The long-awaited and curiously weird wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes may at long last be here. Get ready for late-night jokes about the wedding registry, the honeymoon and the prenup.
"Chatter" picked up on the Cruise-Holmes gossip frequency suggests such an event could take place between now and the end of this weekend. You see, Homeland Security doesn’t have "chatter" all to itself. There are really important issues in this country ... didn’t you know?
The wedding — should it take place — will no doubt be veiled in secrecy in the same way the birth of the couple’s child was in April. It’s possible, however, that Cruise will use a wedding as a vehicle for letting out a picture of baby Suri.
What will be most interesting about the wedding ceremony for these two will be the guests and the religion. All eyes will be on members of Holmes’ family and friends to see if they are invited, or if they come at all.
And then, how will the wedding ceremony be performed? By a Scientology minister, a Catholic priest or both? Holmes’ parents are probably against a Scientology wedding and no priest. But would that stop them from coming?
And then, of course, there’s the whole issue of a prenuptial agreement. While the lips of those in the gossip world flap about a "contract" Katie signed a long time ago, I find that doubtful.
The real story is about a prenup in which Holmes fights not for money, but for her child. From the way things have gone with his kids from his marriage to Nicole Kidman, it’s clear Cruise wants a baby raised in his home by his beliefs — with or without her mother.
The location of such a wedding is also an issue. Will it be in Telluride , where the actor has a big, secluded spread? In Beverly Hills, at his mansion? Or at the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Hollywood?
I can tell you where it won’t be: Katie’s hometown of Toledo, Ohio. Katie’s mom will be denied any chance to plan her daughter’s wedding, that’s for sure.
One can only sympathize with the Holmes family at this point: They are so civic-minded and involved with their church that Cruise’s control of their daughter must be a continuous source of pain for them.
The strangest thing about Tom Cruise right now, however, is his complete lack of self-knowledge. It’s rather doubtful that he comprehends how much damage he’s done to his career. The Internet is now full of Web sites that mock him. He’s the subject of an endless stream of jokes on TV and radio. A new generation of filmgoers now considers him nuts.
He’s also pointlessly allowed the "Where is Suri?" story to get way out of hand, with speculation in every tabloid about either the baby’s existence or possible illness.
Why would anyone allow this to go on for so long? The answer would have been to simply present the baby on the "Today" show or "Good Morning America" in a taped piece.
Cruise’s fueling of this insane gossip fire has done him no good. You can only image his publicist Paul Block telling him the same thing ... and getting nowhere.
Oscar nominee Toni Collette is having a great summer. She has the monster comedy hit "Little Miss Sunshine," with Greg Kinnear and Steve Carell, hitting theaters this week. And next week brings "The Night Listener," a drama with Robin Williams. She’s exquisite in each. Shouldn’t that be enough?
But Toni tells me that she and her husband, a drummer named Dave Galafassi , have finished their first rock album. It will be released this fall in Australia and maybe next spring in America, when she finds a record label.
"I wrote all the songs," she told me at last night’s cozy outdoor premiere for "Sunshine" at the 79th Street Boat Basin.
"It’s the first time I’ve put out a record," she confessed. "But I’ve sung before and I’m very excited."
The album is called "Beautiful Awkward Pictures," and its release should coincide with even more Toni Collette movies (her music manager, by the way, is Caresse Henry, the genius who guided Madonna for many years).
Collette has four more films under way, including two that are highly anticipated: Karen Moncrieff’s "The Dead Girl," and an untitled movie based on Alicia Erian's novel "Towelhead," adapted and directed by Alan Ball of "American Beauty" and "Six Feet Under."
But there's one movie she can’t do: Terry George’s "Reservation Road," which I told you about yesterday.
George desperately wanted to cast Collette, and she wanted the role. But as she exclaimed last night with disappointment: "I’m already doing two films at once! I can’t do three!" Everyone should have these problems! (Terry, call Bridget Fonda!)
Meanwhile, Kinnear is exceptionally good in "Little Miss Sunshine." I’m not kidding when I tell you a Golden Globe nomination and maybe some other accolades might be coming his way next winter.
Fighting off heavy co-stars like Carell and Alan Arkin — not to mention 10-year-old Abigail Breslin — for the best of scenes, Kinnear manages to hold his own in this indie comedy. He's impressive to watch.
On the home front, Kinnear told me he and his wife, Helen, now have a 6-week-old daughter in addition to their almost 3-year-old girl. Their names are Lily and Audrey — beautiful, elegant, normal names, unlike so many other celebrity progeny of late.
Kinnear and family are now setting up shop in Portland, Ore., to shoot Robert Benton’s "Feast of Love," based on a the wonderful novel by Charles Baxter.
P.S. If you don’t know Benton’s work, do yourself a favor and rent any of his classics: "The Late Show," "Places in the Heart," "Kramer vs. Kramer" or the very underrated "The Human Stain."
"Little Miss Sunshine" was the big winner at Sundance this year. Made for $8 million, it was sold to Fox Searchlight for about $12 million. The sale set a record and the creators were treated like rock stars.
I was a little skeptical of all this hoopla back in January, but seeing the film again last night showed that it was all worth it.
"Sunshine" is a textured, dark comedy with terrific performances. It’s moving and funny, two things we don’t often get in the same film anymore. Bravo!