don't have a clue what this is about. Can I get one fast thing before I get so many e-mails and tweets. What I said about the nativity scene, it was not biblically based in the sense that all three wise men were not there with shepherd, if you read Matthew or Mark, you read it carefully, you'll see it's not -- but we want to see it there, so we bring it together, and it's beautiful.

GUTFELD: And the other thing is they're not that small.

BOLLING: Right, or that stiff.

GUTFELD: That stiff.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

BOLLING: The baby Jesus, the manger scene, or Ellen DeGeneres.

GUILFOYLE: I love baby Jesus. Love baby Jesus, and I love the black Adidas track suits. Feeling that.

BOLLING: We'll leave it here. Ahead, chaos in Caracas, Venezuela.
Venezuelans are being shot while protesting big government for freedom.
Where are Sean Penn, Danny Glover and Chavez-loving celebs now? Hiding in Hollywood, I guess -- coming up on "The Five."


GUTFELD: So, Venezuelan government has blocked Twitter from showing pictures as protesters rally against its impoverished nation. Three protesters are dead as the country's president banned demonstration and expelled U.S. officials.

So, this sounds like a really intense political thriller, you know, one directed by Oliver Stone and starring Sean Penn as a brave journalist caught in a crackdown, if that movie were about America. But since it's about Venezuela, the socialist nightmare that Stone and Penn embraced, they're absent. Perhaps, they're still nursing hangovers from Hugo's funeral.

So, let's review. Protesters are killed, voices are quashed, dissenters arrested. All evil stuff, at least in movies. Any actor would love to play the heroic resister.

But in real life, never mind. After all, both Penn and Stone eulogized Hugo Chavez and defended his corrupt government. No surprise their politics are as disposable as their girlfriends. A cause is a drink you toss aside as you get bored, as you gallivant to the next premier.

So, what about the poor who are ignored in the name of the greater good? Penn looked away because if he stared socialism in its face, he would see his next role, which leads to Venezuela's shortages. They've got no food, no supplies, no toilet paper. Maybe that's why Stone and Penn split. When you're that full of crap, you go where the Sharmen (ph) is.

So, K.G. --

GUILFOYLE: I knew it, any time it's something dirty, you come to me.

GUTFELD: I wasn't going to talk to you about that. About the toilet paper, how could a country not have toilet paper? What does it say about their economic system?

GUILFOYLE: What does it say about the Russian Olympics? They don't have it, either.

GUTFELD: Capitalism equals toilet paper.


GUILFOYLE: That to me, it seems to me like a basic human right --

PERINO: Like ObamaCare.


GUTFELD: I get it, there are trees there, but toilet paper is better.

GUILFOYLE: But Venezuelans are suffering, and there's plenty of money in the country, but it's in the hands of a very few, and not in the hands of the people, and that's the problem. So, they've got a real situation on their hands now that Chavez is gone, and the one in power is not the president, it's the general. It is (INAUDIBLE).

GUTFELD: Yes. Eric, this is a crazy oil rich nation.


GUTFELD: How can -- if you had to explain to a 15-year-old how could something so wealthy be so impoverished, what would you say?

BOLLING: I was going to say that. In your monologue, no food, no supplies, no toilet paper, but a boat load of oil.


BOLLING: They should be a wealthy, wealthy nation. It should be around $40,000 or $50,000 because of this. In 1973, they nationalized the oil industry. They said, you know what, government is going to own the industry. We have to push everybody else out, push businesses out.

And what socialism does, it takes business, it crushes business and makes government business, and then the corruption takes over. So, a few people get extremely wealthy.

You want to talk about income inequality? Go to the socialist countries where the few dictators are boat load rich and everyone --

GUILFOYLE: Yes, they're billionaires, and the rest are poverty stricken.

BOLLING: These people produce 3 billion barrels of oil per day. They should be of the richest nations in the country, kind of like Saudi Arabia, the amount of people, but they're not because of corrupt socialist government.

BECKEL: Because of socialism.

GUILFOYLE: It's true. You can't blame the CBO on that.

GUTFELD: Where is Sean Penn now?


BECKEL: I have no idea. Could we talk about this for a second? The opposition leader, Lopez, who was -- turned himself in. There was an arrest order out for him. This guy, Maduro, the president, is far worse than Chavez ever was. I mean, they have cut off the internet. They have done away with all -- you can't get paper, not toilet paper, but paper to print opposition magazines and newspapers. They shut that down.

It is becoming not a socialist country. It's becoming a totalitarian country. That's very dangerous in the heart of the western hemisphere.

GUTFELD: It always kind of was.

GUILFOYLE: It's a natural progression from socialism. Power in the hands of a very few that become very wealthy, at the expense of the masses.

