Sex column: Six common sex mistakes guys make in the bedroom

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In a world where macho-dominated societies are the norm, rather than the exception, both men and women wrongly assume that the success or failure of sex depends primarily on the men. Plenty of women are uncomfortable voicing their needs and wants in the bedroom, while many men believe they know everything there is to know about sexuality and women’s bodies. This process leaves plenty of room for mistakes. These are some of the most common ones guys make when it comes to sex.

1. Sex doesn’t start in the bedroom

According to Dr. Gary Smalley, family counselor and president of the Smalley Relationship Center “Many men don’t realize it but more than 80 percent of a woman’s need for meaningful touch is non sexual.” To achieve a fulfilling sex life, a woman must feel really connected with her partner and appreciated in all aspects of the relationship. The more a woman trusts her partner and relationship, the more open and free she will be sexually.

2. Assume you know what she wants

Regardless of how many sexual partners a man has had in his life, it’s very important he understand each woman is unique and so are her desires, weak spots and erogenous areas. Taking into consideration that plenty of women are not one hundred perfect comfortable expressing her sexual needs, it is always good to ask questions and show genuine interest in giving her pleasure.

3. Expect her to have an orgasm from intercourse only

According to many studies about 75 percent of woman need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasms and according to research developed by Planned Parenthood 80 percent of women express having difficulty reaching orgasms by intercourse alone. Keeping this in mind, it’s extremely important for men to spend time in foreplay and alternating penetration with other forms of sexual stimulation.

4. Skip foreplay more often than not

This point is connected to the previous ones. While every day life doesn’t always allow for long sex sessions, foreplay holds a high level of importance. According to a recent study “Canadian and American Sex Therapists’ Perceptions of Normal and Abnormal Ejaculatory Latencies: How Long Should Intercourse Last?” the average man takes between three and seven minutes to ejaculate during intercourse. For women this process can be significantly longer and must include multiple forms of sexual stimulation to be successful.

5. Ignore verbal and non-verbal cues

Many women complain that men don’t listen, and this seems to translate into the bedroom as well. If a woman expresses what she likes or doesn’t like sexually either verbally or physically, it’s simply because she knows her body and is aiming to have a pleasurable experience. Ignoring these cues can result on bad sex and ultimately deeper communication issues within the couple.

6. Moving too fast

While it is true that the average sexual encounter doesn’t last as long as the movies and television series portrait, there are plenty of things that can be done to extend the duration and pleasure of the sexual act: tantric sex practices recommend breathing exercises to delay ejaculation, expanding the concept of sex beyond intercourse and including sex toys as part of the sexual routines are all ways of making the sex last longer.