This is a rush transcript from "The Five," September 27, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JESSE WATTERS, HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Katie Pavlich, Geraldo Rivera, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is “The Five.”

President Trump ready to throw down with Democrats as major holes emerge in the whistleblower's complaint.


DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT: We're at war. These people are sick. They're sick. And nobody has called it out like I do.


WATTERS: Trump willing to go scorched earth over what he's calling the witch-hunt 2.0. It comes as GOP leaders are demanding to know the whistleblower's White House sources as inconsistencies pile up. These new details not stopping Nancy Pelosi from accusing the White House of a cover- up, and floating a new Russian conspiracy theory.


REP. NANCY PELOSI, D-CALIF.: Two wrongs do not make a right. And the president is going to have to answer that. And they know how wrong it is. So, it's wrong for -- as we saw with the Russian interference. And by the way, I think Russia has a hand in this, by the way.


WATTERS: And the media is again taking cues from the Democrats pushing this new talking point.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is how a mafia boss talks.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The entire White House is being run by a person who, like a mob boss.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That sounds a lot like a mob boss.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He said this was classic mafia style talk.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Reading a transcript out from a mob wire tapped.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You see mob bosses doing it?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don't like these mafia-like tactics.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Donald Trump speaks like a mobster.


WATTERS: All right, Greg, I just want to touch on the mafia line, because in most industries you try to differentiate yourself between your competitors because these people are all competing against each other. Yet, they all say the same thing. No originality. Why is that?

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: And, also, this isn't new. They were doing this two -- I think, two years ago we have done a similar montage of the mafia smear. But the funniest thing about it is, it's really not a smear, because the reason why Trump is often effective with world leaders is because he is like a mafia boss. The fact is, if you want to negotiator would you rather have Don Corleone than Donnie Osmond. I would rather have -- I mean, who would you rather have? A mafia Don or like a greeter from Lowe's, which is what Joe Biden is.

GERALDO RIVERA, HOST: As long as he doesn't break the law.

GUTFELD: OK. But that's -- that's a good point. They're basing this mafia thing on things he said.


GUTFELD: He's like -- remember, he's going to shoot somebody. What is --- Donald Trump is basically a dove who talks loud, right? He's pulling troops out. The thing that really bugs me, though, it's still -- this complaint that they're actually preferring this complaint over the actual transcript. And I think it was -- who's the dude that talks like this? Brit Hume. Brit Hume made a great point. He said --

WATTERS: That dude.

GUTFELD: -- America knows more from the transcript than anybody knows from the actual complaint. And preferring the complaint over the transcript is like, you know, preferring to go to a Super Bowl party than the actual Super Bowl. It's like preferring a stuffed animal over a real one. It's like tofu over steak.

WATTERS: Amazing analogy, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes. But I would like to finish this up --

RIVERA: You're making me hungry.

GUTFELD: Yes. There's only one conclusion, this is orchestrated. It's been going on for three years. They're rejecting a transcript over hearsay. They're blaming Trump for heightened security on transcripts after multiple leaks, essentially, blaming him for buying a better safe. And now you have 300 officials, right? Three hundred officials suddenly come out and they're all mostly Obama officials. So, if this isn't -- this is more orchestrated than the moon landing.

WATTERS: And so -- whoa, wow, breaking news.

GUTFELD: We know that's fake.

WATTERS: That's true.

GUTFELD: Have you seen it?

WATTERS: We're going to save that discussion for another time. And now they've subpoenaed the secretary of state. What's going on now, Dana?

DANA PERINO, HOST: Right. So, whether it is orchestrated or whatever, when you -- because the way our government is, if you have somebody saying, for example, Rudy Giuliani saying I got all the text messages and they're right here. And they're from the state department. Well then, you have now -- OK, well, we'd like -- we love to have you come up and we'd love to see that. And who are the text messages from? Say they're from five people. So then, the tentacles of this reach out -- and then so many people have to hire lawyers.

WATTERS: Yeah, the lawyers are the worst.

GUTFELD: I hope you didn't text me.

RIVERA: I'm a lawyer.

WATTERS: No offense, Geraldo.


WATTERS: I do know what you mean, though, because now it's spiraling out of control. I'm wondering, Geraldo, if people in the White House think maybe we shouldn't have released the transcript because that just gave him more ammunition. They could have held it back on privileged grounds and said none of your business, and never set the precedent.

RIVERA: I'm not so sure it's spiraling out of control. I challenge your premise there. I think that -- like, for instance, what is the high crime or misdemeanor that the president committed?

WATTERS: I agree. I don't see --


WATTERS: -- but the Democrats don't care about that.

RIVERA: Even with the allegations as stated. I've read this thing over and over. I mean, there's no high crime or misdemeanor there. So what is the --

PERINO: That's a political determination. So, like, I can say that Jesse wearing white tennis shoes with no socks, that's a high crime and misdemeanor because it's a political definition. It's not a legal one.