GUTFELD: Dana, what is with the pattern of celebrities only lionizing left wing thugs and then they also clam up and leave when everything goes south. We can go back in history from Lillian Hellman to Pete Seeger, all these people split when the crap hits the fan.

PERINO: I think it has something to do with their -- they look at what's happening in Venezuela now, and their view and their vision of what socialism would look like, they think, oh, they're just not doing it right.

GUTFELD: Right, yes.

PERINO: They think that if they were -- that it could be done better, but a utopia only exists in fiction. And these guys live their lives in fiction. They make their money doing things, acting out fictional things.

I just wanted to say one other thing. Access to a free media and to the Internet, to television news, all sorts of diverse opinions, that's the only way to guarantee a country to be able to fight for their own freedoms to make them make their own decisions. And America should be helping them rather than just saying they are concerned. That's what we said.

GUILFOYLE: Real quick, about Sean Penn. I will say this on his behalf. He's one of the few people who didn't abandon Haiti. He remained true to that cause. He goes back regularly and tries to help people. But otherwise, he's enjoying his personal life with Charlize. And let's deal with it.

PERINO: But a lot of people do that in Haiti.

BOLLING: And what's your parting thought?

PERINO: I don't think he should get a lot of credit for that, because a lot of people do that in Haiti.

BOLLING: One question.

GUILFOYLE: Sure, where is he?

BOLLING: To Bob's comment. Just think about this for a second. Let us know. Give me one socialist-economy government that's ever worked.

PERINO: That's thriving.

BECKEL: France.

BOLLING: Name one.

BECKEL: France.

BOLLING: Socialist.

BECKEL: That's what -- you keep throwing the word "socialist" around.

BOLLING: You're going to say there's no capitalism in France?

BECKEL: Of course, there is, but it's side by side.

GUTFELD: We've got to go. I'm getting yelled at. There's a new surge in the number of military members on Food Stamps. We discuss this when "The Five" returns.


BECKEL: Should America's heroes be on Food Stamps? New data shows the number of troops on government assistance is actually growing at a faster pace than the general population. Around $104 million worth of stamps were redeemed at military commissaries in 2013. That's a 5 percent increase from 2012 and almost double that in 2009.

All right, Eric, since you're the one who's always jumping on Food Stamps and the growth in Food Stamps, do you think we should cut back the military's use of Food Stamps?

BOLLING: No, here's what I think we should do. We should raise their base salary. The starting salary for military is $18,000. It's well below the...


BOLLING: Well below the poverty line. So jump that up. Jack that up a little.

By the way, that's only $8.75 per hour. So is President Obama concerned about raising the minimum wage of federal contractors over $10?
He hasn't mentioned the military. Maybe he should start right there.

BECKEL: Sixteen...

BOLLING: Hold on.

Meanwhile, we spend a trillion dollars on a stimulus package that got us no jobs, didn't do a damn thing for us, and our military has to use Food Stamps. It's disgusting. Their priorities are ass-backwards.

BECKEL: Yes. That's where we -- I would venture to say the defense -
- the defense budget, I agree, they could raise their pay, but the rest of the defense budget is loaded with corruption and crap.

BOLLING: That's where you find corruption? Not in Medicare, not in Medicaid, not with Obama care?

BECKEL: With the beltway bandits, you don't think there's corruption there?

BOLLING: I don't know. We should probably get everyone else in.

BECKEL: Sorry.

PERINO: OK. Enlisted pay has always been bad. It's not good enough.
And that is maybe something somebody should talk about.

But this year, the military was due a 1.8 percent raise that President Obama unilaterally decided to make that 1 percent. So there's that.

In addition, the administration has signaled that this year DoD is set for more cuts. Now maybe not to the enlisted men, but it did include commissaries, and cuts to commissary -- commissaries. So the sequester has a lot of consequences, and Republicans and Democrats who support it have a lot to answer for, if they don't want their troops to have to use Food Stamps.

BECKEL: Well, they get rid of the Raptor, that would be one thing.
Do you really think we need all these high-priced planes with two different engines?

GUILFOYLE: We're not talking about that. We're talking about...

BECKEL: Of course we're not talking about that...


BECKEL: ... because you don't want to talk about the military industrial complex.

GUILFOYLE: I want to talk about it all, actually, Bob, but what bothers me is that people here, they're not, like, joining the military to try and be, like, the 1 percent. They are doing it out of passion and heart and love for this country. And we should reward their patriotism, their dedication, and the sacrifice of their families by making sure that they can provide for their families the basic necessities of life that the rest of us enjoy.

