Your Grrrs: June 1, 2006

I never would have thought a week ago that I would be compiling "your grrrs" on the first day interning with Mike Straka. Although I've already been grrred once for the way I'm doing it, I hope you enjoy the ones I chose. Mike says don't forget to spot the Oblivion. I figured I'd start this batch out with a little love note ... Katherine Sands, FOX News intern

Thomas C. writes: I'm surprised you didn't need to pay for an extra ticket on the plane to accommodate your ego. In case you hadn't been paying attention in astronomy class, the world does not, in fact, revolve around you. My only wish was that you were swallowed up by Hollywood and kept there. Then you wouldn't be forced to endure "the general public" and "reality." You would be safe in your cocoon of fake breasts, fake hair and fake personalities, a situation you wallow in every day of your all-too-well-fixed-up-for-them existence. I'm sure you're very happy for your child, what with having YOU for a father. You could only have wished to have had a father with such a fashion sense and the perfect hair like you have! But, you managed to persevere, showing what a winner you are, yet another perfect quality for a father! It must be hard living in the universe when you're saying to yourself, "It should really be the ME-niverse!" You are the living excrement of society, a sycophant who hangs around the most superficial members of the liberal elite in hopes that some of their fame infuses you with some self-worth. The problem is that you deserve NOTHING. Those socialist bastards garnered their fame by earning money for studios in the form of movie revenue. All you to is hover over them like a wasp over a dog turd. So shut up about your "AI" loss and get back to doing what it is you get paid to do: Whine. I'm sure there's someone who has to take that extra step when they walk ("What's up with him? Is he too good to walk like me?"), someone who chews once too much ("I mean, do you really need to swallow your food in such a fine slurry?") and of course, your favorite topic, women you'd gladly commit adultery with (your wife must be so proud). With loathe, contempt and an utter lack of respect, A Disinterested Reader.

Pam from Somerset, Ky., writes: I can certainly sympathize with your miserable flight from L.A. to N.Y. A couple of years ago, my husband and I had the misfortune of sitting next to a young couple with two very young children (both under the age of 3) on a flight from Ontario to Chicago. My husband and I each had an aisle seat -- one parent in each middle seat with a child in each of the window seats. For the first two hours of the flight, they proceeded to pass every item of child paraphernalia and playthings imaginable back and forth, using me and my husband as the go-betweens. We happily complied, hoping it would ease the wailing of the children -- until they needed a pacifier, when I was deemed “unclean” and the father had to climb over me and my spouse to hand it directly to the screaming child. It was OK for me to pass along everything from bum wipes and cheerios, but not a pacifier. Needless to say, there were no offers to help pass any additional items for the rest of the flight. Maybe the next time they book a flight, they will try to all sit together or at least pack two bags of necessities if they must sit apart. But then again, as oblivious as this couple was, I sincerely doubt it!

Jody H. writes: Why the heck don’t flight attendants cancel the noise coming from inconsiderate children and their parents. How does this occur? Why do YOU have to buy special headphones so that the rest of the cabin can enjoy ultrasonic hearing damage? Mike -- this has happened to me, too. Next time, let’s just ASK the flight attendant to do something about it.

Bruce F. writes: My words of Grrr! wisdom: 1. Always read the ‘Grrr!’ column. 2. Memorize the ‘Grrr!’ Lexicon. 3. NEVER sit next to Mike Straka on an airplane.

Keith in Norfolk, Va., writes: Mike, did you make any movie deals out there? Alas, my first Grrr is on you for not correcting said youthful "Aero-Obliviate." I'm sure the stewardess would have been more than happy to explain proper etiquette to him/her. Adults have to set the limits. Otherwise, that behavior is perceived as proper/acceptable and a true obliviate is nurtured.
My second Grrr is on your intern (or assistant) who decided that the "Dixie Chicks" should be the sole representation of "Your Grrs" for this week. I don't care if: a) The Dixie Chicks can even speak, or b) Cruise says apples came from aliens, or c) A baby was born in Namibia and got citizenship. I like at least a few Grrrs that are based in the real world.

Joe G. in Delaware writes: Mike, Jackie in Dallas feels that abstinence programs are enough to suppress the spread of AIDS in America. Life doesn't work like that. We need damage control, and that means sex education. You can preach abstinence but still have to assume that people will still have sex. Therefore, we need to teach abstinence, safe sex, responsibility and self-esteem.

Ann W. in Hollidaysburg, Pa., writes: I keep making vows not to read or listen to media sources because news is just too disturbing, weird, nonsensical, etc., and yet -- I continue to upset myself with things I have no control over. The latest is the judge in Nebraska who sentenced a convicted child rapist to 10 years probation instead of prison because he is too short (he is 5’1” tall)!!! What on earth does his height have to do with anything? Excuse me, but has no little person, or dwarf, ever been convicted of a crime in history?? Surely a crime is punishable regardless of your height. Shame on the judge, shame on the criminal and shame on the lawmakers if this is not overturned!! Even 10 years IN prison is too short of a sentence for a child rapist -- these people are NEVER cured. And the victims keep piling up.

