A new report estimates the Green New Deal would cost $93 trillion

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A new report estimates the Green New Deal would cost $93 trillion

It's the deal that'll make you keel.

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," March 2, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOY BEHAR, HOST, THE VIEW: We started -- we had Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, and now we have a thug in the White House.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: You've got a problem with that? Sounds like an improvement.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Take a look at this bull and his red ball. Look at him play with that ball. He's having so much fun. Probably more fun than any bull has had in its life. He loves that ball. Go anywhere with it. It brings him so much joy. So much joy that ball and that bull together. They're inseparable. Look at them. They just go everywhere together. No bull has ever been, it's ecstatic over a ball, and it's lot --

He punctured his ball. The ball has lost his -- look how sad he looks. Look how sad he looks, he's heartbroken.

I wonder how CNN feels about this sad bull if the bull were Trump.

(VIDEO PLAYS)

GUTFELD: Or how does MSNBC feel about this sad bull if he were Trump.

(VIDEO PLAYS)

GUTFELD: Or how would the "New York Times" feel about this sad bull if it were Trump.

(VIDEO PLAYS)

GUTFELD: I'll be honest, I just wanted to use the tape of the bull.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Gut it's true for the media to feel good something must feel bad, so for them this week was like Christmas and spring break combined. The parents were out-of-town in Hanoi, which meant they could throw a kegger in D.C. and Michael Cohen would be their stripper jumping out of a cake into the arms and then prison.

True to form the consensus press sees a gibbering rat is breaking news while the process that might prevent nuclear war, that's a joke. And boy, did bad news make them feel so good.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JIM SCIUTTO, ANCHOR, CNN: He is leaving for a second time without a substantive nuclear agreement.

ALISYN CAMEROTA, ANCHOR, CNN: Now he's running up against sort of real world international realities, and he can't close the deal.

JIM ACOSTA, CHIEF WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT, CNN: A very rough and rocky 24 hours of the President, humbled back in Washington, humbled here in Hanoi, heading back to Washington empty handed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So first, they spend a week saying the President is going to give up too much, and then they whine when he didn't give away a thing. If I wasn't so high right now, I would say that they are biased.

Now, look, we all want world peace. But walking away is part of negotiating, but the media sees just one moment as the whole thing because they hate the guy doing the deal.

Now, if you believe we already gave up a lot, just with a meeting, then well, who needs dialogue at all? Just bomb everyone. Why waste time? The downside? Yes, millions die. But the upside, none of these pesky meetings with people we don't like.

It's weird, so many pacifists rejecting dialogue, even when there's proof that Trump's words actually did make the world safer. Do you remember Hawaii last year? People were freaking out as bureaucrats in Hawaiian shirts were trying to figure out their computer password. Hint: It's I'm a jackass.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: But the media needed this North Korea thing to fail because bad news is their drug and their drug supply is low. Look at the economy, jobs, peace -- it's pretty good. So the media willed North Korea fail. They made it so that if Trump had appeared to make any deal, it would be seen as a concession. So did the media actually work against world peace? I mean, that's crazy, right?

(VIDEO PLAYS)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: He makes a strong case. Meanwhile, the media saw Michael Cohen a story shuffleboard, a slimy tale to knock the Summit off the front page and Cohen obliged delivering their drugs the media drools over.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHAEL COHEN, FORMER PERSONAL ATTORNEY TO DONALD TRUMP: He's a racist. He is a conman and he's a cheat.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: How original. I think Kathy Griffin has that tattooed on her back.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: But the media ate it up and they crawled up Cohen's rear like an intoxicated ear wig.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, ANCHOR, ABC: We're seeing a humbled Michael Cohen for this committee today. A lot of the anecdotes, a lot of the personal anecdotes have the ring of truth.

CAMEROTA: In Michael Cohen's closing statement, where he said what he fears for the country.

DONNY DEUTSCHE, ANCHOR, MSNBC: I was really proud of this guy up there because he's had the world against him.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Do you know why he's proud of this guy? These cheese balls are actually close friends. Both strike me as men who wear Speedos to breakfast.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: That's what a cheese ball does. But since Cohen offered no collusion, the media was left with real estate evaluation.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RACHEL MADDOW, ANCHOR, MSNBC: Here's the President's lawyer saying, "Yes, we inflated the assets in order to get banks to do stuff for us."

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Holy crap. The rich guy, he inflated assets. That sounds vaguely Kardashian.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Thank you and I'll take it. I'll take it. It's pathetic. It was a pathetic joke, but I'll take it. But I feel for the media. They need more wrong doing so here's three bad things.

Three bad things Donald Trump did that you should report on. One, Donald Trump wants laundered money. Yes. He left a 20 in his suit when it went to the cleaners. Two, Donald Trump once shot a man a dirty look for being rude to a nun at church. Three, Donald Trump wants beat his child at Yahtzee.

Maybe those will sew the wounds of 2016, after all, that's all the news is these days -- drugs to reverse the pain of an election. No deal with Kim Jong-un, take that 2016. Cohen calls Trump a racist, take that 2016.

But it's sad. Kavanaugh, Covington, Smollett -- let each one was supposed to be that drug that would make them feel better. Didn't work. Which is why Cohen's hearing mattered so much.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

COHEN: I fear that if he loses the election in 2020, that there will never be a peaceful transition of power.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, lucky for you Cohen, you'll be safe in prison.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: By the way --

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Yes, I'll take it. By the way, Stormy Daniels actually sent Cohen a note saying, "I'm proud of you." At least she can be proud of something. That film "Revenge of the [bleep]." I can tell you, it did not please her mother. I saw it three times. It was disgusting. [Bleep]. I'm going to keep saying it because they've got to beep it.

All right, so that hearing was like a binge of greasy junk food. It goes in and it goes out and you feel gross afterward. But that's the media's diet -- all bad; no good. Roughage. If only there were a drug for that.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Do you find yourself rooting against the country's best interests just because you don't like the President.

DON LEMON, ANCHOR, CNN: He may try to distract. He may make a bad decision with Kim Jong-un because he's trying distract from Cohen's testimony.

TOM SHILLUE, HOST, FOX NATION: This can't be happening. North Korea has got nukes. Trump's going to give away the store.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It sounds like you want this Summit to fail. You realize if it does, we're back to square one.

SHILLUE: That's exactly what I want. Doesn't everybody?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Maybe you should try Optimex.

SHILLUE: What's that?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's a simple one a day pill that shoots directly to the brain in seconds, instantly clearing your desires for wanting something to fail. The result, you're more willing to envision positive outcome for any situation even if you don't like the person.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I've never met my ex-wife's new boyfriend, Chaz, but judging from the picture she posts, he just looks like a [bleep], but then I discovered Optimex. Now I can see, he does make her happy and she's happy. Why should that bother me? Thanks Optimex. Thank you, Chaz.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: When my coworker, Barbara got promoted instead of me, I would go to church every day. Pray to God that she would get hit by a bus. But then I took Optimex and I saw that the company stocked with Optimex for all of us. Maybe she did deserve that promotion. She was more qualified. Thanks Optimex, and thank you God for not answering my prayers about Barbara.

JAMES CLAPPER, FORMER DIRECTOR NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE: This Summit will be gratuitously.

SHILLUE: Wow, they're wrong. Eliminating a nuclear threat and ending the Korean War - that would be a good thing. Thanks Optimex.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You bet. Just remember you shouldn't take it with coffee. So get Optimex today. Side effects include clear vision, grasping reality and not being such a friggin' buzzkill.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Nice.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let us welcome tonight's guests. She's so bubbly, champagne drinks her on New Year's Eve, attorney and Fox News contributor, Emily Compagno.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: He's like a teddy bear stuffed with giggles and peyote, writer and comedian Joe DeVito.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Her idea of a good it is a bad time, host of "The Tyrus and Timpf Podcast," Katherine Timpf.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: And he once tripped over a pyramid, former WWE Superstar and my massive sidekick, host of "UnPC" at Fox Nation, Tyrus.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: So Emily, I am going to make an audacious comment. I believe the media deliberately prevented World Peace. Am I wrong to say that?

EMILY COMPAGNO, CONTRIBUTOR: Do you want to explain a little further?

GUTFELD: No that's it.

COMPAGNO: Yes, look here's what I feel about the Summit. You know, in matters of foreign policy and national security, I listen to foreign policy advisers and those in the military. I don't listen to Jim Acosta who printed that there was not even the symbolism of a concession over there, and therefore it failed.

When wasn't the Summit itself a success by even happening? We had a dictator who said, when asked if he would be willing to denuclearize, he said, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't, if I wasn't interested in that, if I wasn't open to that."

And so for everyone saying, "Oh, the President just wanted this to be an episode of "The Apprentice" and get it done in one fell swoop." Shouldn't they be applauding that it is a long process that takes investment and every step at a time should be applauded, because it's all of us who benefit in the long run?

GUTFELD: Yes, definitely. I agree with what Emily just said. Even though I --

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Yes, sufficient for applause. Joe, what were you paying attention to most? Cohen? Or North Korea?

JOE DEVITO, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: North Korea. Cohen is useless. At this point, I think if Trump cured cancer, CNN would say oncologist driven out of work.

(Laughter)

DEVITO: They are not going to give him credit for anything.

GUTFELD: Nice.

DEVITO: This was a guy he was calling Little Rocket Man, not too long.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: And he sat down with him. And we're looking -- if he can end this North Korean War, which is a 70-year old conflict.

GUTFELD: Right.

DEVITO: This will be one of the greatest triumphs for peace and for human rights that we've seen -- it may be one of the greatest of all time. If he pulls that off, give him the Nobel Prize. He will have earned it. And to want this to fail, I don't know if they're pitching a script for a "MASH" reboot. I don't know why you wouldn't want --

Kim, you know, Kim Jong-un, if you can put some cracks in that regime. The more cracks you put it, the more likely the whole thing is going to break apart, and that would mean liberation for people who've been really suffering. They don't even know what the rest of the world is like. And that's an opinion I ran past Michael Malice, so I may know what I am talking about,

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, if Donald Trump helped end the Korean War, they'll say he killed a 70-year-old, Kat.

KATHERINE TIMPF, HOST, FOX NATION: Uh-hmm.

GUTFELD: Would you like to talk about the Cohen scandal? Or would you like to talk about North Korea? Or would you like to mesh them together?

TIMPF: North Korea. I personally am quite a fan, I must say, I mean, I understand that Trump like broke their hearts when he won the election and that when someone breaks your heart, you don't want to see them do well. Like when it rains, I'm always like, bummer it's raining. But before I think that I think I hope my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend forgot her umbrella.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: I am very petty, but when it comes to matters of not getting blown up, that's always going to be more important to me than whatever petty grudge that I have and again I don't know, so maybe they just don't quite understand that when someone says, "We might get bombed," there's an implied and that is bad.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. That threat has de-escalated because of this. That's got to be good.

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, HOST FOX NATION: It is good. The embarrassment is -- and you've given -- the media deserves a lot of credit for bad judgment and embarrassing behavior, but you've got to pull Congress in there, too.

What they did during something as important as the summit to have Cohen come out, that's the day you need to have testimony? This is literally why you don't bring your kids with you to work.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: Daddy is trying to make a deal, so no talking. Okay. She want - - but -- I'm trying - daddy is trying.

GUTFELD: So true.

MURDOCH: And I make jokes, but the embarrassment, the world embarrassment that's what America was about, instead of all stories should have been on that Summit. He could have waited until Monday.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

MURDOCH: There was nothing we didn't know here that it couldn't have waited until Monday; but one, you had to take the moment away from it; two, you had to cause such a distraction there. They always accuse the Congress and the media always accuses the President of distracting. They distracted so much, my gut feeling is, that's why the Summit was ended because here's another thing, you're trying to negotiate big issues. North Korea watches the same crap that Americans do and they're like, "Do we really need to follow along, we could just wait. We can just wait this out."

Like the embarrassment of it was the fact that you, did a good job. You embarrassed America, and yes, that's why you leave your kids at home.

GUTFELD: They could say that he might not last. So what are we doing here? The other thing, too, is like I mean -- Trump is -- I'm thinking like, if he makes any deals, they're going to portray it as a concession, so he can't make a deal. So that means that they've definitely hindered some kind of progress. It's actually kind of gross in a way.

COMPAGNO: Well, for me as a citizen and a constituent, I don't care about the "what ifs." I care about the actual evidence, which just seems like that Cohen is a big distraction and everything is a "what if" that's what all it was.

MURDOCH: What did we learn? Donald Trump might have been a shady businessman. No.

GUTFELD: Yes, he had lousy grades. He had lousy grades. He slept with a porn star. Everybody in New York sleeps with porn stars. All right, "The Gutfeld Monologues Live" is back. We will be in Washington D.C. and Detroit, April and in Oklahoma and Texas. Special guest, Tom Shillue. Tickets for those shows still available go to ggutfeld.com for ticket information now.

Up next, how do you raise 93 trillion bucks for the Green New Deal? We've got some ideas that will blow your mind, next.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: It's the deal that will make your keel. A new report estimates that the Green New Deal would cost $91 trillion. To put that in perspective, that's a [bleep] load of money. Over $600,000.00 per household. Affordable? Not really. But why should that stop us? Right, people who use kids to fight their battles for them?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: Some scientists have said that we have 12 years to turn this around.