WATTERS: It's a fashion crime.

RIVERA: This is all second-hand smoke. These are not whistleblowers. This is one highly paid, highly connected media-type, who may or may not have been a CIA guy at some point in his life. He's the one who's taking the information from all different people in the White House, including the west wing filled with the vipers and snakes and back stabbers and rats. You know, I think that you have a situation here where the president is still -- this is the Russia collusion, illusion, delusion 2.0.

WATTERS: With that said, and maybe there aren't any high crimes and misdemeanors because I haven't seen any, but the Democrats don't care. They're still gonna do the impeachment. I bet they do it in the House and they vote, and doesn't matter if all the facts are on the president's side. You can't convince them, so this thing --

PAVLICH: But that's the issue with the transcript, right? I mean, if they had released the complaint that the intelligence committee in the Senate and the House received without the transcript, people would believe the complaint over the transcript. So, you release the transcript and hope that people can look at it and know exactly what was said. But the timing here now comes into question because the complaint is dated August 12th, 2019. And Adam Schiff claims that he only got it like this week. And you had Alyssa Fonic who sits on the same committee in the House saying yesterday not only should he not be making stuff up, but today pointing out that -- how long did he have this complaint and why didn't he share it with the committee, because they were only given two hours to look at the complaint.

So, obviously, it's political. And, you know, Democrats are doing this to set up the president. The reason why Bill Barr is mentioned in the complaint is, obviously, tactical to try to take him out so he cannot defend the president, just like Jeff Sessions could not defend the president against the Russia probe. And it's very tactical in what was said and what was laid out. And the question for Republicans, you know, there's a lot of fodder for them here, too, the dozens -- half a dozen U.S. officials that are named in the complaint.

Well, who are those people? Can they bring them up and say why didn't you file a whistleblower report if this was that important? And also, who's behind the writing of the complaint? This is not just an email that someone sent as a, hey, I have information, I need to meet with you. It's very clearly written by a lawyer, or a team of lawyers, and possibly a research team.

RIVERA: I bet it can be traced, ultimately. And I'm not accusing them, but a group like Media Matters is in here with their dirty hands --


RIVERA: One thing I want to say, though, the mistake the president made was having Rudy Giuliani, his personal lawyer, go doing state business. Why didn't the president make Rudy Giuliani a special presidential envoy? We have presidential envoys. We have one for hostage negotiations. We have several different special -- so then he has -- he has standing --

PERINO: Special envoy for what?

RIVERA: Special envoy to find out whether or not there was American corruption in Ukraine that perverted, you know, U.S. aid.

GUTFELD: You know, here's the thing. I don't think conservatives or libertarians should even argue these points because the narrative is orchestrated by the media. This is artificially constructed. I don't know how you cannot see that they've been driving this for three years. And now you look at the ratings, right? We get the ratings every day. All the networks are up. Even by random accident people are watching CNN. I mean, their numbers are going -- nobody watches CNN, now they are. It's not just the airport.


GUTFELD: Well, impeachment is now the business model. It's always been division and conflict. But now impeachment will be the business model for the next six months.

WATTERS: Yeah, and it will get them through until Iowa, and then the ratings will be big for the primary.

PERINO: One thing I remember from doing press work in all those years, it's like, for every reporter is looking to be Woodward and Bernstein.


PERINO: They're always looking for something.

GUTFELD: Bernstein is still looking for that.


PERINO: But they took a break for 8 years during the Obama administration.


WATTERS: Yes, they're well-rested. Let's put it that way. All right, next on THE FIVE, forget the facts, Democrats racing to impeach Trump by the end of October. Plus, crooked Hillary returns to, guess what, trash Trump.


RIVERA: Welcome back to “The Five.” Democrats appear to be racing toward impeaching President Trump, and now we have a possible timeline according to several reports, Democrats could potentially draft articles of impeachment by the end of October, next month. And now, Hillary Clinton is supporting the move while still complaining about the lost election. Take a look.


HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: He has turned American diplomacy into a cheap extortion racket. He's endangered us all by putting his personal and political interests ahead of the interests of the American people.

It's like applying for a job and getting 66 million letters of recommendation and losing to a corrupt human tornado.


RIVERA: The best bet, Jesse, for the Democrats, the experts suggest is a fast, focused inquiry of impeachment, but they just subpoenaed three different committee, just subpoenaed Pompeo, the secretary of state, three different committees. So how do you get fast and focused when you have three have committees, you know, wanting to interview the same witness?

WATTERS: Yeah, they'll probably screw it up. I know why they want it to be fast because they want to get over with before people start poking holes in it, because it's easy to poke holes and I did it all week and I was frustrated because Juan never listens to me, doesn't listen to the facts. No one listens to the fact. You can't commence anybody of the truth about the story. It's all opinion and it's all been made up and they decided to move forward with it --

RIVERA: Juan is an honorable man and he disagree with you.