GUTFELD: Absolutely. A $600 billion budget, and the Defense Department could handle an increase in their pay -- Greg.

GUTFELD: If this is evidence of the Obama recovery, could you imagine what the Obama recession would look like? We'd be -- we'd be out in the fields, eating snakes.

BECKEL: Well, all I can say is it's amazing now that Food Stamps are corruption all the way up until you get to this topic.

BOLLING: Nobody is discussing that military people start out below the poverty line.

BECKEL: I agree with that.

BOLLING: They pay with their lives.


BECKEL: That's why you don't need to have these high-priced aircraft carriers and...

GUILFOYLE: They're making...

PERINO: They're making that...


GUILFOYLE: That's what their families...

PERINO: Then they -- then they should have a conference and they should decide it, and members of Congress should have to vote on it.

BECKEL: I agree with you. Absolutely.

OK. "One More Thing" is up next.

GUILFOYLE: Thank you. That was nice.


GUILFOYLE: It's time now...

BECKEL: I thought you said I was up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

GUILFOYLE: Bob, I said you're up first. It's your "One More Thing."

BECKEL: I'm sorry. I apologize.

GUILFOYLE: Do over. It's time now for "One More Thing" -- Bob.

BECKEL: Thank you. OK. This is a really serious deal, man. The number of clowns is diminishing in America, big time.

PERINO: No, they're not.

BECKEL: I know some here. The Clowns of America International is reporting that the number of people signing up to learn to be clowns is plummeting, because they're going on to do other jobs. This guy said, clowning is not yet cool -- is not cool anymore. They want to go on to high school and college.

But don't worry if you're a Barnum and Bailey fan. The big circus still has the clowns, but if you want a clown for the birthday, well, you'll have to ask me.

GUILFOYLE: Bob is available.

PERINO: They'll have to raise their prices. It's supply and demand.

GUILFOYLE: Greg, you're up next.

GUTFELD: See what this is?


GUTFELD: Anyway, it's time for Greg's medical tips. When you have a winter cold, remember that when you take those nighttime cold medicines factor in what you've ingested beforehand. So if you're taking Robitussin DM after you had two glasses of wine and a half an Ambien, do not be surprised if you start calling your coworkers late at night and telling them that you hate your sweater and then denying, Dana, that you ever did that.

PERINO: Who would do that?

GUTFELD: I have no idea, you little drug addict.

GUILFOYLE: I can't believe you threw up.

GUTFELD: She threw up! You outed her.


GUTFELD: What a power.

PERINO: I had a bad night. I'm better.

BECKEL: We better hurry up, you guys.

PERINO: OK, I had a -- we don't have the graphic anymore, but the dreams of my five. I wanted to share this dream with you.

So sometimes people that you work with, they show up in your dreams.
So I was at my core fusion workout. I'm doing my workout and I forgot a sock, and I needed to get a sock from someone. So the owner, Fred DeVito, opened the door and there was Kimberly. And she had the rollers in her hair, and he says, "Hi, Kimberly." And everyone says, "Hi, Kimberly."

So, wow, everyone knows her, and they said, "Come in the class. It won't hurt a bit."

And Kimberly said, "No. Mama has got to get a new piece of cheese."
So she went out and got the cheese.

And then Megyn Kelly and Maureen Walsh, the makeup artist, they walk through the core fusion class to go to the Rockefeller Center to tape a Christmas special that you were involved in.

Bob, Eric and I weren't involved in the show, but there was Greg. He said, "Do I really have to do this?" Which actually was the most real part of the dream. It was just amazing bizarre.

BECKEL: This was after you'd been drinking. It was...

PERINO: No. This was the night before that.

BECKEL: OK, let Eric get in here. Very little time. Go ahead.

BOLLING: Very quickly, part of the global-warming thing, a couple things happened. Look at this. There you go. Look at his face. He loves the snow.

But also, two Marines at Quantico, Tim Lewis and Marine Reynolds at Quantico, look at the sculpture that they made, Marines at Iwo Jima. That is beautiful.

BECKEL: That's great.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, your sculpture is really good. I have Mt. Snowmore.
This is courtesy of Dana...

PERINO: Courtesy of my mom.

GUILFOYLE: ... from her mom. A Minnesota man had to wait for the ice to really freeze up and pack tight, and then he did the whole sculpture of Mt. Rushmore in the snow.

BOLLING: Where's Obama?

GUILFOYLE: I think it's very, very, very cool.

GUTFELD: Where's Obama?


BECKEL: Got to get out. Got to get out.

GUILFOYLE: Don't forget to set your DVRs so you'll never miss an episode of "The Five."

GUTFELD: It's four white men.

PERINO: Wow. That was a wild show.

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