SEN. DIANNE FEINSTEIN, D-CALIF.: Well, it's not going to get turned around in 10 years.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That a predicament. What politician is going to turn down a kid while a camera is rolling? Who is going to look them in the eye and say, "Because there's no way to pay for it."

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

FEINSTEIN: Because there's no way to pay for it. I've been doing this for 30 years. I know what I'm doing. You come in here, and you say, it has to be my way or the highway. I don't respond to that. So, you know, maybe people should listen a little bit.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Wow. That was refreshing. It would have been better if she had them all arrested. That's what I would have done. But maybe they know that money doesn't grow on trees. I coined that phrase a few years ago. And if you want something really big, you've got to make sure you can pay for it. How do you raise $93 trillion? By making some tough choices.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Attention, all Americans. Get your wallet ready for the planet friendly, coal-busting, air-cleaning, higher-educating, bullet train building, Green New Deal.

It's the blowhard progressive vision for the future. So it must be a good idea with an estimated $93 trillion price tag, it'll only cost quintuple last year's entire GDP.

What a deal. To pay for it, all we have to do is follow these simple steps -- tax taxes, then put taxes on those taxes, dissolve the military, give every citizen a rock for protection, then tax those rocks, tax the rich, text the middle class, tax the poor, make babies pay taxes while still in the womb.

Important nothing, export dirt, search all mattresses, make toilet paper out of clothes, make clothes out of toilet paper, take your kid's lunch money, tax breathing, bigger bucks for bigger breaths, make grandma pay the gossip about her daughter-in-law, make sleeping illegal so you have more time to make the government money.

Sell San Francisco, rent out Rhode Island, auction Austin, Texas and make the Statue of Liberty work maybe in retail because her freeloading days are over.

It's the planet-friendly, coal-busting, air-cleaning, higher educating, bullet train building Green New Deal.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Joe, is this just a fantastic dream or just pure insanity?

DEVITO: I am in love with Gangsta' Diane. To see their crestfallen little faces was so delicious because not only are we seeing legislation that's being promoted by children, it actually looks like it was written by children because it sounds like a child who popped a bunch of Adderall and then sat on Santa's lap and then got on a roll with what they were asking for and said, "No, I want a pony, and I want to Playstation and I want to go to Disney."

And if you look at it, there's no way this stuff isn't going to break every possible bank, and you see how intersectionality makes things untenable because you can always say, "Well, what's the effect of curly light bulbs on transgendered athletes?" "How do gluten free school lunches affect ..."

It's like you're not going to get anything done with this nonsense?

GUTFELD: No, no. And that's the beauty of it. You know, it would have been great if she had ended her tirade on the kids with some hard facts about Santa and the Easter Bunny

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: And she said, "Before I go, you know that fat guy in the red suite." I'm not going to finish it because there's probably some kids here, Kat, that's, you know ...

DEVITO: I would like if they brought in just a doorframe for her to slam in their faces.

GUTFELD: Kat?

TIMPF: I just think AOC has completely lost her marbles. I think she's living in banana land. Earlier this week, she called herself "the boss" for coming up with the Green New Deal. How are you the boss for coming up with a plan that doesn't work? Like are you sure that the Green New Deal is not like what you're putting in your pipe and smoking every day? I don't understand?

I can come up with plenty of plans that don't work. How about we fly around on unicorns instead of airplanes?

MURDOCH: Here we go.

TIMPF: How about instead of gasoline we use fairy dust we get from Tinkerbell? How about we get Harry Potter to come over and wizard away all the emissions from the cow farts she's so concerned about.

MURDOCH: Tell them, Kat.

TIMPF: See, I just came up with three plans that don't work. Does that make me the triple boss? I mean, what is she --

(Cheering and Applause)

TIMPF: Does she want us to just completely do away with all modern technology like, I don't want to live like Laura Ingle's "Wilder Greg." I don't want to do my laundry in a basin.

MURDOCH: Make her stop. She's going.

TIMPF: I don't want to eat only lettuce and carrots like some kind of [bleep] bunny, I have to relive the Donner Party in the modern day.

MURDOCH: No Donner Party.

TIMPF: Because I have to take a horse and buggy to see my grandparents than in a plane?

MURDOCH: Uh-uh, body whips.

