Where's my trump card?
I mean, I wish that every time that I didn't get my way, I could blame someone. I wish that every time disaster strikes poor, little ol' me, I could point my finger to a specific reason why I'm so persecuted.
Here in New York we had a primary on Tuesday for the Democratic mayoral nomination. One of the politicians blames a lack of media coverage for her demise.
"I think the whole thing of not getting the kind of coverage by media on a lot of the issues that I know mattered to people and not getting that out in a way that I thought was important to me, that disappointed me,” said C. Virginia Fields (search), the Manhattan borough president who was hoping to fill Republican Mayor Mike Bloomberg's office.
Typical Grrring politician speak, if you ask me.
The lack of voter turnout for her camp has nothing at all to do with her performance as an elected official or on the campaign trail. And the lack of media coverage? I guess she forgot about the little hurricane that hit the Gulf coast two weeks ago.
Then there was Ty Taylor (search), the talented African-American singer who was booted off "Rock Star: INXS." He blamed racism for his plight, which I can understand, because there are no minorities represented in the music industry. None at all.
Never mind the fact that two of the four winners of "American Idol" are African-American.
Ty, you're a great singer. You're just not a rock star. Go sing in "Rent."
Remember Jayson Blair (search), the serial liar who sullied the reputation of The New York Times by fabricating quotes and whole stories?
Well, in his book — which I won't even name here for fear you might be tempted to waste your money on it — he blamed everything from depression to racism to drug and alcohol abuse.
It was never his fault.
Pete Rose (search) blames the Javert-like pursuit of the late baseball commissioner Bart Giamatti (search) for his lifelong ban from baseball, never once admitting he was gambling until he could profit from that admission in the form of a book deal.
But for nearly 15 years it was Giamatti's fault.
Another baseball player, Rafael Palmeiro (search), recently the poster child for steroids, said that he never knew that the supplements that were supplied to him from various trainers or nutritionists were actually illegal, performance-enhancing substances.
Never mind the fact that he was taking Winstrol, which experts say cannot be confused with anything but steroids.
The whole concept of pointing fingers makes me want to break into song. Remember the Scarecrow's song in "The Wizard of Oz," "If I Only Had A Brain"? Sing it like this:
If I only had a blame
I could fail every minute,
I would point at you infinitum,
If I only had a blame.
Mike Straka is the director of operations and special projects for FOXNews.com, and covers entertainment and features on the Sunday program "FOX Magazine." He also writes the biweekly Grrr! Column and hosts "The Real Deal" video segments on FOXNews.com.