WATTERS: Of course he is. And I love Juan, OK? But like -- just Juan -- just like the rest of the media and the Democrats will not listen to the other side. They will not listen to the double standards. They will not listen to the hypocrisy. You can't point anything out about the story and be persuasive at all.

So at this point you know my opinion -- impeach, libs. Impeach. Get it over with. You guys have wanted to do it from the very beginning. Have at it. You guys -- it's cathartic. They need to get it over with. And then, you know, he'll get reelected and then you impeach him for a second term? Try that.

PAVLICH: Impeach libs is a great t-shirt.

WATTERS: Impeach him.

RIVERA: This is, you know, a point of view that I think is held by at least a third of the people. Impeach him. He'll get convicted by every Democrat. None of the Republicans in the House. So that's the indictment. And when it comes to the Senate trial, there's no way 20 Republicans are going to vote to convict.

PAVLICH: And it only hurts Democrats, so I agree, like, Republicans can sit back and say we're going to fight the lies. We're going to fight Adam Schiff making stuff up, quite literally at the hearing yesterday and putting it into the congressional record. And we will fight back with information and transparency, and the White House will release call transcripts and do everything they can. And we'll see if Mike Pompeo responds to the subpoena. But in terms of --

WATTERS: It'd be unfair.

PAVLICH: You guys wants to do this. You've been doing it for a long time. The fast pace of this means they want ruin everyone's Thanksgiving because politics is hard enough without some kind of impeachment, right? But, you know, the subpoena that was issued to Pompeo is a lie. It's an analysis of the call. I mean, they say by pressuring Ukraine and threatening to withhold information and aid. That's not what the phone call says.


RIVERA: I just -- Reuters has a poll, Dana, that says only 37 percent of the American people support impeachment --

PERINO: Right.

RIVERA: -- that's down from 41 percent a couple of weeks before. Do you think that it is likely that the Democrats have overplayed this hand?

PERINO: Yeah, I think that some of them -- they would not admit it publicly, but privately they have buyer's remorse. Think about where we started this week. On Monday, Nancy Pelosi was still like, oh, wait, let's just see, let's be cautious, let's be prudent, and now here we are off to the races. Those poll numbers could shift a little bit mostly because of the -- there's a huge amount of attention, media attention on it. And so, maybe it ticks up a little bit. But I do think your point about the Democrats having all these different committees look at it. So what they really need is one general and they have six lieutenants right now.

RIVERA: It's even worse than that, I think, Greg --

PERINO: I even had a greater point.


GUTFELD: Let's give 10 seconds to Dana.

RIVERA: By all means. By all means.

PERINO: I think that one of the reasons they want to rush and get it done is because they know that the Republican will never go for it. But what they want to be able to do is to go into 2020 so that every news article will always say the impeached president. And they'll say he's corrupt. And they just want to get that done. And then, President Trump, though, in addition to all the other reasons, politically could help him.

I don't think a lot of legislation was going to get done anyway. And now he'll have a great reason -- great person to blame, or group of people to blame. He'll say the Democrats are the ones that made sure that we didn't get anything done.

RIVERA: But don't you feel a little Dancy, Greg, about, you know, a probe, the president now, you know, wildly searching for the person who engineered this attempted coup, another attempted coup?

GUTFELD: You know, it's interesting, I think the best part about this is the media and Democrats thinking that Trump isn't going to fight this in front of the public. They're making the same mistake they did in 2015. None of the candidates are going to be able to shine because thanks to the media, Trump is going to suck all the oxygen out of the room. He's going - - they'll be -- look like ant hills and he'll be, you know, Mount St. Helens, because all they'll gonna talk about him is 24/7. And he's going to have some great lines. He's going to go after everyone. And then they'll be the pendulum swing.

If they try to undo an election you're going to red pill a country. Can I make a point about Hillary talking about putting the personal in front of the political? I think there was a phone call her husband had that was slightly more troubling than this one if you remember.

PAVLICH: Was it on the tarmac? Or is that a meeting on a tarmac, Greg?

GUTFELD: Well, I was thinking about -- when he was on the phone and something was happening to him.


GUTFELD: It was a service call.

WATTERS: Also, who is Donald Trump going to be talking about and running against for the next six months? It's going to be Nadler --

RIVERA: And Schiff.

WATTERS: -- Schiff, Maxine Waters. These are not popular Democrats, and it's going to suffocate all the real candidates.

RIVERA: And instead of the candidate's faces being on, you're going to see those people who are very marginal --

PAVLICH: And the Trump campaign has already said they have 50,000 new supporters in the last --


WATTERS: And they've raised a ton of money.

PAVLICH: Yeah. So good luck, Democrats.

RIVERA: Coming up, how the woke media took down the college football fan who raised over a million dollars for charity.


