Office Romance Improves Office Performance?

As a man who has visited our human resources department many times to explain "Hot Tub Fridays," I find the following news very exciting: According to Italian researchers, having an office romance actually improves your work.

Employees who had an affair at work said they were happier, more energetic and far more productive than those who didn't have a fling. Now, this makes total sense. Think about what a man does when no one's looking: He surfs porn, picks his nose and sniffs his fingers.

But insert an attractive woman — or houseboy — into the mix and suddenly the man becomes James Bond. He starts bathing again, he kicks ass in meetings and he solves difficult problems using nothing but gum and discarded earwax.

Romantic need fuels all achievement, as well as proper hygiene.

I think it is high time companies realized this and encouraged hook-ups at work. Especially since we all know the office is a far better place to meet someone than non-work. Every time I meet a girl at a bar, I never know what I'm getting. I mean, shouldn't they tell you that they're pre-op, before you take them home? I think so.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: