Usama's on the Ropes

So you've seen the latest message from our favorite goat-toucher Usama bin Laden.

In it, he criticizes Americans for reelecting, instead of punishing Bush, as well as harping on Democrats for not securing a retreat out of Iraq. He also mentions global warming and praises Noam Chomsky, the patron saint of the left.

It was at this point, I thought I was listening to Keith Olbermann. That's when it dawned on me: bin Laden isn't just a terrorist, he's worse — a liberal!

So, when one political party shares a wartime agenda with the guy who's trying to end your civilization, isn't it time to stop renewing Bill Maher's contract? I mean, if Usama wrote these sentiments on a job application, he could land a spot on "The View."

You know, I didn't realize bin Laden was following U.S. politics that closely. He must watch "The Daily Show."

But the whole thing seems like Usama's latest video dating offer to America's left:

"Lonely, bored goatherder, into jihad, mass murder and figs, seeks fellow 'progressive' for long-term relationship. I enjoy long walks in the desert and goats. Let's end Western Civilization together! (And yes, this is my real beard!)"

But there's a hint of desperation to all this. UBL is no longer calling for America's destruction. Now, he's begging us to leave the Middle East. Which means, he's running out of hummus. It's clear he would love to call things "even" and check into the Yemen Hilton for a nice bath.

Just remember: Only a man who's losing it quotes Chomsky.

Usama's on the ropes. Let's keep him there, until he's at the end of one.

And that's my gut feeling.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: