GRRR! Sheryl Crow's Toilet Trouble; Alec Baldwin; Lessons in Sports

Thank goodness for Sheryl Crow.

Now that the singer has divulged to the world her plan for saving planet Earth, we can all breathe easier knowing that our children’s children’s children will have long, prosperous lives.

I’m writing of course about Crow’s grand plan of prolonging toilet paper by using just one square per toilet visit. One square. I wish I had thought of that one first!

Now, I’ve heard some pretty stupid things come out of celebrities’ mouths, and I’ve said and written some pretty dumb things myself, but the one square per sitting rule is perhaps the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

Typical that it comes from a celebrity with a pet cause.

Why do celebs feel that they need to go on a nationwide tour to help us live our lives? Here’s a pet cause for all of you celebrities to sink your teeth into: How about STAYING MARRIED?

We'll give Crow a break here, as she has never been married. But it's amazing how much energy one can focus on keeping a marriage, a relationship, a family or a father/daughter bond alive. And if done right, celebrities will actually be forced to focus on something other than themselves for once.

Imagine a world where celebrities had something more to offer, like being positive role models as hard-working, family-oriented stars, rather than the one-tissue-per-sitting theory on global salvation.

Imagine if Alec Baldwin and his ex-wife Kim Basinger had actually worked on their own marriage as opposed to scarring their 11-year-old daughter Ireland for life with their hatred for one another?

I’m sick of hearing and seeing such flagrant disregard for the family values system from our friends in Hollywood.

Ironically, if a script written by Paul Haggis about a God-fearing, loving American family crossed the desks of agents for some of our most relationship-challenged actors, you can bet your life they’d pour their heart and soul into their character.

Sad when art doesn’t imitate life.

While I'm on the subject, no matter how reprehensible Baldwin's tirade to his daughter Ireland was, worse was anyone making it public. And if it turns out that Basinger released that audio clip to, then that is unconscionable. And if there's talk about losing custody, that talk should be focused on the mother.

Ireland will now be forever stamped by friends and the general public as a "rude little pig," and while Daddy delivered the harsh reprimand, whoever delivered it to the public is the real culprit here.

Grrr Guide to Success

Success in life, whether we’re talking about family or at the office, depends a lot on how one is brought up. I’m not talking about one’s own parents and the example they set — although that is extremely important. I am talking about sports.

I for one was a wrestler and a martial artist, and the dedication and sacrifice it took for me to succeed in those sports has had an effect on everything I do today – family, work ethic and general interpersonal relations with other people.

A few years ago, our FOX News colleague Brian Kilmeade wrote a book about how sports had a positive impact on some of the most successful athletes, politicians, TV personalities and business leaders in the world, called “The Games Do Count: America’s Best and Brightest on the Power of Sports.”

Now comes the sequel, "It’s How You Play the Game: The Powerful Sports Moments That Taught Lasting Values to America’s Finest," with some 90 stories from interviews Kilmeade has conducted over the past two years.

“All 90 people in the book had moments that hit them on the field as kids that shaped who they are,” Kilmeade says.

“As they went back in time to remember their stories, it was like an exercise in self-discovery, and many, like The Rock Dwayne Johnson, Terry Bradshaw, Cal Ripken and Mia Hamm, all said ‘I forgot all about that,’ so there’s something cathartic in remembering those moments."

Hamm told Kilmeade about the time her college soccer coach spied her working out to the point of vomiting, and how it inspired him to write a poem about her. The poem focused on how true champions work hard even when nobody is watching.

And Joe Montana relays a story of a time way back in fifth grade when he actually quit football, only to have his father send him back on the field, where eventually he tried quarterback, and the rest is history.

“It’s How You Play the Game” is due out next week, just in time for Father’s Day. You can find it on the shelf right next to my new book, "GRRR! Celebrities Are Ruining Our Country and Other Reasons Why We're All in Trouble."

Check them out.

Audio: Mike visits FOX Across America with Spencer Hughes. Click to Listen.

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