Why Liberals Are Professors

An article in Monday's New York Times tried to explain "the overwhelmingly liberal tilt of university professors." The conclusion: It's not discrimination against conservatives, it's just type-casting by conservatives!

Yes, apparently conservatives don't want to be professors, the same way men don't want to be nurses. Righties abhor tweed the way dudes reject Dansko scuff-proof clogs. One researcher calls this political typecasting and includes journalism, art, fashion and therapy as other jobs righties avoid.

Instead, conservatives head toward medicine, law enforcement, the military and late-night shows about unicorns.

Think about that: The left gravitates toward fashion and therapy; the right toward medicine and might. What does this tell you? Well, with the lefty jobs, it's impossible to create guidelines for success. Look at modern art — they all suck.

In the jobs favored by the right, standards are drawn. You can assess the difference between a good and a bad doctor simply by the number of sponges left in your lower intestine (I have three).

But the real reason why professors are liberals? Tenure. I mean, imagine if you had a guaranteed job for, like, ever. That means your actions are never tested in the real world. Instead, you can blather about how America is responsible for all the world's problems and what a "cool dude" Che Guevara was. And no one cares.

The fact is, if we actually measured the success of liberal ideas throughout history it just wouldn't be fair to liberals. Which is why liberals become historians.

And if you disagree with me, you're probably a racist homophobe.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com