Grrr! Turkeys of '06

Thanksgiving is this Thursday, so we figure we should celebrate the holiday in true Grrr fashion, with some of the biggest turkeys of 2006.

Comic Relief?

We begin with the charitable comedy-fest known as HBO's "Comic Relief."

Here is an annual stand-up comedy show that has raised millions for worthy causes ranging from homelessness to AIDS research, and the most recent show raised money for victims of Hurricane Katrina.

While there's nothing Grrring about raising money for victims of natural disasters, what is Grrring is that the majority of the comics who turned out performances used conservatives and the Republican administration as the butt of most jokes.

While comedy has always been a place for political and social dissent, is a fundraising event really the appropriate place for partisan shots? Aren't conservatives, Christian groups and other religious (read: conservative) leaders extremely generous when it comes to donating funds to charitable causes?

It just seems nonproductive to me to alienate lucrative potential donors by going for the jugular, instead of going for the joke.

Kramer Lashes Out is buzzing with a video of "Seinfeld" alum Michael Richards' racist tirade at a Los Angeles comedy club last week.

In it, Richards uses the "N" word repeatedly, even going so far as to yell at a black man that some years ago he would have been hung upside down from a tree with a "fork up his a--."


In the video you see people leaving the performance, while Richards does his best Lenny Bruce impression, yelling "N," "N," "N" over and over again.

It's incredibly hard to imagine America's favorite neighbor behaving in such a way, and if it weren't caught on video, it would be very hard to believe.

I wonder how long before "Kramer" enters rehab for alcohol problems. Maybe he just went about it the wrong way. Perhaps if he did it as "Borat" he could be making millions at the box office.

But I digress.

Mr. and Mrs. Tom Turkey

You'd think the world would be happy for its greatest popcorn salesman and his blushing bride, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, after they wed in a Scientology ceremony in picturesque Bracciano, Italy. But that is not the case.

It seems Cruise fans don't approve of his religion or of the shroud of secrecy and just plain-old weirdness that has surrounded this celebrity couple since Cruise jumped all over Oprah's couch to declare his love for his young girlfriend.

Couple that with photos that make Katie Holmes look like she's trying out for "The Stepford Wives" (ironically, Cruise's ex-wife Nicole Kidman starred in the remake) and people are downright alarmed, instead of happy.

Personally, I'm sad that America's greatest export has been hammered with such bad publicity in the past year or two.

For the longest time, Cruise has been the epitome of what America is all about. However, that is no longer the case.

"Mission: Impossible III" was considered a box office failure (it only made $400 million: go figure), and Cruise was subsequently "fired" from Paramount by Viacom chief Sumner Redstone for his odd behavior.

Would that more stars of such high caliber were more like George Clooney. Clooney lets his work do the talking, and no one can argue that his work is anything but stellar.

It's 'Apocalypto' Time for Gibson

And just when you thought it was safe to go back to the movies, Mel Gibson's latest flick featuring ancient tongues "Apocalypto," is due out next month, just in time for Oscar consideration.

Hah! That's funny. Oscar consideration?

Mad Mel would be lucky if anyone goes to see this flick, never mind awards. Ancient Aramaic is one thing when you're doing a story about Jesus Christ. I doubt Mayan ruins will have the same appeal.

It's been real, Mel. I'm going to miss "Lethal Weapon 22."

Roasted or Fried?

More turkeys from 2006 who were chewed up and spit out by the pop culture machine were Kevin Federline and Heather Mills McCartney.

Both of these soon-to-be-wealthy ex-spouses married pop-culture icons but couldn't get out from under who they really are: Gold-Diggers.

O.J. Simpson also tried to slither his way back into the national dialogue, just in time for Thanksgiving dinner, er, sweeps.

Here's a guy who has no shame whatsoever. And to think double jeopardy to him would be a celebrity turn on Alex Trebek's show.

We do have Rupert Murdoch to thank for pulling the plug on the broadcast and the "If I Did It" book — both of which were going to be products of parent company News Corp.

Thanksgiving indeed.

Of course, where would we as Americans be without the divas of music, Barbra Streisand and Madonna?

Streisand told a fan to "Shut the f--- up" after he heckled her for bashing President Bush during a concert where tickets averaged more than $200 a pop.

And Madonna's adoption of a poor baby from Malawi had childcare professionals wagging their tongues

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble.

That's saying nothing of the planned Madonna concert set to air this week on NBC. We do have something to be thankful for, however. Madge decided to cut the scene where she appears nailed to a crucifix for fear of offending people.

Gee, thanks Madonna.

The Un-Grrr!

Since it's Thanksgiving, I'd like to thank mortgage broker Joe Veitch at Advanced Financial Services, for restoring my faith in customer service at the refinancing game. Joe's knowledge of the mortgage game was instrumental in my decision making, and his patience and help through the process is truly appreciated.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Your Grrrs

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