If there's one thing we learned from Wednesday's tea parties, it's how Anderson Cooper spends his nights off. Here he is with talking thumb, David Gergen:


DAVID GERGEN, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL ADVISER: The trust level in the president on economic issues is extremely high and everybody else in the administration is well below him. But the Republicans a little below that.

So Republicans have got a way... they still haven't found their voice, Anderson. This happens to a minority party after it's lost a couple of bad elections. But they're searching for their voice.

ANDERSON COOPER: It's hard to talk when you're tea-bagging.


"It's hard to talk when you're tea-bagging."

So true.

Now, if you're too old, or too high, to get it, here's the joke: The lefty media are goofing on the tea parties by calling it tea-bagging, a phrase used to describe an act of oral sex performed by a man either on another man, woman or — in Alec Baldwin's case — a cheeseburger.

And so you have Cooper's joke, which he stole from David Shuster, who apparently has never met a joke he hasn't beaten to death like a hunter on a harp seal:


DAVID SHUSTER, HOST: It's going to be tea-bagging day for the right-wing and they're going nuts for it. Thousands of them whipped out the festivities early this past weekend and, while the parties are officially toothless, the tea-baggers are full-throated about their goals. They want to give President Obama a strong tongue-lashing and lick government spending-spending they did not oppose when they were under presidents Bush and Reagan.

We can only speculate why widespread tea-bagging made Cavuto think of the Million Man March, unless he got them confused with Dick Armey. And in Cavuto's defense, if you are planning simultaneous tea-bagging all around the country, you're going to need a Dick Armey.


Shuster's like an 8-year-old boy who can't stop sniffing his fingers.

I'm mean, I always thought I was the king of obvious jokes, but I lost that crown because the real obvious joke is Shuster.

So why is it that the mainstream media finds it so easy to sneer at these protestors, when you've never seen them do it to the bug-infested buffoons protesting environmental ills or the WTO?

Well, first: These protests involve people they've never actually met. These are average folks, not professional sign carriers. Most of them work for a living and keep their marching for parades.

Also, the media abhors these people because they question their Messiah's mission. These protestors know wealth distribution when they see it and they're calling it out because the media cannot bring themselves to do it for them. See, if you learned anything from high school, you never make fun of Mr. Popular.

Lastly, the media hates it when they can't control the story. These tea parties were hard to figure and impossible to spin. So, why not make fun of them? Why not make ball jokes?

But hey, who am I to judge, Anderson? Whatever gets you off, when nothing else will.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com