Last Sunday, America's media suffered a tragic loss.
No, CNN didn't lose its viewer.
It happened on "Fox News Sunday."
SEN. JOE MANCHIN: If I can't go home and explain it to the people of West Virginia, I can't vote for it, and I cannot vote to continue with this piece of legislation. I just can't. I've tried everything humanly possible. I can't get there.
BRET BAIER: You're done. This is a "no."
MANCHIN: This is a "no."
Wow — that was pretty good, huh? Who knew it took Chris Wallace to leave before the Sunday show breaks actual news.
I kid to Chris — we're very close.
He went off to something that's called CNN+. Good luck, Chris, but one tip: Avoid "Bring Your Children to Work Day" — for their sake. As you know, there are a lot of perverts over there.
There's deep sadness for the press who invested so much in a different outcome.
It's like leaving a bunch of Christmas presents in your car only to find out that while you were in the mall getting a pretzel, somebody broke into your car and stole them all.
JONATHAN KARL: Sen. Manchin has just said that he is a firm "no" on this legislation.
DAVID GREGORY: Manchin is a mercurial person to be dealing with from people I've talked to within the White House. We know this to be true. He may want to be a king-maker in some ways when it comes to this legislation.
MSNBC GUEST: This is Joe Manchin wanting to extend "The Joe Manchin Show" — period.
At least he has a show. Who is that guy? Anyway …
Did you hear that audible gasp from the first panel of mourners? It sounded like someone was standing on Wolf Blitzer's oxygen hose.
Or maybe someone accidentally clicked on Toobin's feed — that would cause me to gasp.
Turns out they were devastated they didn't get the trillion-dollar spending bill they neither bothered to debate, or much less read.
They were mad that their side lost, and that was it. It was once again politics as sport, and they spent $20,000 on the heavily favored team and they lost.
Like the crybabies they are, they lost and wanted to take their ball and go home — although in Stelter's case, it was probably a meatball … ‘cause he likes to eat (just in case you didn’t get it). Hearty eater.
And poor Jennifer Rubin — one of the truly broken casualties steamrolled by Trump. She wrote that democracy is now "hanging by a thread," which is exactly how your family will find you in the basement if you ever read her on a regular basis.
That crackpot's been wrong more times than Boris Johnson's barber. She makes no sense.
Manchin operated just as our political system should — it's a Republic. He stood up to both the hard-left progressives and the media's hysterical pressure and told them to shove it up their collective, puckered a--es. It's just a biological description.
He put his constituents first — those rubes that the media despises. Loathsome gasbag Bette Midler described West Virginians as "poor, illiterate and strung out" — all things you'd have to be to sit through one of her movies.
I'd rather be waterboarded with Mountain Dew than watch "Beaches."
I don't care — what's she going to do to me?
Later, she was forced to apologize for saying what she believed, and what the media, entertainment, and academia believe too — that they're smarter than all of you. But of course, they aren't. They're stupid.
Who mourns for the death of a bill that they didn't even read? The bill sucked from the start. It's based on a strategy meant to make it impossible to analyze. The fact is, everything the government produces is gigantic on purpose, including their mistakes.
It's like an insurance company that puts you on hold — the goal is to wear you down so you give up. Remember this great line?
NANCY PELOSI: We have to be pass the bill so you can find out what is in it away from the fog of the controversy.
Yeah, you have to pass it to see what's in it — which is exactly what my drug mule said to me.
Pay first, then see what you're getting? I don't know. That logic doesn't work in the real world, does it?
RESTAURANT PATRON: And then he said it's totally malignant. … Oh, excuse me, miss? This doesn't list what we ordered, and it says I owe you $18,000. How can pad Thai be $18,000?
WAITRESS: Well, you also ordered a diet Coke, so why don't you pay now, and then we'll discuss this afterwards.
PATRON: Can you tell me why it costs this much now? This is a lot of money!
WAITRESS: Can't you just pay now you racist piece of s---?!
PATRON, TO FRIEND: You had to get the shrimp.
There is a bigger picture here. When Biden ran for office, he had to clear a very low bar — a return to normalcy is what he called it. He pushed that bit of business, and then he returned to the basement and curled up in a doggie basket next to an old Bowflex machine. Everybody has one.
Normalcy meant his resting heart rate of zero — that yeah, after four years of wearing the leather jacket of Donald Trump, it was time for America to put on that fuzzy, warm cardigan that was old Joe — except it turned out that type of cardigan was made out of a type of wool that everybody's allergic to, and even moths couldn't stomach the taste.
With soaring inflation and escalating crime waves still denied by the Democrats, and a pandemic panic worsened by a befuddled president, a new poll finds that 70% of voters call this a bad year, with over half saying it was awful for them personally, and that doesn't even include the Cuomo brothers or Alec Baldwin.
Of course that poll is from Fox News, so you know it's gauging how the voters feel, and not the politicians or the media — and it shows yet another record low for Biden.
So how's that for normalcy?
Others in the media don't look at it this way. They don't ask you about it. When they see that you're suffering, they frame it as: "How does it affect the party we support?" That's why they ignored the crime wave — because it was bad news for them, even though it was bad news for everyone, including you.
Politico worries that Democrats will lose one if not both houses of Congress in the midterms while average Americans worry they'll lose their real houses if the economy tanks.
It says everything that the media mourns a bill that would have taken inflation to new heights because it meant their party lost. Everything is how it will affect their party — their bottom line. Meanwhile, America didn't expect much or even ask for much — just a little bit of order, of comfort — a smidgen of optimism.
Instead, we got everything royally effed up. We were promised a comfy bathrobe and we got a onesie made of steel wool.
Sounds kind of good at this point.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the Dec. 21, 2021, edition of "Gutfeld!"