If you're like me — and, congratulations if you are — then you try to enjoy your weekends. For example, I spent last Saturday in bed, watching my favorite soaps, eating doughnut holes basted in NyQuil. I call them Happy Holes and after seven of them, you think you're an Angora rabbit.
And this leads me to a key life lesson: NyQuil rules.
But also: You know you've truly succeeded in life when your adversaries aren't having fun on their weekends.
When someone who hates you spends their Saturdays consumed by hating you, then you can safely say, you've won without even raising a finger.
I mention this because I received a press release on Saturday — yes, on Saturday — from none other than Media Matters. Yes, instead of playing t-ball with their kids (or their ferrets dressed as kids), this outlet of internal misery just had to publish a press release about Fox News's coverage of Haiti.
Yes, while everyone else tries to do actual stuff, Media Matters is still using the earthquake to hammer its No. 1 enemy/one true love.
The press release came to me on my BlackBerry and it filled me with sadness for Media Matters. I wanted to invite them over for paninis. I won a grill in a raffle and have been dying to try it out (on food, this time).
But instead, here's some advice, Double M: The weekends are for your family, your hobbies, your festering addiction to prescription meds. It's not for obsessing over adversaries. And you should notice a trend by now: The more you whine, the higher Fox News climbs.
Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com
Get all the stories you need-to-know from the most powerful name in news delivered first thing every morning to your inbox