Old People Should Act Their Age

So according to new research, the number of people age 65 and over will double in size to 81 million by 2050.

That may sound depressing, but it isn't. More old people creates more jobs catering to old people, like driving them to and from Friendlys — perfect occupations for graduates from Brown.

But my only problem with old people comes when they don't act like old people. When they act young, their greatness disappears. Just look at any man over 25 wearing board shorts with a wallet chain. Or any woman over 50 with breast implants. It's frightening and depressing.

Old people, as they age, should embrace the freedom that comes with wrinkling and memory loss. You can do and say whatever you want. You get into movies cheaper. You eat dinners at 2 p.m. You can yell at people just for staring at your lawn.

See, my issue with aging baby boomers is their reluctance to abandon the need to be cool — which they never were anyway. The desire to be young is the most un-cool thing in the world.

Growing old, however is about coolest thing you can do. And it's the only thing you can do. So why not embrace it?

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com