TIMPF: I don't want to eat people, Greg. And I don't want people to eat me.

MURDOCH: I might eat somebody.

TIMPF: AOC, do you want people to eat you? No, then that stop proposing bleep.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: I think you turned a new shade of red.

TIMPF: Oh, my veins always pop out when I get angry.

GUTFELD: I know, I know. It's pretty incredible.

MURDOCH: One of these days, she's just going to fall over.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. You know, the problems with renewable energy is, they like the employee that may not show up for work because you need the sun and you need to win and they're not always working. They're not always working.

MURDOCH: And not just that, you know, it's going to take about 20 years to raise that money, and we've only got 12, so [bleep] it.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: You know what, to go back to -- I love fine science. That's why you leave your kids in the car, I believe I mentioned that earlier. Like the teacher thought she was so clever and she didn't realized she was deal -- there's a Feinstein in every corner in every neighborhood. You don't go on her lawn for that reason. You don't Trick or Treat on her doorstep.

GUTFELD: The Frisbee ends up on her roof.

MURDOCH: It's mine now.

GUTFELD: Yes. You never get the ball back.

MURDOCH: And then you get the lecture. You know, and she has got all the dirt on your parents. They weren't married when they had you.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: That's who she is. So you know what? I don't agree with any of her policies, but I like her gangster style.

GUTFELD: That was -- too bad she wasn't like that with her fellow Democrats in the Kavanaugh hearing.

MURDOCH: You know what, maybe behind the scenes, she is.

GUTFELD: Yes, that could be true.

MURDOCH: You know what I am saying? And that's why that's why they protest her outside her office. They don't go -- "No one goes in that office."

GUTFELD: Emily, you know, I always think when I see these deals, it's like the example of the half-a-car analogy; the libs -- the left have half a car, they can come up with the shiny chassis, the shiny surface, no engine, no transmission, no fuel efficacy, it's just that's for somebody else.

COMPAGNO: Totally. And literally, this week was that or last week when Representative Jayapal put forth her Medicare for All bill and literally to the question of, so how are we going to pay for this? She was like, we don't need to answer that right now. That's not important. And it's mind boggling how it isn't. When you break down that, I mean, obviously there's just a million things wrong with that new deal.

MURDOCH: Kat covered that.

COMPAGNO: Yes. But the specifics that for these -- living wages for all costs every individual household almost $300,000.00, or a little over $300,000.00 And the Hope Diamond of healthcare is over $250,000.00 per household. How is that in any way acceptable?

GUTFELD: There is one answer. Nuclear power. Yes, that's the answer. Should women be drafted into the military? We discuss this cautiously after the break.

(Cheering and Applause)

AISHAH HASNIE, CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I am Aishah Hasnie. Senator Bernie Sanders making it official launching his second Presidential campaign in his hometown of Brooklyn, New York. Sanders, an independent joining a growing field of Democrats looking to replace President Donald Trump. Sanders calling him the most dangerous President in modern history. Meanwhile, the President denouncing Democrats as the party of the quote, "socialist nightmare." He also predicted his reelection in 2020 during a two-hour long speech before the Conservative Political Action Committee.

Overseas, dozens are missing after a pipeline explosion in Nigeria. The blast causing a massive oil spill. Video obtained by the AP shows a large blaze from the ruptured pipeline at night as villagers look on. I am Aishah Hasnie, now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."

GUTFELD: Have American men been shafted for being the only ones drafted. A Federal judge has ruled it unconstitutional for the military to draft only men. The decision comes after the National Coalition for Men or NCM argued that an all-male draft violates the 14th Amendment's Equal Protection Clause. Now the ruling doesn't order the government to change the draft rules, it just leaves us with some unanswered questions like, will women have to register with a selective service system when they turn 18? Or should we get rid of the draft all together?

Easy stuff. I'm sure we, as a nation will totally agree on a solution because that's what we're doing or maybe the issue will be moot, not sure what that even means because we will be fighting the next war this way.

(VIDEO PLAYS)

GUTFELD: Kat, are you thrilled about possibly being drafted?

TIMPF: Based on the fact that I get a lot of anxiety from having to choose my own toppings at a build your own salad bar, I feel like I should not be going to war. I've never done a successful push up. The last time I was on a treadmill I had to vape on it.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: So based on all of that, I feel like I'm not really cut out to serve our country in that way, so I like to serve our country in other ways.

GUTFELD: How?

TIMPF: I use American flag emojis a lot.

GUTFELD: That's good. That's really good.

