So by accident I was reading the San Francisco Chronicle, a paper for bedwetters and the mentally ill, when I came across something on a company called Meebo. There, employees ease stress by playing four square — that playground game where you bounce a ball from square to square. It's fun, but I stopped playing it long before my gender reassignment surgery.
Meanwhile, in the hills of Fresno, a frozen World War II airman has been found dead, but still intact.
• Grow up! Watch Greg's Greg-alogue
These stories seem connected. Here, in one corner of California, you have a group of drooling adults indulging in "quirky" distractions, because office life is soooo stressful. Meanwhile, a man is found frozen in time as he raced to save America from fascism.
Some call this Four Square crap the "reinvention of the American grown-up." But, if anything, grown-ups are as dead as that airman. Adulthood has been replaced with endless adolescence — with divorced men dressed like German kids in fat camp and middle-aged women whose dolphin tattoos only enhance their odious back flab.
Right now we've got hundreds of thousands of servicemen fighting abroad. They don't have time for dodgeball — they're dodging bullets. But Chronicle editors think Meebo employees are engaging in something cooler: Bouncing a ball in a square, probably while listening to tapes of whales screwing... and by that I mean Josh Groban. I want to beat them to death with sticks. Pointy ones, dipped in Groban's blood.
I'm tired of hearing about these overgrown toddlers. It's time we recognize we're living in a grown-up world, albeit one that poops in its diaper once in awhile, but that's only in my activity pit after 2 a.m.
And that's my gut feeling.