PAVLICH: All right. Well, cancel culture strikes again, college football fan, Carson King, grabbed headlines after his plea for beer money went viral. He's raised almost $2 million, but instead of keeping it, he decided to donate it all to a children's hospital. Carson was widely praised and even got a beer sponsorship, but now that's all gone. Anheuser-Busch is cutting ties after they launched personalized beer cans with pictures of his face all because reporters dug up offensive tweets from when he was 16, which Carson has apologized for.

The Des Moines Register came under fire for reporting on the old tweets. And in a crazy twist, the paper announced the reporter who wrote the story no longer works there after his own offensive tweets were discovered by online investigators.

So, Greg, you can hardly contain yourself over this dog-eat-dog world we're in now.

GUTFELD: I mean, I'm a complete believer in forgiveness. And if helping sick and dying children can't erase an ugly tweet when you were a teen then nothing can. We're all screwed. The difference between a 16-year-old now and a 16-year-old pre-internet is that today's stupidity is public and it's permanent. We're all very lucky. We all did stupid crazy things. The reporter getting -- losing his job, it shows that this is mutually assured destruction, right? And we need mutually assured forgiveness because we will, in the future, like we do this on the show when like Joy Behar does something stupid or Bill Maher says something stupid, we don't ask for scalps. We say -- I accept the apology.

Except, every apology -- and it's a selfish thing, too, because you're hoping they'll accept your apology even though you know that they won't. Their entire organization is bent on rejecting anything Fox does, even if we're sorry about something. They'll destroy you. I will forgive everybody and anybody but you won't get it back, but you still got to do it.

WATTERS: But you do it selfishly. I do it genuinely.


GUTFELD: So true.

RIVERA: Social media is like a tattoo.


RIVERA: You --

PERINO: It's a good point.

RIVERA: It's going to be forever. To get it removed is extremely difficult. It has a downside on your life --

GUTFELD: Put a tattoo over it.

RIVERA: And you've got to -- as the father of five, that's one of the prime lessons. You know, my eldest is 40, so he was the first of the social media generation, and they learned the hard way that what you put on that thing, you send pictures of yourself here, there, and everywhere --

GUTFELD: Geraldo, you're to talk.



RIVERA: I want to feel institutive.


WATTERS: That's even worse.


PAVLICH: No, no, no. This is family hour. So, Jesse, should you be -- if you knew you said something that was stupid or racist when you were 16 years old, or even as an adult, should you be tarred for the rest of your career if you haven't -- if you apologized sincerely and you're trying to move on with your life. Like, should one thing devastate everything that you have going on for the rest of your future?

WATTERS: I think cancel culture is important. I don't think we should totally discard it. I'd like to save cancel culture here in case I need to deploy it strategically on certain enemies that I will use it unforgivingly. But --

GUTFELD: At least he's honest.

WATTERS: I am honest. And I don't forgive people selfishly. I honestly think people deserve forgiveness because I would never say anything that I feel like that would ever cause me harm professionally or personally.

PAVLICH: For to apologize for?

WATTERS: Or that I need to apologize for, because apology -- that shows weakness, Katie. You never want to show weakness unless you really have to, and people tell you have to apologize.

GUTFELD: You veer from morality to immorality in one single thought.

WATTERS: Listen, let's face some flexibility, Greg.

RIVERA: Should Trump apologize for asking to look into the background of Joe Biden?

WATTERS: No, because in that sense I think he needs to as the commander- in-chief. He needs to know if there's any corruption going on throughout the world and he has every right. In fact, it's his duty to find out if high ranking public official has committed a crime.

GUTFELD: And she's also said awful things online.

PAVLICH: And he's also said terrible things about Jasper, right? So --

PERINO: That's right.

PAVLICH: How do you feel about young people on the internet?

PERINO: I do stress caution, right? And my niece -- I'm not going to name her because she's a very private person. I think I had like the scared straight program with her when she was very young, and she thought she wanted to go into intelligence and CIA-type work. And I told her, I said, you know, you have to be very careful about social media. Like, she doesn't even have social media accounts. She has never posted anything. I don't know if she -- she's not going to have any photographs of herself anywhere.

The media's own goal on this was pretty interesting. The Des Moines Register, the comment section was just like how could you do this to this guy? And interesting thing about Anheuser-Busch, and all of these companies that -- you know, they were like -- they probably had a communications person said, hey, this guy is like raising money for children's hospital. We should get on board. This is really cool. Like, we would get some good P.R. out of it, and they did.

And then, instead of saying, look -- imagine this as a corporate leader, if you were to say everyone makes mistakes. He apologized. We've just raised all this money for children's hospital. Let's all do this -- like, let's do this together. That would be really great corporate leadership. Instead, they got so risk averse that they're -- OK, wait, no, we're out. We're out.

PAVLICH: They are going to donate the money. However --


PERINO: And in contrast, the governor --

GUTFELD: What those kid tweeted anything.

PERINO: But the governor, she actually had a lot of risk tolerance because they have the day of Carson was today and instead of canceling it, she said no, he did an amazing thing and we're going to celebrate you.

RIVERA: Before you portray him as an angel, I mean the N-word is unforgivable.

PERINO: I'm not saying that--

PAVLICH: So, should his life be destroyed?

RIVERA: I mean comparing humans to animals, it's just - I think that--

PERINO: Obviously, I don't condone that.


RIVERA: Permanently disqualified.

WATTERS: But here's the thing--

GUTFELD: Really to a six-year-old kid. That kid's life is over. Maybe just kill him.

RIVERA: Do something else.

PERINO: Like what.


GUTFELD: He should do something else besides helping sick kids.

RIVERA: Let him help sick kids.

GUTFELD: That's what he was doing.

PAVLICH: That's what he was doing.

RIVERA: But he doesn't have to have his face on a beer can. You know--

GUTFELD: You know what's oddly--

RIVERA: The business has the right to do it.

GUTFELD: Guess what's oddly encouraging, I'm going to bring this up, because I know it's close to your heart. Justin Trudeau. Three times.

RIVERA: I like him.

GUTFELD: Black face. And that story went away. That story went away.

PAVLICH: He should be canceled; he should definitely not be the leader of the country.

GUTFELD: Did he get canceled?

RIVERA: Black face is different than the N-word.


RIVERA: Particular if you're a fellow or what was he, Arabian Nights. I mean it's not the best thing to do. Don't try it at home.

GUTFELD: Don't try.

RIVERA: Or in Canada.

GUTFELD: Don't try it anywhere maybe.

PERINO: Only try at home.

GUTFELD: Barely you can try in Canada.

PAVLICH: I suggest you don't do that. All right. The Fastest 7 is up next. We'll be back.


PERINO: Welcome back. Time for the Fastest 7. First up, you'll never have to sit next to a crying baby ever again if you take your flight on Japan Airlines is now offering a seating map showing you precisely where all the young children will be sitting. You just got back from Japan. Did you sit next to any children?

GUTFELD: No, I was in business. You know I had an idea for an all baby airlines. It's called JetPoo. And you just stack them up like a little like boxes and the little nannies. And then we don't have to worry about it. Then they just kind of fly over the cities and they have little parachutes and they just dropped a little baby into the village, where it's caught by fair maidens.

PERINO: Should I keep going with you or go on.

GUTFELD: I'll sit next to a baby if he has Bose headphones and Xanax, doesn't matter.

WATTERS: See, I like the randomness of it. I like to have people that actually deserve the bad karma of sitting next to a crying baby.

GUTFELD: Or you.

WATTERS: Get it. I don't have bad karma. I have good karma because I sit next to crying babies and I don't mind, because I have children and I've been through that experience bringing young kids on a flight is a terrible experience when your baby cries. So, I understand it. I'm very sympathetic, Greg.

PERINO: Geraldo, you travel a lot.

RIVERA: I'm a multi-million mile frequent flyer and the luck of the draw. You've got to go rid the punches.

PERINO: Katie, would you ever look at the map and decide not to sit by the child. I mean if you're given the option.

PAVLICH: I'm going to say, yes.

WATTERS: People out there too. Maybe they--

PAVLICH: That's why you have to bring a mask on the plane.

RIVERA: Taking up two seats. I mean that's the one you don't want to--

GUTFELD: So, you don't have to fight over your elbow room with a baby, right, they don't have elbows yet.

PERINO: You have to fight over room with anyone?

WATTERS: Wow. Dana Perino.

GUTFELD: Feet touched the floor.

PERINO: All right. Next, UCLA is opening up a new kindness Institute after receiving nearly $20 million from a wealthy couple. It will teach students how to show respect and empathy which the donors say is scarce, so now schools have to teach which used to be taught in the home. Jesse.

WATTERS: Well, you know what I think is kind maybe giving the 20 million to poor people. Why waste it on a stupid study at UCLA. The kind thing to do is give it to people that need the money.

GUTFELD: No, I disagree. I disagree. I agree with this if they're actually talking about connecting people and not separating them through some intersectionality, because this could be like a totally phony thing where you are now indoctrinated into understanding how different you are from other people.

PERINO: Right.

GUTFELD: When in fact it would be great if they stressed the similarities, which is what we used to do, which is what empathy is, is to be able to identify and feel - identify with others. But we live--

RIVERA: That's so--

GUTFELD: What Geraldo. What is the--

RIVERA: I mean, empathy is something that is almost instinctive. I don't think you can teach it. You know what I thought of when I heard about the kindness Institute was did someone cheat to get their kid in the kindness institute. Those are things like--

PERINO: That's an interesting thing. You've got to be suspicious even at the kind people.


RIVERA: Right, the kind people sneaking in.

PAVLICH: I used to think this is stupid. But you know what, with the day and age, you probably need some more respect to help - the retired Navy SEALs are teaching about respect.

GUTFELD: That's the point.

PAVLICH: And leadership.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

PAVLICH: The proper people are talking about what that means and maybe a little forgiveness in addition to the empathy--

PERINO: This could be a recipe for disaster.

GUTFELD: No, you don't want the typical academics teaching this. You want people that--

RIVERA: It's going to break down on racial lines and you know what groups--

GUTFELD: That's what the academics.

RIVERA: The kindness, you'll be that kindness black guy and you'll be the kindness white girl.

PAVLICH: That everyone should be blindfolded, and you shouldn't be able to bring your phone.

RIVERA: That's it.

GUTFELD: I had that rule in my bedroom.

PERINO: Finally, say what again, I double dare you. Those are just some of the classic Samuel L. Jackson movie lines. You could be hearing soon on your Amazon Alexa devices.


SAMUEL JACKSON, ACTOR: Today in Los Angeles, it's 85 degrees. Say my name. Aren't we organized?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Not bad for a rookie.

JACKSON: Say rookie again. I dare you.


PERINO: Jackson will be the first celebrity voice for Alexa. I unplug my Alexa. I was a little nervous about the recording.

RIVERA: Of course, and they're snooping on you. They are. I mean--

PERINO: I mean they say it's just so that they can improve so that your voice prompts will be more accurate in their responses. RIVERA: But what about just people snooping on you. I mean really just listening in because they can hack your passcode or--

PERINO: Are you worried about that?

GUTFELD: I don't use Alexa because I know what records everything and I say a lot of strange things when I'm asleep. I have night terrors. Some of the stuff not good for 5 o'clock. Also, I've had enough of celebrities in my life anyway, I don't need them in my house. It's a pernicious influence. I myself as a world class celebrity do not want to put myself in other people's homes unless they really wish to.

RIVERA: Samuel Jackson would have you for a snack.

WATTERS: You know how you can do that. Have you guys heard of this thing called cameo where like you can go, and you can get paid to deliver some birthday message or voice recording or something like that.

GUTFELD: Have you seen the celebrities they use.

WATTERS: Yes, and I'm waiting for the celebrity's stature to rise, so I can get on there. I'm not ready to jump in yet, but I'm so excited about the business opportunity.

GUTFELD: But who do they have, it's amazing, the people they have its kind of tragic.

WATTERS: They have like Screech.

GUTFELD: Yes. Scaramucci, right.

WATTERS: Is he on it?

GUTFELD: I thought he was.

WATTERS: Well, if he's on it, I've got to be on it. How much can he charge.

RIVERA: I haven't heard from Scaramucci about the Ukraine.

PERINO: Well that's Katie on Alexa--

PAVLICH: Alexa and Google pod or whatever it is, is a little Google thing is like Alexa. Like throw them all away and burn them all.


PAVLICH: Because they're so creepy and the Chinese are listening to everything that's in there and the FBI is using them now in cases and so are the cops. Like I just don't need it. Sorry.

PERINO: All right. Well--

PAVLICH: If you're putting it--

PERINO: Seven minutes.

PAVLICH: Burn it all. Burn them all.

PERINO: Don't go anywhere. Fan Mail Friday is up next.


GUTFELD: Yes. Fan Mail Friday. Let's get to your questions. OK, first question. Not from you again. All right. If your name was a product what would that product be and why? All right, Jesse. I think you've thought about this on your own.

WATTERS: Hair Force One.


WATTERS: You like that?

GUTFELD: Yes. It's pretty good. Why though?

WATTERS: Because of the hair, Greg.

GUTFELD: Thank you. Geraldo.

RIVERA: It would be a big powerful sailboat.

GUTFELD: No, but it has to be a name of a product.

RIVERA: That's it. That's it. The Geraldo.

GUTFELD: The Geraldo. Just be a sailboat.

RIVERA: A big fat sailboat.

WATTERS: The Riviera.

PAVLICH: This is a hard question.

GUTFELD: It is a hard question. Katie.

PAVLICH: I want to say a cowgirl boot. Because you can walk through a lot of stuff with it. And I want to--

WATTERS: Lot of stuff. Thank you. Careful Katie.

PAVLICH: Bad word. For the record, it said chucking, not the other bad word.

GUTFELD: I beg to differ.

WATTERS: Nice spin.

PAVLICH: I just clarify for the record.

RIVERA: The jury is still, I don't know.

PAVLICH: Fact checking this.

GUTFELD: I think you're ducking lying. Dana.

PERINO: I'm going to go with like a dog leash.

GUTFELD: A dog leash.

PERINO: Sort of like, the Dana.

GUTFELD: The Dana, dog - that's a great idea.

PERINO: The deash. No, it's not, it's like a leash, but--


GUTFELD: It's for a dog, Jesse. I'm going to go - the Greg would obviously be a wine opener. Right.


GUTFELD: Well that makes sense.

WATTERS: It's like a little one.

GUTFELD: Why would it be a little one.

RIVERA: Are you a wine?

GUTFELD: All right. Haiti 2010, why do I need to name them. What kind of car did you drive in high school? What was yours?

PERINO: The Dodge Turismo.

GUTFELD: Yes. That says Dana Perino. That says Dana Perino all over the Turismo. Practical, good mileage. Seat belts.

PERINO: It must have been cheap.

GUTFELD: Geraldo.

RIVERA: 1947 Chevy convertible. It was like new. I actually got it for $37. My dad spotted me the money of my first car. Take the hood off. See the engine, I was in the valve grinders.

GUTFELD: Interesting.



PAVLICH: I drove a blue Jeep Wrangler.


PAVLICH: My brother's Jeep, she made that very clear and we would blast the Beach Boys, Dana.


PAVLICH: In the jeep and get mud in the tires.

PERINO: Beach Boys were huge last night at the Points of Light event.


GUTFELD: Huge, have they put on a lot of weight?

PERINO: No, actually they look very trip. Very trip. I noticed that very, very trip.

GUTFELD: Well, they watch their weight. Anyway.

RIVERA: East Coast girls.

GUTFELD: Stop it, Geraldo. Jesse.

WATTERS: I had a mustard yellow 1980 Chrysler Baron. Yes, for $500.

PAVLICH: I don't even know what that is.

PERINO: Got you around.

GUTFELD: Wow. I had a 76 cut less Supreme and it was like that burgundy color. Remember they had the velvet interior and--

PERINO: Did they have any cigarette burns in--

GUTFELD: Yes. I was just going to say it and it just stunk like a pack of Lucky Strikes. Lot of stuff happened in that car. A lot of it alone unfortunately. Another question from you. What do you keep on your desk at work that boosts your mood?

WATTERS: Mini me. It's a little replica of myself, like a little bobblehead. Every time I see it, I feel great.

GUTFELD: It's funny, because I have a giant me on my shelf. It's the same size. Thank you very much. Dana you must have something.

PERINO: Well, you know you've got your pictures of your family, pictures of Jasper.

GUTFELD: That's it.

PERINO: Photographs.

GUTFELD: OK. Fair enough. Geraldo.

RIVERA: My desk has a glass top and under it are all the challenge coins. I got all the different military--

PERINO: That's a good place.

WATTERS: I thought you're going to say scotch.

RIVERA: No, I have that in my office too. I had the only bar in the building except for Rupert Murdoch's, but they took it out when I got my new office. Although I still have the booze secreted away there. But I looked at the coins and I remember why we're doing in Iraq or Afghanistan or wherever it's very--

WATTERS: Let's have a drink after the show, Geraldo.

RIVERA: Yes, man.

GUTFELD: Katie, do you have a desk here and what you have on it?

PAVLICH: The desk that I do have back in D.C. has a box or a cup of gel pens which makes me very happy.

PERINO: I love those.

PAVLICH: But something more sentimental is I have a framed piece of the Berlin Wall with Ronald Reagan's tear down this wall speech.

WATTERS: That's cool. Very cool.

PAVLICH: That makes me happy, because freedom.

WATTERS: Yes. Makes everyone happy.

GUTFELD: I just have--

PAVLICH: Gel pens too.

GUTFELD: I have swank. I mean I have my pen. I call it swank. I have a pack. I have a giant case of Sharpies and I throw them out. The moment they get slight - they have to be as rich when you're doing that and if they get this slight drag, I throw them away.

PAVLICH: You've got to roll with that.

GUTFELD: I don't even give them to charity, Dana. I just chuck them because that's - I live for today.

PAVLICH: You chuck them.

WATTERS: Watch your mouth.

GUTFELD: I chuck them. What career or job doesn't exist, but should? Dana.


GUTFELD: That's the question. What career or job doesn't exist, but should?

WATTERS: I got one.

PERINO: OK, go for it.

WATTERS: I think there should just be people that go around and pick up litter.

RIVERA: They have that.

WATTERS: Not in New York.

RIVERA: Ocean rescue or whatever it is they get. They go around the world getting plastic bottles and so forth.

WATTERS: OK, well maybe here in the state.

RIVERA: I think that all of the calamity stuff about climate change doesn't recognize the fact that the human race is very innovative.

WATTERS: Very helpful.

RIVERA: Very conscientious when motivated. And I think the environment is going to end up just fine. GUTFELD: Do you guys agree that this question sucks and that we should go to tease.

PAVLICH: I just think there's a job for everything which is good.

GUTFELD: That's good.

WATTERS: I want to hear what Dana thinks about--

PAVLICH: You might not get paid for it though.

