President Trump revealed plans for the national Independence Day parade. It’s going to be fierce! You’ve got music, flyovers, fireworks, Muppets! And tanks!
Plus a speech by Trump himself.
Me? I don’t like any parades. At my height, it’s all just the backs of people’s necks.
But damn, you could set your watch to the media response. As predicted, there’s self-satisfied outrage.
There's that smirking scorn you find whenever patriotism rears its old-fashioned head. Just the name, "Salute to America," is enough to make journalism school grads puke.
Yes, patriotism is easy to smear, because to the media, it feels old. Like remnants of a bygone era — be it ribbon candy, penny-farthings or former Vice President Joe Biden. They wonder how you can salute something so inherently rotten.
The mockery is exactly the opposite response the media offers those who malign American symbols.
In fact, it’s a safe bet that the same people heaping loads of ridicule on an Independence Day parade are also heaping loads of praise on Colin Kaepernick, Nike and athletes who scorn the national anthem.
It’s the same mockery reserved for Trump, who, as you know, is just a hood ornament on that jalopy called America. It’s the same scorn directed at you and me, or anyone not edgy enough to see the horrors of loving your country.
I'm sure some hope the parade is a flop. A disaster. An embarrassment. Not me, and certainly not you.
You may not even need a parade, or want one.
But you're getting one anyway, because some old guy who loves this country like you do became president, and this happened to be on his list.
It would have been on yours too.
Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on "The Five" on July 3, 2019.