TIMPF: Even when it doesn't really make sense in the text message.

GUTFELD: That's great.

TIMPF: So I'm a patriot. Let's be clear.

GUTFELD: To the other woman on this panel, Emily. I have a feeling this is irrelevant because at a certain point, almost all the fighting is going to be done by our friendly robots and drones, right?

COMPAGNO: Yes, I mean you like to say that a lot. I don't -- sure, I mean ...

GUTFELD: That was a diplomatic way of saying, "I'm weird."

COMPAGNO: But I will say, I think what annoyed me about this court case so much is that our tax dollars pay for in part because it went through the Federal Circuit and then also, the fact that the underlying argument other than it was that now that women can serve in combat, it obviates that argument that they shouldn't be drafted was basically that that whiny group of guys, they said they wanted the women to be subjected to the same ramifications. They dog the draft as if we do, which was -- it's just so ridiculous to me. It's just waste everyone's time and correct, it doesn't have a bearing on the actual justice system permanently.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know it is Tyrus that that men's rights kind of you know, they're trying to make a point, but at the same time, it's like we're okay. We're kind of okay with the way it is.

MURDOCH: It's a guy meeting. I am pretty sure I was outside shooting hoop when they were talking about this stuff. Listen, I'm all for equal rights and stuff and I think, talking about this draft is a real issue. When was the last one? Sixty?

GUTFELD: Yes, no, I mean --

MURDOCH: Like Vietnam and we have so many volunteers now for the Army and we have somebody -- I think the way -- there's a waiting list to join the Armed Forces. So I think a draft is pretty much pretty safe, not going to happen. You know what I am saying. I think we're in the clear.

TIMPF: You just caused one.

GUTFELD: Unless space aliens. If we are attacked by space aliens.

MURDOCH: Yes, I know, and if munchkins come up the ground start eating short people, we'll all band together and try to save you. That's not the point, Greg. I'm just saying -- look at my kids.

GUTFELD: You read my diary.

MURDOCH: I would not be in this chair. I would be in a hospital rocking back and forth. When I look at my kids, if the draft was on both sides. I think my four-year-old daughter would be a better candidate than seven- year-old son. She's vicious. Got a mean streak. Takes no prisoners. Not afraid to kill you to death when she is playing with her dolls.

So, I think it's based on the individual. I think women should have the right, but at the same time, I don't think it's something that a men's group should be like, "Yes, we ..."

GUTFELD: It's not a victory you brag about to your girlfriend. I got you drafted.

MURDOCH: We'll get drafted now. All of us.

GUTFELD: You know, the thing is, Joe, let me ask your opinion. And then I want to just overload you with my opinion.

DEVITO: Okay. Well, you know, we've got -- maybe women getting drafted and men wearing dresses at the Oscars, so it's, it's a great time to be alive.

GUTFELD: That's true.

(Cheering and Applause)

DEVITO: Like a lot of these men's rights promotions these activities they do, I feel like they come to a conclusion and I think you guys should stop talking about 10 minutes prior to this because it's witty until then. I think it's great because no one should be worried because we've seen that the young people of today, men and women, they're so out of shape. They're not going to get drafted anyway. They can't survive -- they're going to survive war. They can't survive the peanut butter and a Ben Shapiro lecture without having to freak out. They've got nothing to worry about.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Up next, face tattoos. That and other stories Chris Wallace refuse to do, next.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Should it be taboo to get a face tattoo? An article on Vox.com, whatever that is examines the evolution of the tattoo, particularly in the last 10 years. Fastest growing tattoo demo, white suburban women, which means it's really not that rebellious anymore to ink yourself. The shock value must be gone. But the face tattoo, that's different. That's kind of equal parts -- badass and dumb ass. Right, Mike Tyson? I won't say to his face though, and rapper Post Malone. I don't even know who he is. Even Justin Bieber's got a teeny tiny face tat. So now of course, teens are getting them putting their pictures on Instagram and getting famous that way, which is nice until we all get bored. All right, Tyrus, this is your place.

MURDOCH: Why is it my place? I don't have a face tattoo.

GUTFELD: That's my point. You have tattoos all over.

MURDOCH: You don't know --

GUTFELD: Don't ask me how I know.

MURDOCH: Just take a look at what's in front of you. I've got hand tattoos. And I guess that was frowned upon. You never get a job with hand tattoos. Word? We're not going to get a job? What? Like I said, Americans, we have this bad habit of thinking we're always on the front line of stuff.

