Let’s face it, networking is about you. Yet, that’s the problem. Every day, millions of business seekers walk into networking events with one thing in mind: themselves. Don’t feel guilty; it’s totally natural. It’s also counterproductive. While you shouldn’t apologize for being a product of your baser (and selfish) instincts, you need to be aware of them when networking for new business.

So, are you destined to be a self-centered, one-way, “What’s in It for Me” sponge? No! Here is some advice on how to manage it: Be Self-Aware, then Selfless, then Selfish.

Be Self-Aware.

Never walk into an event or enter into a business relationship without knowing what you want from it. Does that sound cold and impersonal? It’s not. It’s smart because you need a plan. Although most people think this way, not all will. Admit it, this is something you need to know before leaving the office. You really need to think about and fully understand what your specific target market actually is. Does the person you’re speaking to represent your target market or at least have the ability to connect you with those people?

Related: Networking Is a Contact Sport

Be Selfless.

This is what our dear parents taught us growing up. Now that you’ve determined what it will take to grow your business, it’s time to motivate your potential referral source to think of you when they hear of someone with a need for your products and services. The only way this will happen is if you absolutely lose yourself in your new friend. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who hung on every word you said while making spectacular eye contact? Then every time you met them later, they did it again?

Be Selfish.

Some of you were probably getting a little anxious, but now you can relax and be a little selfish. Have you ever given a lot of business to someone and received nothing in return? Now, if it’s your parent or a close personal friend, you can forgive that transgression. For all others, you’ve earned the right to have the favor returned. So, if you know what you want from that relationship and you’ve made a lot of deposits into it, examine the reasons why they’re not reciprocating. Perhaps you haven’t taken the time to properly educate them. Do they understand what kind of referrals you’d like, of what quality, how many, and how you’d like to be introduced? You’ve earned the right, but not given them the knowledge required to help you. You’ve not trained your referral partner -- and that, my friend, is all your fault. So, arrange a time to meet with them and arm them with the information they need to start sending business your way.

There is a rhythm and a science to the relationship process. Ask yourself the question, “Does my business rely on referrals?” If the answer is “yes,” then understand that referrals come from people. Referral marketing is unlike any other form of lead generation in that you are 100 percent reliant on other people to be successful. So why put forth the effort? The answer lies in a survey conducted by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce a number of years ago. Nationwide, business owners responded that while only 2 percent of cold calls closed 75 to 85 percent of referrals resulted in closed business. That makes them worth pursuing, worth having a system to go after them, and worth learning how to motivate people to give them to you. Cultivating referrals takes time, patience, and a commitment to the process. Are you willing to make that investment? Are you willing to Be Self-Aware, Be Selfless, and then Be Selfish? Allow me to share a secret: the middle is definitely the hardest part!

Related: The Real Secret to Success Isn't Really a Secret