Grrrs Gone Wild

Here are a few things that will make you go Grrr!

A recent spate of spam mail promises recipients that by clicking they will be treated to video clips, pictures and more of Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. Now that's just what I want to see: two emaciated women whose sole talent and claim to fame is being born rich. No thanks.

Yet the mails just keep on comin'.


Why do dry cleaners insist on leaving the safety pins and the little blue or pink tags on the clothes? Nothing like trying to get the safety pin out from the back of your suit pants as you're getting dressed for work — in the dark — so you don't wake up your spouse.

Can say you herniated disk?


When is it OK to remove the sticker from the produce? Do you wash the apple first, then eat around it? Mrs. Grrr! loves it when she finds produce stickers stuck to the kitchen sink or the arm of the sofa after my lazy butt removes them from the fruit. That, and the apple cores on the living room table. She loves that too ... but what really Grrrs me about the produce stickers is when you need Goo Gone to get them off.


Watched what could have been a touching segment on one of the other network's morning shows right around Thanksgiving.

A soldier in Iraq was having a two-way conversation with his wife and their newborn son from the show's New York studio. I say it could have been touching except that every time the man and wife tried to speak, the anchor kept interrupting, saying things like, and I paraphrase, "How terrible it must be to be away from your wife and your baby, fighting a war. Do you think you're making a difference over there?" and so on. After the segment, another anchor read from the teleprompter, "not a dry eye in sight." Yeah, right.

Hey, I'm all for bringing our men and women home, but Grrr! to manipulating a nationally televised moment to serve your politically "objective" needs. It's always bad news out of Iraq.

Trust me folks, there's a lot of good news being generated over there too.


Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey never signed a prenuptial agreement, and it looks like sweet Jesse will have to "pay through the nose" to get rid of Mr. 98 Degrees. Hey, that's the price you have to pay for breaking your vow, kids.

That's why it says "in good times and in bad," right there in the vows.


It's been a whole year since we heard from Michael Moore. In the summer of 2004 he wrote this to me in response to a column that I wrote where I asked him if any of the proceeds from "Fahrenheit 9/11" were being donated to the families of military members.

"A significant portion of the proceeds of "Fahrenheit 9/11" will go toward convincing every thinking American to turn off the FOX News Channel. This will be my contribution to making America a better place. I hope they enjoy this year, their last year with actual viewers." — Michael Moore

Wow, I guess every thinking American made up their minds without Moore's help, considering FOX News Channel is still No. 1 in cable news.


Howard Stern is going to satellite radio. There, now you don't have to watch any of the dozens of interviews the King of all Media has planned, since that's all he's going to say, over and over and over and over again.


Julia Roberts makes $20 million per film. Nicole Kidman makes $15 million, as do Angelina Jolie and Drew Barrymore. Charlize Theron makes between $10 and $12 million. Now, I'm all for movie stars raking in the big bucks, and surely not every film they make is going to be a hit, or even good.

The Grrr! is the number of bad flicks our film industry's hottest actresses are churning out. Then again, I could watch Theron read the phone book.

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