You’ve got to hand it to the Brits — they sure know how to insult people with flair. Part of the appeal is, of course, that offensive statements simply sound more appealing when accompanied by, say, a South London accent, but the British are also just amazingly direct in ways that Americans are not.
Take the judges on “Britain’s Next Top Model,” who don’t waste any time confusing the heck out of the girls by pretending to be their best friend one minute and snapping at them for being upset about missing their high school graduation the next.
No, instead of hugging the girls when they shed their crocodile tears, these judges try to incite more of them, by regularly saying things like, “I honestly don’t know what you’re doing here.”
Lots of insults were also flung around the “Real World” house this week, as party girl Jenn had it out with anger management therapy aspirant Tyrie.
We started the episode with the three girls and “The Frat” — a name I swear the non-gay boys in the house chose for themselves — debating whether or not the group should get a dog (the girls said yes, the boys said no, and I sided with the boys because no dog should have to live among those animals).
While no one went below the belt, it was only a matter of time before Jenn and Tyrie engaged in their mostly unintelligible fight, the subtext of which was that they were two strong, drunk personalities colliding, which is about as common on “The Real World” as a gay guy and a guy who’s never known a gay guy before interacting.
Jen said Tyrie reminded her of an ex she seemed to hate, Tyrie yelled a lot about how he doesn’t hit women while looking very much like he wanted to change that stance and the exchange ended with Jen rambling about how much she could teach Tyrie and Tyrie claiming he wasn’t going to apologize for being “me.”
Where do we go from there? To drinking problem confessions, of course — and if you’re keeping track at home, that’s now been the mea culpa for two of the seven roommates after altercations. And we’re only in first few episodes, people!
Nicci Guzik, the adorable coffee shop manager who cleaned up on Thursday night’s episode of “Identity,” got in on the insults as well, although hers seemed to be entirely unintentional.
First, there was the moment she essentially opined that “Spider-Man” creator Stan Lee was old, next the bit where she called Maurice Green, the world’s fastest man, Marion Jones (who happens to be a woman).
Let’s forgive her, though, since she wasn’t trying to offend anyone and because she did get every identity she guessed right (though it should be noted that this task was so easy that it made “Deal or No Deal” look like a game of serious skill).
Still, she didn’t ask either man what they were doing there or yell at them for resembling any of her exes, so I’d say they got off easy.
Anna David has written for The L.A. Times, Vanity Fair, Premiere, Parenting, Cosmo, People, Us Weekly, Redbook, Self, Details, Stuff, TV Guide, Women’s Health, Ocean Drive, Teen Vogue, Variety, The New York Post, LA Confidential and Maxim, among others. She answers sex and relationship questions on G4's Attack of the Show and speaks about pop culture on FOX, CNN, NBC, MTV, VH1 and E! Her first novel, "Party Girl," is coming out in June 2007 from Regan Books/HarperCollins.