Spankings Work

Should we eat babies? That's a terrible question and I'm offended you'd bring it up. But a leading shrink reports that kids allowed to run wild as toddlers will inevitably turn into violent adults. He says children are most aggressive between 18 to 48 months, which is when they need discipline most.

But the sad truth is the reason why kids become violent creeps is because no one stops them. And by that, I mean, slapping them upside the head.

Now, I know corporal punishment is a "touchy" thing but spankings work. I know. I was spanked regularly and not only did it teach me right from wrong, but also how much I really liked spanking.

The fact is the moment we replaced spanking with self-esteem classes, we screwed up. Research shows that criminals have the highest level of self-esteem — defined as entitlement without achievement. Sound familiar? That's a kid. They want ice cream and ponies, without having to work for either.

Is it no surprise that when you stop saying no to kids, what you're left with is Charles Manson in Osh Kosh B'gosh.

Now, I'm not a parent — it's part of a contract I signed with the state of New York. But that won't stop me from having ideas about kids, just like not having a unicorn never stopped me from knowing the right and wrong way to love one.

My idea: A baby circus, where babies perform hellish acrobatics to win food and freedom. This will teach discipline, as well as entertain us, which is the whole point of kids anyway.

Dass ist mein Darmgefuehl!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: