So Thursday on the Cartoon Network, Chris Matthews did a segment on Bret Baier's interview with President Obama.
Matthews, still suffering from Obama-erotica Syndrome, was astounded how Bret treated his precious prince. For support, he had a pair of chuckling chuckleheads on standby: Joan Walsh and Cynthia Tucker. Gosh, they're adorbs:
(BEGIN VIDEO TAPE)
CHRIS MATTHEWS, HOST: Welcome back to "Hardball." Making his final push for health care reform, President Obama appeared on Fox last night. As this montage will show, it was hard going, hard for him to get in a sentence, at least a full one:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: And I don't think we should pretend otherwise, and if—
BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: But Mr. President, this Monday—
OBAMA: Brett, let me finish.
BAIER: Let me insert this. Let me get to more specifics on substance, not process.
BAIER: Do you which ones are still in?
OBAMA: Hold on a second, Brett. We'll have more security. So—
BAIER: How can you — you guarantee that they're going to be able to keep their —
OBAMA: Brett, you've got let me finish my answers.
BAIER: But, sir, I know you don't like the filibuster.
OBAMA: I'm trying to answer your questions. You keep on interrupting.
Let's assume that I had never proposed health care—
BAIER: But you wanted to change Washington, Mr. President, and now we're doing it the same way.
OBAMA: Brett, let me finish my answers here.
BAIER: Mr. President, I'm getting wrapped up and I don't want to interrupt you. But...
I apologize for interrupting you so much. I was trying to get the most for our buck.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
MATTHEWS: How's he doing? I don't know why he gave him the interview.
Joan, I don't know he got the booking or why he did it. If I were him, I would wonder who brought that character into the Oval Office. Your thoughts?
JOAN WALSH, SALON: He wanted to get the most for his buck? Did he pay somebody, Chris? That was ridiculous.
MATTHEWS: Who were the people that crashed the White House party? This guy must be their buccaneer buddy or something. Your thoughts?
WALSH: Yes, somebody — I don't think Gibbs set that up for a buck. Trust me. I don't know who set it up. But it was a waste of the president's time.
(END VIDEO TAPE)
"Buccaneer buddy?" What the hell is that? And where can I get one?
Look, the real star of that clip wasn't those three bozos, but the editor who left out all of the Dear One's filibustering. The editor just clipped the ends of Obama's statements when Brett tried to get the president back on track.
It's sneaky, but so what? I suppose I could go through Chris Matthew's career and find examples of his self-righteous screeching at guests, which Baier never does. But there are just way too many examples, and it's nice outside.
But perhaps the greasiest part was when Matthews said, "I wonder who brought this character into the White House," something he'd never say about Al Sharpton or George Clooney.
Here's why: For Chris, the Baier interview was like watching your girlfriend go out with another guy. Chris's jealousy got the best of him; it's as if that thrill up his leg became rage in his heart. So he took it out on Brett, then used Joan and Cynthia as shoulders to cry on.
Later, they did each other's hair.
Hope that helps, Chris. The ratings just came out and the Cartoon Network gets more viewers than your cartoon network. That's got to piss you off, being the Olive Oyl to our nation's Popeye.
And if you disagree with me, you're probably a racist homophobe who feeds babies to Nazis.