Face tattoos have been around a long time in different cultures and stuff. So you know, Mike's tattoo has added to his fame and when you have money and you can make choices like that, that's not going to affect your pay grade. My advice would be to a young kid, I didn't get -- start getting my tattoos until I got older in life. We could make more decisions based on life experience. I'm going to be in entertainment. So chances are, I can have more tattoos.

But if I was still going to sit in the teaching room, I'm probably not get any face tattoo, it'd scare the children.

GUTFELD: That good point. You know, Kat. There are some jobs where I think face tattoos would pose a problem like a department store Santa, a nanny.

MURDOCH: Bank robber.

GUTFELD: Bank robber -- anything, right? Yes, you don't want anything identifiable, Kat?

TIMPF: I think I'm going to get one.

GUTFELD: What? Really?

TIMPF: I'm deciding between getting elf tattooed on my nose and getting Rand Paul over here, an elf over here and having them hold hands on my nose. No, I don't understand why anyone would get a face tattoo. It's like saying, "Hi. I would like no future, please." I don't understand it.

But yes, as you as you mentioned, my dad -- I don't have any -- my dad taught me not to get them. No tattoos and no bumper stickers on your car. Because those things make it easier for the law to find you.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: I never really figured out what your dad did for a living.

TIMPF: Yes.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Joe, you know, there are -- I figured out, there are jobs for people with face tattoos can do, face tattoo artists.

DEVITO: That's about it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: That's about it. I got my first tattoo when I was 20 and even dumber than I am now and the big biker dude who did it, the first thing you said was, "Don't get them anywhere a judge can see him" That was his advice. I think that's still good advice.

GUTFELD: That is great. That goes true with hickeys as well.

DEVITO: Yes. You know, I used to think when I was young, like when I'm grown up and I have money and I can do whatever I want. I'm going to get a sleeve and like, now, I could do that. I don't think I could sit comfortably in a chair that long without my back hurting.

So I'm worried about the rotator cuff from them holding your arm back. But now the least rebellious thing you can do is to get a tattoo. I see the woman without the tramp stamp and think, "What a freak that one is."

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Yes, I think we've exhausted the category of edginess, right, so like it's like, you know, body tats are the norm and so what's left, you go for the face. And you also see people getting horns and beads. Back when I was a kid, it was the handlebar mustache, right? Those tickled.

COMPAGNO: It's so predictable to me, that's what I see in these face tattoos, and yes, it's the number one way for law enforcement to be able to identify you in a database. But I had a client once who - he was going through the system, and he had grown up in a privileged environment, and so he was rebelling at the fact that he was caught and being processed for things including involuntary manslaughter and for also this ridiculous relationship. And he walks into the office and subsequently, the courthouse with the name of his girlfriend tattooed across the entire neck.

GUTFELD: Wow.

COMPAGNO: Yes, it was it was absolutely ridiculous. I always think of that story when I when I hear these stories, because it's just it's so predictable and ridiculous.

GUTFELD: What was the girlfriend's name? Do you remember?

COMPAGNO: I don't remember.

GUTFELD: Wouldn't it be great if it was also the Judge's name?

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: She was like, "He cares. He cares. I don't care what you did. Let's get out of here. I love you." No one has ever done this before. That's what you do. You get a tattoo the judge's name cross your neck.

COMPAGNO: Smart.

GUTFELD: No, I'm thinking. I am thinking. All right. Up next. The state wants to decriminalize sex work.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Should we stop the oppression of the world's oldest profession? New York lawmakers are working on a bill -- a bill -- that would decriminalize the sex trade. Lucky bill. It would remove criminal penalties for the exchange of sex between adults and consenting adults sex workers.

For example, say there's this massage parlor that offers a special relaxation technique and a guy went there seeking out this particular technique because he heard it has an ending that makes one happy. And everyone involved consented and we're of legal age, under this bill, no one would get arrested. That's decriminalization.

And if you think it's a crazy notion, a sitting U.S. senator and 2020 candidate has just said she'd be in favor of it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEN. KAMALA HARRIS, D-CALIF.: When you're talking about consenting adults, I think that, you know, yes. We should really consider that we can't criminalize consensual behavior as long as no one is being harmed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And human rights organizations say decriminalizing sex work would also reduce human trafficking. So could other states do this same thing? Nevada has allowed prostitution since like forever. Brothels get inspected and taxed. Me, I prefer to give the massages, usually to my chinchilla, Rex.

(VIDEO PLAYS)

GUTFELD: I didn't know that. That was a total setup. That was a cop. A chinchilla cop. All right. Emily, you're a prosecutor. You have --

(Laughter)

TIMPF: You did it again.

MURDOCH: Oh, oh.

GUTFELD: I did it again. All right. Okay. Okay.

MURDOCH: What do you do? What do you do? Quick, quick.

GUTFELD: Here's what I don't understand. Okay. Prostitution, illegal; porn, legal. The only difference is the performers are being filmed therefore it's legal, so technically, all those people that were arrested in Florida who were filmed by the police that could be defense because the cops made pornos of them. So the cops should actually pay them. What do you think?

COMPAGNO: Yes, it's creative argument? I give it a B.

GUTFELD: Okay.

COMPAGNO: It's a good idea. I will say that just legally, I think there's a huge spectrum here. Human trafficking, which includes sex trafficking is the third largest illicit industry globally, it's $100 billion or whatever. And then it goes down to yes, consenting adults in prostitution field. It includes pornography, whatever. And I just think there's a whole host of details that when we talk about legalization or decriminalization, the adult film workers have recently unionized. There's a lot going on with labor and employment issues. There's just a ton of details that we should make sure we know before we start fronting policy.

GUTFELD: Yes, I'd like to see their dues. Not a lot of dues.

MURDOCH: You walked out of it and then you turn around and walk right back in. You can't stay clean, can you?

GUTFELD: I am sorry, all right, Kat. I am pro-legalization, but then I know that we're doing it from the comfort of our educated world. We don't know the lowest wrung of sex work. It may be the choice for that person because it's the only choice, so I don't know where I -- where do you sit in this?

TIMPF: I think that it should absolutely be decriminalized. We are a country that was founded on individual rights and I think that you should have the decision of whether or not you want to be involved in that. I don't understand why if you can like sell like a bike, you can't sell your body? It just doesn't make sense to me because you own your own body more than your own -- I've ever owned a bike, it's like totally yours.

GUTFELD: That is an interesting way of putting it.

TIMPF: I mean, there should be like garage sales, but they are sex work garage sales, like would I participate in one? No. Would it affects me? Also, no. So why does anybody really care?

GUTFELD: The only -- I will only say this, it's because when people are discussing this, they're thinking about adults making decisions and I always wonder at the low wrung, there are people that - their only option for food ...

TIMPF: So we make it better for them by putting them in jail over it? It doesn't make any sense.

GUTFELD: No, you're right. That's why I said I'm for it, but I have a problem being for it. Joe?

TIMPF: I don't.

DEVITO: I'm just glad they got my petition.

(Laughter)

DEVITO: Yes, it shouldn't be illegal for adults and people bring in the argument of human trafficking and all of that and of course, that's -- but that's a different argument. You can't be in favor of people getting trafficked to work anything against their will. They bring that up to make -- it's a straw man argument for this.

I think that consenting adults should be allowed to do whatever they want to do as long as they're not harming each other and you know, and at this point, if I were to go to a massage parlor, I'm 50 years old. You want to give me happy ending? You work on my shoulder, like that's what I like.

(Laughter)

DEVITO: The other part --

GUTFELD: That is so true.

DEVITO: It's true. The other part I can do when I get home and I think that's how I hurt my shoulder.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Nicely done. Nicely done. Do not edit that joke. Tyrus? Thoughts?

MURDOCH: Oh, yes, I got a ton of them.

GUTFELD: I know. But we are over by a few minutes.

MURDOCH: I think it's a beautiful thing. I think it will transcend in a lot of different things. You'll have sexual harassment, it will be down. You know you'll no longer pick on your secretary, you just take a little longer lunch. It's a beautiful thing -- black males gone. You know what I am saying --

GUTFELD: Extortion.

MURDOCH: The side chick you're going to have to get a job, like I mean it's a lot of things -- you know what I am saying, you just go down. Honey, what are you going to do? I am going to go get a pedicure. Great. I'm going to get a blah-blah-blah. You know what I am saying, like I'll be back, and she can't get mad at you. It's not cheating, honey it's a service industry. I got three coupons, I need two more. I've got a free lunch.

GUTFELD: Coupons.

MURDOCH: You know, a little punch deal, a little swipe -- the gift cards. The gift that keeps giving. Is that a happy ending? Come on for a hundred dollars? Honey, thank you.

GUTFELD: "Final Thoughts," next.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: All right, you can find Joe DeVito at Wise Crackers in Allentown, next week ...

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