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A couple has sued a Wal-Mart (search) branch in Pennsylvania because the bottom fell out of an overstuffed grocery bag, spilling the contents out onto the woman's ankle.

The injurious items were listed in the lawsuit as a 46-ounce bottle of ketchup and a 32-ounce jar of Miracle Whip mayonnaise — enough for a nice batch of Russian dressing — and several cans of fruit.

Brenda and Ronald Sager of Mount Pleasant, Pa., say Wal-Mart failed to train employees to bag goods properly and supplied substandard bags, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported.

The Sagers want $30,000. Wal-Mart denies the accusations and says its workers at the East Huntington Township, Pa., store did nothing wrong.

I'll Take the &*$@#! Fries With That

Local cops are scrambling to find the jokester who's hacked into a Burger King's (search) drive-through speaker in Troy, Mich., telling customers they're too fat to order Whoppers.

Police figure some teenagers must have discovered the radio frequency used to transmit conversations between the parking-lot order kiosk and the restaurant kitchen, according to

One customer was told: "You don't need a couple of Whoppers. You're too fat. Pull ahead," according to police Lt. Gerry Scherlinck.

When the manager came out to apologize to a carload of customers who'd just heard a stream of obscenities, the drive-through speaker had a special message for him as well.

"There's nothing you or the police can do about this," said the speaker, "so get your fat ass back inside and take your goons with you," Scherlinck told the Detroit News.

Kevin Barnes, a spokesman for the franchise company that owns the restaurant, said he'd like to keep news of the incidents low-key.

School Bust Burns Mom's Heart

RIO RANCHO, N.M. (AP) — A Rio Rancho mother says the five-day suspension given her 13-year-old son for having a heartburn medication his doctor recommended "is ridiculous and unreasonable."

Jordan Oppenheim was suspended from Rio Rancho Mid-High last week for "personal substance abuse" for carrying a bottle of Gas-X (search).

Traci Meter said her son told her he'd been told to take the medication to the school nurse but was embarrassed. The medication breaks up bubbles in the digestive tract.

Meter said she told him not to worry about it and just put it in his pocket.

"I didn't want him to be embarrassed, and I never imagined this would happen," she said.

After Jordan was suspended, Meter called school authorities, thinking they would understand once the situation was explained.

"They told me that they believed me, but that the school has a zero-tolerance policy for drugs," Meter said. "The principal said her hands were tied and Jordan had to receive five days of suspension."

Gimme the Money or the Desk Loses a Leg

BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — Former Erie County legislator David Dale is holding three computer systems, four desks, a conference table and other office furniture hostage. He says he'll set them free when the county pays the postage on his farewell newsletter to constituents.

County officials sued Dale last week for failing to return the property and got a temporary restraining order to keep him from moving it out of the county-leased office space.

Dale, a lawyer, said he would countersue, seeking repayment of $2,100 he spent on postage. The Democrat's district seat in this upstate New York city on the shore of Lake Erie was eliminated this year when the Legislature was downsized.

The equipment in Dale's office is valued at $15,000.

Curses! Foiled Again!

OLYMPIA, Wash. (AP) — Chris Kirk found his apartment completely encased in aluminum foil when he got home from a trip to Los Angeles last week.

The walls, ceiling, cabinets and everything in between shimmered, thanks to a prank orchestrated by Kirk's longtime friend, Luke Trerice, 26, who was staying in the apartment while Kirk was away.

"He's known for large-scale strangeness," Kirk, 33, told The Olympian. "He warned me that he would be able to touch my stuff, but it didn't sound so bad."

Trerice, who lives in Las Vegas, and a small group of friends draped the apartment with about 4,000 square feet of aluminum foil, which cost about $100.

"It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing," Trerice said. "I really don't even consider it art. I consider it a psychology project. ... He seems to be upbeat, so I consider this a success."

Only four items were left unfoiled — a portrait of Kirk's girlfriend, the bed, a bath mat and a copy of a book entitled "Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends."

Better Busted Than Dead

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — When mourners showed up in north Alabama for Finley Christopher Farley's funeral, they were told that the dearly departed had not in fact departed. He was just being detained in a New Orleans jail.

Farley's parents, Eugene and Marion, made funeral arrangements in Decatur, Ala., for their son after the Orleans Parish coroner told them their son had died in a hotel room. A death notice was put in their local newspaper and a service was set for Thursday.

But as the death notice rolled off the presses, Farley was sitting in jail after being booked on charges of crack cocaine (search) possession and public drunkenness. New Orleans police had arrested Farley in the French Quarter, authorities said.

Exactly how his name got connected with another man's corpse remains a mystery.

Another mystery remains, as well. Nobody knows exactly who the dead man is.

Compiled by's Paul Wagenseil.