Carrington in Houston writes in response to Lucinda L. who was bothered that Brad and Angelina "only" gave $315,000 to the hospital that delivered their child: Why do you care what fraction of their income was donated? The issue is that it was DONATED and even if it was publicity at it’s best, at the end of the day, the hospital benefited, the patients will benefit. $300,000 may not be a lot in America, but my guess is that it’s an awful lot in Namibia. I’ll never understand weak Americans' desire to tally someone else’s finances (“They could have given more, that’s like me giving a nickel.") Guess what, idiot, maybe they could have given a cool million or two, but since they didn’t -- why don’t YOU make up the difference? The nerve of them to ONLY “donate” a measly $300,000 -- I could buy myself a home, a few cars, pay for my college education and have a bit left over with $300,000 -- so it’s certainly a “lot” of money in my eyes.

Beth in Troy, Mo., writes: Mike, I am soooo sick and tired of hearing how "wonderful" Brad and Angelina are behaving. I don't know about anyone else, but money won't buy away the fact that they have this relationship due to an act of adultery. I will not look beyond that fact. Past behavior doesn't just conveniently go away no matter how much money they "donate."

Jamie N. in Fosston, Minn., writes: Mike, I understand your disdain for onions. I feel the same way about tomatoes. Can't stand 'em. I think they had the right idea back in the old days when they thought tomatoes were poisonous. Some day, people will stop automatically putting onions in your food, and they'll stop including tomatoes on my sandwiches. Nothing ruins a good sandwich like a bite of watery, mushy, tomato-ey yuckiness. Thanks.

Sally writes: My GRRR is to the restaurants that go so far as to purchase highchairs for babies but neglect to install changing tables in the restrooms. Ever heard the saying, “What goes in must come out"? To the managers/owners of such facilities, please install changing tables, as it would make changing our infants’ diapers so much easier!

Kelly in New York City writes: GRRR to the person(s) who stole my wallet from the 76th street Equinox over Memorial Day weekend. I thank you for giving me the opportunity to cancel my credit and ATM cards, get a new driver’s license, new work ID, health cards etc., not to mention the joy of contacting the credit bureaus to issue a fraud alert. Oh, and having no money to donate at Sunday mass was a pleasant experience as well. I hope the $80 or whatever it was, Metrocard and book of stamps made it worth your while, you piece of trash thief.

Ross writes: I have a Grrr! Lexicon term that relates to your Left Lane Vigilante definition. "Moving Roadblock." This is caused by two Obliviates driving side by side at 50 MPH on the freeway, making it impossible to pass either one until one of them finally speeds up or slows down. I really like your columns and the rest of your work. Keep it up.

Ruth in Pennsylvania writes: It’s bad enough being deluged with minutiae about the private lives of public figures, as fans and media satisfy their codependent jones for details. But Grrr to people like Terri Hatcher and Halle Berry for adding to it with their ongoing complaints about needing a man and/or baby to complete their lives. Babies and relationships are wonderful, but if missing out is as bad as your life gets, count your blessings and be grateful. Enough with the oversharing. If we all focused a fraction of that attention on more productive matters, just what we could accomplish.

Julie in Tenn. writes: In the last segment where you printed our grrrs, you said you received 2,000 e-mails and included the ones that represent a fair and balanced review of the public's comments. I find that hard to believe. I can't believe that you didn't get tons of e-mails about how people can't stand the Dixie Chicks or their opinions. So just in case you didn't, here's one. I can't stand the Dixie Chicks or their opinions. Maines is ashamed that Bush is from Texas and I am ashamed that Maines is from America.

Cindy R. in Hanover, ON, writes: I am not an American but as a Canadian I respect your voice and the respectful way you wrote your story about the Dixie Chicks on May 24. If only more people (Americans and Canadians alike) would respect each other's opinions, the world would be a better place. Just because we don't agree on some issues doesn't mean we have to bash each other. We should all be able to voice our thoughts and opinions without fear of ridicule. Thank you for a tastefully written story!

Theresa in cyberspace writes: Mike, never heard of you until I watched your interview with Taylor. Have to give you "props" for the very best interview of Hicks. It was thoughtful, interesting and respectful (not condescending). You obviously did some research. You listened to his answers and went with the flow. One of my biggest complaints about interviewers (even the best-known) have a list of questions and don't veer from them regardless of the revelations in the answers. Congratulations on an interview well done. I will look for your byline.

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