WATTERS: The job that doesn't exist.

PERINO: The job that doesn't exist. I don't know. I was just thinking like, I think you need a mentor that you could call on the phone all the time. Right. You don't need a kindness institute people like and advice helpline. I guess that exist.

GUTFELD: A shrink.

WATTERS: An advice helpline.

PAVLICH: If you pay for it.


PERINO: I don't know.

GUTFELD: You know what I call that. I call that a friend, Dana.

PERINO: It's been a long week.

GUTFELD: I call that a friend.

PERINO: I've been on air - I'm out of words.

GUTFELD: You don't know what you're talking about.

PERINO: Completely out of words.

GUTFELD: All right. On that note, One More Thing is up next.


WATTERS: All right, time now for One More Thing. Big game for the Eagles last night. Amazing, amazing game. Actually, they beat the Packers, lot of scorers here, I had a great night. About time. They're Dallas goer at the touchdown there. Jump into the crowd. There are a few Eagles fans, pretty good. But yes, Howard had like three touchdowns. The best part about the game though is the camera kind of zeroes in on one particular Eagles fan. That was the pick that sealed it. Look at this guy. Look at the abs on this guy. So, he's got the Philly fanatic, he has the belly button. He's got the Liberty Bell up there; he's got the carton of milk. I don't even know where the cheesecake is, I'm afraid to know where that is.

PERINO: Is that like tattoo's or is it just--

WATTERS: Those are real tattoos. That's all too real. And we love the guy. That's what Philly is all about. Philly is also about Watters World 8 PM Eastern. Bongino, he will be talking about impeachment and the Ukraine.

GUTFELD: Which side he's going to be on?

WATTERS: I don't know you're going to have to tune in to find out.

PERINO: Did I get canceled for Bongino?

WATTERS: We have a revenge, you've got canceled for revenge porn, Dana. We have revenge porn person to talk about the - it's a real epidemic that's been plaguing this country and I'm sorry to cancel you, Dana, now I feel bad.

PERINO: I don't think you even knew I got canceled.

WATTERS: Go ahead. I just found out.

PERINO: All right. Tomorrow morning over 100 people are going to row all around the city. It's called rocking Manhattan; it's a 30 mile rowing event and it raises money for the youth group in the South Bronx called rocking the boat. This is to help a teen, young adults develop self-confidence, set ambitious like goals--

GUTFELD: Did any of these people tweet anything bad?

PERINO: They didn't.

WATTERS: Cancel them, cancel the boats.

PERINO: Even if they tweeted something bad, they're fine. They learned how to help their communities with this program, so they go all the way around. It's 23 years old. Its 11th year in action. I'm sorry, rocking the boat launch. But this whole thing going all the way around. 11 years old.

WATTERS: That's great. All right, Greg.

GUTFELD: All right. Tomorrow night, The Greg Gutfeld Show. We've got Dave Rubin, Dave Smith, great comedian, Kat, Tyrus tomorrow night 10 PM. It's going to be great. Those are great guests. Now let's do this. Animals Are Great. You know no dog. No, two dogs are alike Dana. I don't know if you know that, but all of them are different, they're like snowflakes. Now a drone can show us, here's a dog looking at a drone and he's - see, there's one dog looking at and the other dog is diving all over it. Wonderful story.

WATTERS: Yes. They wake up there.

GUTFELD: Let's watch that one more time. I like this. I don't know why.

WATTERS: Pay attention.

GUTFELD: And that is why--

RIVERA: He stuck--


GUTFELD: Don't swear, Katie.

PAVLICH: I didn't swear. I didn't do it; I swear I didn't swear guys. Did the gesture. OK, we have to move along here. OK. Boston Dynamics has this awesome robot and as a wise man once said Greg, animals are - robots are great. This new robot has look Olympic worthy skills, look at the somersault.

GUTFELD: Very frightening.

PAVLICH: It's very scary. But the new thing is that they are about to release a 330 pound robot. This one weighs 330 pounds but they're also going to release a new robot dog that does not weigh 330 pounds, but they are saying can run uphill, and climb stairs.

GUTFELD: Katie what do you suggest we do with the robot?

PAVLICH: That you don't teach it curse words. That's for sure. Yes, or other words.

GUTFELD: Shouldn't we just--

WATTERS: Put a little Dana leash on that dog. See if he can run away.

RIVERA: I was at Port Clinton Ohio over the weekend, a group of veterans, got together to fly in a B25, the same exact airplane that General Doolittle flew bombing Japan. They flew with the flags from their own dads, the Vietnam veterans, the World War II veteran. And the plane itself is meticulously maintained. It's as old as I am. 75 years old. I was the nose gunner and it's a great, great scene there.

WATTERS: All right. Excellent, Geraldo. All right. Everybody have a great weekend. That's going to be it for us. We'll see you back here on Monday. Goodnight.

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